Loading...
The Citizen, 2003-07-16, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2003. PAGE 5. Other Views Love, you might say, is It was a blonde, a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. -Raymond Chandler It isn’t that gentlemen prefer blondes, it’s just that we look dumber. - Anita Loos he most common unsolicited bit of data I get in my e-mail (not counting the guaranteed penis enlargement ads and that guy in Nigeria who wants to use my bank account to deposit $45 million U.S.) would have to be Dumb Blonde jokes. I get at least a dozen a week. Friends pass them on to me. They pop up unbidden in other peoples’ web sites. There was even an inadvertent Dumb Blonde joke in the Style section of The Washington Post last week. According to a World Health Organization study, the story claimed, women with blonde hair are (you’ll excuse the pun) dying out, because men prefer mating with fake blondes. The story even made it on to the major U.S. networks including CBS, where uberblonde Diane Sawyer wailed that she and her ilk were on the endangered species list and in danger of “going the way of the snail darter”. Cute story. Too bad it wasn’t true. Turns out there was no such study from the World Health Organization. The whole thing was an internet put-on perpetrated by an anonymous German hacker in Dusseldorf. Still, it does speak to humankind’s eternal bedevilment over women with yellow hair. It’s an obsession that doesn’t carry over in MPPs say their goodbyes gloomily The MPPs who will leave their jobs in an election expected this fall are not exactly recommending them to anyone else. The departing members have said their farewells and most are gloomy. Their most common theme is that backbenchers have little chance to influence policies, particularly under the Progressive Conservative government, the atmosphere in the legislature is the nastiest in memory, and friendships once common between MPPs of different parties have almost disappeared. The MPPs said their goodbyes because Premier Ernie Eves is likely to call an election without having the legislature meet again and parties wanted to pay tributes to those departing while they are still around. Tory Gary Carr, speaker for the last four years, took the most vigorous parting shots a retiring MPP has taken in memory. He said he went into politics hoping to make i difference, but found first Eves’s predecessor is premier, Mike Harris, created policies with i small group of unelected advisers, showed no nterest in suggestions by his MPPs and fired he few who objected from posts that paid hem extra cash. Carr said Eves started by listening more to lis MPPs, but quickly reverted to Harris’s ;tyle, and Tories had to be yes-men to become ninisters. Tory back-benchers at least as far back as iremier William Davis in the 1970s :omplained they had little say in governing tnd Liberal and New Democrat MPPs to a esser degree felt ignored when they were in government. But the complaints were most ommon under Harris and Eves. Another departing Tory, John Hastings, not nown for rocking a boat, warned that MPPs re becoming irrelevant and the legislature aces a crisis unless it enhances their role. Several were concerned at the rancour in the sgislature, which included Harris calling a Arthur Black the animal world, curiously enough. Palominos don’t get extra points in the horse world; as for dogs, golden labs aren’t any more special than their black brethren. And when it comes to lions, it appears that brunettes rule. Researchers claim that female lions prefer steadies with long, dark shoulder- length shrubbery. For the male, a longer and darker mane means more groupies — and more clout. Other male lions are intimidated by the dark-haired types, and if it comes to a scrap, the paler Leos usually lose. Scientists know all this, thanks to a dirty trick perpetrated in Serengeti National Park in Tanzania last year. That’s where Doctor Craig Packer, an animal behaviourist and student of lions for the past 25 years, set up several pairs of life-sized, dark-maned dummy male lions and sat back with a clip board to chart reactions from real lions in the area. Basically, the reactions were two-fold and gender-specific: the male lions were spooked; the female lions were homy. “The males were jittery and pussy-footed up to the toy carefully,” says Packer, “but the females saw the male as advertising how sexy Eric Dowd From Queen’s Park Liberal MPP an “asshole” and both sides giving each other the finger. Public Safety Minister Bob Runciman, paying tribute to retiring Liberal Sean Conway, said the atmosphere is so heated it has discouraged many good people from running for, and staying in, the legislature. Runciman, close to Eves because he led the move to draft him back from business, attributed this particularly to rule changes that give opposition parties less time to debate and delay legislation, which started under a Liberal government in the 1980s and continued under the NDP and current Tories. Others feel a major cause is that the Tories under Harris and Eves are more dogmatic, always sure only they are right, inflexible and use the new opportunities to cut off debate far more than predecessors. Runciman, an MPP for 22 years, lamented also “I don’t think we see the friendships across the aisles we used to see.” For decades MPPs commonly were able to put aside partisan disagreements after the legislature closed for the day or, while hanging around during night sittings, drop in opponents’ offices or go for a meal or beer together. Final Thought Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers blonde he was, and the females can be very sexy in response to these toys.” “It’s embarrassing to watch a female offer herself up to a toy and be rejected.” And, says Doctor Packer, the darker the mane on the dummy, the more extreme the reaction. Whereas with humans it seems to be exactly the reverse. Consider Courtney Love. The 37- year-old rocker is a Big, Brassy Blonde and proud of it. “Being blonde is a massive cultural responsibility,” she says. “I like to think of blondes as the knights in chess. It’s what makes chess complicated. Knights are the first piece you look at - they elevate the game.” “No chess master wants to lose her knights. Blondes are the same; Without us, you cannot win, and you’ve got no one to blame for complicating everything.” Not that being blonde is a total cakewalk. Love points out that as a blonde “you have ‘way more power than the other women in the room, but you have to take your punishment as well. Your sexual availability goes up, and your IQ drops below 110. Bank loans will be harder.” Maybe that’s why dumb blonde jokes are so popular - because blondes are so powerful they scare the rest of us. But real pros know how to roll with the punches. As Dolly Parton says: “I don’t worry about dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb.” “Of course, I’m also not blonde.” Veteran Liberal Joe Cordiano recalls Eves and Harris as opposition backbenchers playing cards with Liberal MPPs in each others’ legislature offices in the early 1990s. “We would maybe talk more than play,” he said. “There was a recognition that, although we had differences, we were all trying to do something for the public and we had that in common.” Another Liberal, Bruce Crozier, remembers the first night session after he was elected he went in the Liberal caucus room to eat ard the first people he saw were Norm Sterling and Chris Stockwell, later senior Tory ministers. Liberal Jim Bradley and NDP finance minister Floyd Laughren were seen often going to baseball and hockey together. This reporter was in hotel rooms in the 1960s when Tory premier John Robarts played poker with political opponents. Cordiano said after Harris became premier the only Tory who invited him for a meal and chat was Al Palladini, an outgoing car dealer turned transportation minister who died and was praised lavishly for having kept up friendships with all parties - not a bad thing to be remembered for. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it Oh, so true While driving to work the other day, I caught the tale-end of something being read by the motning show host of a radio station. I thought it was worth sharing so I contacted him to see if I might use it. Now here you go... As heard on The Bob Dearborn Show, 5:30- 9 a.m. weekdays on AM 740-Toronto: We Will Miss Him (The Demise of Common Sense) Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of COMMON SENSE. Common Sense lived a long life but died recently. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn’t always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it’s okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and “new math.” His health declined when he became infected with the “If-it-only helps-one-person- it’s-worth-it” virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match lor the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became niled by self-serving lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion. Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses into everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when people, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, were awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife. Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral, perhaps because so few realized Common Sense was gone.