The Wingham Advance-Times, 1952-03-05, Page 3HIGHLIGHTS
from the
HIGH SCHOOL
th
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WIEMORIALS
We realize our obligation when
we fill your order for a Mem-
orial—and we provide only ma-
terials of unending serviceabil-
ity. Design and workmanship
are of the finest, and our prices
are 4nost moderate.
er,
CEMETERY LETTERING
Promptly Done
ALL MODERN EQUIPMENT
WINGHAM
MEMORIAL SHOP
'Phone 256 A. Spotton
Around School
by Catherine Keating
The students of Wingham High
School are about to go into hiberna-
tion once more, By this we mean
,311=11.0M61,1141•1.NMPOOM•114•1•41141/0.1.MIN
"SPEEDY" • CROSSETT MOTORS LTD.
COULD 4
'DIRECT
BEST HE TO THE BEST
REPAIR
SAY? SHTOWN-P IN
"
I sAio,"po STRAIGHT "I
AHEAD THROUGH THE
DINNING ROOM, MAKE
A"U" TURN IN THE
PARLOR AND -
THEN SEAR RIGHT TO
.CROSSETT
MOTORS
FELLOW HAD
A cAR WITH
NO BRAKES.
THEY HAVE THE HIGHEST
QUALIFIED MECHANICS
IN TOWN— RIGHT?
S LOCAL TILADEMARKe. I
WRONG!
THEY HAVE
THE BEST
IN THE srATE.)
Come In and See our Safe - Buy Used Cars a
These cars and a few older ones are in good running condition
for a reasonable price.
Separate Phone at our used car lot No. 795
Only one-third clown and 24 months to pay on all commercial vehicles.
NEW 1951 METEORS and MERCURIES FOR 'IMMEDIATE DELIVERY.
NEW CONSUL - NEW PREFECT — FOR IMMEDIATE DEL IVERY.
OPEN EVENINGS TILL 10 p.m. REEP YOUR SHOE
BUDGET UNDER,
CONTROL
Let our eXpert workmanship
keep ,your shoes repaired and
new-looking. .It costs so little
and your shoes wear twice its
bang!
MERCURY LINCOLN '4 'METEOR'
PHONE 459 44,4- v wilvemeig BROWNE'S
SHOE REPAIR
Here it' is . The most beautiful car in its field
for '52 ... Ford . .. with a host of completely
new features. It's powered with a new Strato-Star
110-Hp. V-8 engine—with a wider tread and
longer wheelbase—and styled with completely
new Coachcraft Bodies—even more luxurious
than ever. The big '52 Ford offers the kind of
quality riding features that give the
greatest value for your money. Ford
has made greater strides forward
for '52 than any other car in its
class. "Test-Drive" your best
drive—in the big '52 Ford !
NOW ON DISPLAY
HUR N MOTORS
FORD and MONARCH
Telephone 237 A. D. MacWilliam Wingham, Ont.
This year again the Red Cross Appeal presents us with a challenge
. . and an opportunity. New victims of war wounds, greater
need of lifesaving Pot d Transfusion services, the inevitability
of great disasters of lire and flood all must: find the Red Cross
ready. As the need to alleviate suffering grows, the generosity of
Canadians grows too. lint today the task is almost beyond
measure. There is the challenge. The opportunity to help is
before you.
Give TODAY to carry on tomorrow's work of mercy
$5,222,000 is urgently needed 'to
KEEP YOUR RFD CROSS STRONG
Gifts to your Red Cross are wisely used. Each year the accounting is opproved
by auditors of the Dominion GovernMehh
° Sponsored Locally by
Wingham Branch of The Canadian Legion
THE WINGHAM ADVANCE-TIMES PAGE .171REll WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5th, 1052
staying in at nights and studying.
(Oh, that awful work!) The dreaded
exam time-tables have been posted
and the groans have started. The
exams start on April 2 and will con-
tinue through to the next week.
(Those two extra days, Saturday and
Sunday will likely used for study-
ing, sleeping, or crossing one's fin-
gers.) The Easter exams arc very
important. They tell the tale as to
what exams must be written in June;
and so the studying begins, Has any-
one seen my Latin book?
- "FAIRVIEW"
Nursing Home for the Aged
Will Accommodate Semi-invalid
or Bed Patients.
MRS. J. H. MeRAT
PHONE 103
WINGHAM .:= ONTARIO
New 1951 Meteors and Mercurys
for immediate delivery.
1950 Ford Sedan, two-tone green
overdrive, low mileage.
1950 Ford Sedan, green, low
mileage.
1950 Meteor, two door coach,
two-tone grey and blue, like
new.
1949 Mercury, four door sedan,
two tone green, new motor.
1949 Chevrolet, two door coach,
green, very good condition.
1947 Ford Coach, motor over-
hauled, new paint.
1950 Morris Oxford, four door
sedan, black, cheap opera-
tion, good condition.
