The Rural Voice, 1991-07, Page 106 THE RURAL VOICE
GOING TO THE BEACH
CAN BE HAZARDOUS
Gisele Ireland is from Bruce County.
Her most recent book, Brace Yourself,
is available for $7 from Bumps Books,
Teeswater, Ontario, NOG 2S0.
One thing that really tickles Super
Wrench's funny bone is my attitude at
this time of the year when we decide
to make our first trip to the beach. He
claims I'm getting more paranoid as
times rolls by. It might seem that
way, but I figure when you're a farmer
and over 40, you have to be careful
where you eventually park yourself.
Never, never would I consider
scuing up next to a group of nubile
youngsters dressed in scraps of
material. Not only do they make me
look bad, but they're detrimental to
Super Wrench's blood pressure —
especially if they are engaged in a
vigorous sport such as bcach volley
ball. Mom than the ball bounces and
Super Wrench tries to catch every
move. He usually ends up with a
severe case of whiplash and a tongue
lashing for ignoring the person he
brought to spend time with.
The whole point in checking the
population before parking ourselves
has to do with self preservation. I pre-
fer to sit next to a couple that are also
farmers. Super Wrench seems to be
amazed how quickly I can pick them
out. It's very simple, really. I look
for people who could be our twin.
The man always has a sunburned
neck and a perfect "V" burnt in his
chest. His arms are burnt brown to
just where the shirt sleeves stop. The
rest of his chest usually looks like the
underside of a fish. Dead white.
You can tell a man who farms
from his eyes. They'll have deeply
imbedded squint marks from eyeing
the rows and scanning the horizon for
rain. His hair will have a crest around
the back from the hat that's been sit -
ung there since seeding. No amount
of wind ruffling will get rid of it.
A farmer usually has trouble rising
from a prone position on the sand.
This has likely been caused by the fact
his knees and elbows didn't quite re-
cover from stone picking before they
had to swing into hay bales.
His hand are another giveaway.
There's three knuckles almost healed
and three raw ones. The healed ones
are from the disc and the raw ones are
from the baler. The grease under his
nails and imbedded in the cracks in his
hands are reminders of time spent in
the shop over the last couple of
months. Usually between ten in the
evening until whatever he was fixing
was field worthy again.
The wife could be my double. Her
tanned parts are patchy also. We usu-
ally look as if someone went berserk
with a paint brush. A bit of brown
here, a bit of red there, and a lot of
peeling in other spots. My rubber
boots have left permanent lines on the
back of my calves. Makes me look as
if I was wearing knee highs. In a
bathing suit, it's not the fashion look
to cultivate. On my left thigh I have a
bruise the size of a plate where I
fought with a hog and the hog won.
My right knee is just turning pale
yellow where it used to be purple. I
attempted to vault a pen instead of
walking around to save time and the
shovel I used as a pole didn't hold up.
I also prefer to sit next to a couple
that have started haying. Their legs
will look like ours, as if we'd tangled
with a flock of killer chickens. Those
bale ends penetrate any fabric man has
devised.
The thing that worries me some-
what is that farmers are getting fewer
and fewer. By the time we have end-
less hours to spend on the beach in our
golden years, we might not have many
beach companions. Perhaps by that
time Super Wrench's eyesight will
have dimmed to the point where boun-
cing on the beach won't fizz on him
anymore. But then again, he wouldn't
be Super Wrench if he couldn't pick a
dainty damsel half a mile away with
the same ease he can spot a milkweed
in a 40 acre field.0
Mills Inc.
Lucknow Division
MIAMartin
martin
n
}
r°if1Po ,1L
4
k a
;.� s.+
a.b
r
COMPLETE
OF ANIMAL
VETERINARY
,, ,w
,yy Jlt °(r
f
n
l
MOWII
11111
LINE
FEED AND
SUPPLIES
HOG — BROILER — LAYER
TURKEY — BEEF — DAIRY
VEAL — FISH — PET FOODS
Martin Mills Inc.
Lucknow Division
Lucknow
519-528-3000
or
1-800-265-3006
6 THE RURAL VOICE
GOING TO THE BEACH
CAN BE HAZARDOUS
Gisele Ireland is from Bruce County.
Her most recent book, Brace Yourself,
is available for $7 from Bumps Books,
Teeswater, Ontario, NOG 2S0.
One thing that really tickles Super
Wrench's funny bone is my attitude at
this time of the year when we decide
to make our first trip to the beach. He
claims I'm getting more paranoid as
times rolls by. It might seem that
way, but I figure when you're a farmer
and over 40, you have to be careful
where you eventually park yourself.
Never, never would I consider
scuing up next to a group of nubile
youngsters dressed in scraps of
material. Not only do they make me
look bad, but they're detrimental to
Super Wrench's blood pressure —
especially if they are engaged in a
vigorous sport such as bcach volley
ball. Mom than the ball bounces and
Super Wrench tries to catch every
move. He usually ends up with a
severe case of whiplash and a tongue
lashing for ignoring the person he
brought to spend time with.
The whole point in checking the
population before parking ourselves
has to do with self preservation. I pre-
fer to sit next to a couple that are also
farmers. Super Wrench seems to be
amazed how quickly I can pick them
out. It's very simple, really. I look
for people who could be our twin.
The man always has a sunburned
neck and a perfect "V" burnt in his
chest. His arms are burnt brown to
just where the shirt sleeves stop. The
rest of his chest usually looks like the
underside of a fish. Dead white.
You can tell a man who farms
from his eyes. They'll have deeply
imbedded squint marks from eyeing
the rows and scanning the horizon for
rain. His hair will have a crest around
the back from the hat that's been sit -
ung there since seeding. No amount
of wind ruffling will get rid of it.
A farmer usually has trouble rising
from a prone position on the sand.
This has likely been caused by the fact
his knees and elbows didn't quite re-
cover from stone picking before they
had to swing into hay bales.
His hand are another giveaway.
There's three knuckles almost healed
and three raw ones. The healed ones
are from the disc and the raw ones are
from the baler. The grease under his
nails and imbedded in the cracks in his
hands are reminders of time spent in
the shop over the last couple of
months. Usually between ten in the
evening until whatever he was fixing
was field worthy again.
The wife could be my double. Her
tanned parts are patchy also. We usu-
ally look as if someone went berserk
with a paint brush. A bit of brown
here, a bit of red there, and a lot of
peeling in other spots. My rubber
boots have left permanent lines on the
back of my calves. Makes me look as
if I was wearing knee highs. In a
bathing suit, it's not the fashion look
to cultivate. On my left thigh I have a
bruise the size of a plate where I
fought with a hog and the hog won.
My right knee is just turning pale
yellow where it used to be purple. I
attempted to vault a pen instead of
walking around to save time and the
shovel I used as a pole didn't hold up.
I also prefer to sit next to a couple
that have started haying. Their legs
will look like ours, as if we'd tangled
with a flock of killer chickens. Those
bale ends penetrate any fabric man has
devised.
The thing that worries me some-
what is that farmers are getting fewer
and fewer. By the time we have end-
less hours to spend on the beach in our
golden years, we might not have many
beach companions. Perhaps by that
time Super Wrench's eyesight will
have dimmed to the point where boun-
cing on the beach won't fizz on him
anymore. But then again, he wouldn't
be Super Wrench if he couldn't pick a
dainty damsel half a mile away with
the same ease he can spot a milkweed
in a 40 acre field.0