The Citizen, 1998-02-04, Page 17482-9228
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THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998. PAGE 17.
Wedding Showcase '98
Co-operation needed with divorced parents
Sue Cardwell was lucky.
Although her parents had separated
more than 10 years before she
married, they were still on speaking
terms. Although they came to her
wedding from different homes,
they were friendly enough to sit
together at the front of the church
after her father gave her away.
With separation and divorce
more common in every generation
now than it ever was before,
weddings have had to evolve to fit
the times. Because no two sets of
circumstances seem the same —
there's friendly divorce, unfriendly
divorce, step-parents and live-in
loves — there are no hard and fast
rules to follow when planning a
wedding.
If there is any rule which applies
to divorced parents at a wedding it
is: Try to get along.
The rule for brides and grooms is
a little more complicated: Don't try
to force your parents to do
something they just don't have it in
their hearts to do.
Parents may get along well
enough to handle the wedding
ceremony and the subsequent
reception just as if they were still
married. If they can, let them do it.
Parents who fight on sight should
not be treated as if they were still
happily married. This means don't
have them share a front pew in the
church, don't seat them together at
the reception -- and don't put them
together in a limousine.
Unless there are hard feelings
between the bride or groom and a
divorced parent, both parents
should be invited to the wedding.
It is not fair for any guest -- even
one of the divorced parents -- to
threaten not to attend if a person
they dislike is invited.
Etiquette experts and advice
columnists, from Ann Landers to
Miss Manners, veto such practice.
Their advice: The bride and groom
should invite the people they want
to their wedding (and possibly even
a few people they don't want) and
let the guests decide for themselves
if they will attend or not.
Blackmail from invited guests is
not permitted.
The role of a divorced parent or a
step-parent should be whatever is
most natural and comfortable for
the bride and groom. This means
the bride may be given away by her
father or step-father — or both or
neither of them.
It means a step-parent may be
invited to the wedding if the bride
and groom desire. (If either the
bride or groom has a step-mother
who will attend the wedding, it is a
kind gesture on the part of the bride
to let her know what the mothers of
the bride and groom will be
wearing. This will allow the step-
mother to avoid dressing in an
identical colour and helps her know
the style and length of dresses the
mothers plan to wear.)
Seating in the church is changed,
naturally, if there has been a
divorce or if there are step-parents.
If the bride has been raised by her
mother, it is her mother and step-
father (if there is one) who sit in the
front pew on the left side of the
aisle. Step-brothers and step-sisters
from this subsequent marriage are
seated with the bride's brothers and
sisters.
The bride's grandparents, aunts
Summer is a time of weddings
and social events and many of the
people holding these events will
look to caterers to provide food,
beverages and service. Here are
some tips from the Ministry of
Consumer . and Commercial
Relations to help you find the right
catering company to suit the
occasion at an affordable price.
The first step to choosing the
right catering company for your
event is to make notes on your
expectations and the tastes of your
guests. As well, ask friends for
recommendations, then do some
research for yourself.
Local hotel managers, restau-
ranteurs and specialty-food shop
managers can all offer suggestions
on menus that will give you a
firmer fix on price ranges.
Try calling your local community
college or vocational training
school too. Many of these schools -
- and some high schools with
advanced culinary-arts programs —
provide catering services at very
competitive rates, because the food
is prepared by students as part of
their course requirements.
Some people say they're afraid to
hire a caterer for fear they won't
like the dishes prepared for them. If
this is a problem for you, look for
some of the many catering
companies that will provide the
and uncles on the mother's side are
seated in the pew behind them.
The bride's father, whether he
escorts her up the aisle or not, sits
with his wife and their family in the
next pew.
If the bride was raised by her
father, much will depend on how
close she has remained with her
mother and how amicable the
divorce was.
If it was a friendly divorce and
the bride feels close to her mother
then her mother and her mother's
new husband if there is one, will sit
in the front row. If the divorce was
less than amicable, her mother's
new husband should sit further
back. Her father — and her step-
mother if there is one — would then
sit in the second row. If the bride
hasn't remained close to her mother
then her father and step-mother, if
there is one, sit in the front row.
If the groom's parents have
opportunity for you to sample their
foods.
By the time your research is
complete, you should have spoken
with about a dozen potential
suppliers and gained a rough
impression of their competence,
specialties and flexibility. You
should also have a clear idea of the
type of menu you want.
The next step is to reduce your
potential suppliers to a short list of
three candidates.
Before you interview them,
resolve not to hire any firm on the
spot. Each caterer should be told
you'll want to discuss four topics.
1. References. A competent
caterer should be proud of
previous work and happy to
provide letters of recommen-
dation. Ask for the names of a
couple of recent clients and call
them to ask for details on the
quality of food and service.
2. Written outlines of previous
functions. Generally, a caterer
will show you several outlines of
the responsibilities they've
assumed for various functions.
These will often include the
menu, photos taken just before the
event — if they've provided the
service as well as the fare — and a
floor plan with notes about the
service, food and beverage
Continued on page 17
divorced or remarried, the same
seating arrangement applies to his
family — on the other side of the
aisle. If there is a great deal of
bitterness between divorced
parents, then second spouses and
their children may be seated further
back in the church.
Sue Cardwell was lucky at the
time of her. wedding. If relations
between her parents had been
strained, she would have made
other arrangements in an attempt to
have them both in attendance.
How would she have handled it?
"I would have asked my mother
if she could get along with my
father for the wedding. If she
couldn't, I would have asked her
what she wanted to do."
In instances of real bitterness, it
is best if one of the parents absents
themselves from the wedding or the
reception.
As Miss Manners puts it:
"Anyone ... who feels in danger of
spoiling the wedding should
decline the invitation."
Caterer to fit tastes