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The Huron News-Record, 1887-08-24, Page 3Is t•, r.: YY�i S `. , 11Y. Y OUSIHE$S ANNOUHCE ENT. coug#1 oNDE11TE. We wit/ at all ono be uteased to rete pc item of neige from our aub- ori.bers.- We want a good corres- pondent in every locality, not already represented, to send u8 RELIABLE news. SUBSCRIIERS. Patrons who do not receive their paper regularly from the carrier or thrntcgh their local post offices will confer a favor by reporting at this office at once. Subscriptions may commence at any time. .ADVERTISERS. Advertisers will please bear in mind that all "changes" of advertisements, to ensure insertion, should be handed in not later than MONDAY NOON of each week. CIRCULATION. THE NEWS -RECORD has a larger circulation than any other paper in this section, and as an advertising medium has few equals in Ontario.' Our books are open to taziae who mean buess. JOB PRINTING. The Job Department of this jour- nal is one of the best equipped in WVestern. Ontario, and a superior class of work: is guaranteed at very moderate rates. 11•11•111I. The .Huron News -Record Wednesday, August 24th, 1887 TIGHT AS A BOTTLE. Ho was a Colonial and, like all Colonials, was naturally bashful, and in her comyany was as dumb as au oyster. Slie understood hint, and one .evening asked plainly what made hits so silent- whenever he called on her. "I—er—I don't know?' he .stammered. "I always— ah—have something to say before yon comp in, but I can't get it out.' Iu.deed ?' she said, encouragingly. "Yes, 1 ath like a bottle that is corked up tight.' "Very tight, Mr. Smith ?' "Yes, Indeed ; "Well, that isn't so bad as you think. There is, oue good thing about it.' "What is it, pray?' "Why, you know, the tighter a bottle is corked, the more forcibly it pops.' He grasped the situation at onto,• and now she doesn't care whether he talks of not. Slie is content to do it all herself. WHAT ITIS "BEST GI1tL" COSTS IIIA A YEAR. "How much does your best girl cost you, old follow?" was plumped at a beardless boy who slakes his broad and butter,. about $8 a week, in the carpenter trade. After de- murring, as usual, over looking at the sentimental affair in so practical a ]ight,,his objections worn finally overrnled and ho consented to talk. "Me and my girl take in all the contort Shows. Ten times, to con - Cats at 20 cents makes $2. All the girls hanker after• ice-cream, I haste to get hcrn0 cents,-_ vorth 'of taffy off and on. That comes to 75 cents easy. In summer -time wo get reckless and go to two big blow- outs anyway—most generally to Bayfield. With the buggy hike that comes to $3. When Christmas comes I do the grand, and buy a pair of oar -rings or some other piece of finery, the kind. girls like, and never pay loss than $2 neither. Let's sco;.$2, $2, 75c., $3, ,60c., $2, comes to. $10.35. My girl says that's good enough for her."—Buffalo, Times. . MRS. BOWSER'S WATER MELON., A. few clays ago wo wei•e speak• iing of water melon at the table, and 1 remarked that a lady acquaintance of mini., who does the buying for her table, had been "stuck" on three different occasions with green mel- ons. 'Just like a woman !' anortee.i 1.1Ir. Bowser, as hn buttered his corn afresh. 'I don't 'suppose there is a woman in the cotnrtry who can tell a ripe melon from a green one.' 'Bot the sten can I' 'Certainly. I shall send up a water tnelon for dinner. It will be ripe and delicious. I shall stlect it at a Mance.' The melon name up about. 10 o'clock and was placed on the ice until dinner. \Vherr we were ready for dessert the girl brought it in. It was as green as grans. Nature hadn't even begun to paint the in- terior of tint melon rel. I had to laugh, 'Well, what are you te•heeing about?' calmly inquired Mr. Bowser as he looked up. 'That melon !' 'What about that melon ? I see a melon here, but I don't see any reason to giggle.' 'Ifs green Y "Oh, it is 1 Mrs. Bowser, I be. inuanniali sieve you were horn as a terve, end I believe you lived there until 12 or 16 years old. The fact that you don't know a ripe melon from a green one might astonish dome folke, but it down"t use. If you should stand out doors in the rain storm I shouldn't be the'leaat bit amazed 1' 'Mr. Bowser, do you call -that a ripe water melon 1' „'Certainly. Perhaps this hot weather has affected your bead.' In order to carry his point ho sat there and worried down two Targe pieces of melon, uttering a 'yuw— yoof 1' occasionally to • show how delicious it was, and charging the cook to be careful and not waste a single seed, as he wanted to send them to the Agricultural Bureau in Washington. When ready to leave the house he ceased picking his teeth for a moment to say : '11It's. Bowser, owing to your Con, duct at the dinner table, I shall have to request you to. let the remainder of that melon severely alone.' 