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Lucknow Sentinel, 1905-09-14, Page 6■TdEI k k i > | TOG PHILOSOPHER t | OF THE SHEARS, j “Did it ever occur to you,” asked the educated barber, “how much a man who stands in a tonsorial establishment all , day may learn? Now in this neighbor- ! hqod there come here regularly gentle­ men of refinement and culture. We cater to no other class, It keeps me busy reading to have chough topics on hand to talk about. The barber is not re­ sponsible for all the conversation in the •hop. As a matter of fact, he does not •tart the conversation in most cases. No, •ir; I would not presume to engage a i earlier age even than Hindus. They marry at eight, have grown-up children at ewenty and are “too old at forty” , for anything but the grave. The only j 1 I I 4 V i I ; day may learn? I | I I I I ■ L— , _ ------------r----------- — —-£5-0- gentleman in conversation unless he first i i began it. The up-to-date barber must I : know all about the last Interesting mur- ■ I der c^se, and when a customer says, r/Now what do you think of that—do i j you think the tall man with the red ; j beard or the short man with the black I I mustache did the shooting?’ the lather ■ I artist must be able to give a quick and ’ 1 intelligent answer. “The operator at the next chair to m? i ' had an embarrassing experience just ; now. One of our best customers came in. j and it was evident to me that he felt « j very strongly about revelations concern- • : ing society persons being blackmailed. ■ My associate, I saw at a glance, was not ; in touch with the situation. I gave him i a signal to say yes and he could make - . no mistake. So he started up assenting vigorously, saying that it was a shame and that the rascals should be brought • to justice. He did it very well, and af- . ter we were alone I heartily congratu- s lated him on his exploit, at the same time putting him en rapport with the situation. The gentleman who just went : out knows all about automobiles, and the way I have been studying the inside i tof those vehicles required mental effort. ; ; It pays, too, for I go to shave him at i his house, and a barber who can talk I I discerningly about carburetors and; spark plugs and such things is valuable ■ as a conversational aid—and gets a lib­ eral tip. ‘Yes, sir, the modern barber is all | things to all men. Every customer has l something which he likes to talk about [and he starts up the topic often to let I loose his enthusiasm or to express his ' indignation. If the Giants have lost and 1 he feels that the situation with regard i to the pennant is disgraceful, the base­ ball enthusiast finds in the barber an intelligent and appreciative listener to opinions about umpires and managers and ice wagons and bunches of errors. “One of the favorite topics of conver­ sation which engages the attention of the reguhu- customer is the nationality of his barber. 1- or that reason I always keep posted on everything pertaining to Italy, for although I was not born there ; I am so Italian in my appearance that the gentlemen think that I only recent­ ly landed. I am well versed npw in Ro­ man history, the beauties of Florence, .and the Italian school o-f music. That ;answers very well for at least three cus­ tomers, one an Italian banker, another an architect and the third a German pro­ fessor of music who is eften pleased to toll how Wagner excels anything in the Italian opera ever produced. L “That young man who just went out is connected with a neighboring dancing academy. It is fortunate that I saved that clipping about the new waltzes. An­ ticipating that he would be in soon I read it with great care. I think it should be good for a shampoo, a facial mas­ sage and a ten-cent application of the newest hair tonic. Barbers are good conversationalists because they have the pleasure of meet­ ing so many men of education and cul­ ture. Every man has some subject in ; which he is especially well informed, ’ and he is always glad to enlighten the barber. In that way. sir, this upholster­ ed chair becomes a college, and the lath­ er is a dissertation and the pass of a razor may in itself comprehend a learn- • ed thesis. The humble shop becomes a university, a hair cut is a causerie, and ■ a shampoo the equivalent to a lecture at the Sorbonne. I have taken a course in literature in -that I have shaved Mr. William Dean Howells many times, and I am interested in a special branch of surgery also, for a distinguished spe­ cialist always come^ to my chair. All men are glad to talk to the barber about the matters uppermost in their minds, so he not only learns, but is able to pass along some of the ideas which he quires.” i; J