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10 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel
's Grill
"So I see we're getting manure
police," grumbled George McKenzie
one morning after the announcement
came out about the government's
new bill on nutrient management. "I
suppose now I'II have some
government official sniffing around
my manure
tank."
"Man. what
a crappy job
that would
be." said Cliff
Murray.
"Yeh," said
Dave Winston.
"can you
imagine
telling people
your job was
to police hou
people spread
their manure'?"
"Oh and
being a pig farmer is so high on the
social scale, is it?" asked George.
"Depends on what society you're
in," said Dave.
"Look, you guys can grumble all
you want about these regulations but
it's the beef and pigs that brought all
this on," said Cliff. "I don't see too
many people up in arms because a
sheep farm moves in beside them."
"Yeh, well it doesn't matter how
we got it, now we're going to have to
live with it," said George. "I'm
waiting for these regulations to come
down. I mean am I going to have to
guarantee it won't rain for 24 hours
after I spread my manure?"
"Good luck trying to find out
what's going to happen with the
weather" said Dave. "There are so
many different weather forecasts
these days, how do you know which
one's going to be right?"
"Yeh, I mean you can listen to one
radio station and they say it's going
to rain, another says it will be partly
cloudy and the five-day forecast on
the TV says it's going to be hot and
sunny for the rest of the week," said
Cliff Murray.
"In which case I take my
raincoat," said George.
"All this consumer choice in
weather forecasts is great, but it
doesn't do you any good when
you're trying to figure out whether to
The world's
problems are
solved daily
'round the table
at Mabel's
cut hay or not," said Hank
VanderPlast. "At least back when
Environment Canada was doing all
the forecasts you had one person to
listen to, even if they were wrong."
"It's like listening to all these
experts on whether prices are going
up or down," said Dave. "In the long
run you're the only one who can take
the plunge and sell your corn even if
the price does go up the next day."
"Yeh, and even if you follow
some guy's advice and you're wrong,
he'll say you should have known
better than to count on him anyway,"
said Hank.
"Do you guys ever find anything
you can be cheerful about?"
wondered Molly Whiteside as she
refilled the coffee cups.
"They did once, but they
grumbled about it for a month
because they had nothing left to talk
about," said Mabel.
"Go on," coaxed Molly. "Name
one good thing that's happened
lately."
There was silence for a while then
Hank piped in, "My wife's happy
because I got her a new lawn
mower."
"There see," said Molly, "good
things do happen."
"Has it got a catalytic converter?",
asked Dave.
"On a lawn mower?" wondered
Hank.
"I was reading that this Swedish
scientist says cutting your lawn for
one hour can create as much air
pollution as driving a car for 100
miles," said Dave. "He says lawn
mowers should have converters just
like cars."
"Man, just think how much
pollution you're creating cutting that
golf -course of yours, George," said
Hank.
"First thing you know they'll have
so much expensive pollution controls
on lawn mowers you can't afford to
cut the grass," George grouched.
"You could get sheep," needled
Cliff.
"I figure there's one thing they're
doing with all these controls on
everything," said Dave. "When they
drive us out of farming there'll be
lots, of jobs as manure police or lawn
mower police."0