The Citizen, 2008-05-08, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MAY 8, 2008. PAGE 5.
Bonnie
Gropp
TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt
It’s all too much
So I’m shooting pool with an ex-lawyer I
know and in between shots I’m pumping
him with various lawyer-type questions
because how many chances do you get for free
legal advice – even if it is from a guy who’s
turned in his shingle, so to speak?
I am also whining over the latest
jurisprudential injustice to bushwhack me. It
concerns a book written by an American
woman named Cathie Black. The book is a
bestseller. She’s been on Oprah with it.
The book is called Basic Black.
I, too, have a book called Basic Black. It has
not propelled me to a spot on Oprah’s couch.
It is not a bestseller. It is not even a seller. It
was published 25 years ago and copies of it are
as common as papyrus editions of the Dead
Sea Scrolls.
Aside from the dozen or so copies
languishing in a cardboard box somewhere at
the back of my garage, my Basic Black book
has pretty much disappeared from the face of
the earth.
“Dammit, I own the title Basic Black,” I
whined to my snooker-shooting Shylock
friend. “I used it a quarter-century before
this…this Cathie come lately! I’ve got a
website called Basic Black! My business card
reads Basic Black, Inc. Basic Black is my
trademark! I’m going to sue her assets off!”
My ex-lawyer buddy snorted as he potted
the pink. “Good luck,” he grunted. “Book titles
can’t be copyrighted. They’re not trademarks.”
Ah, yes. Trademarks. Strange things, those.
And they’re not just ‘marks’ either. You
know that odd pink hue most house insulation
comes in? Don’t ever try to put out a line of
house insulation that colour. It’s trademarked
by the Owens-Corning Company.
That classic throaty rumble of a Hell’s
Angel’s ‘hog’? You’d be a fool to kick-start
your cycle if it sounds like that and doesn’t
have an H-D on the gas tank. The very sound
has been copyrighted as a trademark by the
Harley Davidson Motor Company.
It gets crazier in the world of trademarks. A
kiddies’ daycare in Hallandale, Florida was
threatened with court action by Walt Disney
Enterprises a few years back.
The daycare facility’s crime? Painting five-
foot high caricatures of Mickey, Minnie and
Goofy on the walls for the kiddies to enjoy.
Disney lawyers didn’t enjoy them. Take ‘em
down or we’ll sue, they said. The daycare took
them down.
Disney’s jealous corporate talons reach
beyond American borders. Several years ago,
the Ontario town of White River decided to
erect a statue of Winnie the Pooh. They didn’t
know that Disney holds the trademark for the
famous bear.
The lawyers let White River officials know
they faced a massive lawsuit. White River
caved.
The irony is that Winnie the Pooh was born
in White River – or close to it. The bear that
became famous in stories by the British writer
A.A. Milne started out as an orphan cub on the
White River railway platform during the First
World War.
He was purchased from a hunter by a
Canadian soldier (from Winnipeg, hence the
name Winnie) who was shipping out to
England. Winnie became a mascot for the
Canadian Second Infantry Brigade.
When he got too big to handle, the Canadian
soldiers donated Winnie to the London Zoo,
where A.A. Milne’s son saw and fell in love
with him. The rest is storybook history.
Long story short, the city fathers of White
River thought they had a good and reasonable
claim to the image of Winnie the Pooh – until
the Disney lawyers came down with both
boots and convinced them otherwise.
Thus, all public images, representations and
commercial manifestations of a Canadian bear
made famous by an English author belong to
an American corporation headquartered in
Florida.
Ain’t Free Trade wonderful?
Disney isn’t the only corporate pit bull when
it comes to anticipated trademark
infringement. Recently the city of New York
launched a new line of organic cotton
shopping bags featuring a logo in the form of
a stylized apple.
New York, after all, has been known
colloquially as The Big Apple since forever –
a natural symbol, right?
Lawyers at Apple, Inc. – the folks who
brought you iMacs and iPods and the like –
didn’t think so. They claim the new NYC logo
will “confuse people”.
Oh, right. Let me see now…is this a city?
Or a computer? I’m confused.
It’s one thing for lawyers to bluff out
daycare workers in Florida, or cross-
check municipal officials in small town
Ontario, but New York? The folks there play
hardball.
From what I’ve heard, the Apple Inc lawyers
have received a two word response from
officials in The Big Apple.
It reads: “Bite me.”
Arthur
Black
Other Views I’ll sue you in my dreams
Aformer Ontario cabinet minister who
committed serious gun offences has
escaped with not even a slap on the
wrist, but more of a pat on the back.
John Snobelen, an education minister under
former Progressive Conservative premier
Mike Harris, was treated so leniently ordinary
residents are entitled to wonder if there is one
law for them and another for those with
powerful political connections.
Snobelen was famous for saying he might
have to create a crisis to get people to accept a
major overhaul of schooling and for being
absent from the legislature, riding the range at
his Oklahoma ranch. He eventually had to give
up his MPP’s job because of it.
Snobelen brought back, he claims
inadvertently, a Colt .22 calibre semi-
automatic handgun, failed to register it here
and stored it in a bedside drawer with
ammunition at his home and four years later
his former wife alerted police, who found it.
Snobelen pleaded guilty in the Ontario
Court of Justice to possession and careless
storage of a restricted weapon. The offences
are serious because of a huge increase in
shooting deaths, particularly in Toronto.
All parties in the legislature have expressed
concern handguns are being obtained by
criminals too easily, often stolen from homes,
and used in killings.
