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The Citizen, 2003-07-30, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JULY 30, 2003. PAGE 5. Other Views Singin’ the Before we go any further, could we just run a wee medical check for symptoms? Do you get queasy at the sight of a Harley Davidson chopper? Feel janicky when somebody mentions The Green Bay Packers? Shudder when you see a eference to Milwaukee, Sheboygan or □shkosh? Thought so. Discomfort with Harley- Davidsons was the giveaway clue. Hog neadquarters are located in Wisconsin and /ou’re suffering from a classic case of Msconsinophobia — heightened anxiety ittacks and debilitating back pains brought on yy the mention of anything associated with the state of Wisconsin. It’s no joke. James C. Schaefer recently published a harrowing account of his battle vith the disease. He had to undergo intensive psychotherapy to beat it. He also had to elocate from Milwaukee to California. Just what we needed - something new to be vorried about. Not enough that every Canuck vakes up to headlines screaming about SARS, ■nad cow disease. West Nile virus, Beijing nonkey pox and Bay Street monkey business. Why not just lump them all under one catch­ all phobic umbrella? We could call it PARANOIDS ARE US. It would have to be a big umbrella. Sir Vlartin Rees, Britain’s honourary Astronomer <oyal, has gone to the trouble of racking up .he odds against the human race surviving the nultitude of threats it faces. Sir Martin gives ns only a 50-50 chance of making it to the year '.020. What does he think will do us in? Pick your poison. Sir Martin says it could be anything from Great Big Weapons to Tiny Little Machines. It seems election forecasts shaky Ontario voters wondering when Premier Ernie Eves will call an election have been given so many false alarms they may be losing interest. Some news media began predicting the Progressive Conservative premier would call an election last year, soon after he succeeded Mike Harris, on the ground he would benefit from favourable publicity on his promotion, but this never materialized. The first to predict an election date this year /as The National Post, which said Tory isiders told it Eves leaned toward calling one ir May 8. The newspaper theorized the Tories felt they 'ould win votes for announcing tax cuts and et the election over before outcries over lortages of electricity and university spaces )r the double cohort of students. The Toronto Star predicted an election in :arly May” citing as one reason Eves was inning TV commercials claiming he is xperienced unlike Liberal leader Dalton IcGuinty and an ordinary guy and not the city icker many view him as, certainly signs an lection was not far off. But soon after The Toronto Sun. Post and 'ar said a spring election appeared to be off ter Eves was criticized for failing to recall ie legislature and unveiling a budget outside it id responded he would bring it back and keep sitting to get legislation passed. The Sun said September was the most likely lie and the Post said an election might not /en be held until next year. The Tories can wait until then, because they e required to call an election within five :ars of the last, in June 1999. but ivernmenls are reluctant to leave it until the st moment when they have no option but to ill one. no matter how unpopular they are. paranoia blues Arthur Black Actually, weapons don’t have to be big, do they? One whacko fundamentalist with a satchel of plutonium or a test tube full of anthrax would do the trick. The tiny little machines Sir Martin is referring to are the fruits of nanotechnology, the burgeoning science of creating molecule­ sized machines. He doesn’t want to think about what might happen if those mighty mites get out of control and start replicating themselves like hamsters. Then of course there are your standard potential Armageddons - volcanoes, earthquakes, climate change, not to mention Hollywood specials like rogue asteroids and viruses from space. A body could get nervous if a body took it all too seriously. And some folks are. Folks like Paul West. West, his wife and two children live on a farm on the outskirts of Winsted, Connecticut. You can’t miss his place. The entire house is swathed in 3,500 feet of plastic sheeting. West figures it will protect him and his loved ones from ‘radiological, biological or chemical attack”. “I just have all this energy from tension and anxiety about terrorism and I don’t know what to do with it” says West. Cheer up, Paul - at least your wife is on your team. She isn’t trying to murder you, like Eric Dowd From Queen’s Park But papers then reported a spring election back on. The Star said there were signs of a June 26 vote, because the Tories won praise for their response to SARS. And the Sun said an election on that date might be announced within days, because Eves had called together his candidates for briefing. The Post also said an election appeared imminent, because the shortage of university places was not materializing. But the Toronto papers quickly concluded again plans for an election before summer were off. The Globe and Mail and Sun blamed it on continuing problems with SARS. The Star said the Tories had cold feet and the Post said Eves was hoping the summer would bring better news. The Star said the Tories were gearing up for a possible Sept. 18 election and, when this was put to Eves, he replied “there are lots of dates that could be likely election dates and that’s one of them,” which despite his vagueness prompted other media to speculate this is the date. But the Star said the Tories also are considering Sept. 11, but worried some may feel it in poor taste as it’s the anniversary of