The Citizen, 1998-02-04, Page 13a set fee but it is customary for the
couple to give an honorarium.
An honorarium for the pianist
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THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998. PAGE 13.
Wedding Showcase '98
Church weddings - tradition or backdrop
Weddings, a time of family,
friends, celebration of a union and,
in many cases, tradition.
However, the tradition of a
church wedding is one which is
often questioned as non-churchgo-
ers request permission to hold the
service in a church.
The response by ministers is as
varied as the denominations,
though in most cases there is one
underlying factor, a fundamental
belief in Christianity.
For some parishes, the necessity
to make a decision regarding non-
members rarely occurs.
"We welcome those who are not
members," says Rev. James Murray
of Oafs United Church in Walton
and Bluevale United Church.
"However, we usually only have
one or two weddings a year and
those are members or children of
members. In the country, there
seems to be a stronger identifica-
tion with one church. We have an
extended family feel to our mem-
bership."
Once a couple has requested per-
mission to use the United Church,
Rev. Murray says during the inter-
view process he lets them know
about his church while finding out
about their background in the
church.
Though the United Church does
not offer pre-wedding courses on-
site, Rev. Murray encourages cou-
ples to attend sessions offered by
the presbytery.
"We have a staff person trained
(in the field), who speaks with sev-
eral couples at once," he says.
Melville Presbyterian Church,
Brussels, has a similar situation,
with very few non-members
requesting services, says Rev.
Cathrine Campbell. However, non-
members pay a fee for the use of
the church.
Any couple wishing to wed at
Melville meets with Rev. Campbell
to work out the details, discuss the
ceremony, readings and scripture.
No course is required, but infor-
mation about such sessions at Knox
Presbyterian in Listowel is provid-
ed.
The guidelines are more defined
at the Anglican Church.
"Every couple goes through a
marriage preparation course, usual-
ly a weekend," says Rev. Nancy
Beale of the Brussels and Blyth
congregations. "This course gives
them the skills and when they
speak with me, I give them any
Whatever happened to the
tradition of bridal tea?
In our mother's and grand-
mother's time, a bridal tea party
was given before a wedding by
close friends of the bride. It was a
festive, all-female event, similar to
the modern-day bridal shower.
However, the purpose of the tea
party was purely social. It was a
time for members of the bride's and
groom's family to get to know each
other before the big event.
In keeping with the etiquette of
the era, guests were invited on a
weekday afternoon between the
hours of 3:30 and 5:30 p.m. Tea
was served by waiters or friends,
usually from a silver tea service.
Light refreshments of delicate
sandwiches, fruit or pastries were
also provided.
help I can. We talk about their
Christian commitments."
Rev. Beale says there are certain
criteria to be met before being mar-
ried in the church. "They must be
baptized as Christians and they
must respect the sacrament. Other-
wise, why are they wanting to
marry in the church. It is more than
a pretty setting. "
Strong religious belief and com-
patibility of faith are vital to Rev.
Adrian Van Geest of the Blyth
Christian Reformed Church.
"To marry, both people must
have Christian faith. If one does
not, it will lead to problems. It is a
serious concern for me," he says.
For Rev. Van Geest, the faiths
must also be compatible as he has
refused to preform ceremonies for
those he thought otherwise.
Couples wishing to wed at the
Christian Reformed Church are
also encouraged to attend a week-
s. pre-marital course though Rev.
Van Geest offers individual ses-
sions lasting a couple of hours.
"I give them reading material
which we then discuss."
For Pastor Ben Wiebe of Brus-
sels Mennonite Fellowship, "I want
to learn where their heart is. If they
are not interested in being involved
in a Christian church, then I would
not do the service. There is no
integrity if not connected to the
church."
Pastor Wiebe says couples are
expected to take pre-marital cours-
es.
The integrity of the service is
also important to Pastor Les Cook
of the Church of God in Blyth.
"I want to make sure they are not
marrying in the church just because
of tradition," he says. "We don't
want a spoof made of the vows and
promises. If they get married in the
church they should not be making a
mockery of it."
As suggested by other ministers,
if the couple does not have Chris-
tian faith, they should consider
going before a judge for the cere-
mony, says Pastor Cook.
The Missionary Church in
Auburn, with Pastor James Came,
has slightly less stringent guide-
lines for couples wishing to marry
at the church.
"We have no restrictions at all,"
he says. "I am more concerned
about their suitability for mar-
riage."
Unlike many of the other parish-
es, the Missionary Church gets as
many requests from non-members
Changes in lifestyles and the
increasing number of women
working outside the home probably
contributed to the decline of the
old-fashioned bridal tea. But, with
a few changes in schedule and
scope, today's brides can still enjoy
this warm and friendly custom.
Actually, a tea party is a great
way to entertain family and friends
— with a minimum of fuss. To
update the bridal tea for the '90s,
try moving it to a Saturday or
Sunday, extend invitations to both
men and women, and offer a self-
serve buffet with a full complement
of elegant dessert items.
Of course, the centerpiece of any
tea party is the tea. So update the
liquid refreshments by providing an
assortment of individual tea bags.
as members, says Pastor Came. "I
received a call recently from some-
one who had no connections to the
church, but had attended a wedding_
here."
Though Pastor Came is receptive
to requests from outside couples, he
does say that if they have had no
spiritual interest in the past or any
wish for in the future, they should
think about a justice of the peace.
"The service should have some
meaning. Why would they want
God in their life for a half an
hour?"
Pastor Came meets with the cou-
ple twice to discuss readings and
taped information he gives them as
well as a questionnaire they fill out.
"The purpose is for them to inter-
act more than for what I learn," he
says. "This is essential to a good
marriage, to understand the strong
points and weak points of their
partner. They often end up dis-
cussing things they hadn't thought
about before."
"We also discuss the importance
of spiritual things, though there is
no obligation to the local church.
Spirituality in their life is a condi-
tion of my involvement."
Fees for the use of either Duff's
or Bluevale United Church are by
donation with an honorarium going
to the organist and caretaker.
The Christian Reformed Church
and the Church of God do not have
Recalling bridal tea