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The Huron Expositor, 1975-09-18, Page 44 T h'e' evCi are adopted or in foster homes MATCHING SET - IWALNoT MAITE-S1DE - ORCHARDS Now Open for the Season It Is time to pick your own Fancy, MaCIntoth Apples or buy them picked. Apple's, pleked' to choose froth are ILObot St. 1410m o*, Wog River. Akio hitenh Honey and' /5, • 1114..Shilhttrate Point** and lifirttitot tither ttetttel, " Open 7 days a week. • - Phone, 88Y,688 VARIETY = SERVICE ~ ETTER VALUE SCHNEIDERS THURINGER SUMMER SAUSAGE by the piece K. P. BAGGED SUMMER SAUSAGE SHORT CUT PEAMEAL BACK BACON by the piece SCHNEIDERS ' WIENERS 1 lb. pkg. MAPLE LEAF SWEET PICKLED COTTAGE ROLLS FRESH HAM SLICES SLICED MINCED HAM Freezer Specials SIDE of BEEF FULLY PROCESSED lb. 1.04 HIND of BEEF FULLY PROCESSED lb. 1.29 LOIN of BEEF FULLY" PROCESSED lb. 1.29 RIB of BEEF FULLY PROCESSED lb. '1.19 10 Lb. BEEF PATTIES Store 262-2017 Abattoir -262-2041 lb.1.49 lb.1 .49 lb.1 .98 lb. 79' 11).1.39 lb. 1.59 lb. 89' MP NI MR - - lb. 7.90 AL'S I MARKET HENSALL ONTARIO HURON COUNTY'S LARGEST DEPARTMENT STORE MEN'S - BOYS' - LADIES' - GIRLS' end BABY'S WEAR YARD GOODS - FURNITURE - MATTRESSES - PAIN! SEWING MACHINES - SMALL APPLIANCES ILAMPS LOCATED ON HWY NO. 1 SOUTH OF CLINTON AT VANASiun 10 COUCH - REGULAR $89.87 $11A 47 NOW X I lir • Our Regular Low Base Factory Outlet' Discount Prices on all Furniture in- Stock. Now save 1 5% on: + CHESTERFIELDS + BEDROOM SUITES + SPACE SAVERS + KITCHEN SUITES + END & COFFEE TABLES + LIGHTS FF A few examples of the savings in our Furniture Department- SPACE SAVER -.1 .4 E Exppsn'oli, SEPTEMBER 18, 1975 Today couples are adopting and would have a job of her own Nqt so "``spooky" ago, adoption was children 1 with Mongolism, but its a committment on her ;rather a "spooky" thing. cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis and part, and the couple's part that lite. secrecy about a child's "we have placed as many as they can give something to each 'becierotind and the reality of the seven childen with a family at one other, Mrs. Hindmarsh said Huron County institution referred time." Broken Homes to as. the "Shelter" gave many When a child isn't adopted Ten to twelve year olds are peOple their views on adoption. through normal chanels a being adopted more than ever, In the past a couple wishing to description of the child is taken to and at this age, a child has had a adopt might pick a child from an adoption conference ;and if no lot of living, sometimes, in those living at the Shelter, on worker has a possible family for disturbed circumstances before looks alone, the child or brothers and sisters, he comes to Children's Aid. Very Marion Hindmarsh, a home then a picture of the child will be few adoptable children are finder with the Huron County placed in Today's Column. orphans. Almost all come from Children's Aid says today There is also a bulletin that broken homes. children are selected very goes to every Children's Aid in He may have been rejected by carefully for an adopting couple the province and other provinces his parents, he may have been and information about the child's as well. abased. Any of these things leave background is fully shared. Another bulletin is issued by sca* on a child, Mrs. Hindmarsh Occasionally an older person Arena or the Adoption Resource said. will ask if children are still kept at Exchange of North America, A family court hears the family the Shelter, which was located on where the description of children circumstances and may give the Cameron St. in Goderich from goes to other countries. Children's Aid temporary 1918 until 1940. People don't like to think of wardship. Associated with the idea of the Canadian children being adopted After a two-year period, the institution was the heartbreaking by citizens of other countires. judge must decide either to return stories written in novels about the She said the Huron County the child to his home or make him unadoptable children and the Children's Aid has not used a ward of the Crown and available difficulties these y oungsters Arena themselves and local for adoption. faced when they became adults. resources are used first. "Sometimes adoption of an Part fact and a large dose of Non Indian older child doesn't work, fiction, this is not today's story on When she was asked what sometimes the child is not able to adoption. AS Mrs. Hindmarsh would she do if a Canadian accept these new people. said today "Every Child is non-Indian family were willing to Sometimes the parents come to potentially adoptable". She is one adopt an Indian child and there the end of their rope. When you of three people in the CAS was an Indian family in United ; do make the 'placement, you cross involved directly with adoption in States willing to adopt the child. your fingers. You hope that graft Huron County. "I haven't had to make that will take, but the parents and In the last five years, "things choice myself," she said. She child must be aware there are no have changed tremendously". gave the example of a dwarf child promises," Mrs. Hindmarsh The surplus babies of the past, being placed with a dwarf couple said. have been replaced by a shortage in United States. Older children are not normally of adoptable babies, she said. There are children who are placed with a family in Huron In 1971 there were 39 normal, awaiting adoption and others who County. healthy babies placed