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The Citizen, 1997-09-24, Page 5THE CITIZEN. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24,1997. PAGE 5. Q Arthur Black Murphy would not be amused Anything that can go wrong, will. Murphy's Law, right? Wrong. Everybody thinks that's Murphy's Law but it isn't. It's Finagle's Law. Murphy's Law, first promulgated by a U.S. Air Force engineer in 1949, states, "If there are two or more ways of doing something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it." The fact that Finagle's Law has been swallowed up and re-christened Murphy's Law is a priceless demonstration of Murphy's Law in action. The original Murphy's Law has spawned a litter of mongrel offspring. There's Murphy's Corollary, which states "Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse." And Murphy’s Constant: "Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value." Not to forget the Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law: "Everything will go wrong all at once." Well, I hate to make the Murphy waters any muddier, but I'm here to tell you that there was a Canadian Murphy's Law long before the U.S. Air Force version. And our version was a helluva lot more powerful. As a matter of fact, thanks to our Murphy's Law, thousands of people in Canada have criminal records they otherwise wouldn't have. And they owe it all to Emily F. Murphy of Edmonton, Alta. ? ^International Scene By Raymond Canon We 're No. 1 — sort of You may recall that a few months ago a survey conducted by the United Nations concluded that Canada was the Number One country in the world in which to live. If I remember correctly this is the fourth time in a row that we have won this award, an achievement which should give us some measure of satisfaction. Evidently not, for hardly had this survey been made public when some Canadians, in print, claimed that the survey was badly flawed, that there were other better surveys available, one of which put us in 14th place instead of first. Why am I not totally surprised? Well, it seems that it is a quirk of the Canadian mentality that, no matter how well we do something, it must be criticized. Living beside that great country to the south, how can we ever be Number One in any survey? Just remember, we have, after all, high levels of unemployment, the threat of Quebec separation, unhappy voters, Mike Harris, Lucien Bouchard, the Reform Party, etc. Shouldn't we be at the bottom of the list where we would undoubtedly be happier. The first unhappy journalist I cam across was when I was recently in Ottawa. He trotted out something called Measurement of Economic Freedom, and using the argument Back in the 1920's, Mrs. Murphy was a juvenile court judge and a scribbler of sorts, penning several articles for Macleans magazine. She was also an idiot, a flaming racist and a zealot slightly to the right of Attila the Hun. Emily Murphy's pet bugaboo was the demon drug, marijuana. She wrote about it under the pen name Janey Canuck. Some of her pearls of wisdom included the observation that marijuana users were "non­ white and non-Christian, wanting only to seduce white women." "Behind these dregs of humanity," thundered Mrs. Murphy, "is an international conspiracy of yellow and black drug pushers whose ultimate goal is the domination of the bright-browed races of the world." Guess which side of the hash pipe Mrs. Murphy lined up on. The scary thing about Mrs. Murphy (aside from the fact that she somehow managed to infiltrate the top floor of the Canadian justice system) is that nobody dismissed her for the raving lunatic she was. On the contrary, Macleans published her frothings. She got a publishing contract and put out a book about marijuana. And because of Mrs. Murphy, marijuana got demonized. A relatively harmless barnyard weed metamorphosed into the Demon Drug. A fiendish fix which, Mrs. Murphy assured her readers "has the effect of driving (smokers) completely insane. The addicts lose all sense of moral responsibility and are immune to pain...become raving of the famous economist Milton Freedman that political freedom depended on economic freedom, he proceeded to rank all the countries, with Canada coming 14th. We were behind such countries as Hong Kong, Singapore, Mauritius, Costa Rica, Thailand, Philippines and Panama. Hands up how many of you would like to take up residence in any of these countries. Let's take Thailand as an example. It ranked eighth in the list to Canada's 14th. However, at the present time their currency is. in what can only be described as freefall since the Thai banks have so many bad loans, mainly in real estate, that a number of them are on the verge of collapse. The Thai central bank tried to control the drop in the value of the country's currency by borrowing $8 billion on international money markets but, having used all that to no effect, gave up and let the baht, the Thai currency, find its own level. Governments there are notoriously unstable, corruption is rampant and several times the army has had to step in and restore some semblance of political order. Comparing Canada unfavourably to Panama is a joke, while Hong Kong has just come under Chinese rule. The Philippines has all sorts of economic problems, not to mention the usual corruption, although it has made great strides since the overthrow of the Marcos regime. It would kill to have the