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The Huron Signal, 1880-12-31, Page 3y 5 Fun anti Fancy. A foot note --tie shoemaker a bill An Unpalatable Dish .--Cold shoo:ler How to shine in society -Get pfd up. Landlords minute in IreLud are "ekes of :nark." A lawyer's brief is sometime* very ex- tended. It doei't take a very last hese t., latch e Maple sir, like g,,.,1 ala, a drawn belt Mem wood. 01 interest to i 'tgoon -i ..,t.h w elate laves nine. The lower of Babel is the tirst con- tinued story on record. It ia letter to k,ve a skort girl than hirer to have loved a tall. "Swans sing before they die." The have to, if they sing at all. If Noah wash oonstant Jew, what in- duced him to let Ham into the ark There u romans in &guns, A you than suet a gal, ler, married her, and took her on a wedding ter. Parachoxicel as it may mew, lien Jen- son was called "ran Ben Jenson," be- cause his work was well done. "What were the wont result of the civil war r' Dried an orator. "Widower' shouted Jones, who had married one. Some bar -keepers now -a -days can make a "sling" that would have knocked the life out of Goliah a good deal quicker than David did. Patriotism is a glorious thing in its way, but we there be most candidates efor the aothoere wthat has the best pay. A debating club ia wrestling with, "Cao a community exist without wo- men r' We think it might exist fur a while, but then it wouldn't know what was going on. " Tom 1 where can I get a good two - foot role 1" "I can give you one en the spot, John." 'Well, let's have it." "Don't wear tight shoes' That rule ap- plies to both feet." It 000miostally happens that a lean tesla the truth when his real object u to tell a lie. An Italian, unfamiliar with the liah language, toed to sell fish on the streets, using the usual call--"Fre- alum fishes, all alive After a while he attired from the fish business and took to selling eggs, using, hall owever, the dame - 17 unounacious that �he�is not telling the he he Winks he is. reset ase. Maas. Mar emu Inness -Art. L Never bey any stamps. Hand your letter to the post master and tell him to put a stamp on it. If you are out of change tell him you will hand it to hint the next time you are in. It won't be nemmsrry, how- ever, to do so, as three vents are wort► nothing. Art. 2. Whoa you head in your letter, do not forget to tall your postmaster to be sure sad bass it go, if you do not give this weenies be may keep it ie the poet office. Art. 3. Always remember to call the t.r sad hand your letter to in m and not put them in the letter box. If you du the perunast.r will not hays so much to do and you will thereby es - courage laziness. Remember that the postmaster will consider it quite unkind to have your- letters stamped by anyone but himself. He would also he pleased also to put w on papers and back them ooeaaionally or oftener. Especial- ly when be i. hap the mall Art. L When you put in it is well to ask how you will E« an answer to it Of routes the postman ter ought to kaow or he is not fit to be a postmaster. as TIIKI THa eau. Art. 1. II you have a box do not call out the number of it, or yowl , but stand there and rap. This oblige the postmaster to take a look at you. Art 2. When he hands you out year mail, don't fail to ask 4m it that is all. (Pentameters are in the habit of WAN.; .g hack part of ons. mail, which, of comes, they will not do after this gunnies is asked.) Art. 3. If any exported letterer paper doesn't come, sok him what be supposes the reason is, and tell him that it's mighty carious. A post master ought to know what is wrong its seal eases, after being in the bashes stew swathe it is well to tell him where it is bon, what it is about, etc. This kind of a story is oalcalated to interest a pasha's - ter and make him good natured. You might hint to the postmaster that your letter must be