The Wingham Times, 1885-06-12, Page 2•
11IS°1511LiairT4.0Uti ITE
lb.nr PT.
. Mammoth cave in Kentucky' reeds
vett 3000 vieitors annually.
A musio expert says only one man
ia a. 1000 can whietle a tune.
President Oleveland is said, to 'have
sieved his first month's eatery,
' There isL gorge in Yellowstone
park where no sowed aaz be award
The grasshopper plague is assuming
arming' proportions in Oalifernia.
New Orleans was founded by a
company of adventurers in, 1748.
Brooklyn claims e 'population. of
700,000, or about half that of .New
Ys rk,
Minneapolis sets an example wiihI
's destined, to find imitators anions,
estern towns by ohargiug $1,000 for
circus license.
Electricity Is now employed in ax-
trecting teeth, a. recently invented
machine pullieg, in aa actual test,
seven teeth in five seconds.
e A. true politician," says the !Sayan-
tuali uews, is the highest type of citi-
zen, and it is to be regretted that there
'are not more true politicians."
A Sacramento, Oal., farmer who
.has twelve acres out in asparagus es -
TUB Timm. FAIDA417 JIM reQ'
THE 011.0, OLD STOUT.
•
Country people are alwaye in search
of bargains, Auetum eales in the
'ties attract a good meny farsuersi
who came with •thef, wivesl to leek
ate r bargains, ill furniture and horses,
They look over the list of elections
and find• that a gentleman, who is
about to go to Europe, offers his
splendid furniture and carpets for
sale. Here is a elia,nce for bargaius.
The fertner'e wife takes her husband.
—arid his pocket book. --and goes to -
see the handsome furuiture sacrificed.
Every bid she makes is raised by a
stout man with a red bottle nose.
handsomely oolored and knobbed all
over by rum. The lady wonders why
this man wants everything she wants,
and bets her mind, on beating him
every time—othe nasty red nosed
thing." gets mad; 'ler danders
upe" to to speak, and. she gots all she
wants and a great deal. more, in , spite
of the remonstrances of her husband,
4Woll,' she says 'Mrs, Jones will open
her eyes when she sees' Me blue satin
parlor set and the best bed -room set,
widths gorgeous carpets.' The goad
woman finds to her sorrow that the
goods never were owned by ,any
'west Secondly, we shall endeavor to 'Great goodneee, jeems, evhiete€
namely, where the devil be was.going?1.4 ram oilint
Rather lItebbartli saki .the 0 •
grodareeed•
%Vests:. Ontill.:10:707
saseee
es• te, That will KNIT
PLAIN WORK
v.' Perfectly,
A few of the mane articles that tenn be made cal
on:. Family Machine are Undershirte Drawors,
Mitts, Hosiery, Moves, Caps Cuffs 'Tidies -al"
these can be made any size.
lilake I? re PIE: fis rnl RTS Sc hl'OEn :ern Ed -Clot nne Qoa snlkiet.irt yd
feghP.Nar s 0 oni a
enquire alto hie geographical peoition that
Thirdly, who the devil Le
was seeldag 'Youre not a OW to wear those
ce, are
.And fuUrtfily, amt lastly, we obeli en- . end you.'
BEST
deaVOr to solve a question wt leis has 'I've got to be fashionable to keep
FAMILY
i:ever yet been 0044 wino the devil up witliyou. I've got as much right
he was 'oaring about.' to go
egv:airuttlehle onriaenal bags as you have IIITToil:
'I'd take it off., IN USE
IIITMOROUS,
'Are you pope's boy, 'Yes sir.'
'And are you mamma's boy.'
sir,' how can you be papa's and
mamma's at the same time.' After a
pause. 'Can't a nice carriage have
two horses.'
It is said that a young lady can
never whistle in the presence of her
lover. The reason is obvious. lie
doesn't give her a chance, "When she
gets her lips in a proper position for
whistling, something else alweys oc-
.
cure.
'Can you give me a definition ef
nothing, enquired a school teacher.
'Yes mum, its a bunghole without a
barrel around it,' shouted little Ted
Saunders, whose papa is a cooper.
A bright three year old described a
dream yesterday as, 'When you see
something, but d an' t see it.'
d 1 • gentleman gone to Eurepe, but are What this great throbbing publia
• niau e y
7:The..); of whith $9,000 is clear
'net.
A. preacher in Butler' county, Ga ,
merriest' a couple a few days ago and
received the following ice for his
ssrviees: Twelve duck eggs 50 cents
sto.0., prise of two ducks $4;
making a total of.$10. The preach;
• i -ode ten mile to perform . the
esereneony. ; • • •
The Uaited States consume more.
lenions in a year than all the oth
et -tunnies combined. Russia miles
neet. The custom Russians .lieve of
drinking a cup ,of tea with a sliee of
einon nn it 'accounts for the large
;cone eruption the e.
