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12 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel's Grill
The
world's
problems
are
solved
daily
'round
the table
at
Mabel's.
"I hope this isn't some of that
Indonesian coffee." said Dave as
Molly Whiteside delivered his
morning brew the other morning.
"I don't know where it comes
from, I just put it in the coffee -
maker," said Molly.
"What's wrong with Indonesian
coffee?" wondered George
McKenzie. "This some kind of
liberal politically correct B.S.?"
"Actually it's C.S.." said Dave.
"Pardon?"
"I read about this coffee they're
serving in British Columbia. Seems
some tree -dwelling cat down in
Indonesia eats the coffee beans off
the coffee trees. Now he can't digest
the beans but while they're in his
stomach they ferment. Then when he
drops them out the other end people
go around, pick the beans out of the
manure, clean 'em up, roast them and
sell them to expensive coffee shops."
"Maybe that explains why I've
gone to some places where the coffee
tasted like shit," said Cliff.
"I don't think any place you'd be
would be serving this coffee," said
Dave. " it cost $150 for less than a
quarter pound of beans."
"That gives new meaning to the
term value-added," said Cliff.
"Now I know people have too
much money," said Molly.
"So why would anybody want to
pay out a whole lot extra for a coffee
made out of some cat's dung?"
wondered George.
"The article said something about
an earthy, musty flavour," said Dave.
"No wonder," said George.
"Maybe there's something here
for us," said Cliff, scratching his chin
in thought. "You know how if you
feed whole corn to your cows it will
pass right through — what if we
would sell it to distillers who could
make it into,expensive booze. They
could advertise it had a earthy musty
flavour."
"Just one problem," said Dave.
"Do you want to be the one who sifts
through all that manure picking it
out?"
"You couldn't pay me enough,"
said Molly.
"See tliat's the problem in this
country," said George. "A little
poverty makes for a lot more
efficiency."
"You're joking. right?" asked
Molly.
"Well you look at those Third
World countries," said George.
"We've got all these dumps filling up
with perfectly good stuff that people
just don't want any more because
they've got better stuff. Over there
there'd be people scouring all over
those dumps getting everything that
was useful out of them."
"You want to be one of the people
picking through the dump?" asked
Molly.
"Not me, but we'd be better off in
some ways if we had people who had
to," said George.
"So over there people are
improving the environment because
they're too poor and over here people
are so well off the government has
got to pay them to improve the
environment," said Cliff.
"What are they doing now?",
wondered George.
"Didn't you see that story that the
government's thinking of paying
people $1,000 if they make their
homes more energy efficient?" asked
Cliff. "It's part of the Kyoto strategy."
"Gawd, we're back in the '70s
again," moaned George.
"You might know it," grumbled
Dave. "I just put new windows in last
year and now they're going to pay
for putting in new windows."
"And insulation and sealing up
cracks, anything so we won't use as
much fuel and we can cut greenhouse
gases."
"So let me get this straight," said
George. "They're going to pay
people $1,000 to fix up their houses
so they won't burn as much fuel
when if we didn't spend the money
we'd have global warming and we
wouldn't have to burn as muchfuel
in the first place. Sounds like typical
government thinking."0