Laff Here
by Clifford Coultes
Mr, Hall rather shocked the 5th
form Zoology Class when he produc-
ed the gruesome skeleton of a cat
from his storeroom at the beginning
of the lesson, and said, quite calmly:
"Now, this is the principle."
0 - 0 - 0
"I just wanted to tell you, sir, that
I have become engaged to your dau-
ghter."
"Well, don't come to me with your
troubles. }What did you expect, hang-
ing around here every nite for six
months ?"
0 - 0 - 0
Miss Heard: "Who are the freest
people in the world?"
Bob Cathers; "The bachelors."
0 - 0 - 0
FROM WRENCHES TO RUIN
by John Hanna
Jacob Henry Mortimer Slobowski
was a patient man, Or perhaps I
should say Jacob Henry Mortimer
Slobowski had been patient, until
this very moment. It was one minute
and forty-four seconds past the mag-
ic hour of five o'clock, At ]east it
always had been a magic hour to
Jacob Henry, or "Hank" as he was
called by his friends.
Five bells meant quitting time at
Herman's Car Hospital, Hank's place
of employment in Capitol City, Five"
o'clock meant wash up and home to
the family, take off the boots and
then - kerr . . .rr - - ,clunck, the
exhausted cough from the Model T
and the pungent odour of fresh man-
ure shook Hank back to his senses.
Why did it have to be he who came
out to fix this old guy's Model T,
and why did it have to be he who
boasted he wouldn't come back until
it was running and why of all things
did the car have to be on a farm, ten
miles from the city? And besides it
looked like rain.
"Reckon she ain't gonno start,"
commented Ebenezer Tuttle the own-
er of the relic over which Hank had
been working all day. Hank's pat-
ience was at the breaking point. It
wasn't that he minded the tobacco-
chewing old rustic but did he have
to keep saying those words? Kerr . .
rr - - rrclunk, sput, sprit.
"Never saw such a bus," said Hank
who was just about the best mech-
anic in the city. "She just won't kick
over, but I'll - - -" "Brroom." Hank's
words were drowned out by a clap of
thunder which was closely followed
by a torrent of rain. "Head for the
barn," shouted Ebenezer, "Never
mind me car now, ya can fix her
later."
"Later," thought Hank, "it's 5.30
now but I might as well be real late,"
as they made their way through the
mass of chickens, pigs and other
barnyard adornments which had
crowded into the building Ebenezer
said.
"My wife's visiting and Willie's in
here looking after Bees, She's our
cow and she seems to be turrible
sick." They then entered a stall and
there on the floor was a skinny bare-
foot lad kneeling over a large and
sick looking Jersey cow. "Howdy
Willie, how's Bess?" said Ebenezer,
"Not too good pa" said Willie,
"Can't figure out what ails her,"
"Maybe the car fixer here can fix
her," said Ebenezer, looking at Hank.
Hank looked up at him in amazement
and was about to rebuke the farmer
for his stupidity when a thought
crossed his mind, He had always
kind of liked animals; maybe he
could fix her - - yes, maybe - -
once a person had told him he could
fix anything if he wanted to - -
said
yes - -
ma Hank,e. "Let's have a
look at her," Hank looked at the cow
carefully and thought to himself that
maybe there really wasn't too much
difference between cows and cars.
He knew a few parts of a cow, If
she was a car he would chock her
over, so he bent over to examine her.
"Had the oil changed lately?" he
inquired. The farmer and his son re-
garded him with an air of mystery.
"Ever get her greased?" Hank open-
ed the animal's mouth as she regard-
ed him with wide, pain-filled eyes.
"Maybe she needs a new set of
plugs," said Hank noticing that the
two rustics regarded each other in gotten them.
amazement. Desperately Hank tried Saved a Life
to think of all he knew about cows,
which wasn't very much. "Could be
I spoke of playing lacrosse on the
prairie, which
her rudder's not workin," or maybe
reminds me that there
she just.needs a tune up." The farm-
er and son began to walk slowly to-
ward him and Hank knew that if he boys went to get a drink. We found a
didn't get this blasted cow running garter snake in the act of swallowing
pretty soon his time as a veterinary a frog. The snake couldn't bite with
was limited. Then suddenly he re- its mouth full of frog, so one of us
membered a sojourn he had on a took the snake by the tail and the
farm when he was a boy and sum- other grabbed the hind legs of the moning up his most authoritative and
mechanical voice he said, "Think the
trouble's in the crankcase. Guess
we'd better drain her. Have ya got .a
pail handy?" At this question the
rustics glanced at each other and
Willie quickly produced a pail. "Does
she hold the usual four quarts or is
she more like a Packard?" inquired
Hank. The father and son liked that
remark and they chuckled. "Seem&
you good people haven't got a pit or
a hoist, I guess I'll have to jack her
up." The rustics chuckled again.
