The Citizen, 2001-07-18, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JULY 18, 2001. PAGE 19.
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY. JULY 18, 2001 PAGE 5.
Other Views
You too, can be an aristocrat
At the risk of repeating myself, I would'
like to devote a few more lines to the
plight of Canada's most famous
commoner. I refer, of course, to the rotund and
petulant gazillionaire Conrad Black.
Mister Black is not a man who is asking for
the world. He does not expect to be ordained
pope, archbishop or even prime minister for
life.
All he seeks is a simple lordship.
Connie Wannabe moved to England, spent
endless hours rattling the gates at Buck Palace
and importuning the Queen. He even tossed his
Canadian passport over his shoulder and
embraced British citizenship.
No luck. He's still just plain old Connie from
Taranna.
He's gone to such a lot of bother. I don't
know why he didn't just change his name the
way Lord Grineau did.
That would be Lord Russell Grineau I refer
to. Until recently, Lord Grineau was a simple,
impoverished student with a decidedly modest
pedigree living in a grungy council flat in
London. One night down at the pub with the
lads, the conversation turned to name changes.
Young Grineau opined that titles were
meaningless and there was nothing stopping
him from simply adding a•-'Lord' to his name.
One beer led to another and he ended up
vowing that, by Jove, he'd do it.
And he did. He informed the British
The European Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of
the European Union rather than German which
was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British
government conceded that English spelling had
some room for improvesment and has accepted
a five-year "phase-in" plan that would be
known as Euro-English.
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump
with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the "k". This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have one less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in
the second year when the troublesome "ph"
will be replaced by "f'. In this fase words like
"fotograf' will be 20 per cent shorter. Bell will
soon be able to rejoice at the money saved by
using fone - another 20 per cent saving.
In the third year publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of
double letters which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horrible mess of the
silent "e—s in the language is disgraceful and
they should go away.
By the fourth year peopl will sertainly be
reseptiv to steps such as replacing "th" with "z"
and "w" with "v".
During zis fifz yer, ye vil have a reli sensibl
riten•styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech
ozer. Ze drem of a simpl languag vil finali kum
tru.
By now you will have got the point that I
may .,e pulling your leg a bit but English
spell;qg is no joke for those trying to learn the
language. I know of no other language that
takes so many liberties with spelling and trying
to learn it as a child drove me up the wall.
On the other hand German word order is just
as frustrating. Sentences are, to an English
authorities that he wished to change his name
from 'Mister' Russell Grineau to 'Lord'
Russell Grineau.
Illegal? Not at all. As long as 'Lord' Russell
doesn't deliberately misrepresent himself as
aristocracy, he's done nothing wrong.
Expensive?
Dead cheap. It cost Grineau less than $100
Canadian to have the paper work done and the
change legalized. Now, all his ID reads Lord
.Russell Grineau.
Has it changed his life? Amazingly.
First off, he wrote a university dissertation
about the experience, which garnered him first
class honours.
Next, he marched into an advertising agency
to apply for a job. When they asked for
experience he explained that he hadn't actually
done much, except for this name change
thing...The ad execs were so impressed by his
creativity and initiative that they offered hint a
job on the spot.
Ah, but it's the social scene where Lord
Grineau has noticed the most benefits.
Raymond
Canon
The
International
Scene
speaking person struggling with the language,
long and convoluted and you-frequently have to
wait until the end of the sentence to find out
what the verb is. Seeing sentences such as "He
has to the store gone in order some meat to
buy." is enough to drive any non-German
speaker to distraction.
In addition all adjectives have various
endings on them which change at the drop of
an umlaut; at least English got rid of those
endings a few centuries ago.
More readers have had to tangle with French
in school than with German but even that
language has its pit-falls. Consonants at the end
of the word are seldom pronounced unless, and
you knew there was an exception, the
following word begins with a vowel and then
the consonant springs to life.
The letter "h" at the beginning of a word is
always silent, but sometimes you have to
pretend it is a pronounced consonant and make
the necessary spelling changes.
Is there any rule to help you? Of course not!
About one-quarter of the world's population
speaks Chinese but they don't have any
alphabet at all. Their language is made up of
pictures and that's it. For example, the word
China is composed of 'two pictures, one
meaning central And the other meaning
country. The (pithures all over the Chinese
Final . Thought
It's self-esteem — that vital sense of worth and
confidence that provides support, not only for
the years of growing up, but for a lifetime.
— James Dobson
He says Brits have but to see or hear his
name with that Lord in front of it and "heads
start to bob and people turn servile". He says
the changes in a clerk's or a waiter's posture
and tone are acute and physical.
Which just makes him laugh. He's a working
class lad - he thinks the extra deference that his
name change causes is both hilarious and
pathetic. He claims he's never used• it to
advance himself undemocratically.
Well, okay...there was that one time.
