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The Citizen, 1992-06-03, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3,1992. PAGE x Astrology... the Dangerfield of pseudo-sciences ASTROLOGY: the study that assumes and attempts to interpret the influence of heavenly bodies on human affairs. Webster’s Dictionary RICHARD: What’s your sign? VICTORIA: I'm sorry - it’s unlisted. Mel Brooks, High Anxiety Poor old astrology. It’s kind of the Rodney Dangerfield of the pseudo-sciences - it can't get no respect. The Church pooh-poohs it. Engineers sneer and academics roll their eyes and scientists laugh up their lab coat sleeves at it. And don't ever make the mistake (as I once did) of asking an astronomer whether he believed in astrology. I had no idea that a learned man of science would even know the kind of words that came out of his mouth. Astronomers consider themselves to be the only legitimate students of stars. They think astrology is to astronomy as Randy Macho Man Savage is to Greco-Roman wrestling. Astronomers believed that astrology gives their science a bad name and they would like all the astrologers of the world to stop International Scene By Raymond Canon Lots of foam in beer war If the breweries of the world had to depend on me for their profits, they would have all gone under long ago. Frankly I am a milk, not a beer drinker, although on a hot summer day I have been known to enjoy a brew or two. I probably drink more beer during my month in Europe than I do all the rest of the year in Canada but that is not saying much; it is mainly because good, cold milk is hard to come by in many places. Now that I have established my impeccable credentials as a beer expert, let me say that there is a great deal of froth covering up the real situation in the so-called war between the breweries of Canada and the United States. To hear some people put it, such companies as Labatts and Molsons are on their last legs and will both be drowned in a huge vat of American beer. Don't you believe this, not for one moment. This is not to say that the Canadian beer industry is home free. However, the truth of the matter as I see it is, that as in so many other negative things that have been blamed totally on that work of the devil called free trade, the situation is not nearly as bad as it is made out to be. What problem there is in Canada is mainly of our own making. The rule has been that you have to produce a beer in a province in order to sell it there. This has led, first of all, to a great many small and inefficient breweries which were able to stay in business simply because of the inflated price set by the government and the fact that writing their drivelly, but lucrative, magazine and newspaper columns, fold up their Signs of the Zodiac charts and become parking lot attendants. Me? Well, I'm not as vehement about it as the AF of L CIO Astronomers Union, but I have to confess 1 think astrology's a bit of a scam. I find it a real strain on credibility to believe that the oscillations of the third moon of Betelguese is going to have a measurable effect on my love life next Wednesday afternoon. Besides, the whole idea of astrology is betrayed by a fatal flaw. Jerks. Every day I run into all kinds of jerks. Sometimes it's individual jerks. It can be jerks in pairs. I have encountered jerks in flocks of three, five - even a dozen or more. And yet they have no sign. The much- vaunted astrological zodiac does not provide a sign for jerks. Oh sure, the Zodiac will say that Taurans are “stubborn” and Librans are “dreamers”. I am not talking about stubbornness and dreaminess. I am talking about the pig- ignorant, moronic, mean-spirited psychopaths and bozos that dot this planet like fruit flies on a day-old danish and make each day an obstacle course of broken-field running for the rest of us. What's their sign? This is not a new rant for me, which may explain the sheet of paper I found under my office door this morning. A new foreign beers were heavily controlled. It also led to the ludicrous situation that, if you wanted to buy a popular beer from the Maritime Provinces call Moosehead, you had to go to the States to buy it. To say that beer drinkers in Canada were being shafted royally is putting it mildly. Comes free trade and all the doom and gloomers start to have a field day. This, they say, is going to put the poor old Canadian brewing industry right into the bankruptcy courts, victims of all that cheap imported beer from the American giants. It is just like a broken record, with the expected result that those telling and those listening all start to believe this propaganda. Let's look at something a little closer to reality. No matter what beer is sold in Ontario, the province still retains the rights to set the minimum retail price. This price is not likely to stay as high although you would never know from the recent budget of the current Ontario government which chose to hit beer drinkers with higher prices, especially tor cans, and ignore smokers. In short the Canadian producers such as Labatts and Molsons will be, in effect, sheltered from any price wars with the Americans. The latter can advertise all they want but the fact remains that they are not going to make hay with price wars. On the contrary. To help things along, Canadian governments are finally starting to get the message, albeit rather late in the game, that provincial barriers have to go. We may, as a result, be able to buy any beer made in Canada regardless of its province of origin. This will have the benefit of making the companies still in the game more efficient than they were before and thus better able to survive in the harsh world of competition. Finally I have not heard much in the way