'Very well, sir.' 'If you eat any water tuelon this stuuuter it ,will not be in my house, although I shall have water melon every day for the next three mouths!' With that he walked off and took the ear. I expected to hear from hint inside 'Of three hours, and I was not disappointed. Indeed, it was only an hour and a half when I was call- ed alfed to the telephone and a voice in- quired 'Hello ! is that Mr. Bowser's residence.' Yes, sir.' 'Is Mrs. Bowser home V 'She is. I ant Mrs. Bowser.' 'Is your husband 0 short,. fat, bald headed man, who thinks he owns seven eights of the State of Michigan ?' - 'Why, yes, something like that. Why' "rhis is Jobwock's drug store, of Hammersmith street. Such a roan as we have described, and giving his name as Bowser, is here in the store, tied up in fourteen different !mots with the bilious colic. We didn't know but he was a tramp playing off on us for a dr•ittk. We'll send his remains up in Boyd's ambulance." They came up. The remains were still alive, and very indignant.. '1'h«ty had scarcely brought 11L•. Bowser into the house by the lees and arum and left hint on the lounge, when he pointed his finger at she ail (hissed : , 'Borgia ! Would be murderess 1' Why, lir. Bowser, what, ou earth tiro you saying? What can you anaau ?'. 'You were ,jealous of me alit -ea that melon ! You poisoned it•!' .Well, I called in n couple of neigh. bots, ,rat ft,r the doctor, attd the got :fir, Bowser to bed and dosed him inside anti heated hits up outside, and after three or four hours' hard work work he became easier. The doctor said it was a case of cholera morhus, ,tori .lir, Bowser faintly ri'- plied : 'Doctor, I can't agree with yon '11ut it, certainly is,' 'It may seem like it, but I think all the syi"ptow:s 'paint to poison.'" 'Nonsense! It's a plain case of cholera utorbus, and if your wife hadn't known just what to do and worked over you as she has, you'd have had a much closer call. What did you eat this forenoon 'P 'Only my regular food.' 'You forget that water melon, Mr. Bowser,' I put in. 'Water melon, eh ?' hided the doctor. 'There's the key note!' 'But it was ripe, doctor,' protest- ed Mrt„Bowser. 'I'll bring the doctor a piece and let hint see it.' Mr. Bowser looked at rue with gunflints in his eyes, but I would do it. When I had brought the ntolen the doctor said : 'Bowser, you don't tell me that you ate two slices of this infernal stutr'1' •Y -yes.' "filen you are the biggest fool in Detroit, and you deserve ten times what you've gotT I sat up most of of the night with t\Ir. Bowser, in order to give him tueircine at regular intervals, He seemed quite bumble until he found himself able to dress in the morning. Then he said to ole : 'Mrs. Bowser, I have a word or two to say to you, and I warn you to listen well. The next time you bring a green water ntl•lon into this house and inslsit that it is ripe there will he a separation asked for in the' courts, and I shall demand possession of our child 1' --The contractors finished laying the rails on tit• branch line of the C. P. R. betweet \Vingham and the \Villgimm road Aug 10th. The bal- lasting, will be completed at once. It is reported that Wingham is to have one. of the hest stations on the line, The \Vinghanl salt block is turning out great geantities of salt fur t11° e C. P. R. number G A of ears have been already shippers. EIS FRIEND (1) JOAN. He was having fortune 'told. "I see,' said the medium, "I see the name of John.' "Yes,' :aid the sitter. "The name seems to have given you a great deal of trouble.' "It has.' "This John is an intimate friend.' "That's so.' "And often leads you to do things you are sorry for.' "True.' "His influence over you is bad.' "Rignt again,” "But you will soon have a quar- rel," - "I'm glad of that. Now spell out his whole name.' The 'mejuns' wrote some cabal- istic words and handed to him.! "Do not read until you aro at home.'shesaid soledrnly. "11 is your friend's whole name.' When ho reached home he lit the gas and read in picket fence charac- ters the name of his "friend'— "Demi