• .A child witletwo tongues is said to
lite living .ia Yonkers, New York
The eecond has grown from the• root
.id on. the top of the 'fiest. The'
ainW ter°11.0.ticea it when tho child was
floe e days old. It teas ilea quite
1 -lar ii. but new that the. clild is two
,yt,a.rs,oldiit is nearly as large, as the
areal tongue.
WHAT TO TEACH GIRLS.
To darn stocking, it,nd flew on but-
tons.
To say 'not •and mean it, or 'yen,'
and stick to it.
Teach them to regard the morels
and not the money of their heeux.
To keep house ht neat order.
That the more one lives within
ones. income, the more one will save.
That tight lacing ought to be pre-
vented by law.
That a reliable young man with
good, business qualities is worth u
dozen loafers in tine harness.
Teach them e'verq clay some item of
dry, hard, practical, common souse,
and they will yet find time for itieel-
own Image.
That any amount of tight lazing
and pinching of corns cannot improve
a farm the Almighty has made in His
Give them if possible a goad, sub.
trashy rub Ash stuck together with is yearning for is a scientist who will etantial education, and as mauy of
ghee the blue satin is cotton and discover a woman that will not 40, the accomplishments as you oan af-
ford, but never neglect their traiaing,
fades all oat, and the carpets "mans.' knewledge that any other woman's
It is all bogus: This trick is pled dress does not hang likes rag.
every day, and the red nosed man isle
A female teacher Su a public school
fraud who never buys aeything, but
Was amazed the other day by seeing
makes his living by 'raising bids' day
a perfect forest of juvenile hands fly
after day. Avoid ali auction rooms
up m the air. and. gesticulate
and horses which ,aro 'the property of
'Wit do you want,' queried the puz
a widow whose hueband, recently de-
zled iustructer. Chorus. 'Your
ceased, was in the truelsiag trade.'
hair's blithe' off.'
The ungrateful city is what the 'old
A witty clergyman'costed by AD
itOunlai poet called it, and.what 'Was
old acquaintance by the name of
true two thousand years agn,. is true
Cobb, replied: • don't know you sir.
now, because human nature is always
'My name is °ebbe. replied the man
the same. And this is precisely. why
. who was about half seas over. neh,
history repeats itself in steal' tiiings
sir,' replied theclergyman, 'you have
as well as in great. If a farmer or
so much of the corn about you that I
country dweller goes to a city in search .
"ecould not see the cob.'
of bargains, let hiin go to,a reputable
'Dolphin is very economical, is he
store and never, never trust a stranger,
'Yes he is. the meanest man I
or 4e will bo sure to find how ungrate. 110.0
know. He always asks for a pear
ful the city Is to the men who feed it
instead of an apple at the fruit stand.
and supply it with business.—Amer-
because it sounds as if he was getting
icsn Agriculturist for June.
the most for his money.
IIERO1S11 'NOT ENTIREtYi 'Johnny, it would be a good thing
. .
DISINTERESTED.. for you to remember in life that • we
. never get. anythingin this world rine
SHE GOT AT THE FACTS. — • • ; less we ask for it.' 'Yes we -do pa,'
• An aged negy0 Bat on one of. the answered Johnny, promptly. 'I -got a
J hnny (who is spending the after-
•
wharves at Salem. Mass., fishing. A liking at school to --day, and you can
colored boy was sitting besiele him, bet I didn't ask -for it.'
.on :it the Smiths')—My mother said
she aould like to look like you, Mrs. eagerly Watching the bob as It danced . Needles. were invented in 1545, and
up and down. Suddenly the bob some men haven't learn& to thread
aide
went under, The boy in his excite- them Yet -
Mrs. S. (who is extre.mely plain.,
tnent leaned so far over the edge oI Fashionable Ma---fehildren, child. about thirteen miles west my girl
• nob entirely aware . of it(—Like
the wharf. that he lost his balance and ren, stop that noise. -Sit down and lived, and as I had no Sunday trains
me. my dear ? I take that as a .coai
fell into the water. Instantly the .1,`,"1? quite -1 Ohildren—'Why what's or business of any 'kind I used to go
line me-lecke& frona so very pretty
old man dropped his pole and jumped the Tatter, Ma—'Doggie is tak-' upthere and stay ovcr Sunda3-, Bet
• y as 3 out mamma. Yeu're quite livmg horse from Saturday night to
lite it was 'I, Johnny, that she
meant?
FISH Sr.CORIES.
Over 3,000 boats are on the Colum-
bia River ealmon fishing.
, Embank whale, 74 feet long,
came ashore Juring.a gale recently,
,near the entrance to Cape Cod Canal.