of an argument that American beer is better than that brewed in Canada. Whenever I was on temporary duty at an American air base, interpretation of the zodiac. No date, no address, author unknown. It's a cheap and vicious piece of writing and I like it very much. Here's a sample: LEO - July 23 - Aug. 22: “You consider yourself a born leader. Others think that you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are born thieves." You a Capricorn? Then this Scud's for you: “You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing too long, as they tend to take root and become trees." Grossly unfair perhaps, but a refreshing change from all that kissy-face good news stuff you usually see in astrology columns. My sign? Well, I'm a Virgo, if you must know, but wh... Oh. you want to see what Mister Anonymous Astrologer had to say about my sign? Well, it can't do any harm I suppose. VIRGO - Aug. 23 - Sept. 23: “You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit­ picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love." I certainly don't find much humour in that one. On the other hand, my wife still hasn't stopped laughing. the U.S. officers 1 met, as discriminating a bunch as you will find anywhere, certainly expressed a preference for our brews and I am sure that you have heard the same sentiments expressed by your American friends. In short, there is no reason for all the negative talk. I own shares in Labatts; I am thinking of going out and buying more of them. This all brings up a point I would like to make about manufacturing in general in Canada, be it beer or widgets. You have heard a great deal about companies going out of business during the current recession and again there is the complaint against free trade. The fact is that the manufacturing percentage of our total exports is rising, not falling; most of the falling companies are not engaged in foreign trade. That's a pity since it's obvious that the competition of the international market place is what is keeping our corporations on their toes. Letters THE EDITOR, Graduates of St. Lawrence College's Brockville Campus are invited to come back to the campus to help celebrate our 25th Anniversary. A Homecoming weekend is scheduled for September 25 to 27, 1992. For information or to pre-register. Alumni can contact the college at (613) 345-0600, extension 1617, or write to the Alumni Development Office, St. Lawrence College, 2288 Parkdale, Brockville, Ontario, K6V 5X3. The 25th Anniversary Committee More letters on page 22 TheShort of it By Bonnie Gropp Romance can be tricky but it's worth a try Ah, romance! I recently had the privilege of seeing Phantom of the Opera in Toronto and it certainly puts romance in a different perspective. While the Phantom, when you first think about it, may seem an unlikely hero, creatures of mystery have always inflamed romantic fantasy. The intensity with which he loves Christine strikes a chord in every feminine heart, and we overlook his unorthodox methods of trying to win her. Romance is tricky business at the best of times; just another one of those skirmishes in the battle of the sexes. From the Stone Age, when romance meant being dragged off to some neanderthal's cave to today, men generally are a little less comfortable with the subtleties of romance than women. Now, I did say generally- there are exceptions to every rule and there are very definitely some men out there who put their heart into the art of romance. Then there are the rest. A friend of mine and I were discussing this very subject recently and she puts the differences down to age. Men nearing their 40's she said, just seem to have a different outlook towards romance then men 10 years younger. Their perceptions of what a woman needs and wants are more accurate, she said. Well, taking into consideration the men in the 35-40 age bracket that I know, I might have to agree. There's only a handful with any idea of what romance is. I mean real romance, not what these guys perceive as romance. I think that's called foreplay. And I can't honestly say that I have noticed any significant improvement in the younger guys either. However.... romance is not a practice singular to the male species, particularly in an era where women want to be treated equally and be equal. So, in all fairness if the younger men are more romantic, perhaps it's because the younger women are inspiring it. When I first began dating I saw it as my due to be the one who was romanced; it never crossed my mind that a few hearts and flowers thrown the other way might have its reciprocal benefits - mainly a few hearts and flowers thrown my way. The romantic men I do know are married to women who send them flowers or buy them cards. These women plan special weekends or dinners and don't sit passively waiting for the husband to do something romantic when they see their marriage needs a kick-start. The bride at a wedding ceremony I attended recently stood and sang to her new husband during the toast. He sent her a flower before the ceremony - just because. At the reception the disc jockey announced that he was playng a song that the bride and the groom had dedicated to each other. Neither knew the other had done it. Corny? Perhaps. But, keeping romance alive maybe has to be a little excessive in the beginning so that it's easier to keep it going. When the starry eyes dim with the realities and pressures of marriage, romance can keep the spark ignited. We all know, men included, though they may deny it, that a little romance can accomplish a lot Trying to come up with imaginative romantic ideas can be fun and invigorate a marriage. If it comes easily all the better and it's an excellent example of practice making something perfect.