ac- i THE PIGMIES IN LONDON. ! Astonish the Big City by Their Song s and Dance. J . , ■ . The six pigmies brought by Colonel Harrison front the great unknown for­ est of Central Africa, arrived in Lon­ don the other day, the first of their race to leave the. swamps and forests of Central Africa. They rode through London in a couple of four-wheeled cabs, one -of them smoking a Havana cigar as naturally as a stockbroker. Since Sir Walter Raleigh brought his Red Indians to England over 300 years there have been no such strange ’visitors as these 'little' human mon- jkeys, from the darkest depths of Dark- *est Africa. Of the sjx pigmies four are . men and two are^women. The little men treat the little women as .inferior .beings, who ought to do as they are told. There are no si^ns of af­ fection among them, save, perhaps, that Gorrigi, the younger and the better­ looking of the women, spends most of her time in gazing upon Mongogo, the youngest,, smallest and liveliest of the little men, who is one yard tall in his > fj?are feet; The oldest of the pigmies is ' about 39, the youngest 16. Magani, the chief, is four feet high and Ylye tallest of the six. He is a splendid- |ly'developed pigmy, with broad shoul­ ders, deep chest and grizzly gray whis- ;pers. He walks with a dignified swag­ ger, gets most of the cigars and gen­ erally . comports himself like a forest ■ Sring. I , The pigmies have little more intelli- I gence than had Consul, the educated ape, ;and when at home in the'African forest • they do nothing but hunt with tiny er-ears, eat what they kill, sleep off the effects and occasionally chant a monrn- ful dirge and dance a solemn jig. In appearance they are less like apes than like diminutive negroes. The “beau­ ty,” Gorrigi, has an oval face,, rather of the Nubian type. Living near the Equator—Colonel Har­ rison found them in the forest south- iiwest of Lake Albert at , the head of She Nile—they mattifity at an language they speak is Swahili, the tongue of the Uganda folk. Right in the midst of noisy London the pigmites fropi the African forests sang and danced. The dance was as ceremonious as a minuet, and all danced exactly alike. In a circle they moved round and round, with heads jerking and feet patting and stamping upon the ground. j The song they sang wa3 chiefly com- j posed of Vowel sounds. It was very ' melodious, but dirge-like. The were The Better Way The tissues of the throat are inflamed and irritated; you cough, and there is more irrita­ tion—more coughing. You take a cough mixture and it eases the irritation—for a while. You take i I something like this: O eea eea ee-ea. O hee he-a hea-a-a. 0 oeo o-o-o-o-o. A-e a-aa-a-aa-a-aa. A-e ee aa aaaa, Oe o-o-o-o-o-. Oe o-o-o-o. —;------ THE RUSSIAN ARMADA. News from the Baltic, Like Northern winds. From the Atlantic, Chilled British minds, Roused sleeping heroes Eager to fight, Such lawless Neroes, Cowards of might. What? Lose the merits Our Nelsons gained? No, yonder turrets ..Still rule the main. So, Russian brawlers. Careless not be, Touch not our trawlers, When on the sea. Make not the'same mistake, For we are wide awake. Millions are shattered. Smashed on the ocean; Hammered and battered, Lost in commotion, Millions of dollars Wrenched from the peasants. Slaves, curbed and collared, By their rich tyrants, Are, like Armadas, In history’s scope. Sunken forever. Like Russian hope. Gone Russian prestige. Swamped down by whom? Wrong has no vestige Right can’t entomb; For there’s a ruling power sounds 3 DON’TS FOR POLICEMEN. SCOTTS EMULSION and it cures the cold. That’s what is necessary. It soothes the throat because it reduces ths irritation ; cures the cold because it drives out the inflamfnation; builds up the weakened tissues because it nourishes them-back to their natural strength. That’s how Scott’s Emulsion deals with a sore throat, a cough, a cold or bronchitis. WE’LL SEND YOU A SAMPLE FREE. SCOTT S BOWNE, Greater by far than. ours.Don’t Hark! Hear the wailing Don’t Of zealous races.Don’t See! They are quailing,Don’t Fearing Jap faces,! Don’t Sounds, like the bellow f Don’t Of angry ocean,i Don’t Strike ’gainst the yellow , Don’t Fighter in motion.