A sturgeon caught in the Feather
River, California, sueasuyed eight feet
ia length and weighed 194 pounds.
A melt shied 'aught in the York
River was 25 inches long, 18 inches
round the belly, and weighed eight
pounds aed a half.
A trout that weighed •6/ pounds
and measured 2 feet 2i' inches' in
length was recently taken in the
River Derweut, England.
White's pond, near Pond Eddy, N.
Y., -was frozen to the bottom last
winter, and ,now the surface' of the
rater is- covered' with dead fish of
all kincla and sizes. , .
WIND TEMPERED TO THE
SHORN LAMB. •
'The prairies of the west are great
places ter wind,' said a telegraph
eperatOr; '1 used to have a station out
in Nebraska, right out on the open
prairie, and the way the wind blowed
there was a oaution. But it was a
lucky wind for me. At a station
• nny (accepting another cruller)
—Oh, yes'in. She said that if she
could nave your health and stresigth,
-She believed she'd as lief look es you
.do.
EN113APeteASSING MISTAKES
..1Intended to tell Jane to bring
,sno a fresh bucket of water," said the
'wife terProfessor Nottlehead, looking
into the water after the boy, and after •
a good decd. of splashing and splutter
leg, with thelielp of several men on
the wharf, both were hauled.mt gasp-
ing for breath. One of the Men who
had helped them expressed his al
miration for the negro's courage.
That was a brave deed of yours, my
man, said he.
"What, dist? asked the disciple of
Walton, as he- went, to pick • tip his
rod.
'Whye you jumping in to save that
elp from her sewing. boy." .
."1" doubtless man blkekfit 4.)f -"Dab boy! doan' keit nuffin for
iresii %lrater' rejoined her husband. him. But begot all the bait in his
. I. a ish you ,wonici pay some little at- pocket 1"
itintion to rhetoric; your iuistakes are
/Ntlibarrassing." niGnLA.14D SERMO:.N
A few moments litter the professor
• t' •
-My dear, that picture would show
t betet advantage if you were to
na it over the dock,"
"Ali," elle said, ',you doubtless
itiebn if were to hang it above the
,00 if 1 %%ire to hang it Over the
t we coriltiti't tell what time it, is.
w,::. yoU pay some Hide at-
teLti a in rhetoric, pair mistakes are
lilies Mg.".
ai•
at is said that the sting of a hornet
will cure rheumatism, or at least
make you forget it.
• Emerson said:—"Every inan would
be a poet if his ineellectual dtgeetion
was perfect,. This shctvs that indi-
gestion is a blessing.
Little Polly has a neighbor who has
little donkey tenni in which she often
has a nice drive, One day as she was
sitting with her mamma, the donkey
was 'ward to bray, and Polly looking
up says, 'Matnma, I like the donkey,
but I -don't like,to hear Inni dank.
itHEIt HUBBAHD.
The other .clay when old Major
Sehuan announced •his readiness to
proceed to church,' Lis Wife gppearod
wearirr, a Mother Hubbard dress,
Scotch Highlanders have the habit The old. man tutently regarded her a
when talking their IiInglish of inter. feW minutes and asked.
sperstng the personal VrOn01111 ho" i'ptliiisry what sort of a coat do you
when not required, such as 'The king 'it lastat Mother n bb d
he hiss emu.' Often, in cohsequence, 'Air you tzoia, uto arwe'areetaibs'to
'
a sentence is rendered extretnoly lu., church.'
dim.° us. A gentleman says he lately now71134, Certainly, Joni S. The
listened to the Itev. "AK be. Mother flubbarcls are all the fashion
gen his (ligature() f Matta, 0,1411, I'm glad to kno* ib,' replied
you wi:1 fink' my tet in the first epistle the olci man. 'Just wait till get
general of Peter, fifth chapter and ready and go.'
eigete verse.* .The easel he goeth The old n10,11 went out the
kitthen took a tioupl,e of meal stieks,
Venn n former reports dna lie About like a roaring seeking whom
out the bottoms out, sewed the tops
kner'd, tie $213 tenni six hells he new devour. Now, y brethren, toeetitor, and put thin on in an itni„
see .er seawni. Rola them earl for ear instraction I have divided ray talon 0; pantaloons when be to,
Iu the Spring ant consequent': otly ttx: into four bends. flatly, we ahull turned his wife uttered a cry of
t‘t pant his warden one. outlaw/or to as lertairt who the devil he astonishinent and exclaimed.
Monday moraine cost me to inuch
money, and so I° rigged pp a sail on
an old tie -car. All I had to do Satur-
day night was to hoist my sell, push
my tie car out on the main traalc, alid
in leas than en Hour I was at my
journey's end. Per more than a
year I went to see my girl every
Saturday night by means of that sail -
cites. Pretty slick, wasn't it.'
