The Huron News-Record, 1887-02-16, Page 40
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7rleclrt. business.
JOB 1'ItIN'1'iNG.
Tlec Job Apartment of this jour-
nal is one of the best equipped in
Western Ontario, and a superior
d9a88 rrurk is guaranteed at very
irurderute rates.
OR ��u UR fTyTORY-tlEADCBS.
HE BOUGHT HIMSELF.
While seated en one of the level-
es on the • market square, Guderich,
Inst smellier, I was accusted by a
rattler seedy looking individual,
who made the following erroneous
assertieu :
".You haven't twenty-five cents
about you 1"
"You're wrong ; I have." •
"Ali ! 'There is nothing I can say,
I presume, that would cause you to
transfer that twenty live cents from
your possession to elide
"You're right ; there is not."
"11aiy I venture. to ask yo'i• per-
mission to sit, clown on this seat'1''
"Elie seat is as free for you as for
anybody."
"The permission," said the man,
as he spread 'his tattered .coat tails
and sat down "is nut as gracious as
it might be, perhaps, but I have got
past the point' where I object.
to 11'aanneis ; yet" lie '.continued
with a sigh, "I was a rich rnau My-
self once."
There was a delicate flattery that
hovered . around this reuraril, fur it
seethed to iudicato' •a belief ou the
spoarker's part that I was a rich
Mian.
-'"''''"`Drink 1" I asked.
"No," he answered. "I wish it
had been. It would have many ad-
eauteges. I would have the ploasnre
of spending the Money: Besides
1 find that the general public seem
• tu:have made up its mind that drink
must have been the cause. 1 hato
to disappoint the public, and as all
the-appearauces'are agaiust Inc and
• tend to carry out the drink theory,
I would ranch prefer to lay the
cause to undue indulgence iu stimu-
lants, but a regard .for truth Wo'n't
allow Ino to do so."
He sighed again.
"1 have always been a victim •to
nay too sensitive regard for truth."
"You look it," I said.
"Yes, I always like to meet en
appreciative sou and if you don't
mind I wonld iko to tell you the
remarkable circumstances that led to
Inv chaugo in fortano."
"I should like very inuch to )rear
it."
"Well, to begin with, I was born
of —,t
"Oh, come, corse, now, none of
that poor but honest . business.
Don't take advantage of roe. I am
not protected with a chestnut boll."
"rwas merely going to say that 1
was the only 'non of a rich Ivan, and
when Ile died ho left me a comfort-
able , fortune, consisting of stocks,
bonds, and one thing and another
that I speedily converted into cash
and placed at my disposal in a New
York bank, I intended to look
around for a good investment and
glut the money in it, so I placed the
money there fov safe -keeping, tell-
ing tliom 1 did not expect interest,
but they wore to be prepared to
have it drawn out at a moment's
$otice in a lurrlp K
"Foolish ua:u.--the catchier sk ipp-
pd tot. Cauad ~t, I�atlp toRee't
ti., " Ni 114. d14 44104-inld,. gee beret
Have -no: ebeetuut: bell either".
You'll hrive to• let 'up on those au•
cielgt plitttudve if I do."
"Mt right. Go ahead."
"At my hotel f put on a complete
Change of dress."
"It wuuldu't hurt you much to do
that now."
Ho did nut hoed the interruption,
but continued :
"1 forgot to transfer my pocket-
book—any papers ur any 'cash to my
maw suit. NV 11011 I mounted the
stair of one of the elevated road
stations I found that I had nothing
with ole. I turned to go home. It
was a t'eurful slut day and 1 was not
very well. Wheu 1 had walked
about half a block it seemed to Inc
that some nue put his hands on lay
shoulders andbegan pressing me
down. 1 'oohed back to see who
had takeu that liberty and found
nollody there. The weight pressed
ale down on ono knee and then on
the other, and with a cry I fell for-
ward ou the sidewalk. When 1
awoke I seemed to be on tho side-
walk still, but thele was something
covering ale, I was lying on a hard
substance, and when I moved the
covering from my ''ace I found 1
was in a room that was nearly Lull
et' tobacco smoke. A lamp that
looked hazy was burning on the
table. A young man with a shrewd,
vulpine face sat in a rocking chair.