with Huron may never be adopted because With older children now being County families for adoption but parents are still living and refuse adopted placement takes more by 1972 this figure had dropped to or the child refuses, and these arranging, and more skill, Mrs. six Mrs. Hindmarsh said there are two reasons for this, - The family planning trend and unmarried mothers keeping their children. "Half a dozen babies a year or less doesn't fill the need of couples who can't have their own," she said. There are about 25 childless couples or ope child homes waiting for babies in Huron County and about 15 who won't be put on the list or their hoMe studies completed until more couples are needed to mak e a good choice for each baby. Three Years will be attached to the children been signed we expect them to Mrs. Hindmarsh said there are and the children to them. continue to have problems". some on the li st who have waited Prepared Early Follow-up sessions can reassure for- a normal healthy baby for Children are,prepared for.,-tbe„,parents,,and be &learning process more than three years. - possibility of adtion ,eaely,,,,tfel‘.-theykyker on placing other This is equally as true forV,Wheir workers ?lieltifJ44.14Mo,,fafIfillItinl'.. Some people beliviie that the child in the popular adoption column Today's Child is just a composite who doesn't really .1° (By Nancy Andrews) Foster parents are "special people". Some get so attached, they say' never agin, others say bring another baby quickly, Mrs. Hindmarsh said. If a child has health, emotional or social problems, which would be too much for a foster parent to h andle, he or she can be placed 'in a wide range of group home treatment institutions in the community. She said foster parents are picked for their warm, loving attitude and so, of course, they children are placed in foster\Hindmarsh said. homes. "We don't expect them to be perfect parents. parenting is one of the most difficult things to do in the best of times," she said. The agency is involved with more and more follow-up after the adoption and has started group session for adoptive parents to discuss their problems. Less Alone This gets parents involved with other adoptive parents, some of whom have already weathered the problem, and they feel less alone. "Even after final papers have Indian or black babies as for the understand that a dopting parents 'S'ome of the problems that blonde, blue eyed infants. are "for keeps". Foster parents occur include conflicts with Indian and black families are are seen as helpers along ,the different personal habits and a adopting more too ' and social way. need for the new member of the workers advertise in magazines Sometimes the child is very family to continually test his and develop' resources in other attached to foster .parents. There parents to make sure ,he really communities. may be many I.:sits to the belongs. .. It is agency Policy that children adopting home before the child is Sometimes a couple expects too should go to a good adoptive able to take this step into a secure much from a child , and is home with parents of their own future. , disappointed. For example, a race. So for a black baby, a The old tale, that a child is too white couple might.adopt a black worker would look for a black old• to be adopted, is out the child and expect an Aretha family first. window. Recently a seventeen- _ Franklin. , Doesn't Exist Five years ago, a White couple year old girl picked her adoptive would find it much easier to adopt parents. a black child than they do to-day. The girl would have been A new problem of the legally an adult in a few months, exist and isn't available for adoption. Mrs. Hindmarsh said the child actually exists and normally is available for adoption. Some people get discouraged when the • child they applied fOr is no longer available. As m any as 150 couples applied for one blond, blue-eyed fifteen year old through the column. If a suitable adopting couple is found, then a number of people will be disappointed. In those cases, descriptions of equally eligible children may be sent to these peopin some cases, between the time the child was accepted for the column and time it is published, the child has already been placed. The older children_who are being adopted have a varied past and adopting parents who had an attitude "you're all ours now," can create' a barrier in their relationship. A child will never forget and adopting parents must accept the pull of his old family and if they discourage this feeling, the -child feels they are discounting him, she said. "Very few couples come applying for large groups of children. We have to wait awhile but we still find homes for them Mrs. Hindmarsh said there is rather than breaking them up," a continuous process of working Mrs. Hindmarsh said. In some with overseas countries. She said. cases the ties between brothers there is a lot of red tape involved and sisters are .stroeger thaowhich discoura esso e adopting those between the children, anktparents. their parents. Meet Parents ' Adoption is a "difficult" There h'as been some publicity process that shifts and tests in recent years about people who everyone in a family. But when it is successful,. it enriches everyone, Mrs. Hindmarsh said. Wonderful. For those childless couples, the adoption picture looks bleak, but from the point of view of the hard to place child "it is wonderful." "Five y ears ago we