The Citizen, 1998-06-24, Page 5International Scene
By Raymcend Canon
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 1998. PAGE 5.
Members
of the club
The Ubangis of Africa stick saucers in
their lips. Certain Indian zealots shove meat
skewers through their cheeks and tongues.
Various obscure fanatics walk barefoot on
glowing coals, whip themselves with chains
and ropes, go into exile on remote
mountaintops - there is no limit to the
voluntary suffering some delusional humans
will inflict upon themselves.
Foreigners, of course. We of the white,
Anglo-Saxon persuasion are far too civilized
and sophisticated to engage in such
barbarities, right?
Wrong.
Let me tell you about a cult that thrives
under our very noses. It is an exclusive
brotherhood, open only to select citizens, and
it is exceedingly difficult to join. A
prospective member must present himself
outside the closed door of the cult meeting
place, in shirt sleeves, with the left breast
bared, a blindfold across his eyes, a
hangman's noose around his neck, a shoe on
one foot and a slipper on the other.
When the door opens the prospective
Likes and dislikes
Being human, there, are things that annoy
the and things of which I approve but which
never seem to get much coverage in the
media.
In all honesty, my wife has never had to
restrain me from throwing bricks at our
television set but she admits that I have come
close at times.
At the head of my gripes is the use some
companies make of American personalities
in order to sell goods in Canada. As long as
Candace Bergen is urging me to switch to the
phone company she is pushing, I will never
even think of giving them a try. I am utterly
sick of seeing her face on television; I admire
her as an actress but, if she wants to make
some extra money by flogging a specific
service, let her do it in the United States.
That goes, too, for Alan Jackson and Ford
trucks or the Cheers gang with beer. Aren't
there enough well-known people in Canada
who could be called upon to do the same
job?
If you want to see politicians at their least
objective, listen to them when they are
talking about a budget. If they are on the
government side, the budget could be drawn
up by the devil himself and they would still
praise it; if they are numbered among the
opposition, the same budget could be crafted
by God, Allah and Jehovah and it would still
be a horrible work of art.
If you think that this is to be found only in
Canada, have I got news for you. It is a virus
member faces a priest wearing a blue
goatskin apron and pointing a dagger at his
exposed nipple. Behind the armed priest will
be a chanting male coven, also clad in
goatskins, but carrying wands and chanting
strange incantations.
What kind of primitive culture would
practice such behaviour in this, the tail end of
the 20th century? Some Stone Age tribe deep
in the jungles of Borneo?
A handful of as-yet unacculturated
aborigines in the wastes of the Australian
Outback?
Remote throwback clans high in the
inaccessible mountains of Afghanistan?
Nope. It's Masons.
I just described the official (supposedly
secret) initiation rites of the fraternal society
known as Freemasonry.
Some famous people have gone through it.
Mozart was a Mason, as were Henry Ford,
Clark Gable and Harry Houdini. George
Washington and Sir Winston Churchill
mastered the secret Mason handshake.
Several kings and many American presidents
felt that standing at a darkened door with
their left boob in the breeze watching a
bunch of guys in goatskins dancing and
chanting was a worthwhile way to pass an
evening.
which affects politicians all over the world.
Small wonder that people are so cynical
when it comes to talking about politicians.
On the positive side, when I was working
in the Czech Republic last year, I was
delighted to hear that Terry Fox Day was
alive and well in that country. About a dozen
municipalities host an annual Terry Fox Run
for cancer research. As here, pictures of
Terry were shown on Czech TV and the list
of cities holding walks was given so that
people could know how to take part. In the
background of the news items was a
Canadian flag.
Every driver has his likes and dislikes and I
am no different. My two pet peeves are those
that make a left or right turn without
remotely signalling what they are about to
do. This is especially galling when they are
in the right hand lane and want to make a left
turn of some sort.
I don't know which country is worse;
every one I have been in has their share of
such drivers.
Then there are those who use the left lane
as a kind of sightseeing route and they stick
in it come what may. Over the years I have
learned not to go into orbit whenever I find
myself behind such a driver, but it still galls
me.
Back to the bright side. I have a great deal
of admiration for those organizations that
operate providing a vital service with a
minimum of publicity. One of my favourites
is Medicins sans Frontieres (Doctors without
borders) who go about their business of
providing medical services all over the world
in places where they are sorely needed.
Why? What's the payoff? In a word:
contacts.
Freemasonry is the WASP version of the
Mafia. Masons tend to be pillars of the esta-
blishment - bankers, judges, police officers,
merchants, academics - and they keep their
membership a secret from "non-members".
