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The Citizen, 2019-06-13, Page 13THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 13, 2019. PAGE 13. Sawchuk finds new passion through dancing Continued from page 12 (I wish I could remember this when I need it most.) PUTTING IT ON THE SHELF Finding ways to get out of the darkness is different for everyone. Writing helps me. Together, Theo and I are learning to share more of these dark times with each other. We’ve both had them. We take them out, talk about them and put them on the shelf. I have actually started saying that: “I’m putting this on the shelf” which helps get it out of my mind. Then, as I heave my body into bed, I say to Theo, “Tomorrow will be a better day, right?” He always says yes, and he’s (almost) always right. GOOD GRIEF I’m still grieving the life I thought I would have. I don’t know if I ever will stop. How is it possible for grief to be good? Grief is this crazy roller coaster that at times you may not even realize you are on. I’ve had people tell me that grief is a cycle of stages that you go through. I am sure this may be true for some as they deal with a loss, but for me it has been all over the map. I think this is because I have a constant (24/7) reminder of my loss. My body travels with me wherever I go, all of it. That reminder is also there for those that are closest to me and knew me well before all this happened. Of course, I am talking about my family. Three years later we are still reminded of what was, and what is now, and the difference between them. One of the things I have learned to do postinjury is dance. My instructor and dance partner Les had not danced with someone who uses a wheelchair, so we learned together. We have since competed in a “Dancing with the Stars” event for Victim Services Huron County and taken part in other community events to showcase wheelchair dance. Over the past year as we have learned, practised and prepared, I had only shared short snippets with Theo, so he had little knowledge of what my wheelchair dance would be like. It turned out to be an emotional occasion for many and became the starting point of an important conversation between the two of us. I wrote about it a few weeks later and our daughter Ella produced this piece of art. MUSIC+MOVEMENT= DANCE: OCTOBER 30, 2018 I knew that there was a reason why I had not written about Saturday night yet -- I was waiting for closure (and to recover). Victim Services Huron County held their 10th Dancing with the Stars dinner and auction fundraiser -- and it was amazing. Words are actually hard for me to find, believe it or not, to describe the night. I guess that is partly because it was more than just a night; it was a whole year of learning, rehearsing and polishing something that was completely new for both Les and me. When we first started talking about the idea of trying wheelchair dance and competing at DWTS Huron, it was as though we were challenging each other and our own selves. Les had never danced with someone who uses a chair and I had never danced in a chair. I think we knew we were going to have fun, but, speaking for myself, I didn’t know how much I would enjoy it. Fun seems like such a trite word to explain it -- but that was the word that I used most on Saturday night. Dance was fun because it was new, but also because it was a workout, it involved music (which automatically picks you up) and it became a part of my regular weekly routine. We started dancing one hour per week, then twice, then by September we were spending two hours twice a week working on the final “look” of our dances (of course including some time for coffee). I have stronger core muscles now than I did a year ago. Go ahead -- try and push me over. As my friend Melissa said to me today, “You were defying gravity!” Dance has also helped me improve my posture. I have a new, lower, backrest adjusted to be more forward, and I sit straighter than ever. Closure came fully to me this morning. First, I received this picture from Theo’s Dad. I had been hoping that someone would have captured us, dressed up and happy. Then today we talked about how Theo was feeling. He has been reluctant (avoiding situations that would lead to me asking) to dance with me on wheels. I had been learning and wanted him to try too, but I got nowhere. Now I know why - - he was grieving, but neither of us realized it. Two-step and waltz were our default dances. Ages ago, before we were married, we took dance lessons as to not make fools of ourselves in front of our guests at our wedding. We had always had a good time on the dance floor, and I suspect that we both regret not getting out and doing it more often. Now we will not be able to do that two-step or waltz the way we did before. For Theo, I think this realization came on Saturday night. Grief comes when you least expect it, and in ways that make it hard to understand your feelings. Now that we have talked about it, hopefully we will be able to find a way forward, together. If I wasn’t ‘Huron County’ famous before, I am now. I left my house once on Monday, for a short meeting in town, and ran right into people I had never met before. They had been to DWTS on Saturday night. When they saw me, they said, “Are you Julie, who dances?” I am indeed. If you heard what the judges said: “You do dance”. See next week’s issue of The Citizen for the conclusion. Celebrate Dad! 541 Turnberry St., Brussels 519-887-9114 405 Queen St., Blyth 519-523-4792 The Citizen Check out some awesome books for dad at... 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