Village Squire, 1981-04, Page 24McGILLI(IJDDY'S DIARY
Village Squire presents the exclusive feature: the diary of Ezekia! McGillicuddy. police chief of the village of Ilamhocks, Ontario. Well
known for his courageous battle against the forces of evil. Chief McGillicuddy has agreed to give exclusive rights to his diary to Village
Squire . . . . for a princely sum of course. Each month we publish a selection of entries from the previous month.
In like a lamb
MARCH 3: Pancake Day. Cindy Lou invited me over for a
pancake supper tonight.
1 agreed to go because 1 thcught there was no way she could
wreck this. I made her promise not to use any of the creativity: no
pimento pancakes or chili crepes or watermelon waffles. She
promised to cook just the plain. old fashioned pan cakes. She
even promised maple syrup, none of her own special recipes. 1
figured this was as safe as anything.
Problem was Cindy Lou poured the batter in the pan then got
busy telling me all about how the boss had made her work all
through her lunchhour and how he should be reported to the
union except they didn't have a union at her place and did i know
how about getting one started. She forgot the pancakes. By the
time she got to them I told her she had her days mixed up: This
was Shrove Tuesday not Ash Wednesday.
MARCH 4: Quite a thing over in Spain where the military
stormed into the parliament with their guns blazing and said
they were taking over the government. The problem was nobody
believed them. Looked like anew comedy series on television.
I must admit it gave me a few ideas. i had visions of storming
into the Hamhocks council chambers and saying I was taking
over the government and I was going to hold everybody hostage
until they gave me the pay raise they'd been promising for three
years, got me a police cruiser 1 didn't need a shoe -horn to get
into and got me two extra policemen to share some of the load.
Yes, i thought about it but I gave up. It wasn't so much respect
for democracy and it certainly wasn't respect for the councillors.
It was two things that changed my mind. First of all. some of
those councillors would rather get shot than spend money on
anything but their salary and secondly, with my budget. by the
time I'd fired a couple of rounds to get everybody's attention I'd
probably be out of ammunition.
At least it would have wakened some of those councilors up
for the first time in three years of council meetings and that
would have been an accomplishment. On second thought.
knowing the voting records of some of those councillors, it's
better to let sleeping dogs lie.
MARCH 9: Read in the paper today that putting too much
insulation in your house can be bad for your health. Now they tell
me, after i spent most of the last fall and winter trying to stuff
insulation into every orifice of the house. 1 spent $300 on
insulation and 1 think I've saved $3.95 on fuel. At the rate I'm
going it will take me until 2060 to make back my investment.
There was some warming [?] news in the article. It says that
the reason the insulation itsn't good for you is that by making
your house too air -tight you're breathing stale air much of the
time and that makes you feel ill. Well with the wind that blows
through[ this house I'll never have to worry about stale air. I'll be
the healthiest frozen bankrupt in the country.
MARCH 10: Nice to see someone has been benefiting by
the heating bills that are putting me in the poor house. The poor,
impoverished oil companies have had to improve their financial
oosition by putting a few charges in that we didn't even known
vere there. Somebody calculated that if we each had back what
the oil companies got from us that they shouldn't have, we'd
each have $500. Peanuts. I could pay my heating bill for a month
and a half and they'd have it al! back.
MARCH 13: Fun reading the papers these days to find out
what new words the editorial writers have been able to dig up
since yesterday to describe that dastardly Prime Minister
Trudeau. Seems the man is to blame for everything from
inflation to unemployment to western alienation to athlete's foot.
When the word came out about the oil company rip-offs most
of the newspapers jumped to the defence of the oil companies
because they thought speaking against the oil companies night
be supporting Trudeau.
Seems to me the hysteria is so high in some of the newspapers
that if somebody shot Trudeau tomorrow the editorials would say
it was because Trudeau threw himself in front of the bullet
because he thought it would solidify his place in history.
Meanwhile poor Joe Clark. The newspapers are helping him
assure his place in history. They've'already got him written off as
a has-been when he hardly ever was. He's sure to go down in
history as a hiccup of history if the newspapers have anything to
do with it.
Sometimes it's nice to be a nobody that everybody ignores.
T—Np/ NO P7'1'EREST
SaI
We offer lowest prices...
Divide your payments over the
next 12 months with no interest
added...and no finance charges
and no sales tax.
ZIUIA X
Furniture & Appliances
LiSTOWEL KINCARDINE
Wallace Ave. N.. Queen St.
291-1461 396-4722
VILLAGE SQUIRE/APRIL 1981 PG 23