It seemed to ho the only seat in the
room, and lie smoked a large bowled
pipe. He was in his shirt sleeves
and swayed gently to laid fro,
and seemed to he consulting a huge
volume in his lap. I sal up in
haste,' to ling myself on a table of -
huards, Enppurted by trestles. The
sheet I had covering 1110 was all I
had ou. The beards creaked as I
sat up, and the 'young man lboked
suddenly towards ale, then sprang
to his feet, letting the huge volume
fall to the floor,
"Now, look here 1" he cried.
`What the old harry do you mean
by •such conduct as •this 1" •
"What do you mean 1" I said.
What do you nleau by having lea
hero•?" •
"That is what I mean," said the
man in his shiitslecves, waving his
hand towards a box of surgical in-
struments.
"An operation ?" I asked.
"An operation ? Well, yes; and
after -the operation is Over there will
he nothing left of yon bat bones.
You are mine_- won't say body
and soul,— but body at • }east. I
bought trona, You aro to be di.sseel-
ed, and 1 might as well tell you now
as. later that 1 don't like a body to
act as you are cluing. 1: don't like
it, I say, and I ain't 'used to it. 'I
never had it happen before, so lie
down and keep quint. I will be
ready for you in a moment. I em
loukiug up soliie authorities on the'
subject now."
"But see here," I said. "You're
joking I'm not goiitg.lostaud any
More af' fhis. 1'1n going away.". •
"I'd like to see you,"' said the stu-
dent. "The door is locked, and it is
six stories down from the window.
NOV don't interrupt me. I am read-
ing up this work on anatomy, and a
fellow "can't give his Blind- to a
serious subject like this with a corpse
making °a• i.'uss right along side of
him. You are dead, so lie down
and keep quiet." •
lie resumed his pipe and book
and locking Chair.
"You don't mean to say," I cried
out, "that you are going to murder
me 1"
IIe smiled, puffed away at his
pipe, and waved his hand at me to
lie down. Instead of that I arose
cautiously and sprung at his throat,
upsetting rockiug chair, book and
all. Although 1 had hire clown it
was not for long. I was too weak
to make a struggle, and he lifted
rite up and placed me on the boards
again. He picked up his pipe, put
his liande in his pockets and came
over and looked at me.
"Yon are at fine, lively specimen,'
he said, "but you're laboring under
a groat mistake. • You think you aro
alive. Well, you're not. You're
dead, and have been dead for sever-
al days. The coroner's jury sat on
you. Perhaps you don't know
that 1"
I shook my head.
"Well, they sat tho sante. Ver-
dict, died of prostration, or nervous
prostration, or something like that
—no ; sunstroke, I think it was.
Now, you aro dead, physically and
officially. The state of New York
has pronounced you defunct.. You
have petered. Now, I put it to you
as a reasonable rnan if you think
you are acting as a respectful cadaver
should acts' You are trying to make
out that the state of New York ea•u
bo wrong officially, and, besides,
you aro trying to got away with the
body that have . bought. and paid
for and 1 con assure you 1 have not
got talo muol2 cash. I don't buy
bodies fur amusement or to have
there walk away either, No, mfr."
",Mow Much did you pay for me V'
1 asked.
"Well, you came high, besides
the bringing of you up stairs. You
cost $60 and $1 cartage."
"All'right. 1 will give you $100
for myself. 1 think my body is
more use to me than it can be to
you." •
`The student sat down in his rock-
ing chair, threw nue leg over the
other and eyed me critically.
"Seo here," he said : "you aro
wealthy, aren't you V'
"I have about $T5,006," I answer-
ed very foolishly.
"How is yuur property fixed 1"
"It is in the Iinickerbocker-
Maallutttan bank 1"
"All right. I will tell you just
what it will cost. You slake Ilse
out a . check for $75,000 and you
can have yourself. You know you
ar'e.legally and officially dead."
"Otherwise I suppose you will
murder me 1'
"Call it what yon like," ho answer-
ed jauntily. "•I am nut particular
as to the terms used by a cropse.'