terrorist attacks in the United States, and Sept. 25, which may be too close to Jewish religious observances. The Globe had the latest word, saying Eves David Taylor’s bitter half. Police in Jensen Beach, Florida arrested Taylor’s wife Lynda last month and charged her with attempted murder. Her weapon of choice? Perfume. David Taylor claims he suffers from Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. He says one whiff of Chanel Number Five could make him pass out. So when wife Lynda lit scented candles, plugged in scented air fresheners around the house and upended a bottle of Evening In Paris over her head, David’s first thought was not that he was about to get lucky. “This extreme exposure made me very ill with severe brain fog, headache, numbness and pain throughout my body so severe I could barely move,” he told police. Speaking of brain fog, let me leave you with one morsel of good news on the Paranoia Front: Armageddon has been officially postponed - in Japan, at any rate. A 1,200- member group called the Pana Wave Laboratory had to re-schedule its end-of-the- world prediction after the earth’s magnetic poles failed to reverse last Thursday. The group had prophesied that the pole shift would trigger a world-wide cataclysm of earthquakes and tsunamis - which it said, could be avoided only if a seal named Tama- chan was rescued from the Tokyo River. I am not making this up. Pana Wave disciples do not believe in bathing, dress all in white and eat only instant noodles. I didn’t make that up either. 1 hope Sir Martin’s predictions of global apocalypse turn out to be as dopey and far­ fetched as Pana Wave's. I’d miss this place. will likely choose Oct. 2, because his plans to ban teachers’ strikes and give tax breaks to seniors and people with mortgages are starting to catch on. Some voters may feel they have heard so many predictions that have not materialized they no longer care. They have heard the cry of wolf too often and are not going to jump when another date is rumoured. They may criticize media, but there is a lot of evidence Eves considered calling a vote on some dates mentioned and they merely over­ emphasized them, failing to recognize an election is never on until it is called. An opportunity to avoid uncertainty and bring some fairness in election timing was offered in the legislature a few months ago, when the opposition parties proposed elections should be on fixed dates every four years, but the Tories, unwilling to give up the advantage of setting the date, voted them down. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it Time to unwind As you read this, I am off. My dog/house sitters are in place, and if all has gone according to plan, my feet are up, I’m in a picturesque backyard, being spoiled by my big sister for a few days. My summer vacation is here and as always I have geared it to Bonnie. It’s the one time when, and I’m not the least bit ashamed to say this, it’s as much about me as I can possibly make it. After a year of work, with the exception of a week at Christmas which is entirely too busy to think of as a holiday, 1 have 10 days to indulge myself. Summer vacation, therefore, is about recharging my batteries and spending time with my family and good friends. Though even the best-laid plans fall victim to life, my expectations are low, and as time is freer my schedule flexible. Thus I am seldom disappointed. If all goes as expected 1 will next enjoy a relaxing daytrip, followed by a week lakeside. For some of you this is probably sounding incredibly boring. My husband, for example. Should the year ever arrive when he can actually take a holiday with me, 1 will find myself making some concessions. While I am an introvert, more comfortable with small numbers, he loves to fill his days with people and activity. Where a good book, a cool drink and a view to die for can occupy me for hours, he delights in having his gregarious clan challenging him to some often boisterous, always competitive, card games. Then there are those for whom a good holiday means filling every minute of every day. They tak: wine tours, learn a craft or visit historical sites. There are those who choose to spend the time at home finisning up odd jobs they are unable to get to otherwise, and finding mo nents here and there to take a break from the mundane, either through a daytrip or an evening of socializing. There are those like one friend of mine who would not be content unless their holiday tested them physically. These are the hikers, bikers and white-water rafters. Some people have the money and time to get very creative. A website listing for “unusual vacations” showed examples such as going on an African safari, travelling to the coast to swim with the dolphins or studying up on where different treasures are allegedly buried and after getting together your gear and a crew, trying to find them. In comparison my vacation sounds pretty tame. Or does it? Reflecting back to last summer’s sojourn, which it is my intent to emulate for what I described as its restfulness, I became a little surprised. The 2002 break began with two rather busy days of touring, sight-seeing, shopping for local crafts and yes, wine tasting. 1 next returned home for a few days to finish up some odd jobs and run errands. Then it was off to the cottage where after slow risings and quiet morning coffees enjoyed by the water’s edge, I did some walking and hiking. In the afternoons I too occasionally looked for treasures — in the local stores. Evenings were spent socializing. So, I suppose in retrospect things weren’t quite as dull as I originally thought. It just seemed that the world had spun more slowly. And if all is going as hoped, it is again.