John" EPISODES TN DENTIST'S - CHAIRS. A lady dentist in a Western city, while extracting a tooth for a good looking young man, was seized with a fit of -temporary inspiration and kissed him on the mouth. The lady dentist was young and hand- some, and the osculatory perform- ance didn't startle the patient. It had a'very soothing effect upon him, the same as laughing gas, for which he thought it would be a substitute, and wondered how soon he was going to administer another' dose, and whether the charges would be extra. But the lady, suddenly re• covering from her mental relapse, manifested contrition, and told her patient that if he would keep the matter secret she would pull every tooth in his head, on the spot, without charge. But the affair leak- ed out, and now the sorvic©S of two policemen are required to koop the". sidewalk in front of the female den- tist's establishment cleared—the rush of young men to have teeth extracted being so great. One of the familiar affects of ether . is to make the patient talk ramblingly of whatever may be passing in; the mind. Charley Smith hada dear little girl, whole he thinks the world ol',,and-`rumor has it that the two will shortly be made one. Charley had au errand to perform on Wednesday, about 10 o'clock and while corning down \V—street whom should ]te meet but Nelly. Pito poor little thing cut an awful appearance, though, and the woe -begone, tear -stained face pooping out from the mufflers struck terror Co his heart. 'She had been up most of the night with a terrible toothache, and wouldn't Charley go to the dentist with her ! She preferdtd ether to gas, and the accommodating dentist saturated a cloth with the stuff and held it under the little red nose. She gasped.- a bit, but soon settled clown quietly, her ruby lips parted, aud she began it once prattling away like a sleeping baby: Charley was standing just beside the chair, when she murmured, "Oh, Charlie, don't," Charley looked up at -the dentist; down at himself, and— mother will see you, Charley ;r p]ea'se don't."' Tho dentist -smiled gristly. Charley's eyes began to bulge, and—"Charley you kissed sty, ear that time," •nnuauturod the sleeping maiden, "and—" The rest was lost on Charley, who •had grab- bed his hat and had started down the stairs, two steps- at a time, Charley had to pluck up n deal of courage to present himself IrtNollie's house that night and explain his sudden departure, and money won't induce him to pass by that dentist's shop. —Enoch Hefgott, or Wellesley Township, Waterloo County, and Jacob Kuntz, of Algallviile, L'a.have purchased land bordering 'on the G,T.lt. track St Mary's on which the section of a three-storey lager - beer• hrewery- will be commenced at once. - —James Donald, an old and re- spected fanner residing on the Stratford and -St. Mary's road, died from injuries received while attempting to stop n runaway horse belonging to 1)r. Matheson, near the rink iu St. Mary's las t night. •- The death of lir, .i,,bn Mc- Bride, one of the young uu'n of whom the Township l,f tlolieti l has reason to feel proud, nt lh;nlfnra.l, on Friday, 29th July, was received with unusual sorrow by the people of that section. During 1875 and a few months of 1876 he taught in Beau k's section, Stilln•an, f vvilich he went to Gedericlh High School, where his brother William was Assistant Master, to prose. tite his studies. During the (!olit-ge summer vacation of 1886 he act,nt as Mathematical Master in Stratford High School. ERRORS CONCERNING THE ESKIMOS. In the American Naturalist there is an article by Mr. John Murdoch on what he calls "some very popu- lar errors in regard to the Eskimos." One of these "popular errors" is that the Eskimos pass the winter "in a sort of hibernation, in under- ground duns, living in idleness, and supporting life by stores of meat laid up in less inclement sea- sons." Mr. Murdoch, who spent two winters at Fort Barrow, says this is a wholly mistaken impression. In spite of the extreme inclemency of the climate, the winter, he as- serts, is passed by the Eskimos "in one continued ronnd of activity," and he gives a very interesting de- scription of how they employ them - solves. Another "popular error" on this subject is the idea that the Eskimos always eat their food raw, and devour enormous quantities of blubber. At Point Barrow Mr. Murdoch found that the food was habitually cook° d, although certain articles like the "black skin" of the whale were usually eaten raw. Taking into account the fact that the Eski- mos have no butter, cream, fat bacon, olive oil, or lard, he doubts whether much more fat is consumed by them than by civilized people. At Point Barrow tho fat of birds and the reindeer was freely par- taken of, but comparatively little actual blubber either of the seal or whale was eatete. "Seal or whale binbher wss too valuable, for burn-. ing in the lamps, oiling leather, and many other purposes, especially for trade."