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12 THE RURAL VOICE
UNDER TEENAGE FIRE
There's a knack to living peaceably
with a household of teenagers. A ba-
sic rule is never, ever embarrass them.
That rule has been bent and some-
times broken by me countless times.
My clothes, my hair, and my taste in
general have come under teenage fire
constantly. My personality has been
classed as that of a loose fan belt.
But Super Wrench has always
come out smelling like expensive
after -shave. Not any more! He finally
did the unforgivable. He embarrassed
all three daughters in front of an entire
city. When Super Wrench errs, he
pulls out all the stops.
College was out and our daughter
needed help moving home. I had to
work and convinced Super Wrench he
could handle it. He thought it might
be fun and agreed to take the two girls
who are still at home with him. They
had thoughts of shopping, while he
was considering their strong backs.
The furniture Diane possesses is
what most well-to-do farmers give
children setting up their own abode:
a couch and chair heavy enough to
cause three belly ruptures and popular
about the same time as Ed Sullivan.
The rest of the househould goods were
along the same vintage lines. When
we had moved it to Kitchener in the
fall, Diane had been more worried
about what moving in would do to the
elevator and hallway than what might
happen to the early poverty junk.
When I left they were getting ready
for a fun day in Kitchener. When I
returned home it didn't take a genius
to figure out that the "fun" had been
missed. Super Wrench was conspic-
uously absent. His three daughters
proceeded to give me a list of the
trepasses he had committed that day.
Diane's precious belongings had
gouges and scratches. Evidently,
living with this stuff for nine months
had given her a strong attraction for it.
There was no tarp and nothing to tie
things down with. He loaded the pick-
up like he loads hogs on Mondays.
The entire apartment building
waved good-bye when they left. In
three hours Super Wrench found out
more about the tenants than Diane had
in nine months. The girls were too
busy hauling stuff to the truck.
Along the Conestoga Expressway,
horns began to honk. Super Wrench
thought people were just being friend-
ly until he looked in the rear-view
mirror. The mattress was in the ditch.
They managed to rescue it, but the
vacuum cleaner that landed on Homer
Watson Boulevard would never again
suck anything up its mangled hose.
After some frantic re -arranging on the
girls' part, they trucked on. The girls
were driving behind Super Wrench
and had no option but to follow when
he pulled into the Kitchener Sale.
He insisted that since they wanted
to shop, he wanted to oblige. They
were horrified when a man approach-
ed the truck and offered 50 bucks for
the load. They were panic-stricken
when their father actually began
dickering with the man. They hauled
him off and were trying to convince
him they'd had enough shopping when
Super Wrench got a buy on a 40 -
pound box of bananas. There wasn't
room to breathe in either vehicle.
The rest of the way home (after a
stop to calm the radiator), the girls fol-
lowed clouds of black smoke that be-
gan to pour from the truck's muffler.
At supper they were frostily silent.
Super Wrench thought the whole thing
was a big joke. Our son thought it
was an adventure he'd have enjoyed.
I've got news for him. In a year it will
be his turn to move out for a school of
higher learning. Guess who'll be sent
to help him make the move?0
Gisele Ireland's latest book, Brace
Yourself, is available for $7 from
Bumps Books, Teeswater, NOG 2S0.