Loading...
The Citizen, 2003-02-12, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2003. PAGE 5. Other Views Hooray for duct tape - warts and all I have a confession to make: I’m one of those guys who carries a Swiss Army knife on his belt. You know the Swiss Army knife - a collection of not-quite-ready-for-prime-time mini-tools, all ingeniously welded on to a penknife. You get a bottle opener and a can opener, a nail file, a pair of tweezers, three or four screwdriver bits - and, oh yes, one or two knife blades. That’s on the classic model. If you want to go ultra-nerdy you can get the deluxe baby. It has pliers, a fish-scaler, a compass, a ballpoint pen, two different saw blades and a toothpick. With top of the line models like that you get a leather carrying case for free. There’s no charge for the hernia, either. My Swiss Army knife falls in the mid-range. I opted to forgo the more esoteric bells and whistles - although I did insist on a model that has a toothpick - which turned opt to be my most-used utensil. But I’ve realized of late that I am just wasting my time, lugging around a Swiss Army knife. If I was truly interested in being a certified Handy Guy I would be carrying a roll of duct tape on my belt. Sure! Good old shiny grey duct tape. You can fix ‘way more things with a roll of over-the-counter duct tape than you can with any Swiss Army knife - or even with a Leatherman (a much sturdier adaptation of the S.A.K. - although tragically, sans toothpick). The astronauts on Apollo 13 saved their mission and probably their lives with a roll of The influence of ex-opposition leaders Which former leader of an Ontario party has made the most valuable contribution to public life after retiring from politics? A case could be made for Stephen Lewis and, a fair distance behind, Andy Brandt, neither of whom ironically made it to the top post of premier. Lewis was leader of the New Democratic Party from 1970-78, when it had no chance of winning government. Brandt was caretaker leader of the Progressive Conservative party for three years from 1987 after it plunged to a low of only 16 of 130 seats and managed to win it back some self-respect before turning it over to Mike Harris. Lewis, although it seems to be sinking in only now in his home province, was named by the United Nations as special envoy to lead its fight against AIDS in Africa in 2001. AIDs has killed millions in Africa, orphaned children, wiped out agricultural workers, created famines and been described as the greatest threat to health of all time. No former Ontario politician has been assigned a task as formidable or crucial to so many lives. Ontarians are taking more notice of Lewis’s role because President George W. Bush announced in his State of the Union message he will allocate $10 billion in new funds over five years to fight AIDS in Africa and the Caribbean. It will be watched as a test of whether he will help the needy in other countries as well as use military force. Lewis may have helped procure this aid, because he has made heart-rending pleas for funds from countries, including Canada, which he feels have not contributed enough. Lewis has brought skills to this job well remembered in Ontario, where he remains the most articulate party leader in memory, admired even by rivals, who in fact helped start his UN career. Tory premier William Davis, who defeated Arthur Black duct tape. They used it to patch up some leaky carbon dioxide filters. A multi-billion dollar enterprise rescued by a few cents worth of sticky tape. I myself have used duct tape to put a splint on a ski pole, patch a hole in a canoe and hold a boot together for the last few miles of a hike. I’ve taped up gaping rents in tarpaulins, jerry-rigged tourniquets on garden hoses and saved myself from public embarrassment and possible arrest by conducting emergency repairs after the back seam of my trousers blew out during a game of pickup basketball in downtown Vancouver. But any half-assed handyman can bend your ear for an hour on the merits of duct tape - heck, Red Green’s up and made a movie about it. What I didn’t know - and I’m sure even Red didn’t know - is the amazing medical breakthrough for which we can know thank this humble household helper. Duct tape gets rid of warts. Really. Researchers at the Madigan Army Medical Center at Washington State University conducted an experiment in wart removal last Eric Dowd From Queens Park Lewis in three elections, recommended that Tory prime minister Brian Mulroney appoint Lewis ambassador to the UN in 1984 and he impressed there quickly. Despite moving in such high Tory circles, Lewis still retains left-wing zeal. A few months ago he berated this writer, who covered his entire legislature career, for “still churning out those right-wing columns,” which will confound those who complain they are too far to the left. Brandt has just been appointed chair and chief executive officer of the Liquor Control Board of Ontario for a record fifth three-year term and the government credited him with leading the modernization and improvement of service of its stores, increasing sales from $1.7 billion to $3 billion a year and delivering $975 million profit this year to taxpayers. Selling-booze is not in the same league as curing AIDS in Africa, but if residents want to drink, as they always have, they are entitled not be treated as lawbreakers. They once had to buy alcohol in drab, dimly- lit stores where they were not allowed to view the hazardous goods they were buying and had to write their orders on forms from a list on the Final Thought Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan. - Toni Landry