The Rural Voice, 1991-11, Page 8LAZARE DIAMONDS`'
A
BRILLIANT
PROPOSAL.
She's wonderful, unique
special. She's a woman who
deserves nothing less than a
Lazare Diamond. A diamond
cut to ideal proportions to
release a matchless fire and
beauty. It's the diamond that
says I Love You brilliantly.
Lazare Diauro,uls.
Setting tlrc standard for
hrilliauuc."
ANSTETT
JEWELLERS LIMITED
CLINTON
8 Albert St., 482-3901
EXETER
284 Main St., 235-2468
GODERICH
2 The Square, 524-4195
SEAFORTH
26 Main St. S., 527-1720
ST. MARYS
135 Queen St. E., 284-1036
KINCARDINE
760 Queen St. 396-8121
4 THE RURAL VOICE
GETTING A NEW ROOF
BEFORE THE SHOW FLIES
Gisele Ireland is from Bruce County.
Her most recent book, Brace Yourself,
is available for $7 from Bumps Books,
Teeswater, Ontario, NOG 2S0.
The reason my needs and Super
Wrench's willingness to comply with
them rarely coincide is as big a mys-
tery now as in the days when we spent
leisure hours steaming up the car
windshield in some secluded sideroad.
He needs careful coaxing and ex-
quisite scene setting to become in-
spired enough to do the things I re-
quire. It is very fortunate that I oper-
ate on a different level, or we might
never have had any children, nor
would he ever have experienced wear-
ing a clean shirt, or been able to find a
clean dish on a fairly regular basis.
To perform these chores, I needed
just borderline coaxing, and no one
had the time to set the scene for me.
The things I ask for are neither
frivolous nor trifling, unless you call
asking for a new roof on the house or
wood in the cellar the excessive wants
of a grasping wife. Every time either
subject has been delicately introduced,
Super Wrench puts me off by stating
he needs a "perfect clay" to perform
these things.
We've had as close to perfect the
past couple of months as we're going
to ever get. I'm now reduced to set-
ting the scene to inspire this craftsman
to perform. A wheelbarrow of shin-
gles was raked up from the lawn after
a particularly playful breeze and left
by the entrance. He ignored it. The
heavens opened up and the kitchen
ceiling resembled a car wash. I put
buckets all over and mentally devised
torture for Super Wrench. He just
tripped over the buckets. When the
rains ceased, he found the worst crater
in the roof and nailed a sheet of ply-
wood over it. "That will do," he in-
formed me, "until a perfect day comes
along to do the roof." He did order
the shingles, and put them in the ga-
rage. I make a point to hit them with
the car every time I pull in. He ig-
nores me, and the shingles.
Since I wasn't having success with
the roof, I decided to take a stab at the
wood. I made utterly stupid suggest-
ions like maybe getting a pick-up load
every day or just maybe one a week
until there was something in the base-
ment other than the three old potatoes.
It was either too hot, or he had hay
down, or his big toe had a wart on it.
There is simply no challenge to
dragging tops out of the bush unless
there is snow to your armpits, so you
lose a couple of chains, and can't feel
the ends of your toes or fingers.
Meanwhile, down on the freezing
home front, we've just added our sixth
layer of clothes, and various body
parts will never return to a normal
colour. That's when it's exciting, and
"perfect" to get the cellar filled.
The wood has to have two inches
of snow on it so it will steam and hiss
as it hits the flames, and the men will
sit around telling untruthful stories
about their adventures in the bush,
slugging to provide for their families.
It's usually quite enough to make me
want to set their socks on fire.
I have no idea what constitutes a
"perfect" day to put a new roof on the
house. Whatever it was, it hasn't ar-
rived yet. There are still buckets in
the kitchen to trip over when it rains,
and the shingles still sit right in my
road in the garage. They'll likely
decide to do the roof some day when
winds are hurricane force, and they'll
stay up there by tying bungee cords to
their ankles and attaching themselves
to the chimney. Boy, just imagine
telling the grandchildren some techni-
coloured lies about doing what a man
has to do to keep his family safe and
warm.
Super Wrench came to me, just this
morning, bare chested and steaming
around the edges. He needed a clean
shirt to go away. I told him I was
waiting for a "perfect" day to do the
laundry. I hope I get through to him
before the first snow flies.0