| Don’t What? Are ye blinded Don’t ’Cept for thy Empire?Don’t Wake single-minded,guage. Japs peace desire.Don’t Who in your struggle ment. Empire Celestial,Don’t Moreso can muffle i Don’t Myths oriental?i Don’t Who so than yellow kin 1 Don’t Can drive out heathen sin.officers. Eastern monarchies, Must ye as nations Let all your thoughts be Self-preservation ? Must ye love freedom. But for thy kingdom, For help ye seldom Neighbors in thraldom, ’Cept thy martyrdom. Gain thee a princedom? Ah! how ye love to see Souls dwarfed in slavery. When such does bring to thee Gold, prestige and power. Ch, Russia! now’s the hour; Let thy sounding towers, Drown out thy victory, Ring to all liberty. —John Ragus, W. M. Dying Made Easy. One of the modem schemes of physi­ cal development that has won favor is a systematic method of breathing. A certain inquirer who was interested in the principles of this system recently wrote to one of its professors for a de­ scriptive pamphlet. One of the rules on the first page read as follows: “After the morning bath take a deep ; breath, retain it as long as possible, then I slowly expire.” j He decided not to try the system. r Getting There. j A man with a good thing to sell is 1 like a man with a good thought in his ' head. The idea will profit nothing un­ less it be put before the world in some rational and effective - way. So, 1 oo, must the world know about a commo­ dity before it will buy. A man with a fine light may hide it under a bushel; a man with an Al idea may secrete it under his hat, and a man with the raw material of a fortune at his dispoaal ma|y flock by himself so long as he lives and finally die poor. | Misery of Mai de Mer. Two congressmen, discussing the dis­ comforts of travel, happened to branch off on. to the subject of seasickness. One of them said: “Talk about seasickness; the fellow that travelled with me on my last European trip beat anything I ever met in all my experience before. I tried all sorts of remedies on him, but without avail. lie kept repeating, ‘Oh, but I am so sick—I am so sick.’ Finally I cried out, ‘Can’t you keep anything ,on your stomach?’ ‘Only my hands, Tpm; only my hands.’” HOW DR. V0N*§TAN’S PINEAPPLE TABLETS GIVE INSTANT RELIEF.— They’re handy to carry—take one after eat­ ing—or whenever you feel stomach distress coming on—sufferers have proved it the only remedy known that-will give instant relief and permanent cure—no long tedious treat­ ments with, questionable results—best for all sorts of. stomach troubles. 35 cents.—96—---- -------------------- The Witty Vicar. Perhaps few experiences of life i t Perhaps few experiences of life art harder to bear than when an appeal to another- out of the fullness of one’s heart is received with an utter lack of sym­ pathy. A dishonest gardener had received notice of discharge, and, after ail unsuc­ cessful attempt to vindicate his charac­ ter, by plausible platitudes, said mourn­ fully to the vicar: “Ah, sir, you will miss me before I be gone half an hour!” “I shan’t mind that,” answered the vicar, cheerfully, “if 1 don’t miss any­ thing else! ”—Answers. Canadian fiiair Restorer Will restore gray hair to its natural color. Stops falling hair, causes to grow on bald heads, cures dandruff, itching and all scalp diseases. Contains no oily or greasy ingredients. By its use the hair and whiskers become thick, glossy and luxuriant. Price, mailed, 75 cents and three 2 cent stamps, or 2 for $1 and six 2 cent stamps. Have no agencies. Must be ordered direct from manufacturers. We manufacture medicines few , all diseases for men and women. Write im­ mediately for full particulars, sealed. THE MERWIN CO., Windsor. Ont PRIME CAUSES OF SUICIDE. Avoidance of Physical Labor a Large Factor in Shaping Conduct. Throughout the literature of suicide one will find that the attitude toward wage­ earning and work is a larger factor in shap­ ing motives. The dread of being forced to work after a period of leisure, the mad de­ sire to get money by trickery and gambling devices, the scorn with which manual labor is regarded by the “successful,” is empha­ sized by the stories of the newly rich be­ come suddenly poor, and who then deftly escape into the unknown and live on pen- i sions and polite beggary.. But nothing is surer than that work is the primal condition of health and the love of life. It is the do-nothing, the fashionable, the “retired,” the woman freed from necessi­ ties and duties, that are the disease breeders and the miserables. The attitude of the fash­ ionable doctors, who minister to this un­ speakable class is not infrequently blame- 1 worthy. They are often encouraged by our rest cures, our flatteries and attentions. The effort to escape from drudgery is as old as civilization and as ancient as savage ry. The investigator sent to study the prob­ lem of putting the native African negroes to useful work finds that they simply will not work. Those among the Canadian Douk- hobors who would work found that the mal- ignerers and lazies were about half, and they preferred to live out of the common treas- usy supplied by the workers—until the lat­ ter determined to abolish the common treas­ ury and to receive and spend their own wages as other individuals do. Our civilization, economically, is largely a device of the cunning and the lazy to estab­ lish a common treasury. The “failure of democracy” is largely the failure to outwit the tricksters.