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4 THE RURAL VOICE
Gisele Ireland
Men are affectionately out of practice
After church last Sunday, I noticed
an elderly couple coming out. He had a
cane and was obviously having prob-
lems negotiating the steps. His wife
took his arm, smiled at him and helped
him down. At the
bottom of the
steps, he stopped
and kissed her.
Most of us who
noticed, smiled,
and some remarks
were made about
spring being in the
air. No one, how-
ever, followed
their example.
The picture
that couple made
stayed with me for
a long time and
convinced me we
don't kiss each other enough. Now I
agree there are kisses and there are
kisses. You have to choose the proper
one for the right place. A lot of men
are out of practice and should start
experimenting with the easy ones.
These are the hello and goodbye ones.
Never leave home without one, and
never come home without bringing one.
These kisses are just light touches of
the lips and yes, they do work better if
toothpicks are removed first.
Now there are those who firmly
believe that kissing is for babies only.
Why use them all up on babies when
they're not likely to remember them
anyway? Try a few on grown up
babies. A wife will remember the kiss
she got for the extra special dinner far
longer than fixing the leaky faucet. She
will likely give you a real lip smacker if
you do fix the faucet, and that should
be a good reason to run for the wrench.
It is not a good idea to get into a real
clincher after a crop insurance meeting
in front of everyone, no matter how
happy you are, but once you get to the
car, it's okay.
Kisses have been medicinally prov-
en to take away aches and hurts. We
seem to reserve them entirely for little
children. Kisses help adult problems
too. After a real knuckle -buster in the
shop, a kiss applied after first aid will
go a long way towards making the in-
jured person forget what they've come
to the house for. It also cuts down
considerably on the ranting and raving.
Try giving kisses as good luck. This
year especially, it wouldn't hurt as the
farmers climb onto their tractors to
begin the planting. Perhaps with a few
kisses and some good luck everything
won't rot, drown and mildew out there
this year. It doesn't cost anything to
apply and is a renewable resource.
Kisses are also good for people who
have problems we've never had to deal
with. A kiss, coupled with a hug,
conveys far more than a card, a floral
tribute or whatever one can say. This
language is universal and accepted by
everyone.
A kiss is a good prelude to confes-
sion time. Who can read you the riot
act after you've kissed them silly and
you just mention you've backed into
the side of the barn and could he get
someone to put a new door where the
old one used to be?
A kiss is a good form of congratula-
tions for a field well planted, a garden
well ploughed and an exam passed with
great difficulty. Kisses are also great
when you are feeling low, but can't
seem to get into words what's bother-
ing you. A good kiss never needs an
explanation. It's just there.
Kisses are just as exciting on your
30th year of marriage as they were in
your courting days. You appreciate
them even more now because there's
likely less of them and the thrill of
maybe getting caught kissing is only a
dim memory.
Kissing strangers is not recommend-
ed. Kissing is only for those whom you
have deep feelings for. No, that doesn't
include the banker who just gave you a
loan when you didn't think you stood a
gopher's chance in a rock pile of
getting one. A warm handshake is
sufficient.
Kissing is not something you have
to cook, bake or plant to get ready to
use. It's available on request and there
is rarely a delivery charge. If there is a
charge attached, in order to get more of
them, people are generally glad to
comply with the conditions. Spring is
the season of romance and kisses are
the language of love. Start talking you
guys!0
Gisele Ireland is from Bruce County.
Her most recent book, Brace Your-
self, is available for $7 from Bumps
Books, Teeswater, Ontario. NOG 2S0.