The Exeter Times-Advocate, 1939-08-03, Page 3IT CAN’T BE DONE
If you believe that you could go
out to the busiest street .corner and
give away Five Dollar gold pieces to
every passerby - you have another
‘think’ coining.
It can't be done, sir.
The wise ones will shy over to the
other side of the walk, wink and say,
‘Oh, no, you can’t fool me with that
gag, I bit on something like that,
once before - but never again.’
The fellow who said that if one
built a better mousetrap, pitchfork
or butcher knife, the world will beat
a pathway to his door even though
he lived in the woods - or words to
that effect - passed out the wrong
dope.’
If you want another person to fa
vor you, he will do so for exactly
one reason, and that is: his favour
ing you will bring a corresponding
advantage to him.
Primarily, all of us are selfish.
A black bass will not ‘strike’ a
dead minnow. The more the min
now wriggles to get away, the more
apt it will be to tempt the appetite
of the bass for Mr. bass wants no
•dead ones.
Human beings are pretty much the
same way, We want that which Is
hard to get but that which is within
.our reach, attracts us not at all.
* * *
Unforunately, men are more grudg
ing in the rewarding of merit, than
in the bestowal of blame.
* * *
It takes more than horse sense to
know when to bridle your tongue.* * *
Criticism is one of the compensa
tions of public service.
* * *
That man is to be pitied who has
not judgment enough to know his
friends from his enemies.* * *
TAKE NOTICE
Back in 1928, Col. Leonard P.
Ayres said: “The great rewards of
business and banking during the
next decade will probably go to the
plodders rather than the plotters, to
the circulators rather than the
speculators, to the thrifty - not the
shifty.”jfe 41
PUNCTUATION
To appreciate the value of punctu
ation, try this;
.that that is is that that is not is not.
• • •
THE TALLY
It isn’t the job we intended to do
Or the labor we’ve just begun
That, puts us right on the ledger
sheet;
•It’s the work we have really done.
Our credit is built on things we do
Our debit on things we shirk;
The man who totals the biggest plus
Is the man who completes his work
Good intentions do not pay bills;
It’s easy enough to plan;
To wish is the play of an office boy;
To do is the job of a man.
—Richard Lord
* * *
A man taking out theft insurance
on his office furnishings omitted
the office clock — said everybody
watched that.
, * * ♦
PATRIOTISM vs. SUBVERSION
True patriotism is this: to
love our country so dearly that
you want t.o see it respected, ad
mired and even loved by every
other country.* * *
BUSINESS WISDOM
“The lesson of making money
comes before that of saving it,” says
Howard W. Dickinson and continues,
“And the profit value of promotion
compared with that of saving is more
than ten to one.”
Much business wisdom is packed
Nagging, Dragging
Pains In the Back
Many women have to do their own
housework^ and the constant bend-
ing over, lifting, making beds,
sweeping, ironing, sewing, so neces
sary to perform their household
duties puts a heavy strain on the
back and kidneys, and if there were
no kidney wealmess the back would
bo strong and well.
Doan’s Kidney Pills help io give
relief to weak, backache, kidney suf
fering women.Doan’S Kidney Pills arri put up
in an oblong grey box with our trade
mark a ‘‘Maple Leaf on the
wrapper. , _ ,Don’t accept a substitute. Be
sure rind grit “Doan’s. ’
Thfi T. MhbUrn Co,, I4d., Toronto, Ont,
in those two sentences.
Twenty years ago, two young men
went into business. Both had much
to gain and little to lose, except time,
Modest success was won at once. One
partner was of the type that believes
that promotive dollars earn more
than saved dollars. He wanted to re
invest all earnings, and drive for-
a bigger success. The other partner
wanted to xhug what he had.
They coilld not agree and so they
separated. The saver stayed right
where he was — the promotive fel
low went forward.
Both savers and promoters are
needed, but the high type of promo
tive man will make ?10,000 while
the saving type is conserving a $1,-
000. The promotive man will per
ceive that by doubling his prdduc-
tion, he can quadrupel his profits.
The net gain may be $5,000 a month.
The saving man will study his costs,
haggle with his suppliers, and de
bate with his bankers over a half of
one percent. He thinks he is getting
the last dollar opt of his business,
but by his mailure to exploit the full
capacity of his factory, he is losing
a small fortune. Dollars that could
be made and are not made are just
as real as dollars that have been won
and then are lost.* * *
“What did your wife say when
you came in at four this morning?”