"I wrote him out the check, in-
tending to get down to the bank
before hint and stop payttient, but
he remarked as he tied me down to
the trestles with a stout rope thet he
'wasn't born the day before yester
day' and if • the check was all right
leowould buy me a suit of clothes
and set me at liberty. IF not dlis,r
section would proceed. He got the
money—took ale down that eight
blindfolded to a cab, drove me round
and round -and then left me. I have
been hunting for that man ever
since, and that's how I come to be
in Guderich now.. Don't you think
you can advanea inc twenty-five
cents on that story ?"
"Oh, I guess so, if you don't ask
Inc to lealieve it,"
' "Well, seeing it is yon, I don't.
Thanks—fifty cents ? Well, I will
hand you back twenty-five cents the
next time I meet you."
I
L51iI\G
FOR )1
WIVES..
Ab Lehman. drove' into 'Eliseo
and bought a $100 wedding trous-
seau', so `to speak. Tho outfit was
really an elegant ono, consisting of
dress suit, toothpick boots, .derby
flat and black kids.- With his gray
hair cut close, clean shaven and
atm -cited, Ahrese nblt'd a college pro-
fessor. To the obliging clerk who
suggested silk socks and uuderwoar
lie replied :
"Young ratan. I've married three
gosh darned fine women, 'an I didn't
spark ':one of 'em week. 'They're -
dead now, au'd PM goitl' to marry
'pother one. I donno who it'll he,
but the gal.wl4 gets -„m41. have to be
—
quick'bout irailf,'Atrit hive to.
take me 'without no frilled night•
shirt an', fixiu's.”
Accompanied by \V. Fowler, the
sheep bouailzito; he started for Fill-
more, Utah, by teals, where they
intend to rustle for a wife apiece
among the schoolma'ms.
CHESTNUTS FOR TOYS WHO
LO.N'T GO TO OSDAY
SCIIOOL.
Why was the elephant the most
privileged animal that entered
Noah's ark 1 lie was the only ono
permitted to take along his trunk,
Why were the, fox and cock the
poorest 1 They had only one comb
and one brush .betwoou them. "
What are the Smallest animals
mentioned . in the Bible 1 The
widow's mite and the wicked fled.
What is the first mention of salt
moat 1 When Noalt carried Ilam
in the ark.
Who is thti fastest woman men-
tioned in the Bible 1 The Maiden
who got a head of John the lf.tptist
on a charger.
Why was Paul like a home 1 Bo
cause he loved Timothy.
Why 'vas Pharaoh's daughter
like a Well Street broker 1 She
got a little prophet out of tho rushes
on the bank.
What is the first mention of
paper n►oiiey on record 1 Vlrhou
the•dove brought tho green 'b.tck to
the Ark.
When was the, first note of hand '
given 1 Whoa Pharaoh, :received a
eheck on tire bank of the Red Sea.
Why woo Eve created l For
Ad'am's express company.
A Creaking Hinge
Is dry and turt►s hard, until oil is applied,
aftev which it moods easily, When the
joints, or hinges, of the body are stiffened
and inflamed by Rheumatism, tl►ey can•
not bo moved without causing tbo most
excruciating pales. .Ayer's Sarsaparilla,
by its action on the blood, relieves thia
condition, and restores the joints to good
working order.
Ayer's'-Sarsaparilla has elb'ectetl, In our
city, tunny most remarkable cures, a num•
ber of which baffled the efforts of the
most experienced physicians. Were it
necessary,I could give the names of manyindividuas who have been cured by taking
this medicine. In my own case it has eer.
taiuiy worked wonders, relieving mo of
Rheumatism,
after being troubled with It for years. In
this,, and all other discuses arising from
impure blood, there is uo remedy with
which I tau acquainted, that affords such
relief as Ayer's Sarsaparilla.—It. 11.
Lawrence, M. D., Baltimore, Did.
ander'sRh Sarsaparilla when nothing nothint Gelse
would. It hos eradicated every trace of
disclose from my system.—R. If: Short,
Manager,llutel Belmont, Lowell, Mass.
I was, during many months, a sufferer
from chronic Rheunuttism. The disease
afflicted oto grievously, in spite of all the
remedies I could find. until I commenced
using Ayer's Sarsaparilla. I took several
bottles of tlds preparation, and was speed-
ily restored to health.—J. ]''ream, Inde.
peudeuee, Va.