Hank himself was now perplexed as
to how he , would jack her up. A long
stick in the corner solved his pro-
blem. To everyone's amazement in-
cluding his own, Bess stood up at the
first prod of the stick. Now Hank's
teeth chattered and his knees knock-
ed, These guys were actually expect-
ing him to do something and so Hank
knowing of only one thing a cow was
for, slid it.
The sun had come out and Bess
was walking about quite contented.
To acid to this the Model T had start-
ed at Hank's first try.
"Reckon we'll call ya agin mister
if anything happens to Bess, ya shore
found the trouble quick," said Eben-
ezer. "Guess ma forgot to milk her
afore she went away, never thought
of it myself," he continued.
"No thanks," said Hank, l'My job
is fixin' cars and right now I gotta
get home fast."
"Well anytime you'd like some
fresh milk of BeA's just c'mon out,"
said Willie.
"Thanks" said Hank, "hut I'm fin-
ished fixin' cows," and drove off in a
cloud of dust muttering to himself.
approaches to the new Meckenzi.
King bridge. The city, the Federal
District Commission and Ottawa Hyff
dro will share the expenditure in
varying amounts,
NEW! From Bumper To Bumper
persuaded him to have the facial
adornment shaved off, He would pay
for half of it, So the drayman seated
himself in the barber's chair, the
barber was informed of the deal, But
the joker winked at the barber as
he started on the job. He had one
side of the beard completed when the
town bell sounded a fire alarm. The
victim of the plot jumped out of the
chair and ran to see where the fire
was. lie just didn't realize how odd
he looked until laughed at by all who
saw his ludicrous appearance,
A Candidate's Platform
I seem to have gone off on a joke-
telling reminiscing strain of thought.
A man came to town from the neigh-
borhood of St. Augustine. He wanted
to be nominated as a candidate for
the Federal House of Parliament. A
couple of our citizens grasped the
idea and drew up a platform for
him. Dodgers were printed at the
Advance office and dis t r i b u fed
around town. Two of the planks in
his platform, I remember, were that
he would have a canal built from
Goderich to Wingham and he would
have a total eclipse of the moon every
12th of July. The would-be candidate
was well known in town and the
whole incident was taken as a stretch
of his vivid imagination,
I have purposely refrained from
mentioning names, but have not for-
Thought for the Week
The trouble with people who think
it Is all right to tell white lies is that
they soon become colour blind.
School Cadets
by June MacDonald ,:
Under the guidance of Mr. Jackson
a group of boys from our High School
are now taking a course in cadet
training. This course will last ap-
proximately eight weeks and at the
end of this time, these boys will write
an examination. Those who pass will
be qualified for the position of an
officer while the others will become
N.C.O.'s.
At our annual cadet inspection day,
which will be held in May, you will
have a fine opportunity to observe
these boys, and see what a good
training they have received. We un-
derstand that one of the main at-
tractions of the day, the girls on
parade, will be omitted this year.
However, the girls will be putting on
a Physical Education Demonstration.
1949 Austin, four door sedan,
black, many miles of econ-
omical driving.
1937 Chevrolet Coach, good con-
dition.
TRUCKS
1951 Ford half-ton
1950International panel
1950 Ford three-ton, 134" wheel-
base
1949 Reo three-ton
1949 . Chevrolet . three-quarter-
ton, pick up
1948 Mercury three-ton, 176"
wheelbase
1947 International three-ton
1947 Ford one-ton panel
was a spring of beautiful water flow-
ing, and this water was strongly fla-
voured with iron. One day two of us
frog and extracted the frog from the
snake. The frog was not harmed and
went off in great jumps. We let the
snake slither away too, satisfied with
having saved a life. But how does
a snake catch a frog?
FOR
FIRE, LIFE
& AUTOMOBILE
INSURANCE
Call 'Stewart A. Scott
Phone 293 Wingham
REAL ESTATE SALESMAN
Representing
Harvey M. Krotz Agency
Listowel 13rrb
Present and future
Wingham, Past,
by Wm. J. Fleuty
The Royal Hotel spoken of was
erected on the premises where the 1
Canadian Bank of Commerce now
stands. It was a three-storey frame
structure, built on the same lines
as the famous New 'York Flatiron
building,
Comical Weather Vane
Next to the Royal Hotel on Jos-
ephine street was a two-storey struc-
ture occupied on the ground floor, by
a store and tin shop, The owner of
this place of business was known as
an inveterate joker. He had a man-
sized weather vane fastened to the
chimney, It was made of tin, and
represented a man standing on one
foot, with his thumb to his nose and
fingers spread out, as if paying his
respects to the weatherman,
, A local one-horse dray man had let
his red whiskers grow all winter.
Spring came, and this' same joker
SHARE UNDERGROUND COST
Ottawa city council has approved a
cost-sharing plan for placing over-
head wires underground along the