The Citizen, 1990-06-20, Page 5Arthur Black
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, 1990. PAGE 5.
Canadians
just don’t
make ’em like
Don Quayle
My fellow Canucks, it is with heavy heart
that I bring this report to you today. I tried.
I pored with red-rimmed eyes over dusty
tomes of Canadian history. I buttonholed
my contacts up on Parliament Hill and
down at City Hall.
It’s no use. The Americans have aced us
once again.
When it comes to political klutzes,
Canada just is not in the Big Leagues.
Oh, we’ve had our inspired amateurs,
pig-farmer-turned-culture-vulture Felix
Holtmann .... Bob Stanfield fumbling
footballs and Joe Clark fumbling elections
Canada’s had MP’s consorting with
hookers and a PM consulting with crystal
balls, but as diverting as Canada’s less
skillful politicians have been, they are
strictly bush league beside America’s
Clown Princes of Politics.
Canada has never fielded a candidate as
breathtaking as J. Danforth Quayle.
Even East Germany
has immigrants
BY RAYMOND CANON
For years we have been reading about
the efforts of the East Germans to escape;
it was, after all, to prevent such escapes
that the infamous Berlin wall was built. It
can be considered to have been a success
for the vast majority of its life span, except
for the last few months when the Germans
found a way around it, first through
Hungary into Austria and then shortly
afterwards through Czechoslovakia. Right
now the wall is history and large sections of
it have already been torn down with the
rest to follow shortly.
It must, therefore, come as something of
a surprise to the East German govern
ment, or what passes for it these days, to
find that they have to cope with increasing
numbers of immigrants who are determin
ed to stay in East Berlin. Where, might you
ask, do these people come from and for
what reason? This is a fair question and I
must admit that it caught me by surprise
too, until, that is, I thought it over and
came to the conclusion that it wasn’t so
strange after all.
The vast majority of these people are
ethnic Germans who have been living in
Balkan countries that have experienced
some of the same changes as in Poland and
East Germany. There are, however, some
gypsies, of whom I recently wrote, and who
think that, while all the changes in
Romania might be nice, it would be even
nicer to settle in East Germany which, as
everybody knows, is soon to be amalga
mated into West Germany and partake of
the economic miracle that the latter
country has been experiencing the last few
decades. Each night in East Berlin’s main
station, a train arrives at 11 p.m. from
southeast Europe. It is filled with such
refugees or immigrants or whatever you
want to call them and the authorities
shuttle them off to disused army barracks
until they can get settled.
Because there are gypsies and other
non-Germans among the arrivals, the
government has seen fit to introduce strict
immigration controls from all the countries
If little Danny Quayle had been left to his
own devices, chances are he’d be a golf pro
at so'me country club in his home state of
Indiana. That’s what he loves to do -- play
golf. Unfortunately for the would-be duf
fer, he possesses a profile that makes him
look like Robert Redford, topped with a
Kennedyesque shock of wavy hair.
His ambitious wife and a posse of
shrewd backroom boys knew an electable
face when they saw one. They took the
putter from Danny’s hands, slipped him
into a suit and tie and ran him for Senator.
He won.
Even that might not have turned out so
badly for the world - American senators
are almost as harmless and irrelevant as
the Canadian variety - but for reasons no
one has ever been able to figure out, the
eye of George Bush, president-to-be, fell
on hapless Dan. Wheels were oiled and
palms were greased and Danny Quayle,
would-be golf pro became J. Danforth
Quayle, Vice President of.the United States
- one heartbeat away from the most
powerful political office on the face of the
earth.
Some cynics speculate that Dan Quayle
is George Bush’s walking bullet-proof vest
- that even the most deranged assassin
would never scrag George knowing goofy
Dan was waiting in the wings. Other,
kinder critics say that yes, Dan is ...
inexperienced ... but a few years as Veep
will put hair on his chest and some gray
matter where right now, only aimless
in southeast Europe except for Turkey and
Greece which weren’t and still aren’t
Communist. The ethnic Germans will still
get in quite easily and, in case that some of
them have the feeling that it might be a
little tough, they can always head for West
Germany. Since January of this year, no
less than 30,000 such people have arrived
from Romania and there are prospects of
another 150,000 showing up eventually. No
wonder government agencies dealing with
immigration are staffed with people wear
ing worried looks.
That is not all! For a number of years
East Germany has been host to a
considerable number of guest workers
from another Communist country - Viet
nam. At the present time there are not less
than 60,000 of them and to date 4,000 of
the Vietnames have decided that they like
it in Germany better than they do in
Southeast Asia. Accordingly they have
applied for asylum. There is indeed
method in their madness. When the two
Germanies are finally united, there will be
a distinct surplus of labour and the
Letter
Dogs upset Brussels citizen
THE EDITOR,
I do my best to co-exist in the community
in which I live. I realize that each person
must give in order that the community as a
whole exists peacefully.
There are quite a few good citizens who
take time and effort to maintain their
properties. We do not let ourselves or our
children destroy the efforts and hard work
of others. It really is beyond me, to under
stand why these same people let their dogs
and cats run at large unsupervised.
I have yet to see a pooper scooper in
Brussels. I feel it’s totally disgusting when
you even see droppings on the sidewalks
down town. These dogs not only scare my
children, they have destroyed freshly raked
top soil and grass seed, pose a health
threat from their droppings, tramp through
my gardens and cause more health threat
and aggravations when they rip apart my
garbage.
