The Rural Voice, 2000-05, Page 18QUICK -FIT
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14 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel's Grill
"The great thing about spring
planting," said Dave Winston the
other morning, "is that you have the
perfect excuse not to do something
the wife wants you to do."
"You mean like pick up your dirty
socks?" asked Molly Whiteside as
she refilled his
coffee.
"Yeh, that
too," said
Dave. "I was
thinking more
like shop-
ping," said
Dave. "The
wife wants to
shop for a new
refrigerator but
when the
ground dried
up I told her I
had to get
planting."
"But you managed to find
be in here," sniped Molly.
"I couldn't miss a day of your
friendly, smiling service," said Dave.
"What are you going to do when
planting's over?" asked Cliff Murray.
"Yeh, being a pig farmer, you
don't have haying as an excuse come
June," said George.
"I was trying to persuade her to
wait for those new `smart' fridges
they're supposed to be coming out
with," said Dave.
"What's a smart fridge? I thought
all a refrigerator had to do was sit
there and be cool," said George.
"Sort of like a teenage boy," said
Cliff.
"Haven't you heard about these
new fridges where a computer will
keep track of everything you put in
the fridge and everything you take
out and automatically order more
food when you're running out of
something?" asked Dave. "Bill Gates
is working on it with one of the
appliance ,companies."
"Bill Gates? I hope he can make it
better than his software," said Cliff.
"I could starve to death if my fridge
crashed as often as my Windows 98."
"I like my fridge the way it is,"
said George. "I don't know if I want
a `smart' refrigerator."
"You just don't want a refrigerator
that's smarter than you are," said
MABEL
:a•
The world's
problems are
solved daily
'round the table
at Mabel's
time to
Molly.
"It's the coming world," said
Cliff. "They've got robots that milk
cows. I was reading about a robot
that will drive your tractor."
"They've got robots that answer
the phones for OMAFRA," said
Dave.
"Now, now, they've still got real'
people answering the phones in
Guelph," said George.
"Yeh the robots come after the
next budget," said Cliff. "Then they
can get rid of people altogether."
"I can see the day coming when I
hook up my robotic tractor to a
telephone line to OMAFRA head-
quarters and the Minister of Agricul-
ture can tell it how to farm," said
Dave. "They won't need me at all."
"And the computer in your barn
can be hooked up to Michael
McCain's computer and all the pigs
can get fed to just the right size," said
Cliff.
"Great, and the computer can
spread the manure too," said Dave.
"Maybe now that there won't be
so many OMAFRA people hanging
around they'll get off this bandwagon
about Nutrient Management Plans,"
groused George. "It's all bull shit
anyway."
"It is for you," said Cliff. "For me
it's sheepshit."
"Well none of you have the
trouble us guys with pigs have," said
Dave. "These plans were created to
cause us trouble."
"But in the interest of `fairness'
they're going to nail us all," said
Cliff. "Pretty soon we'll all have to
do plans, even if we just throw a little
fertilizer on the pasture."
"If they're talking about managing
your nutrients, why don't they hit the
guys in cities too," said Dave. "I
mean your average family of five
creates a fair amount of 'nutrients'
but they don't have any
responsibility for getting rid of it."
"Yeh, just imagine how much
lawn fertilizer they could save in the
cities if they had to have a compost-
ing toilet and spread it on their
lawn," said Cliff.
"Yeh but I'd worry about what the
guys in high-rise apartments do with
theirs," said Dave, "especially if I
lived below."0