Village Squire, 1978-05, Page 49McGILLICUDDY'S DIARY
Village Squire presents the exclusive
feature: the diary of Ezekial McGillicuddy,
police chief of the village of Hamhocks,
Ontario. Well known for his courageous
battle against the forces of evil, Chief
McGillicuddy has agreed to give exclusive
rights to his diary to Village Squire...for a
princely sum of course. Each month we
publish a selection of entries from the
previous month.
APRIL 1: Man I'll be glad to see today over
with. It's only noon hour and already I've
had to answer about 10 fake phone calls.
Everybody seems to think that April Fool's
Day is a good excuse to give the cops a
runaround.
1 got one call this morning claiming there
was a maniac on the loose shooting people
from the top of the post office tower on
main street. Of course the only maniac was
the nit who made the call.
But sometimes I can get some fun out of
this too. I got a call that there was a
domestic dispute going on over on Grove
Street at a house the owner of which shall
remain nameless. When I got there I rang
the bell several times and was about to
break down the door thinking inaybe there
was something serious when the woman
finally answered the door looking like she'd
just come through a hurricane. She looked
guilty as a kid caught with his hand in a
cookie jar but she told me there was
nothing to worry about.
I took her word for it but as I was getting
back into the cruiser I noticed the milkman,
who shall also remain nameless, sneaking
out the gate from the back yard. I'd say
there just might be a domestic dispute at
that home after all if the word ever gets
out.
APRIL 8: Finally came up with a solution to
the Doberman problem. You'll remember
that after Howard Hillman's Doberman
pulled his whole dog house into Mary
Filmore's back yard chasing one of her cats
she wouldn't let him even go in to feed the
dog, let alone get it out. I've been feeding
the darned dog for a month, and I just can't
afford to anymore.
Finally I got smart and called the fire
department. What the heck at least they
get insurance if they're killed in the line of
duty. They used the water hoses to keep
the dog at bay while they got in to cut the
chain. The dog took off for home but not
before he put two firemen up a tree. It's
the first time I've seen the firemen have to
rescue firemen caught up a tree.
Mary wouldn't let them take the dog
house out. though. She says she's holding
it for ransom until Howard pays the cost for
fixing the clothesline pole the dog knocked
over.
APRIL 15: Still rotten weather. 1 think
maybe we're going to have a month long
April Fool joke this year: the weather.
Cindy Lou next door is in a real snit about
the weather. She's decided she's going to
put in a swimming pool in the backyard this
year and she's in a hurry to get started.
Maybe there's something good about this
weather after all. Who wants a long
summer of Cindy Lou in her bikini in the
back yard?
Maybe I could grow a hedge.
APRIL 28: The cockroach is in the garage
again. I hit one of the potholes on Beaker
Street and nearly lost the whole cruiser.
Luckily it just broke the axle so I'm walking
the beat for a few days which I never
thought could be so much fun until I had to
drive that little roller skate for a police car.
1 don't know what I'll do if 1 have to catch a
speeder though. I'm not as young as I once
was.
I was talking to Mayor Lumpy and told
him that no matter how much the council
wants to save money it's going to have to
spend some soon. Either they're going to
have to get me a full-sized car for a cruiser
or they're going to have to spring for more
money to fix the pot holes or they'll have to
buy a headstone for the cockroach because
one of these days it will hit one of those
holes and be buried for good.
He was not amused.
fl1RSHLL'S .,, Si.
rflffllYS
"WHERE THE UNUSUAL IS USUAL"
GIFT SHOP LADIES WEAR CARD SHOP
150 QUEEN ST.
The Grand Central Hotel built in
1843, was for decades a welcom-
ing place to spend the night.
Today it is a group of three
connecting shops. What was once
the lane for horses & buggies to
reach the stable at the back is now
a charming CARD & CANDLE
SHOP. The original bar is now the
LADIES WEAR with its handcraft
section. Browse on into the GIFT
SHOP, once the dining room,
where full use has been made of
the charm of this old building.
Many of the original antiques are
used to display imports from
around the world.
"DO COME VISIT US SOON"
VILLAGE SQUIRE/MAY 1978. PG. 47.