The Rural Voice, 1987-05, Page 8519-357-1666
or 519-357-2335 (after hours)
Hwy. 4 N., WINGHAM
Huron
Landscaping
Limited
OFFERS A WIDE
SELECTION OF
ORNAMENTAL
TREES & SHRUBS
INTERIOR — TROPICALS
• COMPLETE LANDSCAPING
SERVICE
• GARDEN AND LAYOUT
PLANNING
• DECKS AND FENCING
• WALKWAYS AND PATIOS
• PAVING STONES
• HYDRO -MULCHING
AND SODDING
A Most Extensive Line of
CASUAL FURNITURE
R.R. 2, Lucknow
Huron County Road 1, south
519-529-7247
6 THE RURAL VOICE
MANHUNTS AND
MERRY CHASES
There's talk going around that I'm
a bit of a man chaser, and worse yet,
that men have been seen chasing me.
What can I say? There are times when
a woman simply can't help herself.
It was reported that I was chasing
a handsome young teenager in a truck
out our lane. He was burning rubber,
and I was wearing holes in my running
shoes. He got away. He can kiss his
lucky rabbit's foot that he did. The
young man likes to let on that he's
full-grown, and he sneaks the truck so
he can drive to the other farm. If the
law ever caught him, instead of his
mother, he'd have a tough time explain-
ing driving a truck without being old
enough to have a licence. He can be
grateful it's an older woman doing the
chasing right now and not someone in
a uniform. This chase has been get -
ung more frequent lately because I'm
slowing up and he's getting sneakier
trying to outsmart me.
I chased a cattle truck too. It
belongs to my brother-in-law, who
runs his trucking business out of our
shed. There is some kind of perverted
law demanding that I have to catch my
brother-in-law before he heads for
Burlington because a farmer has four
more head of cattle that just have to
go that trip. Do you know how fast
a truck goes when it shifts into the
upper range? Well, it just leaves me
breathless.
I guess the chase that caused the
most comment was when I was hoof-
ing down the lane after the delivery
truck. I was wearing a passionate
purple bathrobe and a soggy towel on
my head. When the delivery guy
knocked 1 was in the shower, and when
I peeked out the window I knew I had
to stop that man from leaving, come
hell or high water. He was more
than a little amused, which is more
than could have been said for me.
Super Wrench would have grumped
endlessly had I let the part he ordered
for the tractor get away.
Men have been known to chase me
too, which I find much more fun. The
other day, two of them lit out after me
when I pulled out of the carport. I
watched them in the rearview mirror
until they started breathing heavily,
then I let off on the gas pedal. All
they wanted was the fuel pump in the
back seat of the car.
1 have been chased for more than a
fuel pump, I'm proud to report. One
day I walked to the shed for the car and
after getting it pointed in the right
direction, the doors of the shop burst
open, spilling out a herd of irate men.
1 led them on a merry chase out the
lane and part of the way down the road
before it sunk in that I was wanted.
When they approached the car, how-
ever, not one glimmer of interest was
shown in the driver. They were after
the two wallets and three half -full
beers that had been parked on the roof
of the car. Two beers and one wallet
were still there. I left them scram-
bling in the ditch for the other wallet
and crying over spilt beer.
The man I still enjoy chasing most
is Super Wrench. And he keeps me
going. He tells me stories about his
whereabouts all the time. He's never
where he says he'll be, and he never
comes back at the time he told me he
would. Therefore I have to instigate
a manhunt whenever calls come for
either business or personal reasons.
If the caller is feminine, I take my
time. After all, he's never in a hurry
to catch me, why should 1 make it
possible for another woman to get
hold of him easily?0
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce
County, began her series of
humorous columns with The
Rural Voice. Her most recent
book, Brace Yourself, is
available for $7 from Bumps
Books, Teeswater, NOG 2S0.