The Citizen, 2002-11-13, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2002. PAGE 5
Other Views
Hey, hands off the haggis!
Much may be made of a Scotchman —
it he be caught young. That
smart-ass remark fell from the
smirking lips of unrepentant Anglophone
Samuel Johnson, about two and a half
centuries ago.
The Old, Lexicographer wasn't the first to
casually slander the folks who dwell in Great
Britain's attic - and he was hardly the last.
Indeed, where would the modern-day
Lettermans and Lenos of the world be without
that amiable ethnic punching bag known as
The Scot?
We live in a time of hyper political
correctness - woe betide the yuckster who
essays a one-liner about Poles. Jews,
Pakistanis, Irish or Indians — East, West or
North American.
Jokes about Germans? Verboten..Bon mots
about French Canadians? Quelle scandale!
A Newfie joke can earn you a slap upside the
earhole with a frozen cod - but a Scottish joke?
Och, aye! Fire away, laddie! .
' When it comes to slapstick, broadsides and
piercing wit. The Scot is the last, safe, national
pinata. One can publicly poke fun at Auld Jock
McTavish with impunity.
It is perfectly acceptable, in mixed company,
to laugh about Scots' legendary cheapness: to
snicker about men in skirt's; to roll the eyes
about people who would attempt to pass off
oatmeal as a national dish, plaid as a national
costume and the bagpipes as a. musical
instrument.
That's alright. We Scots (I myself am
descended from a long and venerable line of
Lowland sheep molesters) — are a doughty,
resilient people: We were rolling with the
punches long, before that fat Sassenach Sam
Johnson came along to give us a verbal cuff.
Nothing gets Ontario residents and the
MPPs who represent them as heated
up as soaring energy bills and a
government that forgets this is in for some
high-voltage shocks.
Premier Ernie Eves's Progressive
Conservatives disregarded this rule, allowed
many hydro bills to more than double,
infuriated the public and prompted the biggest
revolt in their party in three decades.
The Tories failed to remember that
last big rebellion also was over energy costs
and helped cut a majority Tory government
into a minority.
Eves's Tories have been in a predicament
because they needed to end taxpayers
subsidizing hydro rates and chose, as
advocates of deregulation, to let-them rise and
fall with the market.
But they failed to ensure first enough
domestic power was available to avoid having
to resort to higher-priced imports and face the
added problem no-one will build new power
stations if prices are low.
Half-a-dozen Tory MPPs, including Labor
Minister Brad Clark, said publicly their
government should have acted quicker to
protect consumers. It has been almost unheard
of for a minister among the tightly-knit Tories
to differ from government policies.
Speaker Gary Carr, elected as a Tory but
supposed -to stay neutral on political issues,
asked his constituents to sign a petition urging
Eves to freeze prices and explained he felt
obliged,to put the case for people in his riding
who are extremely concerned.
Other Tory'. MPPs expressed similar
disagreement in the privacy of their caucus.
Tory MPPs occasionally dissented publicly
from Eves's predecessor as premier, Mike
Harris, but usually individually rather than as a
Arthur
Black
But this time, by the beard hairs of
Macbeth's three Weird Sisters — this time
they've gone too far.
They're attacking The Haggis.
Aye, The Haggis.
"Grrrrreat chieftain o' the puddin' race" as
Rabbie Burns, the great chieftain of Scots
poetry, so grandly dubbed it.
Haggis — that culinary staple of Gaelic
gastronomy, as traditional as neeps and tattles
— has been declared unfit for human
consumption.
It's the bloody Brits, as usual. The Food
Standards Agency, a British government clutch
, of bumble-headed functionaries, has formally
petitioned officials in the European Common
Market to ban Haggis.
Why? Because there is a 'theoretical' risk
that a person may contract Creutzfeldt-Jakob
(mad-cow) disease from eating haggis.
Now, how is that possible, given that haggis
doesn't have a scrap of beef in it? Haggis
consists of oatmeal, suet, spices and the heart,
lungs and liver of a, wait for it, — lamb - all
encased in a sheep's stomach casing.
Nonetheless, the Food Standar& Agency
insists that the sheep intestine casing of the
haggis is perilous on the dinner plate because
said sheep 'may have' eaten the same tainted
feed that spreads mad-cow _disease in cattle -
even though there has never been a reported
Eric
Dowd
From
Queen's Park
group.
Eves has been forced to ask his MPPs to
show a united front because of challenges
coming up including an election likely next
year and the dissent has enabled New
Democrat leader Howard Hampton to scoff
that Tory backbenchers can see problems to
which Eves is blind.
Governments should remember what
happened the last time one made a dramatic
move to increase energy bills:Tory premier
William Davis announced in 1973 the retail
sales tax would be increased from 5 per cent to
7 per cent and applied for the first time to
energy, including electricity, natural gas and
oil used in heating, lighting and cooking.
Gasoline for motor vehicles was already taxed.
Davis wanted more money for programs, but
costs of western oil and gas were starting to
rise with world prices and concerns being
expressed Canada would run short of these
vital resources.
John White, Davis's treasurer, pointed out
the tax would conserve resources and reduce
pollution, both worthy aims.
