The Rural Voice, 1981-10, Page 39GISELE IRELAND
Don't watch me
do my exercise
The exercise mania turning our bodies into lean, mean
machines has hit the smaller communities too. We have an early
morning jogging club in our town and they start at six in the
morning. At that time I am stumbling
around looking for the first cup of
coffee and am contemplating going out
to hug a few hogs in the barn. The idea
of running all over town makes me
nauseous.
Joggers are easy to recognize. They
have snappy suits, brand-name run-
ning shoes, designer sweat bands and
an extra sweater slung around their
necks. When they go full steam there is
the danger of getting the flapping
sweater caught on a low hanging
branch or a car that comes too close.
The hospitals must have special sections for these guys when they
come in with torn ligaments or whatever happens to joggers. They
recognize them by their burning sneakers and smelly suits. It
might be kind of interesting to try in your pyjamas or maybe really
invigorating and entertaining for all concerned in your birthday
suit. I guess they would call that "streaking" and not "jogging".
It looks the same to me. A nice brisk walk to the old pig pen and
jogging around after the smelly things for a couple of hours is all
the exercise I can take.
There are special exercises designed for all parts of the body.
Tummy tucks and fanny lifts can be done sitting in a chair. You
concentrate on pulling all those muscles below the waist tight.
Everyone around you thinks you've got stomach cramps and
brings you Extract of Wild Strawberry.
There are also exercises to prevent you from getting that flap of
skin under your chin and resembling an aging tom turkey. You
open your mouth as wide as you can and snap it shut. Invariably
your eyes cross when you do this and the people around you think
you are either choking to death and beat your back blackand blue
or figure you have invented a new way to catch flies.
No one is allowed to have upper arm flab. To prevent this you
cross the arms over each other and grab your elbows and squeeze
as hard as you can. Do it and look in the mirror. You wouldn't want
anyone to see you do this one in public either. It is also listed as an
exercise to do at your desk. Wouldn't it just make your day to walk
into an office when a receptionist is going through this
performance? She looks like she's in the last stages of labor and
you have the urge to call an ambulance. If you think you need this
exercise, hug yorr kids real hard, or better yet your spouse. Make
them sign a release that you are not responsible for their cracked
ribs.
Don't imagine that I am against exercise. I just don't see why
you have to buy special clothes or do it with a herd. I would just as
soon be by myself while I'm getting my tummy tucked, my fanny
lifted or my ligaments torn. I hate to see anyone in pain. Especially
me.
1981 FALL CLASSES
from
Mary's
Sewing Centre
Thursday, Oct. 1 SMOCKING COURSE:
4 weeks teacher Mrs. Beth Hazlitt
Monday,October5 ADVANCE TAILORING
9:00 a.m. Blyth Public School
1:00 p.m. Mary's Sewing Centre
7:30 p.m. Central Huron Secondary School
Tuesday, October 6 BASIC KNIT:
9:00 a.m. Blyth Public School
1:00 p.m. Mary's Sewing Centre
7:30 p.m. Central Huron Secondary School
Thursday, October 8
BASIC KNITS
7:30 p.m. Goderich
District High Schoo.
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Brian McAsh
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THE RURAL VOICE/OCTOBER 1981 PG. 37