Ayer's Sarsaparilla,
Prepared by Dr. J. C. Ayer k Co., Lowell, Maes.
Sold by all Druggists. Price $r i six homes, $ .
s s
—IN1 ewe 41trord
.TItL=
1 ,
over6,00b,000 oo0 PEOPLE USE
FERRY'S SEEDS
D. M. FERRY & CO.
are admitted to be the
LARGEST SEEDSRIEN
the',rorld.
D. I1. FERRY 8 CO'S
Illugtt'yleA,
De. -
.Opine a Priced
SEED ANNUAL
For 1887
wit] he mailed
FREE to ail
a pncants,eud
to last 809800'9
customere
without or-
dering it.
rnealualie to
all•Euer„ per.
son :ming Ggr-
-den, Field or
rower SEEDS should
s n i for ir, Address. D. M. FERRY $ CO.
:<Vii litdeor. Ont.
AN OBSTINATE CASSE.
"In the spring of '89 I was nearly
dead, as overyoue around nay neigh-
borhood kuows. My trouble Was
caused by obstinate coilstipation.
One bottle of Burdock Blood Bitters
euro me entirely. ' This statement
is made by Walter Stinson, of Gorrie,
Ont.
—Dr. W'hayman, veterinary sur-
geon, of Port Stapley, while giving
irig a pill to"a stallion owned by
Mr. Mitchel?, of hrarntford, at Or -
dish' stable, had his right hand bit -
ton. The Doctor took hold of the
animal's tongue with his 1'oft hand'
and -stuck his right handl and 'arm
in its mouth and shot the pill down.
its throat. The horse closed
jaws firmly,. so firmly ,tint it almost
bit its tongue in two, and a crowbar
had to bo used to open its mouth.
The hand was badly Mat..
QUICK RELIEF.
"Ono Mottle of Hagyard's Pectoral
Balsam cured me of a sore throat
and loss of voice. One trial releive
lee when all other Medicine failed
says Miss .1. McLeod, Belfuuntaiu,
Ont.
.--Tho case -against VVm. 11;iuir, of
Woodstock, charged with theft of
the Agricultural Society's papers,
has been dismissed. P. M. Field in
dismissing it said he had received
the following letter from tho At-
torney=Geueral's Dept : "From the
best consideration I have been able.
to give the 'natter I feel satisied
that it would• be uecossary for the -
Crown to prove tho ownership of
the property ; and in order t.n do.
that it would be necessary to show
that the Agt'iotural Society of the
north riding of Oxford is an in-
corporated body,by the prodn:tion
of the declaration anrll the evi lonee.
To REMOVE DANDIUFF.--Cleanse the of soma person that the S"oeioty was
scalp with Prof. Low's Magic Sulphur in existence. Itltter of this kind,
Soap. A delightful medicated temp cannot be peesu not ix erinzinal
tet tke Lollef Cast!"
standaird A1eHHcait Work
FOS YOUNG & 1OOI. TAOFO IDEM,
ow)` 11 1jy nitijl, Postp,nid.
Illustrative Stznliole Free to A11.
KNOW THYSELF.
A Great Medical Wert' en Metathgot).
Exhausted Vitality, Nervous and Physical De-
bility, Premature Donne in Muth Errors of i'ouih
and the untold miseries resulting front Indiecre•
tion or excesses. 4book for every roan, young,
middle•aged and old. It contains 128 prescrip•
tions for an acute and chronic diaeuxes, each of '
which 1s invaluable, So found by the Author,
whose experienee for 35 years is such as probably
never beaore fell to the lot of any physician. 840
pages; boun7 in beautiful Froncll nlusiin embpse•
ed covers, full gilt, guaranteed to be a finer
work, in every sense'ttuu, any other work sold in
this country for $2.50, or the money will be re•
funded in evory instance.. Price only 81.00 by
mail, postpaid. illustrated sample free to any
body. Send now. Gold medal awarded the author
hy' the National Medical Association, to the Pre-
sident'of whiehs the Hon. P. A. Bissell, and
associate 'Akers of the Board the reader is
respectfully referred.
