The Rural Voice, 1998-10, Page 6•
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CHRYSLER DODGE
JEEP
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HOME OF QUALITY
USED VEHICLES
HL:11.1 HAULERS
1996 Ford Pickup\LS -
I. auto, air. cruise, tilt, stereo.
1.000 km., 2 tone red & silver.
1996 Dakota Extend -A -Cab
- 4 x 4, 8 cylinder. auto. air.
cruise, tilt. stereo, 2 tone red and
grey, 67,000 km. - Matching
cap.
"We only sell the best
for less and
wholesale the rest"
CHRYSLER
DODGE
JEEP
DODGE TRUCKS
If you don't see what
you want, ask us, we'll
find it for you.
Sunset Strip,
Owen Sound
Ontario, N4K 5W9
(519) 371 -JEEP (5337)
1-800-263-9579
Fax: (519) 371-5559
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2 THE RURAL VOICE
Gisele Ireland
I trained him wrong
Sometimes writing is like growing
a garden. You plant seeds and hope
something exciting will happen. Last
month's column produced a bumper
crop of comments, ideas and reprint
requests by the readers. One call in
particular put
my smug
equilibrium out
of whack. The
feminine voice
on the line let
me know what
I was doing to
my husband
was criminal.
She asserted I
was putting
Super Wrench
at risk by
ironing his
shirts.
This was not
some cosmic crackpot, and the more I
thought about it, the more sense her
viewpoint made. She was adamant
that by keeping Super Wrench
dependent on me for his creature
comforts, I could be placing him in
grave danger. He could fall into the
hands of some manipulative,
unscrupulous hussy. This was after I
was out of the picture, of course.
Super Wrench can't cook, but
loves to eat good food. His
experiences with the operation of a
stove have been dismal and the
digital microwave is beyond his
comprehension. That leaves the can
opener and the barbecue. After that
novelty is worn off he's ripe for any
woman who knows the difference
between folding the ingredients and
stirring them. She'll move right in
and saute her way right to the
bedroom. If she perchance produced
feather light biscuits, he'd be a goner.
My biscuits and hockey pucks have a
lot in common. The cooking lessons
start tomorrow with scrambled eggs
and the care and operation of a
toaster.
The next logical step will of
course be the closet. Super Wrench
knows only enough to take things off
the hangers. How his shirts and pants
got there never concerned him.
Replacing the limp, the worn out and
the out-of-date always fell to me.
Imagine how vulnerable he'd be, all
alone and down to his last shirt, when
along comes a babe armed with a
steam iron? This tragedy could be
compounded if she is also adept at
patching, and inserting zippers. She'd
have him sewn up in no time. Sewing
on buttons will now become part of
our relaxing evenings at home.
The most dangerous woman he'd
have to watch out for would be a
neatnik. She would have extensive
talents with a broom, mop and dish
rag. If she could put way what he'd
tossed around, so that he could find
what he'd lost before his blood
pressure hit stroke level, she'd have
him wedded and bedded before the
kitchen floor dried after scrubbing. I
have no idea how to protect him from
this potential hazard. Any attempts in
the past to pique his interest in
window -washing have been a dismal
failure.
It is my fervent hope that he
doesn't meet up with a chickie that
nags at him with better results that I
am able to. For sure he'll miss the
reminders to take his daily walk and
to shave before he's arrested as a
vagrant. Family and friends would
notice that important dates passed by
without acknowledgements or gifts
without my red circles on the
calendar. His seduction by a woman
toting a day planner is a reality. She
would then nag him right into a
position he can't get out of. This is
known as the matrimonial "hold".
There is a thought that keeps
recurring during all these good
intentions to make Super Wrench
independent. Was I able to
accomplish this feat, what do I do for
kicks? Super Wrench would
immediately try to do the same for
me. In his thinking, no woman should
get married just to get the oil changed
in her engine .on a regular basis. I
regard this activity with the same
enthusiasm Super Wrench displays
for the soap scum on the shower
curtain. For us, there are no easy
answers, so we'll just have to risk it.
Enough of this, it's time to get back
to the risky business of ironing.0
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce County, is
an author of several humorous books
on farm life.