“Didn’t have a word to say.”
“S’matter, tongue tied?”
“No, I put cement in her beauty
clay.”
* » ♦
CHEER UP, ROUGHNECKS
Pick husbands out like cantaloupes,
With care your choice decide;
It is not wise to take the ones
That are too smooth outside.
* * •
Accepting praise that is riot de
served is about the same as accept
ing stolen goods.♦ * *
Obligation is hateful because it
fosters thraldom.* * ,*
PRANKISH PROBLEMS
Anwer to Prankish Problem No.
76 which appeared in this space last
week: 12 miels pet* hour
Prankish Problem No. 77: A boy
dropped a stone down a well. Four
seconds later he heard the splash.
How far was it down to the surface
of the water?
You may assume the following:
speed of sound - 1100 feet a second;
accelleration due to gravity - 32,0
feet per second; air resistance is neg
lected.
(Can you arrive at the correct
answer before we print it in this
space next week?)* * *
Interrogatory Department
Why is it that when a man resists
temptation, he aways expects an even
greater reward?
What is Pep? It is something
which makes race horses and bird
dogs restless and active.
Don’t starf anything you can't
finish - ever stop to consider where
we would be if Noah hadn’t finished
his boat in time?
Ever notibe that the fellow who is
always in a hurry is usually late?* * *
Tom: “Will the orchestra play
anything requested?’
Waiter: “Certainly, sir.”
Tom: “Well, ask them to play a
few rubbers of bridge.”* * *
Boss: “The boy who gets this job
must be fast.”
Sambo: “Mistuli, Ah is so fast Ah
can drink watah out of a sieve.”* * *
GOING UP
Dea.'* Colonel: I observed in a ha
berdasher’s window this sign: “Final
Shirt. Sale.” I immediately conceiv
ed the amusing idea that in choosing
ones final shirt, one should have m
mind the prevailing modes in shrouds
“Beck”
— -which brings to mind, the ha
berdasher who advertised — “See
our soiled underwear.”
* * *
Well,'It Was Somebody’s Fault
Jimmie was absent from school
one day. The next morning he car
ried the following excuse to his
teacher: “Please excuse Jimmie for
being absent ■■— he had a new baby
brother. It was not his fault,”* * *
If you can make
One person smile
You can be great;
If you can make
Two people smile
You will be greater;
If you make
Three people smile
* You’ll grate on others, (as I
do,)
•the colonel
THE EXETER TIMES-ADVOCATE
editorial
Many field crops just escaped the drought.
* * i’ ♦ * "l1 * *
How grateful that timely rain yet men profess not to be able
to tell whence comes the rains and the storms. Our mothers know
better and tell us in simple faith.
*»»«*•*»
Yes, it’s trying out there in the harvest fields these dreadfully
hot days, but for the real thing that tries the spirit try lying in a
hospital pained and thirsty after a serious operation.
********
An enthusiastic reporter tells us that you can eat off the floor
of a cheese factory he visited. Where do the men walk in that
fa'ctory, or-has the reporter “got over being particular.”
**¥*¥**♦
If the sleepers at Ottawa fail to do their duty in the hour* of
world extremity and peril, it will not be because of the efforts of
Premier Hepburn and Col. Drew to awaken them to the needs of
these fateful hours.
******* *
We’ve been waching, a queer old codger of a farmer. Early in
life he owned very little besides a fair amount of intelligence, a
willingness to work and an apportunity that he dearly won. Now
he owns his farm with good buildings, good cattle and horses and a
modern home. We’ve never seen him stop his neighbors for field
threshing. But as we say, he’s a queer old codger. He told us that
it improved his grain to put it into the mow to allow it to “come
again” and then to thresh it.
********
LET’S GUT THE HUMBUG
It was announced that on a certain Sunday of this harvest that
prayers were to be offered for rain. Yet we venture to say that little
more than half those most heeding rain had attended church with
anything like regularity for a twelvemonth. In the day of extrem
ity these men call on Almighty God whose goodness they do not
practically recognize. Why should men treat their Best Friend so ill?
When the devil was sick, the devil a monk would be
When the devil got well, never the monk was he.
********
THE VICTOR
I’ve wiser grown with passing years—■
My mind I’ve chirked up tightly—
As I peg away with steady stroke
I'll grouse not even slightly
On Monday blithe, I’ll work and lilt my lay
And of Tuesday’s needs remind me
But of Saturday’s woes I’ll think no more
For I’ve left them all behind me.