White came up with the only line from the
. incident most will remember, that those who
felt cold in their homes should wear sweaters,
which was derided as the Ontario equivalent of
'let them eat cake.'
MPPs were deluged with complaints the tax
case of any sheep carrying the cattle form of
the disease.
What makes the charge even more ludicrous
is the fact that the bureaucrats are not
concerned about the haggis itself - just the
casing it traditionally comes • in. But
traditionally, the casing isn't eaten - so where's
the problem?
Answer: nowhere.
In last Friday's edition of The Glasgow
Daily Record a columnist by the name of
Michael Christie crows: "The haggis has been
saved from the hands of the Eurocrats."
Turns out that sheep stomach isn't covered
by the European-Common Market's lexicon of
governable food commodities, so haggis gets
off on .a technicality.
_ I don't believe Scots were ever really
worried. They recognized the threat for what it
was - just another bout of the petty Anglo
harassment of Scots that's been going on for
centuries.
Puts .me in mind of the time a Scot and an
Englishman were out on a stroll, arguing as
always, the merits of their two tfibes, when
they came across a magic lamp, Quick as a
wink, Reginald picks it up and gives it a rub
with the cuff of his tweed jacket. Sure enough,
a Genie swirls up before them.
It grants them each one wish.
"I want a giant wall all around England, to
keep these heathen Scots out forever." says the
Englishman.
"It is done," says the Genie as he turns to the
Scot, "And your wish, sir?"
Jock asks for some details about this new
"It is 500 feet high" says the Genie, "and
20 feet thick. Nothing can get in or out."
"Grrrrand" says the Scot. "Now fill it with
water."
would force children to sleep in freezing
bedrooms and close classrooms and hospitals.
Many landlords protested it lacked incentive
for tenants to switch off, because they did not
pay individually for their heating, lighting and
cooking.
One Tory MPP, John Smith, voted against
the legislation when it came before 'the
legislature and many outside fell over each
other to condemn it.
The Tories called a special caucus and Davis
made an extraordinary plea to it, 'please be
kind to the treasurer — he's a sensitive man.'
A few days later the premier abandoned his
tax on energy and said the Tories would
continue to be responsive to the will of the
people arid this is what democracy is all about.
White added 'I thought it was a wise tax at
the time, but if 99 per cent of the electors are
against it, they have got to be right.'
It was one of the biggest .retreats in Tory
history and Davis was seen as badly
misjudging what people would accept.
This was one of a number of failings that
cost him the majority government two years
later and Eves has to worry an energy issue
could do the same to him.
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Please keep your letters brief and concise.
Bonnie
Gropp
The short of it
Sweet memories
/once, read somewhere that God gave us
memories so we could have roses in
December.
Though I don't remember its '6uthor, the
lovely sentiment stuck with me. A good
memory can bring colour and light to any dark
moment. It can uplift and restore.. Other
memories may be less pleasant to recall, -but
they build us, instruct us and lead us.
Recently I had the occasion to see the power
of memories not once, but twice in one
morning. Last week I attended the Brussels.
Legion to take some photographs during the
veterans' day held there. Local school children
visited and spent time listening to, talking with
and questioning army, navy and airforce
veterans.
.1 only caught snippets of their stories, but it
was enough to see how potent the memories
are, how indelibly imprinted they are in the
minds of the men who fought overseas. I could
see their youth, feel their yearning for the
familiar, for home and family. And I could
imagine their fear and uncertainty.
But there was also an edge of excitement in
their conversations with the youngsters. While
war is not something anyone wants to know, it
took them to places they might never have
seen, gave them experiences they might never
have had. It challenged and shaped them, and
their memories, a combination of good and
bad, have taken on a certain romanticism as a
result.
I reflected on this as I headed to my next
assignment, which brought me into contact
with an elderly woman. When I first saw her
she was in a room of people, yet seemed alone.
There was no animated conversation with her;
she appeared sad and frail.
As I asked her name I was surprised t9 hear
one which was familiar to me. Having reeently
suffered illness sl e was not remembering
things the way she once had. and when asked
if she had come from my hometown, she was
perplexed by the question. She did not recall.
The move was fresh, the memory stale.
But when the name of a choral group to
which she had belonged was mentioned, her
face lit up. With only a second's hesitation,
recognition dawned and she smiled.
Goodness, did she smile. "We had such fun,"
she said'.
And she was right. I was there then, almost
30 years ago, a younger version of this music
lover. There was nothing fuzzy about that
memory. It was good, it was clear and full of
the joy of remembering something she
enjoyed so much.
All the years she had lived in her previous
town may no longer have existed in her mind,
but those years spent in harmony once a week
were not only vivid, but pleasant. Seeing what
that memory did for her was nice.
It's interesting, even at my age, the events
and happenings which are locked tightly in the
memory vault. There are the ones which are
taken out regularly, with no concern of loss.
Others appear surprisingly, brought out of
storage alter being buried under more-recent
additions, by a gentle tug from an outside
source. These we hold carefully, savouring
them, happy to see them again, before tucking
them away once more.
Granted all of our memories aren't good, but
the events that shaped who we were also made
us who we are. And while it may not be good
lo live in the past. sometimes memories can
make the present a nicer place to be.
Tories ignore hydro dangers