—American Medicine. ISSUE NO. 36. 1905. Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Rrrcp should always be used for Ohtldmn Teetiitog. It Booths the child, softens the gums, enree wlat colic and is the best remedy tor Diarrhoea. There are very few cleans­ ing operations in which Sunlight Soap cannot be used to advant- age. It makes the home bright and clean. 1B FOR SALE. FOR SALE—100 acre farm. Good soil, con­ veniently situated. Price $1,800 cash. Apply ERNEST W. SMITH. Port Sydney, Ont, FOR SALE Issued in Chicago, But Equally Applic­ able Here. Chief O’Neil, of the Chicago police, has Just issued a new book of rules, which includes the following “Don’ts” for patrolmen. These should prove of local interest in view of the recent shakeup: gamble. get drunk, accept a gift, sleep on duty, lounge on post, smoke on duty, be immoral, mistreat a prisoner, carry an umbrella, get in the hands of the loan sharks, use coarse, insolent or profane lan- gossip about members of the' depart- neglect to be always tidy and neat neglect to pay your just debts, recommend lawyers to prisoners, criticize the oficial acts of superior Don’t neglect to take all stray animals to the pound. Don’t refuse to give your name and num­ber when requested. Don’t cers. Don’t let a lawyer In a cell with his cli­ ent Don’t a brisk Don’t . ....____ ___ __________ of the drillmaster. Don’t apply for a warrant if some one hits you, unless the chief approves. Don’t arrest a person for making a unless it is gross or aggravated. Dont’ use baton except in urgent of self-defense. Don’t permit your friends to elect you a delegate to a convention. Don’t use more force than absolutely ntces- eary in making an arrest Don’t permit lighted candles in barns full of hay or straw. Don’t permit anyone to go In swimming without some kind of clothes on. Don’t forget to read the new rules. forget to salute your superior otfi- drive the patrol wagon fastefr than trot. fail to participate in the manoeuvres noise cases THIS MESSAGE IS JOE WMffl Dame Bradet*e Cured of all Her Pains by Dodd’s Kidney Pills. feuflered for Years Before She Found Quick Relief in the Great Can­ adian Kidney Remedy. St. Rose du Degele, Temiscoutfl Co., Que. , Aug. 28.—(Special.)—Suffering women all over Canada will read with feelings of interest and relief the perience of Dame Amedee-Bradette, this place. “It gives me pleasure to be able tell,” says Dame Bradette, “that I cured of all the ills I suffered for a m ex- of to am cured of all the ills I suffered for a num­ ber of years. I found in Dodd’s Eadney Pills quick relief from all my pains. I only had to take one box to bring* back my health, and in five months I have had no return of my trouble.” Those troubles known only to women' always spring from disordered kidneys. The female organs are entirely depend­ ent on the kidneys. Dodd’s Kidney Pills never fail to cure the kidneys. That is why they always bring health, strength and cheerfulness to weak, run-down, suf­ fering women. Pope Pius on Habit. Talking the other day to the cardinals who had come to congratulate him on his seventieth birthday, Pius X. .said: “I never thought I would learn as much in my old days as I am doing. For in­ stance,” he added, with a sunny smile, “I can now mussing up a cassock francs.” And he explained: I indulged in the habit of wiping pen on the left sleeve of my coat bei I began and during writing. Of ifoi that didn’t matter much as long as I ’ donned things looked when I* came For a tinje my Then I deter­ write my name without a cassock worth 200 ‘For jyeafs my :f°re I began and during -writing. Of bourse wore black clothes, but when I d< the white Papal habit different, and so did I from my writing room. I valet didn’t know where to get enough clothes for me to wear. Then I deter­ mined to break with this bad habit, and I did. One can give up anything if one but tries hard enough.” V Hay Loft in Automobile Barn. A Philadelphian who has a country house near his home city recently ac­ quired an automobile. For its proper ac­ commodation he built a barn n<&r his house. When the structure was completed a party of friends invited to inspect it . noticed that the barn was a two t ‘. “7 I building. They wanted to know what he ! intended to keep in the second >torey. ; The owner’s explanation didn’t explain, ' but his wife revealed the reason * or the i second storey. “You see,” she said, I second storey was intended for a ! intended to keep in the second story i second storey. “You