The bridges I have never crossed
/ Have wearied me times unnumbered
The losses I have not incurred
Have meanly my best days numbered.
But now to growing rose and sweet songed bird
I’ll not let fortune blind me.
But I’ll trust in God and plod along
With my troubles — all behind me
***»»»**
TALKING TOO MUCH
An interesting incident has just taken place in connection with
the affairs of the British government. It seems that a man by the
name of Hudson has been talking with the head of the German Na
tional Bank. He is alleged to have been “feeling” the German fin
ancier regarding the ending of the financial strain brought upon
Europe by reason of the Armament program now in progress. The
proposition discussed was that Germany should give up her arma
ment programme in return for an enormous loan to be advanced to
Germany to enable her to switch from armament manufacture to
the arts of .peace. There is little room for doubt that the discussion
took place.All sensible folk wonder how the discussion came about. Were
the German and the Britisher having a- downright good, mellowing
time over their cups when this subject was mooted? Had they been
reading some exciting, new edition of a medern Arabian Nights
story? Were they the victims of the silly season? Or was the
Britisher some sort of stool pigeon set up to test the German con
sciousness, and now that the scheme put forward by the dupe has
been seen to be fantastic beyond al description, is he to carry the
weight of the British .cabinet’s wrath? Or has the Britisher simply
been talking out of the family circle or out of the British office?
THEN AND NOW
We recall the day when we were busy pumping the noon supply
of water for the cattle. As we were doing our utmost with the
pump, suddenly there was no response, that old pump simply would
not function. We reported the state of affairs to dad who promptly
ordered us to invite two neighbors to come and help us to find what
was wrong. It was anything but fun getting the long, heavy wooden
pump out of the well. Then .came the verdict, “The leathers are
gone and one of the logs is done for.” All of which meant a trip
to the town, but the buggy route for leathers and log, a bit of work
that involved nearly a day's time. Then followed the spoiling of
another half day including the labours of our two neighbors. Mean
while we had the duty of driving the cattle to the creek, about half
a mile away, to the interference with the milk flow. Fixing that
pump involved the labour of three men for at least a whole day.
Just this week the pump gave away again. This time the 'phone
called the pump-fixer who promptly arrived with .car and trailer.
In a minute or two a tripod was in place and block and tackle
had the pump where it could be examined, one man doing, the whole
work. Wrenches well-used had the pump apart in ten minutes. A
vise on the box of the trailer enabled all the parts of the cylinder to
be taken apart in a minute or so. A portion of the piping was
past usefulness and was cut out and replaced in short order for this
modern well-man had threaders and cutting, tools right there ready
for use. Valves came out as by magic, the pump grew together
under our astonished eyes and was down the well and working, all
in the space of ninety minutes. All this was done without disturb
ing the work of the farm or the aid of a single neighbor. “The old
order changeth, giving place to the new.”
FAST WORK NEEDED TO SAVE
BARN NEAR GODERICH
The constant rubbing of a wagon
wheel on a loaded hay rack, set the
load on fire and totally destroyed
hay, rack and wagon as it was being
driven up the gangway into the barn
of William Bogie, six miles north
of Goderich on the Blue Water High
way.
In one more minute, the load of
hay, ablaze underneath, would have
been in the barn and all would have
been lost.
The Bogies were drawing in hay
with Ruehen Bogie and his nelce,
Helen MacMillan, 16, on top of the
load approaching the barn, innocent
of the fact that a fire was burning
beneath them.
The last long pull up the gangway
was under way when within 30 feet
of the barn doors, William Bogie, 75
father of Reuben and grandfather of
Helen, detected the blaze.
There was some fast work then,
There could be no turning on the
approach to the barn and no backing
up, so the horses were unhitched and
taken clear of the blaze, A tractor
near by was brought into service,
hitched to the rear of the blazing
load and it was hauled a safe dis
tance from the barn where it burn
ed to ashes, wagon and all.
Foresight "
Mother: "So you got those beau
tiful moccasins for daddy? They are
splendid; but don’t you think, dear,
he would have preferred carpet slip
pers?”
Young Hopeful; “You’ve never
been spanked with carpet slippers!”
“It All Depends”
Who cuts the barber’s hair? Who
manicures the painfully-correet fin
gers of the manicurist? Who shines
the shoe-shiner’s shoes? Who makes
the morning cup of tea for the pro
fessional tea-taster? Who waits on
the waiter? Who delivers the mail
man’s mail? Who fixes the garage
mechanic's car?
