The Citizen, 2002-12-11, Page 5Final Thought
When someone you love becomes a
memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
— Unknown
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2002. PAGE 5.
Other Views
Canada's secret weapon: the beaver
Could we be serious about the beaver for
a moment? The business of choosing a
national mascot is important and most
countries treat it with appropriate solemnity.
After all, a national mascot tells the rest of the
world which characteristics a nation holds
dear. Hence, most countries choose mascots
that are brave, intelligent, powerful or in some
other way dominant and admirable.
The U.S. opted for a ferocious bald eagle,
wings a-flare and talons flashing. Britain
reveres a doughty bulldog with a spiked collar
and a gobful of wicked-looking teeth. France
lines up behind an Amazonian, barricade-
bestriding goddess named Marianne.
Russia has the burly bear; Costa Rica the
magnificent jaguar.
And Canada? Canada has a rat.
Castor Canadensis, to be precise. A bottom-
feeding pond dweller with buck teeth, a furry
spare tire and a tail that looks like it was run
over by a Winnebago.
Our national mascot is not noticeably heroic,
muscular, clever or oversupplied with sex
appeal. That might lead you to think that
Canada placed last in the national mascot
sweepstakes.
Don't kid yourself. Bucky Beaver may look
like a loser, but he is taking over the world as I
write.
Don't believe me? Ask the Russians.
Away back in the 1950s somebody in
Finland (a serious vodka enthusiast, I suspect)
got the bright idea of bringing in a brace of
Canadian beavers and turning them loose in
the Finnish wilderness.
The Canuck imports settled right in, booting
out the local European beaver population (they
really were kind of wussy) and started to do
the two things Canadian beavers do best:
making dams and making little beavers.
What turns people, so respected their
communities have elected them,
into back-alley brawlers, shouting
and spewing obscenities and preventing those
who disagree with them being heard?
This- transformation by some, but not all,
MPPs takes place almost daily in the
legislature, just after they recite The Lord's
Prayer in which they promise to forgive others
their trespasses.
The unruliness is worse than it has ever been
and has prompted an unprecedented criticism
by Speaker Gary Carr. Carr_ ejected three
MPPs, including one who called a minister an
'asshole,' and allowed a fourth to stay only
because he apologized quickly for calling
another a 'moron,' a term politicians should
steer clear of after a high-profile federal
official had just been fired for using Git to
describe George W. Bush.
Carr told the remaining MPPs, 'You can all
leave,. as far as I'm concerned. There are kids
sitting here. This was an absolutely disgraceful
performance and you should be ashamed of
yourselves."
Citizens have protested MPPs behaving
badly since at least the early 1960s, when
teachers who took their classes to watch the
lawmakers complained they used offensive
language, were too noisy and set a poor
example for students.
The nastiest names MPPs called each other
then were 'bigot' and 'fascist,' which add
nothing worthwhile while inflaming debates,
and Speakers invariably called on them to
withdraw.
NeW Democrat Bob Mackenzie expanded .
their vocab'ularies when he called a Liberal a
"stupid son of a bitch," New Democrat Peter
Kormos by labelling a TorY a "dumb shit," and
They made a lot of little beavers. Before
long, offspring from those first Canadian
migrants were paddling inexorably toward
Sweden to the west and Russia to the east.
Today, Russian biologists glumly reckon there
are at least 20,000 Canadian beaver building
unrequested water management projects in
northwest Russia.
And they're expanding ever southward.
' Think about it: the Canadian beaver stands
poised to take Moscow - something even
Napoleon couldn't do.
You'd think Finlanders might have learned
from the Argentinian experience.
Back in the 1940s Argentina imported 25
breeding pairs in an attempt to create a fur
industry down there. The beaver liked the
Argentine outback even more than the
European backwoods - and responded in their
characteristic beaverian way.
Right now, Argentina is smothered in
upwards of 50,000 industrious ex-Canadian
dam-builders.
And Britain? Don't even mention Canadian
beavers in Britain.
Recently, some environmentalists in London
suggested purchasing some Canadian beavers
to reintroduce the animal into the English
countryside, where they've been extinct for at,
least a millennium.
The British press went nuts. "Keep the furry
thugs in Canada," one editorial huffed.
former Tory premier Mike Harris by calling a
New Democrat's remarks "bullshit" and .a
Liberal an "asshole."
Such terms, which many regard as obscene
have become relatively common in the
legislature. One reason is they are heard often
on TV and in movies and no-one pulls up those
who use them there.
Younger MPPs may have grown up hearing
them and think they are acceptable, although
this would not be an excuse for Harris, who
likes hearty male company and is something of
a good ole boy.
Interjections often are so loud and constant
reporters and even MPPs cannot hear those
officially speaking. There used to be a lot of
good-humored banter, but if there is any now,
it is lost in the din.
The causes include more polarized views,
particularly because the Tories moved further
right. Friendships between opposing MPPs,
who commonly went to a bar or a hockey game
together, barely exist.
The Tories have made life more difficult for
the opposition by changing the rules to make
speeches shorter and prevent filibusters,• and
cut off virtually every substantial debate by
passing closure motions.
Opposition parties who once could bring the
legislature to a standstill have few ways to
Another called them "loutish interlopers" and
"uncivilized brutes".
