The Brussels Post, 1978-07-19, Page 13Sugar and Spice
by Bill Smiley
By the time this appears in print, I'll
probably be flogging around Europe, irritable,
exhausted and disgruntled, muttering, "What
am I doing here, bucketing around on a, bus,
gawking at cathedrals, and listening to the
yammering of a horde of people of whose
language I know eight words on a good day?"
And I'll go on. I know it. "What am. I doing
blowing half of my life's savings junketing
around with a bunch of other middle-aged
has-beens, when I could be back home right
now, playing golf with a bunch of middle-aged
has-beens?
"I must be out of my mind, paying $24,00
for two hamburgs and a bottle of wine, when I
could be out at Foster's picking my own
strawberries and going home to a great
chicken dinner that costs about $2.00, with
tiny new boiled potatoes, green onions, new
carrots and fresh green beans.
"I could be sitting in my own back yard
right now, looking at the Lear-like oaks,
sniffing my neighbours' flowers,
contemplating a late-afternoon swim, and
sucking occasionally on a cold ale, instead of
sitting in this ruddy bus, looking at the other
turkeys who took this trip, inhaling the fumes
of gasoline, contemplating the folly of trips to
Europe, and knowing I'm going to pay $1.25
for a Coke at our next stop, if we ever stop.
"We didn't go anywhere near Lille, so I
couldn't look up Andree, but she's probably a
fat old lady now, with a moustache. She was
tending in that direction back then. And we
didn't even go near Antwerp, so I missed
seeing Tita. I wonder if she thought I'd stood
her up that night, Friday the 13th of October,
when I didn't show up? She'd have no way of
knowing I'd been shot down that afternoon.
Nice kid, and she said her old man had lots of
money.
"I wonder if young Wilson, next door, is
• keeping the lawn cut. Thank the Lord we had
no cat to be fed this time. I wonder if Kim got
a job. I wonder how The Boys are.
"That was some du we stayed in last night.
The mattress was so lumpy I had to sleep on
the floor, and the Old Lady didn't get a wink,
she was so excited at those young Italians
whistling at her and pinching her bum. She
made me take pictures of the bruises, to show
the girls back home.
"It wasn't as bad, though, as the night we
crossed the North Sea to Holland in that
converted barge they called a cruise ship.
They were the only ones who weren't tossing
their tripes with every roll.
"The Old. Girl's been pretty decent though.
She hasn't said more than four times a day,
"My God, I'll be glad when this is over.- And
she insisted I'm not the most miserable man
on the trip. She says I'm about one jump
ahead of that mean old sod from Cleveland.
"About the only time she gets snarkey is
when I try my trilingualism out. I say to some
young German blonde, 'Vie fil uhr ist es,
bitte?' The blonde laughs heartily, even
though I've only asked for the 'time of day,
because of my accent, but my wife thinks I've
cracked a dirty joke or something.
"Thank goodness we have our tickets home
paid for. I'm going. to seek out and kiss
Trudeau on both cheeks when I get home,
even if it makes me throw up. Canadian
inflation is peanuts compared to what they
have over here. Buck and a half for a cup of
coffee. Sold my watch in Vienna after they
gave me my bill at the bier garten. Sold my
other pair of shoes this morning to an Italian
entrepreneur after I'd taken a taxi ride to a
fountain to throw some coins in it. Next item
to go on the block is my wife's travelling-iron.
It weighed three pounds when we started out,
and now weights fourteen.
"That tour guide 'is a dandy; He'll be a
millionaire when he's thirty. In every city, he
recommend a restaurant run by a cousin, at
which the prices are way below average and
the food way above. Whereas the reverse is
true. They all serve the same Something -
stew and want an arm and a leg.
"What am I doing here, on my way to
another scabrous cathedral when I could be
home out bass fishing with Dalt Hudson or on
the Bruce Peninsula fishing speckled trout or
wandering through the trees on the back nine
of the golf course?
"Or just sleeping in, if I felt tike it, instead
of having to hurtle out of the sack at six to join
that sickeningly cheerful tour group at seven .
and climb on that bloody bus to charge
another 800 miles down some foreign road?
"Never again, boy, never again. Next time I
want to visit the sights and sounds of Europe,
not to mention the smells [Ah, Venicel], I'll
read a good travel book.
"Who talked me into this, anyway? Let's
see. It wasn't my wife, who has hated every
minute of it. Now I remember. It was Frank
Powell, a colleague, who did the same trip
when the Canadian dollar was way up and
English pound was way down. I can hardly
wait to get back. I'm going to punch that
Powell right on the nose."
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MISS MAXINE WATTS
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Max
Watts, Brussels, graduated from
Conestoga College of Applied
Arts and Technology in
Therapeutic Recreation presently
employed at Tawingo Outdoor
Recreation Centre, Huntsville.
Maxine will attend Waterloo
University in the fall pursuing a
career in Outdoor Education.
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On Monday, Wednesday
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Starting at 8:00 a.m.
WE OPEN THE PATCH
ON THE 24TH OF JULY
For approximately 3 to 4 weeks
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R.R,3 Brussels 887-6183
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Obituary
WILLIAM OSWALD
HEMINGVVAY
Word was received recently of
the death of Wm. Oswald
Hemingway on July 9th in his
77th year in Lubbock, Texas, He
was the eldest son of the late
Wm. Hemingway „and Isabella
Watson of Grey. Township.
He was first employed by the
Bank of Nova Scotia, Brussels and
later by the Detroit Trust as
manager of the Bond Department
and later as assistant treasurer
until his retirement in 1968 when
they moved to Lubbock.
He is survived by one son, Dr.
Richard Hemingway and three
grandchildren of Lubbock, two
brothers, Bert and. Carl of Grey
Twp., one sister, Elva Turvey of
Calgary. He was predeceased by
his wife, Iva Wildfong in 1976 and
two sisters, in infancy.
A Post Classified will pay you
dividends. Have you tried one?
Dial Brussels 887-6641.
THE BRUSSELS POST, JULY 19, 1978 -- 13
1st
mortgages
from
as low as
93/4%.
2nd
mortgages
at competitive
rates.
VG
VICTORIA
and GREY
TRUST
D.N. Lefebvre, Manager
Listowel, Ont.