Or, as Masons privately refer to us:
"profanes".
Like the Mafia, Masons look out for one
another. Part of the Mason code requires that
members "form a column of mutual defense
and support".
Observers suspect this often leads to some
grave miscarriages of justice.
In Britain, the British Home Secretary has
demanded that British judges who are
Masons be identified. If the Masons refuse to
publish their membership list the government
will pass a law compelling them to do so.
The Home Secretary has a fight on its
hands. For centuries, Masons swore an oath
that any member who spilled the beans
would have his throat cut, his tongue torn
from his mouth and his bowels turned to
ashes.
Did I mention that women are banned from
becoming Masons?
You've come a long way, ladies.
Freemasons still have some distance to go.
Although the organization has a French
name, there are Canadian doctors involved
with it.
Also high on my list and in a far less
hazardous activity, are those organizations
that arrange for Canadian students to spend
time in a foreign country and at the same
time foreign students are brought here.
Activities such as these do far more to
advance the cause of international
understanding than any number of political
speeches.
I find it hard to stand people who become
self-styled experts on a country after a short
visit there lasting two to three days. When I
lived in Switzerland I once had the
.misfortune of sitting in a train compartment
with an American woman who informed me
at great length what she would do with the
Russians and their country.
Fortunately the train arrived at my
destination and I was spared the last of her
diatribe.
On the other hand there have been
countless people of all nationalities who have
bestowed some act of kindliness on me
without inquiring about my politics, religious
beliefs or any other similar data. With people
such as those to be found everywhere, it is
hard not to remain an optimist in one's
wanderings around this planet.
A Final Thought
This is the final test of a gentleman; his
respect for those who can be of no possible
service to him — William Lyon Phelps
The
Short
of it
By Bonnie Grdpp
That's great
In me there dwells
No greatness, save it be some far-off touch
Of greatness to know well I am not great.
—Lord Alfred Tennyson
Well, thank you Lord, for giving me hope.
If I have been great at anything in this life,
it has been of knowing that I am great at
nothing, with the exception that is of being
average. Excluding my height, which some
may call grossly underaverage, particularly
in this day of the Amazon women, I neither
excel, nor stink at any number of things.
Thus, it's nice to think that greatness has
been achieved purely by being honest about
my shortcomings.
Muhammad Ali (the fighter formerly
known as Cassius Clay) never saw it this
way. His "I am the greatest" became his
trademark as he pummeled his way to
heavyweight victory time and again. Even
defeat didn't seem to conquer his confidence,
and there are boxing fans who laud him yet,
as the greatest fighter of all time, despite
failing health due to Parkinson's Disease and
his glory days long past.
Actually, it appears we have lived in a
pretty great era, witnessing plenty of all over
achievers, albeit some more open to dispute
than others.
The recent Chicago Bulls NBA
championship re-affirmed Michael Jordan's
notoriety as the greatest living baseketball
player. Retired Texas Ranger pitcher Nolan
Ryan, whose debilitating fastball had batters
falling in its wake, is acclaimed by fans and
peers as the greatest of his ilk.
Bill Gates is the greatest computer nerd.
The Beatles were the greatest pop band,
Elvis was the King of rock and roll, while
Sir Laurence Olivier reigned on the
theatrical stage. The impact of Martin Luther
King's pacific approach to equal rights will
probably be unequalled throughout history.
Mother Teresa's selflessness and love was
boundless.
No matter the influence, no matter the
area, someone has been touted loud and
clear as being the greatest, if not of all time,
than at least of this century.
But, you know, I wonder if it's an accolade
we bestow a little too generously on
occasion.
Tolstoi said, "And there is no greatness
where there is no simplicity, goodness and
truth." If we look at our heroes can we find
these traits. Obviously there is something
that inspires our interest and admiration in
such a way that we deem certain individuals
worthy of greatness. But while those who
have it, as Shakespeare said, "thrust upon
them" are less likely to hold up when the
going gets tough, those born to it or
achieving it seem more durable.
For example, consider the attitude of the
one-time "greatest shortstop" in baseball.
Even recognizing Robbie Alomar's talent it
would be hard to believe he is unrivalled in
ability. Now with the childish temper
tantrums and the selfishness he has
displayed in recent years, one can only
wonder if adulation may have spoiled him.
True greatness is not just exemplified by
being the best ,at what you do. It is also
because you are at your best when doing it.
Arthur Black