is the office somewhere. This kind of insinuation always makes him feel so jjubilant. Art i If the man of the house does not get a letter, it would be well to seed the cwt of the fondly, one eta time. There is no tilling which will be the lanky one. bash oneshould be instruct- ed to ask the pONmastsr is be sure there ie aothieg. This wild tend to create in a elle diepesities in the moot cross grained ps ialaeier. ta..t.a rewires. When sovereignty is divided, itis very soon deet cs d. When the patriarch is steals like any other man. The trainer remain sound whsle the horse disc His rigid aro is often a man's enemy. Misfortune engenders misfortune, and you *soaps the wolf only to be devoured by the bear. Hewes of a tamed wolf, and a recon- ciled T . does net always steal, best 4 ie sal! it De os the Wheat fee him Tb gist ems ie b W &hide W hoe, bat the pear oma WISP are of hie Tia old mss repeats et fist of which theegijygiw a MEM to a bear, be w* IMI r. a to is Imo w, he Mt time red eat ease. TM sneeiitet twain ea the sharpest esiehm starved, he Paul Davie who, lime d, Ina wades- dtadt be htttinaa. was Timm masse yam Dat whoa me - tome water S isepeiesnnasd he a Lila, m beat peolmed sad at et e THE HURON SIGNAL, FR mss IN sours e.F'$Ioe. a s �b u. taw. Melient T..aLoam, w'' Dec. SO. A Vape lei'eye:--- The Boers have riuid a great victory, and captured Thu pla4as the ouloniatss a eery ere sena, and it is uud mood they tar. eutiffsd the G rue t it f will be neces.sry P rum Sg4iad with �. On the whole, the Cape news soon Daps Town rm tPriheAWI o p{iaaaod f Mete That the colonial aathorit ses panicstricken, and that Paul Kr ug has beim proclaimed Governor of Heid �. Thu thews is all the more s prising, inasmuch as that only ten da ego the Orange district was reported e tuwly clear of rebels, and the Pundom entirely rooted At that time the P y dent of the Free State informed t South African colonial authorities t the neck of the Basuto rebellion w broken, and that the war could not ng six months longer. Since that date appesn that a 'majority of the Beau in whose loyalty the Government previously confided, have joined t rebels. If further news dues not pro that the present intelligence has exagge Med the situation, and should the sen Mg of troops from England be real! necessary, the Home Government wi be pied 111 a moat embarraasin pool tint. For the hour, the disaster i South Africa takes the place, as a top' in the Clubs, of the muddled state affairs in Ireland. Cape Town, Dec. 20. -- The latest vices from Mafeteng report that the pa trolling aolutun has been compelled retire before three thousand -ghee The colonial loss is trifling. Tomb has been unsuccessfully attacked in En Gobo Georges. London, Dec. 20. -A telegram to th Colonial Office from Pietermaritzburg poets that five thousand Boers hay taken possession of Heidelberg and es tablished a republic, with Paul Kruger President, and Joubert, Commandant Pio violence was committed. Communi cation with Pretoria is cut off, and ,J available troops are being sent up. POILCY OF THE THREE F.'S rate ties. neny erTenetes. Pees *air - Laanteiras ir.- Laade+4s aggewve eras- ae a.ye.u. ase. Lownos, Dec. 20. —Capt. Boycott, wrote to Gladstone for £6,000 as repara- tion due to him from the State. A sensation was created yesterday by the news that the Irish Privy Council had proclaimed against land meetings in Qeeen's County, Leinster. Dinette Dec. 20. - A significant movement in regard to the agitation is the attitude suddenly adopted by a number cf Irish landlords, Liberal and Conservative, favouring a fair rent, fixity of tenure and free sale. This move- ment is favoured by many prominent Ibah members of Parliament, also by the London Times. [Fixity ,.f tenure was denounced everywhere a year ago, aa utterly inad- miesible. ] The Tines condemns the Government policy