That lust question is the one that
really startd me off on tills train of.
thought. j
I have no car but I play around in I
the summer with a very small, very
old boat and, as will happen - even
with a new boat - every now and then
something goes wrong with the en
gine and I call in a mechanic. In no
time at all he locates the trouble and
hands her back to me, ticking like a
watch.
But, I must sadly confess, it seems
that one visit to the mechanic always
involves another for no sooner is my
little boat back to me before the
same trouble occurs again or some
other little thing has to be fixed.
Until I became the owner of my
little boat I had a mild, unsuspicious
nature. I thought all women were
beautiful, all men were honest. I
still try to think so but now I take
out a little insurance by going over
the engine with a wrench each time it
returns from the mechanic and tight
ening up anything that has been left
loose.
Not to confirm my suspicions, but,
rather, to confound the mechanic -
detractors who had implanted those
suspicions in my mind I have cnang-
ed mechanic. It is too soon yet to
say what the result will be - these
little things that go wrong have an
uncanny habit of waiting a week or
10 days to happen - but I did find
several loose nuts.
Maybe it is just boredom that ac
counts for it. Pehhaps,.by the time
he has had all the greasy parts out
and enjoyed the fun of putting them
all - or nearly all - back again, the
mechanic gets bored with the simple
business of tightening up all the
nuts and bolts and screws. I hope
that is the expanation. I want to
keep my faith in mankind as long
as I can.
But I really do want to know who
fixes the mechanic’s engines for him.
And if the fixer experiences the same
boredom when it comes to putting
it in shape agan. Or, does the fact
that the job is being done for a
mechanic put the second mechanic
on his mettle to do an absolutely per
fect repair? Perhaps the mechanic’s
engine is always kept in such perfect
tune that it needs no repairs, or the
mechanic repairs it himself - for.
reasons best known to himself.
1 If he repairs it himself I wonder
does he find something wrong again
in a few days or does the last detail
boredom leave him when he knows
it is his own engine he is fixing?
It All Depends!
A train of thoughts aptly named.
It is like an express train. It wants
to get ahead quickly. It won’t stop,
or back up. It leads from one place
to another, always leaving each sta
tion before you have time really to
explore it.
A few minutes ago I thought of
quite a few things about a profes
sional tea-taster. Now most of them
have escaped me or are jumbeld up
in the “innards” of a motor that I
don’t understand. I suppose that
only a wife would dare to make a
cup of tea for a tea-taster. And
would she give it to him with milk
and sugar? or lemon? or cream? In
his professional capacity he tastes
more cups of tea in a day than we
do in a month. But he doesn’t
drinks the tea. He rolls it around his
tongue, sprays it back on his tonsils
and - spits it out! He tastes it in
small quantities, black, strong and
scalding hot. He can keep 15 or 20
blends in his head at a time, tasting
them in quick succession, and then
makes his notes after the last one.
I wonder if he ever forgets him
self when he’s at home.
Of course the answer to “who cuts
the barber’s hair?” is simple. An-
mother barber. But I would like to
know if the barber feels as helpless
in his brother barber’s hands as does
a non-tonsorialist. Does he solemnly
look in the mirror at the back-mir
rored reflection of the back of his
head and fear to criticize its appear
ance. as I do? Or has he the nerve
to order (that he be made to look
less like a criminal? Perhaps the
sterness he had to assume to con
trol his customers stands him in
good stead.
It All Depends.
Canada is steadily developing as
a manufacturing country and her
mineral resources are bringing in in
creasing revenue each year but basi
cally Canada is, and will be for some
years, an agricultural country.
Thanks to provincial and federal j
encouragement and research the ag
ricultural industry is flourishing,
which is well attested to by the
throngs of agriculturists who come
from all over the United States to
inspect the many horticultural, ag
ricultural and livestock exhibits at
the Canadian National Exhibition.
Cheered the Judge
“You’re home early from the court
Mrs. Murphy.”
“They shoved me out for clappin*
when me’ usband got three months.”
TRY IT THE "SALADA" WAY
Infuse 6 heaping teaspoons of Salada Black Tw In a pint of fresh, boiling water.
After 6 minutes strain liquid into 2-quart container; while hot, add 1 to 1 % cup$
of sugar and juice of 2 lemons, strained; stir until sugar is dissolved; Fill container
with cold water. Do not allow tea to pool before adding cold water or liquid
will become cloudy. Serve with chipped ice, The above makes 7 tall glasses.
