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12 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel
's Grill
Molly Whiteside was grumbling,
the other morning, about how much
Christmas shopping she still has to
do when Dave Winston told her: "It's
okay, you really don't have to get me
anything."
"Too bad I didn't know some
place that
offers brain
transplants.
That would be
the perfect
gift," said
Molly as she
poured Dave a
refill.
"You just
bend a little
lowbr and I'll
have all the
gift I need,"
said Dave as
Molly quickly
put her free
hand on her neckline.
"I don't know anyplace that sells
manners either," snapped Molly.
"Well I've already got the best
present I could get," said George
McKenzie. "The electioneering is
finally over."
"Amen!," said Cliff Murray. "And
at least we don't have to put up with
what the Americans have had to live
with — weeks more arguing about
recounts."
"On top of an election campaign
that goes on forever," said Mabel.
"Yeh, I figure by the time they get
through the squabbling about the
recount it will only be about two
months until the next election
campaign starts down there," said
Dave.
"Too bad we hadn't had this
election campaign back in the
summer," said Cliff. "All that hot air
might have given some more heat
units for my corn."
"Yes," said George, "look what
happened in October with all the
politicians spouting off. It was the
warmest, driest, month of the year."
"What happened in November
then?" wondered Mabel. "There were
even more politicians yacking then."
"I guess it was like back in '92
when that volcano exploded in
Japan," said Cliff. "Remember?
There was just too much smoke for
MABEL'S
\-L
The world's
problems are
solved daily
'round the table
at Mabel's
the sun to get through."
"You mean ash," said George. "It
was the ash that got in the way of the
sun. Of course come to think of it,
there certainly were lots of it around
this year with so many politicians
making ashes of themselves so
much."
"Well what with crop prices the
way they are this year I'm thinking
about giving homemade Christmas
gifts," said Cliff.
"Good idea," said Dave. "Maybe
I'll give people a lifetime supply of
cornmeal," said Dave.
"Too bad Beanie Babies are passe.
We could stuff them with soybeans,"
said Cliff.
"How about one of those bean bag
chairs?" wondered George.
"Well beans knocked the stuffing
out of me, it's only justice if they
stuff something else," said Dave.
"Do you know how many years
I've been listening to you guys belly-
aching about prices and the weather,"
said Mabel. "It would be nice to hear
some other complaints for a while."
"Too bad we never made enough
money to buy stocks," said Cliff.
"Then you could hear us complaining
about how much our Nortel shares
had dropped."
"Kind of makes corn prices not
look so bad doesn't it," said George.
"Yeh, at least this Christmas I
won't have to listen to my brother -in-.
law boasting about how much money
his tech stocks have been making,"
said Dave. "I think somehow he'll be
really quiet this Christmas."
"Good. These smart guys can
learn what the world's really like for
the rest of us," said George.
"Must be hard on your sister if
they've lost a lot of money," said
Cliff.
"Yeh, they might have to trade in
the Jag for a Cadillac," said Dave.
"I don't know, dealing with the
weather and crop prices is hard
enough on the nerves," said Cliff. "I
don't know if I could handle
watching a third of my investment go
down the drain in one bad day on the
market. I'd have to get out."
"My brother-in-law has talked
about it," said Dave. "He offered to
buy my farm for a weekend getaway
retreat."0