—Scientific American. TALMAGE TALK. ' "The time of my departure is nt hand"—II Timothy iv, 6. 'rhe Bible intimates that we will talk with Jesus in heaven just as a brother talks to a brother. Nott, Whitt will• you rill hint first? I tie not know. I can think what I wouId ask Paul first, if -1 :saw -hint in heaven, I think I Would like to hear hie] deenrlhl' the Btet•ttt flint cause upon the ship when there were 275 tiotals on the vessel, Paul •bring the only man on board cool enough to describe the storm. There is a faseituttiun about n ship anti th,• sea that 1 Shall never get over, and 1- think. would like to hear -!situ talk about that first. But alt t I meet ley Lord Jesus Christ, of what 4ha11 L delight to hear Ilitu speak? Now I thick what it is. I shall first want to hear the tragedy of his Inst boars; and then Luke's account of the crucifixion,. anti Mark's account of the crucifixion, and John's account of the crucifix•, ion will be nothing, while from the living lips of Christ tite story shall. be told of the gloom that fall, and the devils that arose, and the fag that upon his t tt lurance depended the rescue of a race ; and there was darkness in the sky, and thin; was darkness iu.the soul, and they pain became more sharp, and the burdens became more heavy. until the mob began to swine away from the dying vision of Christ, and that cnrsiug of the mob moue to his ear More faints iy, and Ilia hands were .fastened to the horizontal piece of the crus.,, aud his feet were fastened to the perpen- dicular piece of the cross, and his head fell forward in a swoon as ho uttered the last moan and cried : "It is finished 1" All heaven will stop to li,oteo until the story is dotte r and tIt 0, at the tap of the baton., the eternal orchestra will rouse up ; finger on' siring of harp, anti lips to the month of trumpet, there; shall roll forth the oratorio of the Mes- siah : "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive blessing, and richt s, and honor, and glory, and' power, world without end !" What be endured, oh, who can tell, '1'u save. our souls trent death and hell! \Viten there was between Paul and that magnificent personage only the t hin nese of the sharp edge of the sword of the executioner, do you, wonder' that he wanted to go? 011, My Lord Jesus, let one wave of that glory roll oyes this auditory ! !-Lark 1 [ hear the wedding hells of heaven ringing now. The marriage of the Lnnhh has conte, and the bride bath made herself rtt.dy.— Trtlimage. d UMBER WANTED I Canteloo's Carnage Works! C1,I1\7'1'ON, A All kinds and tithing lett ar,st.rttss, ns teat are now building a fine issnrt.mcut of rigs. Do not fail to en11 and see thin; All lands of work it apevtaltt-. N. A. > AN'1.ELr>N, Clinton. 0 TIRED --UF TFII$+.—. Drudgery of FRUIT OA IVINO ! WEY, x3.0 'O ROBSON'S te'. CHINA .". HALL AND PROCURE THE PURITAN FRUIT JAR, THE MOST PERFECT SELF -SEALER in the market. With it Fruit Canning is a real luxury. tat'Be sure and ask for the Puritan Fruit Jar. Sole agent for Clinton. We also sell the GEM JAR at bottom prices: TZ03E3SO.", CHINS HAL=.. Oi.,INTQN- WOOL WANTED ANY QUANTITY, FOR CASH OR IN TRADE FOR COODS. Under fresh management we are prepared to do better for our customers than ever before. Give us a call and we will do our utmost for your interest, , We have a stock of all kinds of Goods made by ourselves, exclusively for our office trade, which we guarantee will give Om highest satisfaction. We intake Yarns s of all kinds, Tweeds, Flannels, Blankets, Shcet- ing, Sh€lcts and Drawers. Ask for our Napped Sheeting?... We have also an a eellent stock of Fine Woollens, which we can trade for wool vevy ehemp and we give TWO CENTS ,el lb than market mkt for wool. We are prepared to do CUSTOM WORK hotter and quicker than ever, and we arc bound to give satisfaction, as we have a man in charge of that who Understands his business, far Doie't stop midi you come right to thetll, as- ve have nu