see,” she s; I second storey was intended for J lofe and it was not until the thing was 1 I I, “the hay the thing was I realized thatbuilt that either Henry or an automobile doesn’t eat hay.” THE CARE OF BOOKS. Books, like friendships, require careful treatment if they are to live long and prosper. Exposing books to heat pr strong sun­ light warps the binding. Corners should not be turned down or leaves folded in halves. Dragging a book out from the shelf by the binding at the top is hurtfuL If books are wedged in too tightly in a case they become shabby. Bookcases should not be placed against outside walls on account of the probable dampness. . A book marker should be thin; a pen­ cil or thick substance displaces the leaves. A blunt knife of ivory, wood, brass or metal should be used for cutting new books, not a sharp instrument. If any liquid be spilt on a book wipe it off at once gently with a softc loth, or absorb it with blotting paper; do not dry it by a fire. Do not turn a book on its face or place any weight on an open book. Never open a large book from the tends or cover, but from the centre. Never bend back the covers of a book, but keep them both level. ' Marginal notes are usually superfluoue and undesirable. Borrowed books should be covered to avoid accident. Ornamental paper book covers may be bought.—Chicago Tribune, TOO MANY PEOPLE DALLY WITH CATARRH.—It strikes one like a thun­ derclap, develops with a rapidity that no other disease does. Dr. Agnew’s Catarrhal Powder is the radical, quick, safe and plea­ sant cure that the disease demands. Use the means, prevent its deep-seating and years of distress. Don’t dally with Catarrh. Ag­ new’s gives relief in ten minutes. 50 cents." -37 A Perfume That Smells. The perfumer took from his desk a small flask of copper. “In flasks like this attar of roses conies to us,” he said. “Attar of roses is worth from $10 to $25 an ounce ac­ cording to the market. This flask is empty now, but in it a little odor still lingers.” The visitor smiled delightedly. He had never smelt pure attar of roses before. Now he unscrewed the stopper, and clos­ ing his eyes with an ecstatic look he ap­ plied his nostrils to the flask. But only for an instant. Then he threw back his head, twisting his fea­ tures into a grimace of disgust, and he exclaimed— “Garbage! Bone yards! Glue factor­ ies!” The perfumer laughed. “All esential oils smell like that,” he said. “Yet no good perfume can be made without them.” He took from a shelf a cut-glass jar filled with a thick yellowish oil that looked like petroleum partly refined. “In this jar,” he said, “there are forty ounces of pure attar of roses worth over $500. You know how the attar smells alone. Now watch me make a rich per­ fume by adding things to it.” He put a few drops of the attar into a phial. He filled the phial with spir­ its of wine. He added a drop of the ex­ tract of musk, another of orris, then one of neroli, one of rose, of violet, of orange, of vanilla, and, finally, the oil of cloves and bergamot. “There,” he said, “Smell that. Isn’t it exquisite ?” “Exquisite!” said the visitor. “Well, without its foundation of the malodorous and costly attar of roses it wouldn’t smell any better than a plate of soup,” Something Doing in Chicago. (Buffalo Commercial.) A death every 15 minutes. A birth every 8 minutes and 27 seconds. A murder every 70 hours. A suicide every 18 hours. A serious accident, necessitating nurse’s or physician’s care, every four minutes. A fatal accident every five hours. A case of assault and battery every minutes.A burglary every three hours. A hold-up every six hours. A disturbance of the peace, to attract at­ tention, every six seconds. A larceny every 20 minutes. An arrest every 7 minutes and 30 seconds. A fire every hour. An arrest for drunkenness every 15 min­ utes. A 1 A < A and ! A . . .56 seconds. Sixty passengers, suburban and through, arrive every second at railroad stations. Seventeen thousand gallons of water a min­ ute pass through the 1,900 miles of city water mains. 