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12 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel
's Grill
"I've been going to crop
information meetings all winter,"
said Cliff Murray the other day, "and
so far nobody can tell me one thing I
can grow this year I can count on
making money from."
"Nothing legal anyway." said
Dave.
"Howcum 1
don't hear
anybody talk-
ing about
'opportunity
costs' in crops
these days,"
said George
McKenzie.
"What's an
'opportunity
cost'?"
wondered
Molly
Whiteside
bringing a
fresh pot of coffee to the table.
"You're supposed to look at what
else you could have done with the
same land and the same time and the
same money and then see if what
you're doing still looks good by
comparison," explained George.
"Oh, so my opportunity cost
would be how much I'd make if I
spent my time as a super model
instead of waitressing," said Molly.
"Wouldn't work," yelled Mabel
from the kitchen. "Supermodels
never smile and as a waitress you've
been trained to smile at everybody."
"I could learn not to," said Molly.
"All I have to think about are the tips
these guys leave and I can get a
scowl on with the best of them"
"About the only thing I could do
to make my fields profitable would
be to turn them into a golf course,"
said Cliff. "Of course without a
million or so to push all the hills
around and plant grass, there'd be a
lot more sand trap than fairway. I'm
not sure golfers would go for it."
"Isn't it amazing that if the price
of food goes up, people complain
they're being held up for ransom but
then they can go out and spend
thousands a year on golf club
memberships," wondered George.
"Yeh, the dairy farmers want a
little extra money and there's the
Consumers' Association out there
The world's
problems are
solved daily
'round the table
at MabeI's
complaining that the farmers are
greedy," said Hank Vanderplast.
"And most of them at the press
conference were probably carrying a
$2 bottle of water with them while
they complained about the high cost
of milk," said Dave Winston.
"My grandfather must be rolling
in his grave from laughing so hard,"
said George. "I mean even the snake
oil salesmen wouldn't have dreamed
you could get people to pay for
water. They had to put a little alcohol
in their patent remedies to sucker
people into buying them."
"One of the other businesses on
the main street got this big water
cooler the other day," said Wayne
Bruce from up at the shoe store.
"Somebody asked the salesman
where the water came from and he
said Alberta! I mean we haven't got
enough water in Ontario?"
"First they get us by the short
hairs over oil, now they're going to
do it over water too?" said Dave.
"Well I can still get water from
that hole in my backyard," said Cliff.
"I wish I could get oil as easily. Then
maybe I could afford to plant my
crops this spring."
"Yeh with petroleum prices the
way they are the horse kind of looks
good these days, doesn't it," said
George. "I mean the two biggest
costs we've got are fuel and fertilizer
and they both go up with the price of
petroleum. The horse works for hay
you grow yourself and he provides
the fertilizer for the crops."
"Hard to plug the cellphone and
the CD player into though," said
Dave.
"Yeh but I mean the Old Order
Mennonites manage to make enough
money to buy farms for their kids
and the kids can stay at home instead
of getting jobs in the cities,"
observed Hank. "Sometimes I
wonder if they've got it figured out
and we're the backwards ones."
"You saying we should all go
back to farming with horses?"
wondered George.
"Well don't count me in unless I
can farm in Florida come the winter,"
said Dave. "I've seen those guys in
their buggies in the winter and I've
got too many tender parts I'd rather
not freeze off, thank you. "0