The prosecution pointed out Snobelen’s gun
could easily have been stolen from his home
and used by criminals.
Judge Stephen Brown took a less pessimistic
view. He could have jailed Snobelen, but
pointed out he served the community, although
many teachers who quit, saying he made their
jobs more difficult, would disagree.
The judge said a former minister does not
deserve preferential treatment, but should not
be treated more harshly than others.
The judge heard Snobelen would have
difficulty entering the United States, where he
teaches horse management, if a criminal
conviction was registered against him, so he
gave him an absolute discharge, which meant
no conviction was registered.
You may think politicians appalled at the
increase in handguns being stolen and used to
kill would object strenuously to this.
But the Conservatives, who claim constantly
theirs is the only party concerned with
maintaining law and order, were not about to
complain a court dealt too leniently with a
friend who once sat beside them and had no
criticism.
Liberal government MPPs did not protest,
because they did not want to appear vindictive
to a former opponent and some also may have
felt they may need leniency themselves one
day.
Only New Democrat House leader Peter
Kormos questioned the judge’s decision and
suggested it would be no deterrent to those
who leave guns and ammunition lying around
where they can be stolen and used in crime.
Attorney General Christopher Bentley
replied he trusts the courts, the latest in a series
of stands in which he has proven unwilling to
quarrel with debatable decisions made by the
legal system.
Are people with political connections
sometimes treated better by the courts and
legal system than the rest of us?
Some have been, including Alan Eagleson, a
former MPP, president of the Ontario
Progressive Conservative Association,
intimate of several premiers and a celebrity
outside politics as an agent for hockey players
and organizer of some of that sport’s greatest
international tournaments.
Eagleson after many delays was charged and
jailed in Canada for fraud, but never would
have been if authorities in the United States
had not pushed Canadians to act. His 18-
month sentence was meager compared to his
offences.
John Brown, a former New Democrat MPP,
was sentenced to three years in jail for
defrauding the province in billing for homes
he ran for emotionally-disturbed children.
Conservative former deputy-speaker Terry
Jones was sentenced to six months for
defrauding investors in land schemes he said
would triple their money.
No one is suggesting Snobelen should have
gone to jail. But not many people accused of
serious offences are lucky enough to be
sentenced by a judge who is anxious not to
disturb their travel plans.
Eric
Dowd
FFrroomm
QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk
It was the start of a typical Monday, the
beginning of a work week and the end of
yet another tank of gas.
Now, my routine has been not just to re-fuel
myself at lunch, but also my vehicle. However,
on this particular morning as I passed the gas
station I typically patronize, I noticed the price
of fuel was several cents lower per litre than at
any of its nearby competitors. Being a little
apprehensive about waiting until noon, and
thereby allowing this station the time to catch
up to the others, I hustled back to the pumps.
As I waited while liquid gold siphoned its
way into my vehicle, the thought crossed my
mind, not without its share of bitterness that if
anyone had suggested I would be eager to pay
the price I was going to for gas, I would have
thought they’d been inhaling too many fumes.
The rising cost of fuel, the realities of
diminishing supplies aren’t just frightening,
they frustrate me no end. I don’t want to drive.
I’d be thrilled if I never had to get in a car to go
anywhere. Unfortunately, my job requires it.
Also, seeing absolutely all of my family
requires it.
I suppose the potential is there some day in
the future for the cost, particularly when you
factor in insurance and wear and tear, to make
the former less reasonable to continue. But I’m
here to tell you that I’d put real gold in my car
if that was the only way to see my kids.
So the situation is what it is, and I realize
there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. And of
course, I can find comfort in the old misery
loves company adage. There are many people
sharing my helpless predicament. They travel
because there is no other way, albeit now
grumbling all the way.
Apparently it could be worse, though. We
could be running our vehicles on Evian water.
Someone has taken the time to do a little
price comparison. The results (various and
listed in American dollars) have been posted
with some alteration on a number of websites.
The reality according to the Intercot Walt
Disney World discussion board is:
Think a gallon of gas is expensive? A gallon
of Diet Snapple would cost $10.32. Lipton Ice
Tea is $9.52 per gallon, while Gatorade would
cost $10.17 per gallon. If you bought a gallon
of brake fluid it would cost $33.60.
Visit the local pharmacy. A gallon of Nyquil
is $178.13, while Pepto Bismol would set you
back $123.20. Fresh breath doesn’t come
cheaply either. A gallon of Scope would run
you $84.48.
If you make a lot of mistakes while writing
or typing it could prove quite costly. Whiteout
at $1.39 for seven ounces translates to $25.42
per gallon.
And that Evian water? An amazing $21.19
for a gallon of water.
You pay a pretty hefty price for printer ink,
right? And there’s not much ink in those
cartridges for what you pay. Well, someone has
calculated the cost at $5,200 per gallon.
I can’t guarantee how accurate these figures
are, but doing a quick price check of my own,
they’re close enough to give me pause.
Obviously none of this suggests we should
be happy to be paying the price we are for gas.
Or worse, what they’re projecting for the
future. And unlike the need for fuel most
people aren’t going to go through gallons of
most of this other stuff in a lifetime.
But it does help alter your perspective a bit.
If there had ever been any doubt before, there
shouldn’t be any more. We’re not paying too
much for gas. We’re paying too much for
everything.
Ex-minister treated leniently
We cross our bridges when we come to them
and burn them behind us, with nothing to
show for our progress except a memory of
the smell of smoke, and a presumption that
once our eyes watered.
– Tom Stoppard
Final Thought