'Yes, pretty slick.. .But vole
mean to say that the wind blowed in
the same direction every Sae tirday
night during all that time.'
'Of course 1 don't.'
'Well, hew did you manage it those
nights when it blew in the other diree-
tion?'
'Etisy enough, had another oirl
at a station fifteen miles eant.'—
Ohicago Herald.
CHOLERA PRIgV1NTATVE.
In order to withstand Ohelera and
such like epedetinos e‘ perfect purity of
bloodoiad proper action of tl e
stoni ch are required. Todnaure that
end, in the oheapest, most available
arid comolete meneer, ttse McGregor's
Speedy Cure l'or dyspepsia and im•
pure blood. There is to purer, safer
or mere reliable remedy iii exist nee
for indiegestion, despepsia, costive.
nese, etc., Ask your neighbor or any
person who has used it. Sold by a
Trial bottle given free.
'Take the Times.
t
yrncv beditiful agrr'ance,' more durable and per
ee perfecteam ess
full fashioned
HOSIERY THE WORLD.'
With More titches inthe top_thau In tboankle.
1{nits the Coarsest Farmer'e YtIVS, COUPS,
Or Thread.
Shad girls can knit and gene ono donna pore
pt Socks in one dal- and $4.00, $;LSU and ;cue
gl:liovue and Testi.
menials from the Blind,
CREELMAN BROS.,
GEORGXTOWN. ONT.
° Thie space reserved for
S. Grace
2
The LeadingUnderaker and Furni
ure Dealer in Wingliam.
. & J. WILSON
Veterinary Surgeons,
Honored Graduates of Ontario Veterinary
College, and registered members of Vete::
inary edioal Association, are prepared to
treat all diseases of Domestic Animals, 011
the latest and moss Scientific Prinoixles.
Calls attended to day and night. Horses
bought and sold on commissrou. Office any
infirmary in the stand lately ocouped b
T. Kerr, V. S., opposite Merrifield's ilea;
Sephine Street, Winghara.
AYER'S PILLS.
A largo proportion of the diseases which
Cause human suffering result from derange-
ment of the stomach, bowels, and liver.
Alma's °AVIAN= PILLS act directly upon
these organs, and aro especially designed to
cure the diseases caused by their derange-
ment, including Constipation, Indiges-
tion, Dyspepsia, Headache, Dysentery,
and a host of other ailments, for' all of
which they are a safe, sure, prompt, and
pleasant remedy. The extensive use of these
Pius by eminent physicians in regular prao4
tide, shows unmistakably the estimation in
which they are hold by the medical proles.
8107.111;ese Pints are compounded of vegetable
substances only, and aro absolutely free front
, calomel or any other injurious ingredient:
A Sufferer from Headache writes :
"Armee Pints are invaluable to me, and
are lay constant companion. I have been
a severe sufferer from Headache, and your
Pxaas are the only thing I could look to
for relief. OSS dose will quickly move my
bowels and free my head from. pain. They
aro the most effective and the easiest physic
I have ever found. It is a pleasure to me to
speak in their praise, and I always do so
when occasion offers,
W. L. PAGE, of W. L. Page &Bro."
Franklin Si., Riehmond,Va,, dune 3,1882,
"I have used Alma's Pius in number..
less instances as recommended by you, and
have never known thein to fail to accomplish
the desired result. We constantly keep them
on hand at our home, and prize them as a
pleasant, safe, and reliable family medicine -
FOR DYSPEPSIA they are invaluable.
Meths, Texas, dune 17, 1882j. • T. RILY"."
The Rsv. FnAltcre fl. HAIthown, writing
from Atlanta, Gal says: "For some Years
past I have been subject to constipatioN
front which, in spite of the use of meths.
eines of various kinds, I sutrered increasing
inconvenience, until some months ago
began taking AYR's Pius. They have
entirely corrected the costive baba, and
have vastly improved my general health."
AYER'S 04VOIA.ItISO Prate Correct Irmo,
Urines of the bowels stimulate the apps.'
Lite and digestion, and by their prompt and
thorough action give tone and `rig* to the
whole physical economy.
Penns= Int
DP. J.C. Ayer 400., Lowe IVIase.
Sold by all Druggists.
YOUNg.,
" Ineretileeniestel etifile6otev°011fdeltil
OLD, AND
by to tie
"A'iGE'lg-i ASter'S Saefia.parIlla:
bo made healthy and strong
liildren with Sore Eyes, Sore
Hine taint, Ears,may. or any scrofulous or hyph.
$oldbialthruislitii 01,ms bottles for $61
kir
curing Ulcers, Abscesses, Fevers, Sera, dm. hid
its per lam '1", NilLbURN Sc Ca,
$tile* AGattl, Tolufatisia
14e