He'd arrived at a theatre with his date, only
to be told that the performance was sold out
and there was only one ticket reserved in his
name. Assuming a debauched slouch and
putting on a posh accent Grineau hissed, "Do
you know who I am?"
They gave him two of the best seats in the
house.
Over the telephone Grineau sounds about as
un-posh as you can get. His accent is
quasi-Cockney and he's funny and self-
effacing.
But I fear he's learning new tricks. When I
asked him if he'd pass along a few of his trade
secrets to Canada's lost lamb, Conrad Black,
there was a disdainful pause on the line
followed by Lord Grineau asking "Conrad
who?"
Poor Connie. Hasn't even made it into the
House of Lords and already they're snubbing
him.
speaking world are the same but the
pronunciation can be quite different so a person
from Hong Kong cannot understand somebody
from Shanghai.
The official language is called Mandarin, or
the dialect spoken in Beijing, the capital but
many Chinese have never got around to
learning it.
When all is said and done, English, to spite
of its splitting spelling headaches, is as close to
an international language as you are likely to
get. It is used, for example, by pilots all over
the world landing at an international airport
and it is fast becoming_ the language of the
interne.
Maybe some day there will be changes such
as some of the ones I indicated at the beginning
of the article, but I for one am not holding my
breath.
And, I kid you not, if foreigners learning
English had any say in the matter, the
pronunciation of "th" and "w" would actually
be abolished since they are almost impossible
to say if you have not learned to speak English
at a relatively young age.
Letter
continued from page 4
of these dogs in Canada.
Canadian legislators may or may not, decide
to focus on breeds as the Europeans have
done. • Other approaches must also be
considered: education of owners and the
public, especially parents of young children;
municipal animal control regulations with
vigorous enforcement; and mandatory
reporting of bites, including ownership, breed,
spay/neuter status, history of aggression, and
restraint at the time of the incident.
The bottom line is that the extent and nature
of dog attacks must be analyzed, and measures
put intt*ace to protect the public.
Sincerely,
Emile-J. Therien
President (ext. 224)
Canada Safety Council.
Being pet smart
well, I picked on pussycats not too
long ago so I suppose it's only fair
to give equal time to our 'best
friend'.
Actually, it would be more appropriate to
say that the problem is not with the feline or
the canine but rather with irresponsible pet
owners.
I am not a perfect dog owner. Sometimes our
Ani may do a little lengthy daytime barking
which I know is an intrusion on our
neighbours. It is an oversight; someone may
have left her out on her own; or the vacuum or
blowdryer running inside means we don't hear
her right off. However, it's still an annoyance
for some folks and I'm sorry. Though as I
mentioned, this is in daylight, the time of
chainsaws, lawn mowers, hedge trimmers and
weed eaters. Noise isn't exactly at a premium.
And if you hear her barking at night, it's my
kids' fault!
It is, I guess I'm trying to say, not as horribly
irresponsible of me as it could be. Recently a
small child was attacked by a rottweiler. I
know that loyal lovers of the breed will swear
these animals are no more vicious than a
German shepherd, yet time and again you hear
these tragic stories.
Let's consider, however, that they are right,
that this muscular, imposing, bred to attack
pooch is no different in temperament than a
chihuahua. The bottom- firm then is he's a dog.
I am a dog lover. I far prefer their giddy
happiness at the appearance of their t No-
legged caregiver, over the snooty indifference
displayed by the haughty kitty-cat. I like my
friends to be a little less self-absorbed, a little
more needy, a lot more loyal, than the
proVerbial tabby. Playful as a kitten, perhaps,
but it has been my experience that you will
play the game by the cat's rules. A dog, on the
other hand, is just generally happy to have the
attention. Much as I love these devoted,
animals however, I recognize they are
unpredictable. Very few are so well trained, so
docile that they can't surprise you. It is
instinctive for them to protect themselves if
they feel threatened, and what could make
them feel this way is anyone's guess.
Like people they have distinct personalities,
hyper-kinetic or lazy; nervous or calm;
protective or indifferent. And thus, they
should never be left alone in the company of a
child or be left untied. I shouldn't need to
explain why; it's simply common sense.
I have been startled many times while
walking Ani, by a dog running out at us. It's
scary. The owner may know the animal is
harmless, but I don't. There is one home we
pass on our evening stroll where we are met by
an imposing four-legged 'friend'. He may be
perfectly innocuous, but with his tail tucked,
shoulders hunched and purposeful path being'
made in our direction, he doesn't look it and I
don't hang around to find out.
Also, one day, I had my little grandson out
in his sled. As we walked down the street, a
dog suddenly came barreling out from a
driveway, straight for our little guy. He was
just curious, but it was a terrifying moment.
When it comes to leaving its own property
there's something to tempt every dog. no
matter how much the owner thinks they can
trust it. The simple fact is they are to be tied.
It's not just the law, it's about being
respon b ie.
Some changes in spelling