The Rural Voice, 1983-05, Page 51GISELE IRELAND
Drifting Apart
The sea of matrimony has the occa-
sional bout of turbulence, especially if
the same boat is shared for a number of
years. The modern cure for this is a
waterbed.
During the past few years the waterbed
has replaced the black negligee and
Geritol as a marriage rejuvenator. I have
flopped around on waterbeds in show-
rooms to the extent that the salesperson
has asked me not to return without my
parents.
I am not convinced they are all they are
advertised to be and the choices are
endless. There are swishy ones that
throw you out on your beak if your
partner flops on them without undue
caution and warning, and there are
baffled ones that seem almost solid.
Every party or gathering lately reveals
that yet another couple has purchased a
waterbed. The victims are then bom-
barded with ribald remarks and questions
like "Are they really as great as they say
they are"? The man usually studies his
fingernails throughout this harassment
while the wife has a demure smile on her
face.
After the couple has been embarassed
sufficiently, the leaky stories start.
Waterbeds fall victim to scissors, coat
hangers, and other pointed objects that
usually result in water rushing down the
stairs and soggy carpets. I know my kids
would use it as a trampoline.
It does seem strange to me though that
every farmer I know who has bought a
waterbed has done so for medical
reasons. Invariably they tell you that their
doctor or chiropractor recommended it
for their sore back. I know that farming is
not kind to the spine, but some of the
waterbed owners walked for years like
their shorts were permanently starched,
and all of a sudden had bad backs and
needed a waterbed. Masculine ego will
not admit to the purchase of a waterbed
unless it is for "medicinal purposes".
One of our friends, Harold, a leader of
men and level-headed family man, finally
gave in to the curiosity surrounding these
beds and wanted to see what he was
missing. His son was getting married
shortly and was moving into the house
on the next farm. He of course purchased
a king sized waterbed. Here was this
temptation sitting next door, in a half
furnished house and no one would ever
know if he tried it out. He convinced his
wife to go with him on a "sleepover".
They drove into the lane after dark, into
the unlit house and investigated this bed.
It was equipped with a heater that was
not plugged in and Harold did not know
how to make it work. Undaunted they
climbed in anyway. After a while, they
got back out and hunted for some more
covers. Finally they had all the covers
they could find on top of them and that
still didn't compensate for the gallons of
frigid water below them. Conversation at
this point had become impossible be-
cause their teeth were chattering so
badly. Around 2:30, they pulled their
clothes on with numbed fingers and
hauled their frozen bodies back home.
Harold's curiosity has been satisfied,
and he doesn't contribute much to the
waterbed issue, but he is certain that he
and his wife will not drift apart in a
waterbed.
Gisele Ireland is a pork producer from
Bruce county and has a regular column in
The Rural Voice.
Contact Bev Brown
to book
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THE RURAL VOICE, MAY 1983 PG. 49