branch office elsewhere in town. Our only authorized representativ with a waggot, is MR. JAMES SCOTT - CLINTON WOOLLEN MILLS T. 11. GRAIIAII, 9an:1'ger. 1). GRAHAM, Proprietor. IMPORTANT M!t In returning thanks to my many friends and patrons for past patronage, I wonla like to chill their special attention to my very complete stock of HARNESS, WHIPS, CURRY COMBS, BRUSHES, "ETC., ETC, Special attention is directed to my stock of :-:SINGLE: HARNESS:-: It will be found very complete, and for durability and finish cannot be excelled by any one. As I employ none but the best workmen, and use the best material to be bought in the market, all who may favor me with their patronage may feel eonfiden of getting satisfaction, ki.,:VPRICES AWAY DOWN. Trunks and Valises in jreat variety and Prices Low. GEORGE A. SIIARIVIAN Farm, :-: Town, --AND— VILLACE PROPERTY FOR SALE. rliltE EXECUTORS ANT) TItt'STEEs of the Estate of the tate desrru Iii tet otter for Bale the following valuable property. namely: Building Lot.' numbers 420 and 421, in the Town of Godorieb, quarter of an acre each; htirly fenced and very desirable for bt�'•fding purposes. shalt acre Lot fronting Sill Itoaul, Township et Goderich, helm_ part of lot 3 in the Maitland Concession of the said Township. Nice frame cottage and frame stable. Lot number 3, south Side of Millar street, Berl - miller, quarter of an acre. Small frame dwell- ing, Builiritig Taits riaiodicrs 302 and SO4, in the Town of Clinton, quarter of to acre eneh, beau- tifully situated on south side of Huron street; fairly. fenced. - The East ITalf of Lot 22, Con. 0.3, West \yawan osh; good land, 80 acres cleared 111111 fenced, re• uualn ler timbered; about 4 miles from Leelthew and a from Wingbam; goods roads. For further partiettlars apply to E. CAMPION, 410.11 'Barrister, Goderich. CLOTHING: ABRAHAM SMITH, Market Square, GODERICH. WEST OF ENGLAND SUIT- INGS & TROUSERINGS, - SCOTCH TWEED SUITINGS & T1%OUSERINGS, FRENCH AND ENGLISH WOR- STED (JLOTI[S, Made asp in Best ,Style and 1•Vork- ntnship at Abraham Smith's. Now in stock one of the cheapest • • and best stoats of • WINTER -.CLOTHING AND CLOTHS. A Full Line of GENTS' FUR- NISHINGS always in stook. It will pay you to call on ABRAHAM SMITH. "BELL ORGAN1 h Unapproached for :rte Tone and Quality. CATALOGUES FREIE. BELL CO.,i Guelph, Gu 1pl) n O tt � rL ,r _ -.i CH LER ERA] Q. NFANTU• `'5;./,9RRlHF �, a,:: AN D. ALLSUMMER COMPLAINTS $OLO 8Y.9,LL-D AL'ERS .v OASH —(OR— HIDES, 3IIEEPSKINS, TALLOW, &c, Highest market price paid. Brio them along, A. COUCH, BUTCHER CLINTON. 755tt• PENNYROYAL. WAFERS. Prescription of a physician who hits bud a life •ion;; eapetienie in treating formatectisesses, Isruscd monthly with perfect success by over 111,000 tailtps. Pleasant, safe, ctfeetttal. Ladies, ask your drug at! -1 1:r Pennyroyal Wafers and take no substitute, or Inclose post- age for n:"•ticnlars. Sold by •all tlt•ngeistc, bl per box Address rnk Eimmt> C; :,;t ti, e:7,1., 14:t110tT, ;nen, tt2r'8old its (ilotori by .1. 1t. Comic and druggists generally. 398—.y. The Great English Prescription. A etteceosfut Mcdlan:e used 'over 30 ycars in thousands of Cases. ( (lures Sep,ro>atorrhea, Nei -vow Rw}, Weakness, A'ieiesiw>s, 10 pr>te•neji and all dnsc:ase( Caused by nbnse, [unrolls) indiscretion, or over exertion. [ATTBti] Six 1to:loges (,,v rio 1,1 to Curr when all others rant. Ad: your Druggist for The Circ•al. Eng. Ifsh Prescript ion, take no substitute. One lpackage F1. Six 50,83 mail. Write for i'amph- et. Address Etu•ekn Chrwirnt Co., De. trait, Duch. (te-Sold in Clinton by J. H. Combo and all druggists. SPECIAL NOTICES. • T wall t 03 rnxet) the recipe PIMPLES. fol• 11 �III1111C � n;ll t!T,{I11. ti BALM that Mil 1701elti TAN, 1•1atr,IRS, 1'0l'iSs nod Bt9•renno, leaving the >IJn s:.ft, tient and huiiiai fill; else instruetir,ms for 1,1,11' r1114 hnnriant growth of blh•on a lipid head or •),coli facc. Address, Inr!nriil; le •lannp. lai: - t'.1 -.l CL4• CO., (30 Ann street, N. 1 . 3022y MANHOOD - Ito.terid. A gpetienlan int ink Inaua•ently con. Evicted ihc. habit of self.nl iso in his x11(0, atat in cnusegnenu p st !Terri! all tit Imo ors f vernal Incapacity , Lost, Alanhcod, 1'ht?irid Per: ;, (len. ernI Prostration, res •a f'n tt I n, vie., will, nut • f n} m txlhy f c hos 1,210sl.ffa It rr, n;ail fr,e li e err•ip,• by wtlielt he tuns flnatly' r'u'ed, A tlr, vv in r• t:idemr, J: W. PINI30EV, 4•. C'ednr- t., N&.tc Ao49: t+ ; 393 �1