26 marriage every 20 minutes. case for the coroner every three hours, new building completed 15 minutes, railroad passenger train every 1 hour arrives every and through, —,-------------------------------------------;----'. What Would Happen? Were the British soldiers to leave In­ dia to-morrow, as the Roman legions once left Britain, there would be witnessed' an immediate and furious outbreak of racial and religious hatred between the innumerable devotees of Brahmanism and the sixty millions of Moslems, be­ tween Mahrattas and Pathans, between the Gurkas, who are the Buddhists, and the Sikhs, who have a creed of their own. The vast peninsula, which stretches from the Himalayas to Cape Comorin and from Afghanistan to Burmah, would be transformed instantly into a shambles and a hell. Ultimately, no doubt, Russian armies, descending from the mountains i in the guise of liberators or the allies I of a faction, would deal with the diverse ethnical types and mode of worship in India as they have dealt with the Mo­ hammedans of Turkestan and the Budd­ hists of Mongolia, applying the Roman blend of severity and lenity described in the well known maxim, Parcere subjects et debellare superbos—Spare the submis­ sive and ward down the proud. ------------------------ NEW YORK, PHILADELPHIA In going to above points take direct route, Lehigh Valley Railroad. Five fast express trains daily, from Suspension Bridge, Niagara Falls. Trains of G. T. R. make direct connection at Suspension Bridge. The Lehigh Valley has three stations in New York uptown, near all first class hotels and business houses; downtown, near all European steamer docks, saving passengers for Europe a long and expensive transfer. Secure your tickets to New York or Philadelphia via Lehigh Valley Railroad. TWO ELECTRIC MOTORS. Direct current, 1% and 8 horee-pow? dress Box 10, TIMES OFFICE, Hamilton. MISCELLANEOUS. a 4fYirL-J Tailored Suits $4.50 to a AI > I ■ 7% 5U- Send j, for free sam-pies. No Soutlhoott Suit Co., London, Ont. TELEGRAPHY A telegrapher earns from $540.00 to $1,800.00 a year. Do you? If not, let us qual­ ify you to telegraph everything, to-day. B. W. SOHERS, Principal. DOMINION SCHOOL Of TELEGRAPHY 6 Adelaide St. East, Toronto, Ont. do so. Our free book explains Write for it Executing a Monster Elephant. The Indian elephant named Fritz in the Zoological Gardens of Berlin was Europe’s largest animal until it finally had to be killed for distemper. Dr. Schilling was appointed hangman. First he tried strangulation by means ;of ropes and pulleys. But the ropes broke and the elephant remained intact. Next he tried poisoning. The animal was given fodder of fresh bananas, which was de­ voured witha relish. Then a few'banan­ as were dipped in carbolic acid—but no amount of coaxing could make Fritz “go” them. Finally shooting was tried. The heaviest big game gun was procur­ ed and a shot was fired into the left armpit. The elephant merely looked around in surprise, the bullet having flattened against the. shoulder blade. Then a Maxim gun was pulled up. A fusilade of projectiles was pumped into the big beast under the right armpit. The elephant went down like a house. In its death struggle, which was studied by many scientists, it broke all its chains and reduced part of the iron fence in the padlock to scrap iron. Lifebuoy Soap—disinfectant—is strongly recommended by the medical profession as a safeguard against infectious diseases.22 Overworked Railroad Employees. Is it not a fair assumption that the railroads would have fewer accidents and kill fewer employees and passengers if they never cut off thousands of men from their pay rolls in a year of record­ breaking traffic? When fewer men do more work it is Ikely to be found that many are overtaxed. On ralroads that too often means fatal drowsiness at posts of danger, carelessness from subject­ ing nature to excessive strain. American railroads exhibit wonderful growth in business, while they go from bad to worse in respect to the protection of human life. When is this fatal weak­ ness to be remedied?—Cleveland Leader.--------—j------------ ITCHING PILES.—Dr. Agnew’s Oint­ ment Is proof against the torments of Itch­ ing Piles. Thousands of testimonials of cures affected by its use. No case too ag- gravaaed or too long standing for it to soothe, comfort and cure. It cures in 3 to 6 nights. 35 cents.—95 The Scientific Alarmist. The plain citizen is booked for all sort* of trouble if he takes with deep serious­ ness—a habit of the plain citizen- - all we are heading these days about “impure food.” We learned that our coffee is tainted with some kind of an acid that just glories in chewing up the nerves and membranes and furnishing phyuciSns with new clinical subjects for the paresis class. The oatmeal contains a liberal per­ centage of sawdust secured from trees that grow in a marsh where the original ; malaria germ has its habit. The milk is a silent partner of the typhoid germ and rolls are shortened with a lard substitute made from cottonseed oil produced from cotton that is full of boll weevils. The man who dodges these and other attendant evils at breakfast and is allowed to live until dinner finds prussic acid in his peas, strychnine in his olives, deadly phosphates in the soup, sure death in the cheese and borax in everything.—Washington Post. WARRIOR WOES.