Village Squire, 1974-12, Page 27Keith's Kolumn
This book's a riot
BY KEITH ROULSTON
In this computerized age you never know
just what kind of mail you may get when you
subscribe to a magazine, or buy something
from a mail-order house.
The computer, you see, has you and me on
record when we get a subscription or
whatever and that makes it easy for your
name to be sold to other companies who may
want to send you important things like
information on growing peanuts, or the latest
sex techniques, or little gadgets that will
increase your gas mileage by 17 times.
Or amazing offers like one that came in the
mail the other day about a personalized story
book for our child (the same offer was made to
a lot of people who were single or long past
having children but then the computer can't
be perfect).
The computer was the real star of this
effort. Not only did it select the name from
the mailing list • but it writes the book,
inserting the name of your child, your street
and your town into a pre -written story. It's a
cute idea: a story book that has the child's
name right in it and I'm tempted to buy. it
because it would be hilarious in our
case...and not for the kids but for adults.
You see the poor computer was thrown a
curve it couldn't handle. The subscription list
we were on was for The Blyth Standard c/o
Keith Roulston, Blyth, Ontario. The computer
was programmed to handle three line
addresses, the first being the name, the
second the street and the third the town.
So our mailing came addressed To: Mrs. B.
Standard, Keith Roulston, Blyth, Ontario.
That was funny enough but get the sample
of this computerized book and it's enough to
bring tears to your eyes. It starts off with B.
Standard, this book is about YOUR son or
daughter and an adventure with a bee right
on Keith Roulston.
It continues: Throughout your FREE book,
Cal the Computer fills in your child's name,
She name of his pets, his brothers and sisters
Ind friends --even your name as the donor.
And they're all part of a story that takes place
on Keith Roulston. (Please be careful Cal
when you've got all those people on me.)
And then comes the sample of the story
itself, showing two firemen and a bee running
past a sign post that reads: Keith Roulston.
The copy says:
There was Suzy Standard and her friends
Tom and Linda. There was her dog Sandy and
the Fire Chief of Blyth all chasing down the
middle of Keith Roulston trying to catch the
bee that could leave a trail of words in the sky
over Ontario.
You know I always thought it would be nice
to have a street named after oneself but if it
means having the Blyth fire department
running down my chest I think I'II give up.
Some of those guys aren't as light as they
used to be. 0
CHRISTMAS
IDEAS
Beautiful
greeting cards by Gordon Fraser,
Duncan McIntosh and Brian Day
A lovely selection of original
Holiday wreath designs,
created with your very
personal touch.
Candles, candle rings
and assorted Holiday decorating needs.
Come in
and experience how beautiful
your Holiday home can be
QAINTQtF: CALLEQY
Clinton - 482-3871
Come see
our excellent selection7///�
of:
Christmas candles, candle
rings, Christmas arrange-
ments, novelties, craft kits
and house plants for
gift giving.
///
THE HANDICRAFT
& FLOWER SHOP
306 Josephine St.
Wingham t
i/i 357-2023 //
MICA(,, SQUIRE/NOVEMBER
1974, 25