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4 THE RURAL VOICE
Keith Roulston
The lessons we teach our kids
So the kids are back in school and
mothers breathe a sigh of relief, even
if fathers miss the extra hands to help
out around the farm. The students
will learn a lot of new things in the
next few months — some good from
the teachers, some bad from the
schoolyard.
In fact most
parents will be
upset that the
lessons they've
tried to impart
to their children
are undermined
by the bad
habits they pick
up from others
at school. Kids
learn words
parents would
rather not have
in their
vocabulary, they
get sex educa-
tion lessons we may not be happy to
have them learn and they may be
pressured into bad habits like
smoking that we'd like to protect
them from. And we have no way of
controlling it.
But do we ever look at the hidden
messages we send our children in our
own behavior at home? If we saw
others pass on the attitudes we often
secretly signal, we might be appalled.
For instance, nearly every farm
family teaches a disrespect for the
dangers of farm life from early in a
child's life. We like to include
children in the farm's activities by
putting them in our lap in the tractor
(hopefully with a cab, at least) or
even the lawn mower seat. Later the
kids graduate to riding the fender of
the tractor, even while hauling
dangerous equipment. Farm safety
advocates try to change our way of
thinking but the message that we're
sending to kids is that concerns about
safety are silly.
Before long the kids are sent out
on the road whether with tractors and
wagons or all -terrain vehicles. We
know the law says that no one
younger than 16 is supposed to be on
the roads with a motorized vehicle
but what the heck — the law is for
someone else. It's okay to break the
law unless you get caught.
Similar silent messages about the
meaninglessness of the law arc sent
by parents who let their kids drive
cars and pickups on the back roads
before they have a licence, by adults
who drive the backroads with a beer
bottle nestled on the scat between
their legs, by parents who ignore
speed limits on highways and by
those who ignore or ridicule the use
of seat belts.
I don't know, maybe this is just
preparing kids for the modern world.
Two teenagers I know who recently
took their driver's education were
told by their instructors that it was
more important to be going the same
speed as the rest of the traffic on the
road (no matter how insane that was),
than to obey the speed limit.
Maybe we don't want a society in
which people respect the law, in
which we think that perhaps a law
was created for a reason. Certainly
that's the message today's adults are
sending to young people. We arc
sending a message that laws arc to be
loosely interpreted according to our
own needs and desires. If we don't
like a law, if it gets in the way of our
short-term goals, then we're quite
free to ignore it. We may even curse
the law enforcement official, when he
catches us breaking the speed limit.
And yet many of the same people
who think the law should be flexible
when it comes to their own behavior,
become furious when they feel the
law isn't strict enough in areas they'd
like to control. There has been a cam-
paign to reform the Young Offenders
Act because we feel it's not tough
enough on young trouble makers.
We also seem to feel that harsh
penalties will act as a deterrent to
crime. A large part of the population
supports putting more and more
people in jail and keeping them there.
They feel that letting people out
before their sentence is completed
sends the wrong signal.
The question is, how can socic:y
counteract the bad lessons kids learn
at home from the most influential
people in their lives: their parents?0
Keith Roulston is editor and
publisher of The Rural Voice. .1le
lives near Blyth, ON.