wouldn't have dreamed of looking for -adopting parents for a retarded child but now these children are being adopted by parents who are more than willing to take The old - Huron County Children's Home 1918-40 responsibility for the child for life," Mrs. Hindmarsh said. What induces a couple to adopt a retarded child or other handicapped children? this this reporter asked. Mrs. Hindmarsh smiled: "These people are typically people who already have a natural or adoptive family. They are child oriented parents." . The couples who have already had the sastisfaction of parenting normal children may decide to share their home with a handicapped child. Perhaps some people are influenced by the shortage of babies and. will adopt older children since Huron County Children's Aid are only accepting application from childless couples or those who have only one child.' To some it seems unfair and arbitrary but "our responsibility is partly to couples who h ave no other way to have a child," Mrs. Hindmarsh said. In Huron County, about 40 families offered to adopt during the Vietman crisis, but only a small proportion had considered it before, and most will not continue their' interest in adoption. THE BASE FACTORY OUTLET were adopted as children trying to meet their natural parents. Experts disagree about whether or not this is a good trend. But the fact is, it is happening. Experts also disagree on when a child should be told that he was adopted. Psychiatrist Th omas Hanis in the best selling "I'm , Okay, you're Okay" says that a child shouldn't be told he is adopted until he's a teenager because he- couldn't handle what would be a traumatic experience before that age. 'Mrs. Hindmarsh •feels that a child should never be sat down and told he is adopted but that should be an accepted fact of his life from the cradle. Stories and tales, can help weave his or her 'special place in the family into his earliest memories, she said. "You meet a child who has never been told he's adopted until adolescence and he feels he's second place, he is in limbo, he doesn't belong anywhere." Adoption is changing and in the last few years single parents have been allowed to adopt. Not hard and fast Mrs. Hindmarsh who has been finding homes for children for eight and a half years, said: "With people you can't make any hard and fast rules. Adoption agencies just try to make the best choice available for that particular child." Single parentsare only allowed to• adopt under special circumstances and "we look for a single parent only when we can't find a couple." Most often it would be the adoption 'of a girl by a woman, and a boy by a man. The key is not so much the undesirability of single parents but the backlog of people who apply, Mrs. Hindmarsh said. A family's financial position is not of prime importance, but there should be reasonable financial security. In the highly competitive business of adoption and finding homes, the traditional ideas of the family are pretty well supported. If there is a choice between a working wife and someone willing to quit her job it depends on the individual case," Mrs. Hindmarsh says. We have a wide choice of homes and we will be a little tougher in selection, she said. At the time of placement, it is very important for a parent to be at home full-time. Family Changing The family is changing and men are getting more involved with babies. They are happy to care for them, to do the everyday jobs, to change diapers, and STORE HOURS: maybe a man's willingness to stay at home will be equally acceptable, she said, Many parents must find attempts , to adopt .a child frustrating as, they worry about how much should they tell about their home life or plans, or will something they say jeopardize their chances to adopt. No one's perfect, neither parents or workers and mistakes can be made. Still and all, few would' disagree that Children's Aid workers have the best interest of the kids at heart and are seeking the best possible homes for them. "For each baby that comes along we find the best ssible home. It's a process they hay understand from the beginning," Mrs. Hindmarsh said. "Each baby is different and we make the decision in the baby's best interest," she said. Babies are innocent and deserve the best homes available because life deals its own blows and they should at least have a head start. As for older, kids to whom life has already dealt from the bottom of the deck; they deserve the best parents society can offer. e child comes first Adoption has. Monday to Thursday 11 a.m.` to 6 p.m. Friday 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Saturday 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday Closed SEPTEMBER 25% OFF MATTRESS SALE! DOUBLE - SIZE BOX SPRING MATTRESSES Children's Aid is that they can't even promise they will ever have a baby for a couple. Today, adoption agencies have many channels they didn't have years ago such as the Today's Child column which has been successful "beyond a person's wildest dream". When Laurie Charleson, adoption co-ordinator for the province first suggested advertising a child, many people were horrified but today as many as a 1,000 applications may be received from couples interested in adopting a particular blue-eyed blonde five-year old. "Publicity from Today's Child has opened up all kinds of resources for hard to place children," Mrs. Hindmarsh said. 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