The Brussels Post, 1977-11-09, Page 19Sugar and Spice
by BiIP Smiley
Give us a break
OK, God. We get the message. We give
up. You may stop weeping any time over
the silliness of your favorite creation, man.
Although at times I'm not so sure it's
weeping Youre up to.,
I guess You tried to give us a little
warning last winter, when you dumped
more than 16 feet of snow on my humble
abode.
But wayward children that we are, we
ignored Your broad hint and went right on
sinning the sins of pride and presumption,
as we have done through thousands of
years of floods and plagues and droughts
and famines.
So You decided to sock it to us,
beginning about the middle of August. The
wheat is rotting in the fields. The
vegetables lie deep and putrefying in the
mud. And the overcast. is so bloody low
that even the birds are walking.
Enough, Your Heavenliship. Don't let
it rain no more.
I've been searching my own soul' to see
where I went astray, and for the lfie of me
can't admit that I've been more sinful than
usual, to call-down Your wrath in the form
of 40 days and nights of rain.
Maybe it's nothing drastic,, but just a
sort of general slip:page over the years,
throughout, Thy people.
Let us now undo our, shirts, contemplate
our navels, and meditate on our sins, and
perhaps You will stop the sluice and turn
on the juice..
q Personally I've slipped a bit, and I
don't deny it. Oh, I haven't lusted after thy
neighbor's wife, I haven't stolen anything
except that pumpkin out of Foster's Farm
the other day, as a Hallowe'en treat for my
grandsons, and I haven't murdered
anything larger than a mosquito for years.
I haven't born false witness, except to
the Department of- Revenue, which doesn't
count. Maybe I haven't honored my father
and my mother, but there wasn't much
point, since they've been with You for
years.
Well, that takes care, rather roughly, of
the Commandments. But what about the
Seven Deadly Sins. Maybe that's a horse
of a different hue. Let's see. What are
they? Oh, yes , I remember what the rector
said one day in church. Pale Gas.
Now, I am not suggesting for one
moment that the rector was emitting from
pulpit colorless hot air. No, it was his way
of remembering the Seven Deadly Sins.
This might be useful for my readers, if they
are still with me, contemplating their
navels and wondering wherein they have
erred and are like lost sheep. Wet lost
sheep.
PALE GAS. P for pride; A for Anger; L
for lust; E for Envy; G for Gluttony; A for
avarice; S for Sloth. Now if we can just
prove that we are scot free on those counts,
I don't think, God, that you have any right
to go on watering us like so much
asparagus.
I can vouch for myself, and I'm sure for
most of my readers, if I deny the first sin,
Pride. What is there to be prideful about
when you haven't done anything to be
proud of? Does it count if you're proud of
your , kids for coming first in ,the music
'festival or growing the bigest squash for
the Fall Fair?
Anger? No way. Well, maybe a little
peevishness, like that litany of damnation
hurled at the turkey in the blue Pontiac
who tried to cut in front of you in traffic. Or
a few barks at the old lady once in a while
when she 'presents you with a $60
long-distance phone bill. Or a slight
scream of rage at the kids when they
calmly say they are quitting school and
going to Europe to find themselves. But
real anger? A firm "no" there.
Lust? Most of us over the age of 30 don't
even remember what it means. A faigfor"
lust. Or a fig-leaf, if you want to be prim
about it. -
Envy? Not a chance. Not among me and
my readers, at any rate. Oh, we may turn a
little green when we see someone smarter,
more handsome, better dressed, or richer
than we, but there is assuredly no envy
involved. We enjoy being stupid, ugly,
shabby and poor.
Gluttony'rOut of the question. What do
you think we are, pigs? Oh, there might be
the odd one of us who has one ,or two or
three over the eight when it comes to
drinks. And I did hear that a• few of my
readrs had to be hoisted from the table to
the chesterfield by a block and ttackle after
Thanksgiving dinner. But you'11 find a few
bad apples in every barrel. And by thelWay
McIntosh apples are only Wa 'bushel this
year, and you can get thrOugh a bushel, the
pair of you, in about three nights before the
TV set.-
Avarice? Ridiculous! There isn't an
avaricious soul in this fine land of ours.
Except the doctors, maybe. And the
businessmen. And the lawyers and the
teachers and the union workers and the
dentists and the politicians and the civil
servants. But I can't think of one avaricious
three-year-old.
As for Sloth, you can scratch that one off
the Canadian list right now. Migosh, you'd
think we were lazy or something. It's
common knowledge that the gross national
product of this country is only slightly
behind that of 14 other developed nations
and well ahead of one of them. Lazy
bedamned.
Well, God, I think you've got Y our
signals crossed somewhere, and it's time
you stopped wetting on us from a great
height. Knock it off. We are beginning to
get peed off as well as peed on, and if You
aren't careful, we might all go to the Devil.
I wonder if the rector was right about the
Pale Gas? Maybe the letters stand for:
Promiscuous; Asinine; Lazy; Epicurean;
Greedy; Apathetic; Silly:
Boy, if they do, we're in trouble. And I
apologize, God.
THE BRUSSELS POST, NOVEMBER 9, 1977 --,19
14------TF:operty ForS—iti;"-- 1 Propexty For Sale
Investment Certificates
Now Paying 9 1/4 %
Reel Estate Listings Wanted
Jim Cardiff
Real Estate Broker
Phone Brussels: 887-6100 or Res. 887-6164
SALESMEN: Keith. Mulvey-Phone 392-6759
R.M. Kelly 887-9460 1 -05-tf
I wish to thank my relatives,
friends and neighbours for the
cards of good wishes, flowers,
and gifts while I was in University
Hospital and since returning
home. Special thanks to my
friends on the Staff of Callander
Nursing Home. All your visits
have made my shut-in time
easier. Adah Smith. 24-06-1
We would like to thank our
friends and relatives who helped
us move our shop downtown.. Don
'and Kevin Cartier, Terry Sugg,
Jim Glew who laid the carpet and
flooring and Betty who helped
paint. Wayne Grube from Zip
Electric and those who stopped in
with friendly advice. Pat and
George.' 24-06x1
19 Notices
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Health Unit accepts. agreement
rusgets Post
RRU53E 15'
The Huron County Board of
Health and employees of the
county health unit accepted an
18-month agreement recently that
sets out wage increases for 1977
and 1978. The board reported to
county council Friday that the
agreement gives employees of the
health unit a Six per cent
increasae in salary effective ittly
1, 1977 and four per cent effective
January 1, 1978 subject to the
approval of the Anti-Inflation
Boatd.
Other terms listed in the
agreement Were an increase in
the employer's share of the dental
plan for employees from half to
two-thirds Of 'the' cost effective
January 1, 1978. Mileage rates
for employees using their own
vehicles for health unit business
Was set at 21 cents per 'mile and
employees required to work
overtime will be paid time and a
half or receive the equivalent time
and one-half off.
Public health inspectors
supplied with leased vehicles who
drive the vehicles to and from the
office are now required to
reimburse the county at the rate
of 16 cents per nrile. When the
present lease for vehicles expires
there will be no personal Use of
the vehicles permitted -under the
new lease,
The unit employees also.
receive pay for Heritage Day or
any other day proclaimed by the
federal or provincial governments
as paid holidays.
Canadians are unfit.
Sadly., this Applieg to child'-
ren as well ASAdUltS. In fAtt,
fitness levels start to deter
tidtate' when childrenstart
school