The Rural Voice, 2003-09, Page 14CANADA
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10 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel's Grill
The
world's
problems
are
solved
daily
'round
the table
at
Mabel's.
"What's a guy gotta do to get a
coffee refill around here," George
McKenzie called out the other
morning.
"Hold your horses," Molly
Whiteside called out from the
kitchen. "I'm coming."
"Molly's been listening to Ernie
Eves," said Dave Winston when she
came hurrying out, picked up the
coffee pot and scurried to the table.
"She's conserving energy by working
slower."
"Be glad we're not really conserv-
ing energy or you'd be getting luke-
warm coffee," Molly said as she
poured.
"Yeh, you've already done your
part by turning off the lights," said
Cliff Murray. "It's so romantic in
here even George is looking good to
me."
"Keep back," warned George.
"There isn't going to be any same-
sex marriages around here."
"Hey, when you get to a certain
age an any -sex marriage looks pretty
good," said Dave.
"Did you have to throw out any
food?" Cliff asked Mabel as she
passed nearby.
"Naw, I just fried it up and fed it
to you guys," she said. "I figured
nothing could kill you."
"Some of those public health guys
got kind of carried away about
throwing out food," said Dave. "I
mean throw out eggs because your
fridge was out for a couple of hours?
Give me a break!"
"Hey I'm all for it," said George.
"Especially beef. I believe every
piece of beef in storage should be
thrown out. That way maybe we
could use up the backlog from the
border closure."
"We'd need blackouts every week
or so to do that," said Cliff.
"Yeh, terrorism never looked so
good," said George.
"That's about what we'd need
right now isn't it?," said Cliff. "We
had SARS then BSE then the black-
out, then the forest fires in B.C. It's
almost like some competition — 'my
catastrophe tops your catastrophe!' I
mean what could come next?"
"How about alien invasion," said
Dave mischievously. "You think all
those crop circles don't mean
something?"
"Yeh and have you noticed they
came when Mars is closer to earth
than any time in years and years?"
said Molly.
"That must be what the light in the
barley field was the other night," said
Dave straight-faced.
"What light?" asked Molly until
Dave started to smirk. "Oh!" she said
and threatened to spill coffee on him.
"If the martians did land there'd
be somebody blaming the govern-
ment and wanting compensation,"
said Cliff. "I mean Alberta's blaming
the federal government for not caring
enough about them when it comes to
the BSE crisis, as if the rest of us
aren't hurt too. B.C. will want help
after the fires. And Ontario wants
feds' help with the blackout and is
still arguing about it should get more
money for SARS."
"Oh that's just Ernie getting ready
for an election," said Dave. "There's
nothing like running a provincial
election against the federal
government."
"At least people are starting to see
the really Ernie," said George. "This
blackout thing has let people see he's
a real leader."
"Yeh but imagine he was running
in California," said Dave. "Imagine
taking on Arnold Schwarzenegger?"
"I don't know if I'd want a guy
running my state who was called The
Terminator," said Cliff.
"They sure like actors as
politicians down there in California,"
said George. "We never elect actors
up here."
"First of all, name me one actor
anybody'd know," said Dave. "Then
like most things, we do things
opposite to the Americans. They
have actors who become politicians.
We have politicians who learn how to
act."0