year. They treated half their patients with the conventional wart therapy, which is to say they applied liquid nitrogen to the afflicted area and, in effect ‘burned’ the warts away. The other half got to wear a simple strip of duct tape over their warts for six days. At the end of that time they removed the tape, soaked the warts in water and sanded off the rough edges with emery boards. Results: 60 per cent of the patients treated with liquid nitrogen lost their warts - which is about what the doctors expected. But an astounding 86 per cent of the duct tape wearers found their warts were gone too. Doctors aren’t certain why duct tape works so well, but they theorize that the adhesive irritates the warts, possibly stimulating the immune system to attack the growths. Best of all, duct tape is cheap - unlike liquid nitrogen. And painless - unlike liquid nitrogen. No doctor’s appointment, no sitting in a waiting room twiddling your warty thumbs and reading 1978 issues of Maclean’s magazine - just a quick trip to the Home Hardware followed by a little home doctorin’. I don’t personally have any home-grown warts (if you exclude in-laws) but J remember having a couple on my left arm as a kid. I also remember reading about Tom Sawyer and his sure-fire cure for the ailment: rubbing a live toad on the afflicted area. Not only is it faintly repulsive and highly disrespectful to the toad — it doesn’t work. Now maybe if I’d duct-taped that toad to my arm.... wall and hand them to clerks who disappeared furtively into the recesses and returned with something in a brown paper bag. Liquor stores are now among the brightest and best-planned anywhere and have knowledgeable wine counsellors and a wide range of products. A store that does not have one in stock cheerfully contacts others at the press of a button *o provide it. Brandt did not start this revolution, but has carried it through well. Brandt has shown government can be efficient and consumer-friendly, squelched 'alk of privatization and set an example that should echo throughout government. Among former premiers, Harris is mainly developing ideas in a fringe right-wing think­ tank and Davis, Liberal David Peterson and New Democrat Bob Rae mostly making money as lawyers, although Rae also is helping re-write parliamentary rules for Sri Lanka. But the two former opposition leaders are having more influence than any of them. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it Lest we forget After the third time in a week I began to wonder if this little mistake was a Freudian slip. Last week, while speaking with myyiaughter and discussing plans for this weekend, the topic of Valentine’s Day came up. Except what rolled off my tongue instead was another significant time, Remembrance Day. Later, sending an e-mail to a friend, I again substituted the solemn day set aside to honour veterans for the more frivolous idea of honouring romance. Then, later an innocent remark made to a colleague and I caught myself spitting out the wrong word yet again. Now, a Freudian slip is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as un unintentional error which seems to reveal subconscious feelings. What, I wondered after the final gaffe, is my subconscious telling me? What I do know is that with the blush of young love fading into middle-aged blossom, the bloom of Remem.., uh, Valentine’s Day has diminished somewhat. Though he was never one for hearts and flowers, 1 used to be able to cajole my spouse during our courtship, to express a little amour at least on this one day a year. This has been replaced, however by the comfort, and yes, complacency, often adopted in a marital relationship. Where once upon a time, Valentine’s Day meant gifts and candlelight dinners, these days a romantic night at our house is more likely to be me joining my husband for a beer in the garage while he works on his car. So one might think that my Freudian slip signifies a sense of remembering, of mourning the loss of something no longer present. And yet I’m not so sure. As time has passed, the effort put into Valentine's Day has indubitably lessened. Cards are purchased because we think we should, gifts are minimal if at all. We’ll probably take time for a nice meal somewhere, but then again most ot our meals are a deux nowadays so what’s the big deal? What has become more apparent to me though, is that the constants which exist in a long marriage are more important than a grand gesture each Feb. 14 In the beginning of a relationship people aren’t always sure of each otfKr or of how to express what they’re feeling. Valentine's Day provides the excuse and the means without it being awkward. But is it really necessary later? In healthy, happy relationships, partners have a million ways to show each other how much they care. Drawing a bath for your significant other after an exhausting day. Having a lovely dinner ready and waiting for them when they get home from work. Giving them a massage just because they look like they need one. Cleaning off their car in the morning. Really, who needs a dozen red roses on Valentine’s Day if they have the support of a loving spouse each and every day? Jewellery is nice, but there’s really no greater gift then trust and loyalty. And also, while I’d never say no to a quiet, candelit dinner, 1 take equal pleasure in hearing, “Great meal, honey.” after supper each night. So maybe my slip is revealing different subconscious feelings than might seemingly be implied. Veterans displayed determination, loyalty and constancy. They are traits to de­ valued in the building of any personal relationship. Valentine’s Day, 1 suppose, is there lest we forget this.