The Brussels Post, 1975-03-26, Page 16Sugar and Spice
by Bill Smiley
This may seem an odd time of year for it,
but I'm being torn between tvvo old adages.
That is better than being torn between to
old harridans, but not much.
At my age, of course, the chances of
being torn between two young harridans is
ather slight.
As a matter of fact, there hasn't even
been much of a line-up of old harridans
lately, so I guess I'll have to settle for those
two old adages.
One of them goe's thus: "There's no fool
like an old fool." As adages go, it fills the
bill. It is short, blunt, and, if you happen to
be an old fool, brutal. I don't like that one
much.
The othyr one says: "There's many a
good tune played on an old fiddle." This is
also short and to the point. It is usually
delivered with a wink and a leer by some
old fool of either sex; speaking of which,
that is what it usually refers to. I like that
one better than the first, though I am not
given to leering or winking. Not for years.
Anyway, to get to the heart of the
matter, I've taken up cross-country skiing
and those ancient adages ride with m e,
one on each ski. They are heavy, as well as
old.
When I state that I have taken up
cross-country skiing, I must confess that it
is not a reciprocal deal. I have taken it up
only once, and it has taken me down more
times than I care to contemplate.
But that's beside the point.
Cross-country skiing is not for everybody,
though you'd never know it on a Sunday
afternoon.
No, it's really a sport for us romantics,
the few of us left who are loners, who have
a fierce, overwhelming urge to pit .our
muscles and will against a fierce and alien
Nature.
Even before I strapped on the skis, I
knew. I would love it. Pictures rolled
. through my mind like a film, with me in the
major role. Gliding, swift and silent, along
a lonely winter trail. Slipping through the
stilly woods like a wraith. Stopping on a
peak for a belt of brandy and a munch of
bread and cheese, before plunging,
eager-eyed, into the terrible, h urtling
danger below.
It's a tough world for us romantics. For
some reason, the picture seldom lives up to
the advance notices.
I didn't exactly glide, not at first. I sort of
. shuffled, rather like an old man with a
double case of gout. Nor was the trail really
:onely. Not if you count dogs, little
children, and old ladies who came up from
behind, shouting, "Track!" and went by
me as though I were standing still. Which I
was, a good deal of the time.
Stopping on a peak for a bracing solitary
brandy is also a little difficult, when the
only peak for miles around is about eight
feet high, and is already populated by
eleventy-seven of your friends, every last
one of whom loves brandy, but doesn't
have any with him.
Not to mention those woods. It's hard to
keep them stilly, when every time you get
anywhere near a tree, everyone in sight
shouts, "Timber-r-r!"
I have taken up other sports , like golf and
curling, and. have learned that unless he is
extremely vigilant, the beginner may
develop some bad habits which are hard to
shake.
I was determined that this would not
happen with skiing. On my very first time
out, I thought I was developing a bad habit.
My left ski seemed to want to veer to the
left, and my right ski to the right. This
seems logical enough, but it was not
conducive to skimming along the trail;
especially when the skis took turns falling
off the boots.
Quickly, I checked the harness. Sure
enough, the chap from whom I'd bought
the outfit had put it on cockeyed. My toes
fitted into it, but my heels didn't even
touch the skis. They were dragging in the
snow. Right there, I decided to Raise Cain
with the installer.
Fortunately, a friend came along. When
he noticed that my skis seemed to want to
go in opposite directions, he suggested
that I had them on the wrong feet. This was
patently ridiculous. A ski is a ski and a foot
is a foot. But he persevered. Sure enough,
the ski I'd had on my right foot was marked
with a large L, for Left, and vice versa.
Once that bad habit was resolved, I was
skimming along like a bird. Dodo?
I had a couple of other bad habits, but I
solved them swiftly. One was jabbing my
ski pole into my ski instead of into the
snow. This tended to throw me off my
stride, not to mention off my feet. I put a
stop to this by wrapping the sharp tips of
the poles in wads of foam rubber. They're
not much good in snow, but it's a lot easier
on the skis.
Another was a habit of making the sign
of the cross with my skis. This seemed to
bring about a precipitation, or downfall. I
solved this by cutting off my skis right in
front of my boots. i hardly ever get them
crossed any more.
Some people have trouble getting up
hills. I don't. I use the Doppelganger
method (hands and knees).
All in all, it's a fine, bracing sport. Here
and now, in public print, I am ready to take
on anybody over a 50-meter course.
Anyone under four or over 80.
There are only a couple of things I don't
like about it. One is my wife. When I get
200 yards behind her, she stops and waits
for me. When I get to where she is, on my
last breath, she's had a five-minute rest,
and takes off.
Another thing, more embarrassing than
other wise, occurs when I get off the trail
and hide behind a tree, trying to get the
blood out of my eyes and my heart out of
my ears.
A couple of y oung punks sail by, and I
overhear, "Jeez, it used to be stilly in
these woods, but nowadays there seem to
be gr eat, noisy gusts of wind." Little do
they know it's only old Smiler trying to get
his breath back.
I've. come to a decision. Either I quit
smoking or I quit skiing.
Anybody interested in a pair of almost
brand-new cross-country skis?
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Walton break in unsolved
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The Wingham detachment of
.the OPP is baffled by a break-in at
Humphries General Store and
Post Office which occurred March
8. Store owner Frank Humphries
said that between $700 and $800
was stolen when the store's safe
was smashed in sometime that
Saturday night.
Sergeant Len George of the
Wingham OPP said "We have no
clues on that one at all." Sgt:
George said there was quite a
rash of break ins in the area that
weekend. Cigarette money was
stolen from the Brussels arena
and Hackbart's Dry Goods in
Brussels was broken into the
same weekend, he said.
Mr. iltinipbries said the
thieves broke down the back door
to gain entry to his store. A small
quantity of money belongitig, to
16—THE BRUSSELS POST
the Post Office was stolen, but
most of the amount was store
money, he said.
The OPP said that the Walton
and Brussels break-ins were not
connected with two break-ins a t
the Old Mill in Blyth around the
same time which netted thieves a
total of $28,000. The goods stolen
from the Old Mill have been
recovered and some people
charged, Sergeant George said.
The investigation in the Walton
job is continuing, he added.
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Phowe527-1150 * 17 SPARLING STREET
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BRUSSELS 'TRANSPORT
Livestock Trucking and Shipping Service
Local and Long Distance
Phone 887-6122 (Evenings)
George Jutzi, Brussels
Sta-Rite Dairy Systems
COMPLETE LINE OF DAIRY SYSTEMS
Brussels Guelph
887-9426 824-1330
BELGRAVE CO-OP
For Feed & Fertilizer Petroleum Products
Hardware and Appliances
Universal Milker Equipment and Cleaners
BRUSSELS
WING HAM
887-6453
357-2711
McGavin's Farm Equipment
We specialize in ,a Complete Line of
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887-6365 Walton 527-0245
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Business Directory
MARCH 1975
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