GODERICH SPORTS AUTOGRAPHS
SAW BEER DISAPPEAR BUT
STILL WONDERS IF GALENTO
WAS GUEST
A report that Tony Galento, the
prize fighter, was in town with a
Detroit yachting party of sportsmen
aboard the yacht “Eldorado” gained
wide circulation in Goderich on Tues
day night and Wednesday of last
week and the sports fraternity was
all atwitter. People flocked to the
beach to see “Two Ton Tony“ dis
port himself in a pair of trunks. Sure
enough a massive man who looked,
acted and talked like “Tony” was
there. Not only that but he insisted
he was “Tony” and readily signed
autographs. Still the wiseacres were
skeptical.
Later in the evening “Tony” deck
ed himself out in the latest sports
attire, called a taxi and he and his
party went up town to make the
rounds of the beer parlors, Tony
polished off quite a few shupers, sei
them up for the house and gave the
waiter a note, “To my friend Charlie
—Tony Galento.” He also showed
Charlie his passport with the name
Tony Galento on it, also his picture.
He purchased a large quantity of
food at the next door restaurant and
retired to the yacht for the night,
after paying a compliment to the po
tency of Canadian beer.
Folks thereabouts are still won-
wering if there are two Tony Gal-
entos, whether or not the original
really was there or whether this is
just one of the ways these Detroit
millionaire sportsmen have of enjoy
ing themselves when they hit trie
small towns on their mid summer
cruise.
McLEOD — O’NEIL
Rev. S. Whalen, Ilderton, officiat
ed at the wedding held in the Angli
can Church, Birr, of Addie Frances,
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas
O’Neil of Denfield, to Mr. Donald
Angus McLeod of Shedden. Gowned
in a floor length pink taffeta frock
with tight fitting bodice, the brid§
carried a white prayer book. Her sis
ter, Miss Violet O’Neil, in Marina
blue and white was bridesmaid. Fol
lowing the wedding breakfast. Mr.
and Mrs. McLeod left for a trip to
Northern Ontario, the bride travel
ing a plum and violet ensemble.
Last week Rev. James Anthony
underwent a painful operation on his
throat in St. Joseph's Hospital In
London. His many friends hope for
his speedy recovery.
I DON’T CARE
WHAT CAR YOU
DRIVE, YOU’LL GET
MORE MILES ON
GOODYEARS
/oago farther... for teas...
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Exeter, Ontario
THURSDAY, AUGUST & 198ft
Newlyweds Honored
at Kippen Reception
A presentation to Mr. and. Mrs,
Wison McCartney of the Mill Road,
Tuckersmith, who were recently mar
ried, was held in the Kippen hall on
Monday night July 24, with over
300 friends present, Dancing was
enjoyed during the earlier part of the
evening, music being supplied by
Collins orchestra. After luncheon
the presentation of a beautiful ches
terfield was made to Mr. and Mrs.
McCartney by Messrs. Art Nicholson
Wilfred Coleman and Thos. Hodgert
and an address read by Mr. Edwin.
Chesney, to which Wilson replied.
Dancing was resumed until the small
hours.
To Mr. and Mrs. Wilson McCartney.
Dear Friends,—
Again we bow to custom old,
A custom we’ve admired.
To gather here this company,
No coaxing was required.
Our purpose here, is most sincere
Be it plainly understood,
To welcome you as newly weds
Into our neighborhood.
No strangers we, but old friends,
You have known for years,
. Approving of the act you’ve done.
All join to say, “You dears”
Not just to welcome you—may we
Express the hope that you
May many years this life enjoy
Prosper in all you do.
May clouds be small and silver lined
That may your life bedim,
And Health, with Happiness and
Cheer
Fill Life’s cup to the brim.
Now all who do these words
endorse,
Whether* they be Man or Miss,
To show that you are real sincere
Just SEAL IT, with a—hand
shake.
Kindly accept this present for your
mutual use and may memories of
your many friends and theii* kind
■wishes this night, be ever closely
connected with it in youi* memory.
Signed on behalf of your many
friends. Tuckersmith, July 24, 1939.
Miss Duram: “I'm so sorry to heai’
of your motoring accident.”
Miss Dummer: “Oh, thanks: it’s
nothing. I expect to live through,
many more.”
Miss Dumm: “Oh, I hope not.”
S3
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