The Rural Voice, 1993-11, Page 31•
their partners? The main reason is
that our society makes it very
difficult for women to leave men
who abuse them. A woman may fear
for her life, especially if her partner
threatens to hurt her or kill her if she
tries to leave. She may also fear that
she can't afford to move out and
support herself. She also feels
responsible for keeping the family
together, and wants the children to
grow up with their father. There is
often pressure from relatives and in-
laws to stay. Often, her husband
makes her feel guilty and tells her
that the abuse is her fault anyway.
He removes her confidence, so she
becomes convinced that she can't
make it on her own. Too, he often
promises never to beat her again and
begs her to believe him.
Qrlene Timmins says, "Often,
women feel that they won't
be believed. The perpetrators
are nice, charming men, often
pillars of the community. And farm
women, particularly, have a lot to
lose financially. It can be very
complicated to get out of a farm
situation. There are a lot of stresses
related to farm work, and the farmer
doesn't hit the bank manager.
Instead, he comes home and hits his
wife. She gets blamed for all of the
problems, and often she begins to
believe she deserves it."
"Women will hang in for long
periods, especially if times are bad,
as they often are on farms today.
They rationalize it. Even people who
work in the area, if they find
themselves in that situation, will
deny it and minimize it. Some
people blame drinking, as it can
lower inhibitions, or it gives it an
area to blame it on. But lots of
people drink who don't abuse, or
vice versa. And insults can be
internalized. If a man's boss tells
him often enough that he is lazy or
useless, he begins to suspect that it
may be true. The same with a
woman who hears remarks like
`stupid', `crazy', or `worthless'. We
begin to believe what we are
constantly told. It happens to all of
us.
"Another problem is that people
do resist calling for help, especially
in the country. If it takes half an
hour for the police to get there, the
woman is at particular danger during
that period of time."
She points out that "Once a man
has been charged, though, chances of
re -occurrence are less."
She also stresses that "We need
more social understanding about
abuse so people won't ask questions
like 'What did she do to deserve it?'
We need to create an atmosphere of
support, and the best way to
accomplish that is by education.
The laws and work that the police do
is very important. They are
increasingly better educated. The
clergy is also very important. They
have great expertise and skill, but
often feel uncomfortable with these
issues. It can be a moral and ethical
dilemma for some. For instance,
they may not believe in dissolving a
marriage, but can't condone the
behaviour that exists in it. In that
respect, we at SWAN can arrange
Professional Development training
and provide resources for any
interested groups.
"The group of people who make
up SWAN want to raise everyone's
consciousness in these situations. In
fact, doing that report was wonderful
in that respect. It took a year from
start to finish, and the interviews
alone raised community awareness.
We found that the process itself was
almost as important as the outcome.
One of the surprising things that we
discovered was that rural women
didn't see themselves as isolated in
any way. We had assumed, that
because of the greater distances, long
winters, and so on, that this might be
the case. Instead, they have very
active social lives, access to a car,
and 100 percent of the homes had
telephones. What we found, though,
was that these things tended to be
denied to abused women."
One husband would park the car
far away and get a ride to work,
leaving his wife without any
transportation. Women would be
forbidden to have anyone over, or to
go to a friend's or neighbour's house.
One man, a mechanic, refused to
keep his wife's car in running order.
Timmins explains, "We might
think farm women are more isolated,
but they aren't. Abused women are.
We suspect that an urban woman
who is abused would also be isolated
by the same techniques, even though
she might have other advantages,
such as ready bus access or fast
police reactions."
How can this issue of woman
abuse be changed? Timmins
thinks that the answer is to
increase education and raise
public awareness of the problem.
"Not all women want to come to a
shelter, or to Phoenix House, or other
second -stage housing. We need a
way for these women to be able to
come forward and to be supported
when they do.
"We need early training on dealing
with violence — as early as
kindergarten. Some of the Peace-
maker programs in the elementary
schools and the Peer Monitoring in
the high schools are teaching young
people that violence is not the way to
solve problems, and that it is not to
be tolerated. We have participated in
the Health Fair at the high schools in
Clinton and Exeter, and the
Wingham high school will be having
a whole week on healthy
relationships. The Health Unit is a
big mover behind that. As well, we
are following up on the recommen-
dations that were advised in the
report compiled earlier this year. But
it is society that must show that we
will no longer accept violence against
women. That is what we are all
working toward. That is the goal."
What help is immediately
available for women in
Grey -Bruce, Perth, and
Huron Counties? There arc
shelters, sometimes called crisis
houses, where women can go with
their children for immediate
protection and escape from an
abusive situation. Generally, women
can stay in these homes for a short
term only, usually up to six weeks.
These centres offer confidential crisis
counselling and also often have
personal counselling, support groups,
and transportation assistance for
women and children. They arc free.
Children can still go to school. They
are open 24 hours a day, seven days a
week. Women who arc not planning
to leave their home can call a shelter
just to talk, as well.
There is also second -stage
housing, such as The Women's
Centre Housing Program in Owen
Sound, and Phoenix House of Huron
(of which Timmins is the Executive
Director). These are geared -to-
income, safe places to live for a
period of up to a year. Phoenix
House has a combined total of 22
NOVEMBER 1993 27