The Suiemo of Life is worth more to the young
and lniddlo-aged men of this ganerattpu than all
the gold mines of California and the silver mines
of Nevada eomhiued.--S. 1 Chronicle.
The Science of Life points out the rocks and
gaieltswWs on which the constitution and hopes
of many it y0uug man have been fatally wrecked.
—Manchester Mir, or.
Tho Science of life is of greeter value than all
tho me<licatworks published in this country for .
the past 60 years. —A tin gra Countittttien.
The Science of Life is a superb and masterly
treatise on nervous awl physical debility.—
Detroit I%rse Press.
There is no member of society to whom The
Science of Life will not he useful, whether.youth,.
parent, guardian, instructor or clergyman.- -
d r/ot,aut.
Add
r.
W. 11re1 thearker, No. 4 kul'ane Street, Bostal Institute. or on,
Mass., who may .be consulted on all diseases re-
quiring skill cud experience. Chronic and obstin-
ate diseases that have batiles, the skill of all other
physicians a specialty. Such treatedxtt(eessfully
without an instance of failure. Mention Tor,
News-Itacog,: Clinton, Ont, 8S4—y
Best ROLLER FLOUR
AT $2.10 PER c 1'.
BRAN by the ton or cwt.
AT GOc. PER CWT.
Delivered flee of charge anywhere in town.
MRS. JOHN ItAI'SON,
Thos. Cooper's old stand, - CLINTON.
Goderich Marble Works
Raving bought out !osr•:Pm VANKTON,y
in 1 utlerich, we are now prepared to fur-
nish, on reasonable terms,
IIEADSTONES AND ,110NU\t1:NTS.
GRANITlf. A SPECIALTY. °
We are preparnd to s411 'hearer than any
other firm 1n the county. Nu. L):was
Er,LLrr•r, of Uodoi•h•h, has late)) appointed
general .agent for the county, and parties
wautiug anything in this line will find it to
their i 1terest to reserve their urtlea9 1111111
he calls.
RO11EH,TSO\ & HELL.
May 17 th, 18S6, 392-3nr
AGENTS WASTE'. -Ladies or Gentlen•en,—
Good eonninsaun gull work easy. Address
Toa Nxwn-ltrcuttu, Clinton. 354
Get your Side Bills at "The
News -Record" office.
CLOTHING.
ABRAHAM SMITH, •
Market Square,
GODERICH.
WEST OF ENGLAND SUIT -
1S& TROUSERINGS,
SCOTCH TWEED SUITINGS &
• TItOUSEICINGS,
FIIENCH AND ENGLISH WOR-
STED CLOTHS,.
Made up in Best Pyle. and Work-
nete,iiAi11 crit Abraham r,Sntitles.
.Now in stock one of;the cheapest
and best stoc/ hof
WINTER GLO•TRINC
AND CLOTHS.
A Full. Line of GENTS' FUR-
NISHINGS always in stook.
It will pay yon to call on
'ABBAHAM SMiTH.
Farm, e : Town,
VILLAGE PROPERTY
FOR SALE.
\IIR EXECUTORS AND TRUSTEES of the
Estate of the late .)osxrn Berta offer for sale
the following valuable property, namely :
Building Lots numbers 420 and 4.21, to Pio,
Town of dtodorich, quarter of an acre each, fairly
fenced and very desirable for building purposes,
11a1f acre Lot fronting ).liil Mond, Township of
Ciodorieh, Owing part of lot 3 in the Maitland.
Concession of tiro said Township. Nice frame.
WOIIege and intim stable,
Lot number 3, south side of Millar street, Bens
miller, quarter of an acre. Small frame dwell:.
hti;.
Building Lots numbers 803 and 804, In tt•o
Town of Clinton, quarter of an acre each, be;w-
tifully situated on south side of Huron street;,
burly fenced.
Th 1
The East molt of lot 23, con. 14, Yost waw•;yh-
osh: good land, 50 acrce aleared and: fenced, re -
',minder timbvred"abaut 4 miles from Luokiime
and 0 from Wingh:uu; rood roads.
For further partieulars apply to
!1e tP E. CAIIPION,
12 u•rister, C:oderic1 .•
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