The Rural Voice, 1988-10, Page 10Revolutionary
GERINGHOFF
Combine Header
DEMONSTRATION
Newtonville
2KM S. of 401 EXIT 448
on City Rd. 18
Durham Regional Soil & Crop
Improvement Association
Conservation Tillage Day
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446 10th St. Hanover Ont.
519-364-4413
Hydraulic Cylinder
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• Oxygen & Acetylene Gases
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8 THE RURAL VOICE
GETTING SERIOUS
ABOUT THE ISSUES
Recently a man stopped me and
inquired why I always write about
"stupid" things, while other writers
have opinions about free trade,
subsidies, and the environment.
It took several seconds to think
up a suitable answer, and the critic
walked away before I could get a word
out. I got in the car and backed over
him.
It did make me think about why
some subjects are more attractive to
me than others. Sure free trade is
important. I get that wet -my -knickers
fear when I think of Mulroney trading
Canada to the United States for free. I
also get this feeling when I lose a car
wheel on the 401. I also know how to
prevent losing another wheel. I weld
the nuts on. I don't think this would
work with the free trade issue.
Subsidies give me a bit of a high.
I get the same effect spraying ether in
the stack of a tractor to start it. One
roar and she's off. Subsidies are
short-term highs for long-term lows,
and if I want to get that depressed, I'll
book myself in for a root canal.
Now the environment is something
I am concerned about. It will be there,
I hope, after subsidies and free trade
are just passages in dusty history
books. I'm doing my part for the
environment. I've stopped smoking.
Again.
This is not the first time I've tried
to quit, it's just the longest time I've
been good at denying myself.
The person who tells you it is easy,
that all it takes is a little willpower,
will also sell you lakefront property in
Arizona. Most people have to quit in
stages.
The first stage is when you visit
your doctor, get a check-up, and
mention casually that you smoke.
Watch his face light up as he hauls
out pictures of rotten lungs, statistics
on smoke -related deaths, and then
convinces you to.try this aid he will
prescribe to help you kick the habit.
He wants to see you next week.
Next week rolls around. You feel
you've lived a lifetime in that week.
Your husband has run away with the
parts lady in the machinery store, the
kids packed up and went to live with
Aunt Millie in Arkansas, and you've
got lockjaw from chewing cruddy
gum for endless hours. But you feel
terrific.
The next step is to take a course
to boost your non-existent willpower.
After you've been suitably frightened
to death by gory pictures and horren-
dous statistics, you smoke only when
the moon is full and everyone's in
bed. One man actually lit up in a
washroom on a smoke-free flight and
you know what happened to him. He
was met at the terminal by eight
policemen who dragged him to the
slammer and he was fined thousands
of dollars. He'd have been more
socially acceptable had he played
show and tell in the washroom with
the pretty lady across the aisle.
Experts claim the trick to quitting
this filthy habit is to replace it with
something else. That's easier
preached than practised. Knitting
while you are driving makes you drop
stitches. I've tried replacing cigarettes
with chopped peach pits rolled in
zucchini leaves and it made me sick.
The best replacement found so far is
food. Unfortunately, you become fat
and again are in danger of being
socially unacceptable.
For me the simplest way to stop
smoking is to be hypnotized. I was
wary of this method too. If figured the
guy could tell me to strip on Main
Street once he had me in a trance and I
wouldn't demur. It isn't like that. It's
group hypnosis, and you join 20 to 30
other socially unacceptable cretins and
haul pillows and sleeping blankets to a
hotel where the session is held. It
(cont'd)