I am not only a good citizen, I am an
angry citizen. I shall begin to take private
zephyrs clow.
All a realist can say is ... not so far. In his
two-and-a-bit years as Vice President,
Quayle has stumbled from gaffe to pratfall
to outright swan dive.
He told Hawaiians that their island plays
a pivotal role in the Pacific because “it is
IN the Pacific. It is a part of the United
States that is an island that is right here.’’
He told El Salvadoran officials that
America expected them to “work towards
the elimination of human rights.’’
Remember Alexander Dubcek, the cour
ageous Czech who defied the Russians?
Dan doesn't. “Who would have predict
ed,” mused Dan on prime time TV, “that
Dubcek, who brought the tanks in Czechos-
slovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a
hero in Czechoslovakia? Unbelievable.”
Indeed.
My favourite Dan Quayle quote? That’s
easy. Dan was asked why America should
send a mission to Mars. His reply: “We
have seen pictures where there are canals,
we believe, and water. If there is water,
that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that
means we can breathe.”
The dimmest reader of Captain Marvel
comic books knows there’s not enough air
or water on Mars to support an anorexic
amoeba. The second most powerful politi
cian on the planet thinks differently.
Boy, does he think differently.
There’s talk of a U.S. manned space
voyage to Mars soon. I hope it happens.
Guess who I’m nominating for captain of
the mission.
government is understandably under a
considerable amount of pressure to guar
antee jobs for Germans. Even if the
Vietnamese have applied for asylum, there
is a very good chance that they will in the
near future find themselves on the way
back home. The West Germans have their
own problem in the form of hundreds of
thousands of Turks who came to Germany
to provide cheap labour and have been and
still are resisting attempts to get them back
to Turkey.
While I have admittedly not been
consulted lately by the German govern
ment, either East or West, it is my
assumption that, while the Turks are pretty
well the low men on what passes for a
German totem pole, the Vietnamese are
even lower and there may be a consider
able amount of friction between these two
to vie for the few jobs that do remain
available.
Meanwhile the 11 p.m. train from
southeast Europe still keeps arriving in
East Berlin and so do the refugee
immigrants. And we think we have
problems!
action against these inconsiderate dog
owners, as it seems the clerk’s office is
powerless over its citizens’ wrong doings.
As a citizen of Brussels I have given to
my community. As an irate taxpayer, 1
believe it’s time to take.
AN ANGRY BRUSSELS CITIZEN
Get if off your chest
Write a letter
to the editor
Letter
from the
editor
Break up provinces
to save country
BY KEITH ROULSTON
Given the constitution they saddled us
with, the problem of the founding fathers
of this country is not that they thought too
small, but that they thought too big.
Take a look at the contrast between the
way the United States works and the way
Canada works and you’ll see one important
difference. With a land mass much larger
than the United States, Canada has but 10
provinces while the United States has 50
states. Yes the American population is
larger than Canada’s but most of those
state boundaries were set up long before
the population was larger than what
Canada has today.
What the large number of U.S. states
does is provide a kind of balance of power.
States like New York and California with
their populations as large as all of Canada
may have plenty of clout, but they are still
only two of 50 states.
Unlike the U.S., we have huge areas
under one provincial government, areas as
large as lots of countries. It means that
even provincial governments find it hard to
be representative. North Ontario feels just
as isolated from Toronto as Alberta does.
Heck sometimes Huron county feels nearly
as isolated from the Golden Horse Shoe.
But if Ontario had been split into say 10
provinces, there wouldn’t be the same
concern over Ontario’s (relatively) huge
population as there is now. Any kind of
representation by population will always
give Ontario and Quebec more power than
all the other provinces combined. It’s why
the cry is out for an equal representation
for all provinces in a reformed Senate.
Western provinces in particular, see it as a
counterbalance to the huge influence of the
populous east in the House of Commons.
Toronto, after all, has more Members of
Parliament than some provinces. Yet the
proposed Senate reform solution isn’t
really fair either. It means the vote of an
Ontario voter isn’t worth as much as
someone from Prince Edward Island or
Saskatchewan.
There wouldn't be such concern if
Ontario wasn’t one huge province but
many smaller ones. Prince Edward Island,
for instance, could remain one province
and have a fairer distribution of power.
Quebec’s worry about holding its rela
tive position in the country also wouldn’t
be so relevant if there were 10 provinces in
the territory now occupied by Quebec. It
would mean that measures taken to protect
the rights of French Canadians wouldn't be
construed as a power play by power hungry
Quebec political leaders. French Cana
dians outside Quebec could also win a real
place in the country too, not just as after
thoughts. If New Brunswick was split into
two provinces, for instance, the northern
part of the old province would be basically
another French speaking province. If
Northern Ontario were one or two pro
vinces again Francophones would get
representation. The same might be true if
Manitoba was split up.
It would be impossible to even think
about getting unanimity for constitutional
reform under such circumstances so we
wouldn’t have been stuck with such a
ridiculous formula as we are now. There
wouldn’t need to be unanimity because
with larger numbers there would be a
built-in system of checks and balances.
Quebec now wants a veto, for instance,
because it’s afraid the other provinces
could put things into the constitution that
would harm its “distinct society”, perhaps
even without thinking. If what now makes
up Quebec had 10 votes, however, plus the
votes of two or three or four more
francophone provinces, the danger
wouldn’t be as large.
The Premiers and Prime Minister Mul
roney have justified diminishing the power
of the federal government by giving more
power to the provinces by saying govern-
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