— Through cold and exposure, many a brave who left his native hearth as “fit” could be to fight for country’s honor, ‘has been “invalided home” because of the vul­ ture of the battle ground—Rheumatism. South American Rheumatic Cure will abso- • lutely cure every case of Rheumatism in existence. Relief in six hours.—98 damp, soldiw as man Babies Mixed on Bargain Day. It was a bargain day on Sixth avenue, New York, and twenty baby carriages, all properly checked, were ranged up in front of a department store while the mothers were inside buying things they didn’t need. Suddenly a baby at one end of the line stood up, toppled over against the next carriage, and in a moment all the carriages went over like ninepins, sending the kids sprawling about the sidewilk. It took a long time to identify them, for an atendant had put them back indiscriminately, and they were not checked like their This thrilling incident shows that the only sure way to avoid similar catas­ trophes would be to brand each child with a number and hang a correspond­ ing number round the mother’s neck, like a bathroom key.—Boston Herald. ENGLISH SPAVIN LINIMENT Removes all hard, soft or calloused lumps and blemishes from horses, blood spavin, curbs, splints, ringbone, sweeney, stifles, sprains, sore and swollen throat, coughs, etc. Save $50 by use of one bet­ tie. Warranted the most wonderful Blemish Cure ever known. had put them perambulators. Pennsylvania Woman’s Odd Act. (Philadelphia Record.) Possibly the oddest advertisement in a rural setlement in this State is a meat mar­ ket finger-board sign surmounting a fountain and circular flower ted in Lincoln, the little Lancaster county village, which was former­ ly known as New Ephrata. The sign in question was devised by an am­ bitious wife, who endeavors to secure trade for her husband by a unique design in the little front dooryard of their home. A pool of water, on the order of a fountain, almost fills the little yard. This is surrounded by a cement coping, and the pool is well filled with delicate water plants and gold fish. Directly from the centre of this pool a stout iron pipe or rod has been fixed to hold swinging circular shelves for potted plants, I at a height to show well above the iron fence which encloses the yard, and at the I top of the rod is the crowning attraction, a .circular sign which advertises her hus­ band’s business,’with a hand pointing sug­ gestively to his meat market, situated down the street, a few doors-below her home. ** * * ~ » . Greater Skill Required. The New Toris World’ alludes to the con­ testants ,for the Canada’s 'Cup as toys in ..comparison with th^ America's Cup racers; r . the fact remajDS that greater skill isSt. Patricks was -the first church required in sailing the waters of Lake On- ir. x . ' tario than those off Sandy Hook. from Compressed Air Chimes. The chimes of St Patrick’s Cathedral, in Fifth avenue, New York, are rung by compressed air. Nineteen bells are in the spire. The heaviest weighs six thou­ sand pouads, the lightes three hundred pounds. The keyboard of the chimes is in the sacristy. The operator presses a key coresponding to a bell in the spire. This establishes an electric connection, which opens a valve in the steeple, con­ ducting compressed air to a.piston ..with a ‘clapper that strikes the -bell. Elec-' tricity is the trigger and compressed air the motive power in playing the. chimes. A A A AAAA AA AAA adopt the new system. ORANGE I E.B.EDDY8 “SILENT” . . . - t NOISELESS.-HEADS WON’T FLY OFF. If dropped on the? floor and or, it wfl! not igniU t se­ ttees happens with the common latch. Will strike c-q the best yet That precious remedy, Is a positive car* for ail ■female diseases. Wrltikfor descriptloa circular and free sample. R. S. McGIEL^ Simcoe, Oat. Quick Composition. Oscar Hammerstein’s twenty-four hour opera must take a back seat to In Old Madrid, which was written on three gro­ cer bags in five minutes. The same com­ poser required; but eight minutes for the Brow of the Hill, the time including the posting of the letter, while his Asthore was completed in forty minutes. Schubert’s The Erl King was written well within an hour, and Mendelssohn wrqte an entire overture in a little more than a day. Albert Chevalier writes his coster songs when the inspiration seizes him, and some of his best were done in ten or fifteen minutes, on old scraps of paper. Once, a lamp post wa3 his desk, a friehd holding an umbrella over him to keep off the rain. 4 4 4 4 < 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 £Nell—She plays me harp beai doesn’t she? Belle—Yes; she with a twang. i ; YOUR eWJOtt JO® A BOX. The E; B.JEDDY Co.npeny, Limited HVLLiOAMADA.