economic stability of maniacs, liable to kill or indulge in any form of violence using the most savage cruelty." A gullible Canadian public — and government — bought every word. Mrs. Murphy's incendiary ravings were the only reason marijuana was ever made illegal in Canada. "A decision was made without any scientific basis, nor even any real sense of social urgency, placing cannabis on the same basis as the opiate narcotics, and it has remained so to this day." My words? Nope. That's a quote from Justice Gerald LeDain's Royal Commission report of 1972. Let me leave you with another quote. This one comes from Charlie Mackenzie, retired but not forgotten leader of the regrettably dormant Canadian Rhino Party and the chap from whom I poached the story of Emily Murphy. Charlie sez we should look at it this way: "In 1923, marijuana smoking was relatively unknown in Canada...no one outside of a few jazz musicians used it to gel stoned. Today, according to the RCMP, 5 million Canadians use it daily for no other purpose." "If no one smoked it in 1923 when it was legal, and 5 million smoke it today when it's not, something's gone wrong. Ergo, Murphy's Law." Now that just breaks me up — but somehow I don't think Mrs. Murphy would be amused. Canada. Mauritius is a tiny island and, however prosperous it may currently be, is simply not in the same league as Canada. It should not be claimed for a minute that the United Nations survey is a perfect one. However, when you look at, say, the top 15 nations in its ranking, it is obviously far more plausible than the one trotted out by the Ottawa journalist in his desire to prove that Canada is not what it is cracked up to be. Given our small population, our gigantic size as well as our ethnic diversity, we do very well to reach the top ten per cent of any international survey, let alone the top for four years in a row. The fact that this is something sponsored by the United Nations gives it a certain amount of credibility, certainly more than the economic survey held up in comparison by the Ottawa journalist. We should, therefore, take a considerable amount of satisfaction from the UN's finding, rather than immediately start picking holes in it in an effort to find a study that puts Canada further down the list behind countries that should not even be mentioned in the same breath. Let's enjoy our accolades when they come our way. A Final Thought When God measures us, he put the tape around our hearts, not around our heads. Give them their moment On a sunny day this past 4veek, my son and his bandmates were getting their big break. The Stratford fair was kicking off with a showcase of amateur talent in an outdoor tent. My day as a grou- pie/roadie/stage mom began in the mid- afternoon, gathering, then loading my car with guitars, amps, other assorted musical paraphernalia and three rather exuberant teenage boys. Their hour on stage was a great experience and when they were finished they were ready to sit back and listen to the groups that followed. The parents, of course, were a little less keen, however. It's one thing to listen to your own kids wailing on a stratocaster, drums pounding, amps pulsing, but somebody else's is a different story. My attempts to leave were thwarted, however, when my son told me that a piece of their sound equipment was being used by the other bands, so we had to stay. This story then takes an interesting twist, when suddenly the kids decide to take in the fair, and the drummer’s father and I are standing guard over the equipment, while the assault continued on our eardrums. It was one of those moments when you really wonder about parenthood. However, it's what parents do. And our thanks is from their enjoyment; our reward, their happiness in doing what they love. But, when your children's 'pursuit of hobbiness' follows artistic ability, opportunities for them to show what they know are limited. The emcee at this performance, a CJCS disc jockey, emphasied that very fact the other evening in acknowledging the Stratford fair for providing these kids with an audience and a stage. When your son or daughter is involved in sports, often a good deal of money is spent before they ever hit the ice, field or court. They sign on with a team on which they may have a group of friends. They attend practices, perfecting their skills. And at the end of it all, usually once a week for several months, they are presented with a chance to strut their stuff. How many would keep playing if all they ever got to do was practice, I wonder? You see, young musicians invest hundreds of dollars in equipment, too. They also practise every moment they can. However, their team isn't picked for them; they must find others who not only share their desire, but with whom they are compatible, musically and personally. There are no arenas or diamonds specifically built for their purposes; they cram themselves into cramped quarters in basements and garages. Then they practise, again, until their fingers are calloused, their bodies weary. And for most of them, it's all for a dream. There are dozens of kids who would love a chance, such as my son had, to show others what they've been up to, at a teen dance, school dance or talent show. Look them up and give them their moment if you can. Seeing young people take an interest in anything, focus and work at improving their craft is something that should be nurtured.