as limp and says Gladstone's treatment of Boycott is devoid of ►11 natural sympathy. The public are to be asked to subscribe fur Capt. Boycott's loss. Parnell will not insist on his right to attend the opening of Parliament, hop - mg thereby to secure a fortnight's post- pumsetient of the trials. The Government will send troop. to ad � magistrates when the police are disated. Jones will throw all his farm into pasture and leave Ireland. Chief Justice May is likely to preside at the Leaguers' trials. Downing, a J. P. at Ballina, has had to make his escape to Dublin, because It• issued several writs of ejectment. Irish refugees are fleeing to London. Many of them are penniless. During the holidays an Irish demon- stration is feared in London. Theta are now five hundred- branches sf the League. Trsi pa vented a League meeting lilt on Saturday. Chamberlain leads the opposition to coercion. CEASACTOD Of Tin Aorrauow. — A zzle refusing to pay rent is a difficulty Which perhaps no Government has ever before had tograpple. It would present itself only in a country where the land owners were aliens and absen- tees. Political movements in Ireland have been put down with ..as. They were sentimental and aggression; but this is pecuniary and passive. The Fe- nian ergenisationa swarmed with inform- er among every ten Fenian there was a Government spy; but in this agrarian nptalion the people ere evidently bound mop tlioesly together, and made more tadiittd to each other by an object which tesla the pockets of them all. --(By- Meader. {By- Meader. An excellent and weal -lied recipe for keeping boys and girls out of mischief in the long winter evenings is to give them somelung suitable and interesting to do. Bet them to making sersp-book. Ii there are two or three children, let each one take a subject and see what and how mech he can collect upon that for his book. For example, we have what we gall an animal scrap -book, in which is prated every fact, incideal and anecdote we am And relating to animals. The Roman Catholic boner at King- ston the relief of the poor, realised hank Lowe. who assaulted the editor ef Ha Peet Hope Owed", We been fined IMO sad eerie, ret all PR SO. A clank thief stole *100 from the Isom et kJsr *0.11,lirtaWi, 1<apMetnia, a lewThe medial then in atteada nce on Hader, etLeodaa, who eweTlow- ss. elr� 1�ieleSPedmdva in I�NsS, wdtsaer«N ire this is w1y two 11 mil" alai sighte ha h. pay emeed oat of 48"1:10 Y3, ,, MON Zit Jr, "Manchester House." JAI4dF38 .A... REID lies just reoelvud a chetor lot of in er- to out is rum tc es res eek II- it. - Ye lVI rMi- � It as it ' haKi he ve r- d- 1 g n tc o1 determined SncrAc2as, ad - n toe leo eD. ne- e ' .Thy N- -qp- G O O ID S , New Dress Goods, Wucoeys, newels, Blankets, Shirting., Cottons, Pruita, eke. which for value is unsurpassed. New Shawls and Mantles, special value. — . _ ` tibiLe ORIalive"? H1YA1iT3� TA sDles did wteMtun Tw Carl o+ide, wel►�i�� y.=�w�� our marsr a ett a r or ovetoeas-ateltiY �jomatesmateed. Cloth twuaght cut tree K charge. as Hats QaPs sad Drawers - '1u ldohyt prime paid for Rutter and item, Jilt _ti Jutdam's Lanett. — ittiu youtt DANNER ON THE O1.1*R wALL, FOR THa 0111T In " Down She Comes !'a when we say "Down ' he Comes" we refer to the MO Priers that have be in the for anted past Watches, Jewelry, Electro -Plated Ware, Spectacles, &c. &c. We T. WELSH, Emulating the example of successful business men, has MARLED HIri o001).i DOWN TO THE LOWEST NOTCH! and is determined not to be undersold by anybody. He has just received some really beautiful things in Electro -Plated Ware, which he to sell at a small avarice on coat. }F Sole Agent for Roca Carer&L the most perfect fitting glass in the market. W. T. WELSH. CIO TO C. Straeha.n's -rile Groceries, Crockery and \Tare. ehochoice in the st eamtradet tJroceries always kept on band. and at pricer that cannot be beaten by use . CASH PAID FOR FARM PRODUCE. The Old Stand -south side of Court House Square. 