Scary. They don't even talk about our
hockey players that way. .
So is there nothing that can stop a full-scale
beaver invasion? Well...there is one antidote -
hut it's even scarier. This Anti-Beaver Initiative
was created here in Canada, fittingly enough.
On a prairie farm belonging to 87-year-old
Tom Harper.
Tom had a Beaver Problem. They plugged
his creek and flooded his fields.
Looked like they might even flood him out
of house and home if something wasn't done.
Tom tried everything. He called the
authorities; they yawned. He set the dogs
loose; the beavers swam away. He set live-
traps; the beavers ignored them. He even tried
shooting them. Big deal. There were plenty
more where they came from.
In desperation, Tom Harper set up
loudspeakers near the principal beaver dam.
He- hooked the speakers up to his radio and
, (I'm not sure the editor will print this, but....)
He tuned the radio dial to CBC Radio One and
cranked up the volume.
CBC Radio One. News and interviews
followed by more news and more interviews.
Documentaries on Gay/Lesbian/Aboriginal/
Transsexual/Dyslexic/Post Modern/Post-
Partem Issues.
Round table discussions on: The Kyoto
Accord. Whither the Progressive
Conservatives? Senate Reform. And (no
connection) Greenhouse Gas.
CBC Radio One. Twenty-four-seven. The
beavers lasted 76 hours before they waddled
into the prairie wilderness, never to be seen or
heard from again.
So, yes the beaver can be bested. But there is
such a thing as cruel and unusual punishment.
influence and in frustration act sometimes as if
the government has no right to get its
legislation approved.
Opposition questioners often get non-
answers. The Liberals a few days ago asked
why the Tories spent hundreds of millions of
dollars on consultants who included political
friends and the best reply they could get wa ,
previous governments did the same, although
none ever spent anywhere near as much.
Parties also rarely co-operate. The
opposition parties asked government MPPs to
delay questions they are allowed in question
period so they could quiz Premier Eves who
had to leave early, but the Tories refused.
The remedies could include barring MPPs,
who behave badly, from the legislature for
days, docking their pay or requiring them to
apologize to the people of Ontario before
getting back in, which might make them think
twice.
Opposition MPPs should be allowed more
time to debate and government back-benchers
could provide it by giving up some of the time
they are allotted to ask questions, which almost
always are 'what have you done in your
ministry you want to boast about today?'
Opposition parties also should recognize
their successes in the legislature recently, the
latest being forcing the government to retreat
on giving companies more access to pension
surpluses, have been won by reasoned
argument, not calling names.
Bonnie
Gropp
The short of tit
Lighting my way
Acrisp, clear winter night, stars
sparkling in a midnight blue sky,
while moonlight danced off the snow
which crunched as we made our way excitedly
to the car. A successful Sunday school
Christmas concert was over for another year
and the Otts were embarking on a holiday
tradition.
I don't recall how many exactly, but for
several years in my childhood, the seasonal
wonder of the concert was followed by a more
commercialized but no less inspiring look at
the festive mood. After parents and older
siblings doffed choir gowns, after I, coming
off a successful on-stage performance,
received a visit with and bag of goodies from
Santa, we bundled up, then trundled off in the
car to tour the Christmas lights in the 'ritzier'
part of town.
Waaay back then, there weren't that many
people who put the effort or money into
decorating their homes' exterior to a great
extent. A Christmas tree in the window, a
string of lights along the rooftop pretty much
was the norm.
But the area where the wealthier folk lived
was always ablaze with colour and lights,
brightening a time already warmed by holiday
cheer.
The tradition of Christmas lights adorning
the outside of residences actually dates some
sources say, to the Middle Ages. They were
placed to guide the Christ Child to Christian
homes, but were also a sign of welcome for
weary travellers.
In the decades that have passed since my
family enjoyed that welcoming look, the
number of houses twinkling in the night seems
to have increased. Arid while there are those
who might say this is one of the aspects of
Christmas which has little to do with the
reason for the season, I for one am grateful for
the effort. For me, the spiritual aspect of this
special time, is complimented, not hurt by
some of the more commercial traditions.
Driving from wars to home every day, my
passage is cheered by a myriad of lights, the
twinkling glow, the merry flicker that cuts
these deep, dark winter nights. And when I
arrive, the gloom of my still house ebbs away
as I plug in lights and light candles.
As our nights lengthen towards the winter
solstice, the decorated homes with their
welcoming brightness spark a feeling of
comfort and calm. Not to mention they look
pretty.
This week in Brussels judges are touring the
village to select the winners of the best
decorated home and business for Christmas
2002. I would imagine it a pleasurable task, a
trek similar to the ones made annually by my
family when I was a youngster. A still winter
night alive with the cheer and warmth of
Christmas.
Yet, as I say all of this I must make a rather
shame-faced admission. In the outside
decorating department ours is a minimalist
house,, its facade a study in under-adornment.
Since putting in new windows and doors
several years ago, we have been, first, at a
loss on how-to decorate and second, a little
lazy. But the past few Chri'stmases we have
been talking more about what we could do
and even made some additions this year.
Nothing award winning, but I certainly hope
more welcoming. It's time to give back some
of the pleasure I've been given.
Then MPPs can behave badly