1762 D. C. STRACEAN W. MITCHELL KEEPS " THE CHEAPEST AND BEST " Groceries, Crockery & Glassware IN TOWN -AND MAKES TEAS A SPECIALTY. GIVE HIM A CALL - W. MITCHELL, 1761 Hamilton Street, Goderich. Farm i75i HARDWARE OF E VERY DESCRIP'T'ION Reduced to Bottom Prices I and School Heil.. Houeebold Hardware -et dleiwuat primes. Builders' Hardware and Toots at Who le Primes. Iitrge contracts filled at Manufgcturers' Pekes. G-_ la_ P ..A.. i s o: s, (3.0DERICH. CABINET A bles. lles. N. et reasonable Picture Extensive Premises and Splendid New Stock. G_ 33.A..1::tRY", - MAKR AND IIIIIJEIITI :i:, Hamilton Street, Goderich. good assortment. of Kitchen, Bed -room. Dining Room and Parlor Furniture, each as Ta- M- Chats (bale cane and wood seated). Cupboards. Bed-steakr, Mattresses, Waab.atand, What-Hots. Lookitis 01*..... 11,-A complete assortment of Cornu and Shrouds always on band. also Hearses for rates. hire Framing a specialty.— A call solicited. 1751 O. BARRY. • Red, White and Blue! Acheson GEORGE Acheson New Dress Goods, Glove ' Gloves & Hosiery, JUST ARRIVED, 83:3I..7rINQ CHEAP. Ali!' BOUND TO OMB BARGAINS] 1761 MEDICAL HALL, GODERICH. F. J.ORDAN. Chemist and Druggist, MARKET SQUARE, 00DRICH "Weitta=erresie sus1p.ms apoW=. . ritet Art4ive. PkTMdnt if easom ee eentme Nam si ID Dungan Carriage B. Pow, IlteSIMATVIIVIS OR Or a MT c c>t' I B7 alb time, - CUTTIBS, SLURS, Me., w.. 1 Wu* es lases a tew.wm all w M K brooatt,Fg rt. makiag Cuttemani a Give sae a salt sad L Win situ* 7011amebae and Jobbing ¢one. h 1 be beaten to the tepntT. Repairing a. POINTS!. aA.. S. 0Q3 TELL fie art * LLg,q MTlllTffITJUI1iilIFG THAN If IY °TKO NNE IN TOWN. C H E A P E R IF YOTJ WI&It3 • TO I I7CTTRE - —CALL Great oms, THE CHEAPEST HOUSE -IN, TOWN AlaD• IMPORT THD RIAU!17rt7LLT t+nflallewt PARLOR SISTS% BED ROOM Sly, WASH STAND£ i, single and d laths ; a Dii EBBING BUREAUS, ly'ANCY CttNE /SEAT CHAIRS, and' all kinds of Good FF.tnmitwrs W,taw eases. JOBBING AND REPAIRING A.SPECIALTY. GIVE ME 1 (.AL.L. AD- Saws well sharpened for 8 cents. Remember the Move : Hammilton Street, - Near Colborne P tel, - Goderich. FARMERS. LOOK FERE I won't be 0. ansiseould by any other man in the formiture business, does sad buy for cash and therefore will sell very ----CHEAP FOIA., iCASK ►- i as 1 ay My stock is now ooanplete i' every der_ription. Mind, no liberal offer will be rsftased. Ai -PICTURE FRAMING DONE A8 CPIEAP AS -8 ANY OTHER FIRM -W. a-_ Market Street, (opposite 'N"atson's iiakery) Godh, �e ONE„elrt-'!elle OLDEST ANO. te0ST RZUA=LE IBMID,E$ IN THE ISOOLD FO:, THE CURE M Cads, Colds, Htness, Sore Throat, Bronchitis' influenza, Croup, W hoapip Cough. Asthma, asst every affectiora All►s Throat, Lump, and Chest, inaholhog CONSUMPTION. e WELL -KNOW][ TBICIAN WR& It doss not dry rep' w.w , and leave Macaw Mind, as is tAa mai most prvpare/wee, int loosens it, dsamlIA,N,,haws mid ail sttprri- aznos, Mai reeseeiesthe eases ofO NOT ” bea WIBT A 8mtlaa:-aa ee. Be lure youtNat hR. Bbl[ OP WILD C ORY. wltk tic slgouettw el "I. BUTTS' og, the r• 40 Ceeweed *1.00 a Boggy., P,,- bya a, W. Fovea a Soda, Paton. >soliq{ *sou ta and dealera,weeeliy. aMNlpi it�thtit0 ;1... 7 et the bon, awl gash ;red tudl� . b the rad it► t� Asd. � Ms blood tins atat.wtwa ewI N Mhee. the SW of the • «thousand and earbb and +h seep *prt off the Vans, ssrrching tat eset'SMese, teed iMNslg nothing for dimem 4 eve- b the .octet of thio welb� meta et ri needy in oaring Dy es. LiVorOalll*lalntr Boils, �iAM1Na Diarrhea, NsrvouN Ap4o�I$o� s, Facials Pn thelisiewere �. tijlom a7a, DPI s.4Onsplahrts• a 1lad• eek a sires of mem � aisle oflaw OAU?ZOi.—Its ars yea est w •.rc- mRhTPILA►aTitply," e.M byd ---- Isse� Mew W. /Mao mat ,__ .. _SesBar. oboe Avsaamm iwta. Mow