The Clinton New Era, 1886-11-12, Page 7nu ,orout0 3kotabonc
,Teacher : ' What do you understand
by an unclean spirit ?' juvenile com-
mentator : 'A, dirty devil,' r•K
,A. young lady in. Goderieh is known
.to be so modest that she can't ]look at a
,Clothesline, -with the vletbeAnff. .
A. teacher in a high school asked a
littlewad, of an Irish boy :to describe a
Jake. ' Sure and it is a hole in the bot-
tle.°
A graveyard in county. Cork has the
following notice over its entrance gate :
Only the dead who live-in this parish
lire buried here,'
BRIDAY,, NOV. 12,18S6.
A young man At
ecwitibet
being
lazy,z r
,was ked if he took it front his father,
' 1 think net,' was the reply, ' father's
got all the laziness he ever had.'
An eating•house keeper advertised for
'a boy to open oysters 15 years old.' An
oyster ought to be able .to open itself
Jong before it reaches its fifteenth year.
A phrenologist says that 'fullness un-
der the eye denotes. language.' When.
the fullness is caused by another Man's
fist it denotes very bad language genet.,
ally.•
Restaurant matron : ' I wantyou
girls to 6x up a little extra.and look As
° pretty as you pan.' Waiter girls: ''Is
the butter -bad again,No; the meat's
tough:' •
A scientist has discovered a Wayrto
remove mnstaches•frona the lips of laies,
No prudent lady should allow e. nus•
tache to•stay on her' bps, more than a
few seconds ata time
Grandpapu,' .said Teddy, as the; old
gentleman woke np from a. loud -snoring
afternoon nap, ,' if yott would- give your:
nose a : spoonful of paregoric, don't. you
think you could lint it to sleep too ?'
' I have a heart big enotigll:for
remarked •Browne. 'Yes; es, but that will
de you no good • unless •you can dirive
with your.teeth,' replied 'Miss Bell; and
then Browne took an extra grip on her
'waist..•
• A small -Louisville •boy; after. 'being
naughty, and -_suffering' greatly at; the•
maternal hn•nd, or•r'atllerslippel',stopped'
Sobbing long enough to look earnestly
at -itis mother, said .sly with, emphasis ;
`Mantra, I'rn sorry youever -nl.arried..
any papa.,.!
Landlord, (to stranger): 'The'property
is worth ;$3u,000. I wouldn't take .less.'
Stranger : ' I.don't want to buy... I am
only the tax assessor.'• Landlord : 'Oh,
a beg' your., liardon., I should Consider
myself a .very." fortunate. Inan i:f Lcon1d'
get $1 7;000 for that • property.'_,
When one of, Prof, Stowe's "students,
in a quizzing .mood, interrupted the lec-
ture to inciuir'e how it, happened thit
.lutea, who whs only a fisherman, obtain-
tad such ready entrnhce•'to' the 'high
priest's house,' -on thenight of the trial,
• quick as a flash :mime the answer;. ado
not know, perliaps•he sold him .fish'•
. < A recent advertisement
contains the
• 'following.: '.If the gentleman who keeps
the shoe store with a'red head. will• re-
turn the umbrella of a young lady with
Whalebone ribs' and' a'n •ii n handle to
slate -roofed grocer's shop, he will ,bear.
of sowethtng..to his advantage, as 'the
• Items -•is -they ift-of-a-deceaseti'iuotlier;
.now no more with the name engraved
on it.' . .
•
lLtXe�atoxa!$urprlee .__ _ ._
' Whatdo you moan byusing such
violence towards your wife 1' asked, the
Austin recorder of Satn Johnsing. ,
' I didn't use no violence, boss.'
' But you did ; her. face is' all. swollen'
up from the blow. Didn't, you strike
her ?' . • •
-' Yesiboss, but -hit -Ives -fur ifccerdent.
Ii'se
near sighted.' • • . .
What's that got to do with it1'
4 Heaps, boss, heaps. . Yer se I .was
at de gate, and was gwine ter go; down
town, and I jess kissed my handier Ma-
tildy.' • • •
` Kissed yctir band to her ?'
Yes, `boss, kissed my .hand ter her,
lent owing, to de defer' in my eyes,' I
',posed she •was -milieu; twenty feet off,
'but, she.: Wasn't.'' She was so close to rue
tat de back .o`b my hate. hit her smack
in de mouf.' I never was so s'prised in
my. life' •
' Well, there is :.enother,l surprise in
store for you. You pay $0 and costs.
Or you go• to.tbe county' jail.' _
The Diciest or Courtesy,
A wayfarer was passing 'along the
iltreet, When le dreg' near. to some la-
borers who were ongaoil in building the •
wall of a house: As' be passed by a
brick accidentally fell, 'striking him on
the shoulder. 'Looking tip to the inen,
who were about three stories high, he
shouted indignantly :
' Hi, up there' ! You just dropped a
brick.'
'.A11 right,' responded a : bricklayer,
who was somewhat of a wag; ' you need
Tnot take the: trouble tn.bring it up.' '
414
Is Beath I'afnieys ?
A Philadelphia doctor, after years of careful
Observation, Bays thatour domise,re aisainleas
es our advent to the world. This ib cerlaninly
reassuring; yet notwithstanding these great
inducements,we still do not court death, and.
shall continueto use Dr. Pierce's infallible
remedy, the "Golden MedioalDiacovery," the
cure fop ooasumptiou, spitting of blood, short.
noes of brunt lit weak lungs, ought. bronchitis,
kindred effetelona of the throat and chest. Ib
is unequalled,. Ey druggists..
- The prison 'physician of Jackson, lltieh.,
is charged with taking 1rriHPs from convicts
wasn't I sElteh.
I say, ehappie, you know Guy Simkin-
son."
'
Yea?, I know hint quite.well.'
Well, .what do you thiuk I have just
beard about bin ?' .
' I don't know, I am sure something
dweadful.'
`Dweaditill I'm going to '.bwipg up
chabgea•,against him to expel hills fwotn
ouah 'set,'
` What foah?'"'
he was heated to say Molasses
weal plain the othah day.'
'
Well, what of it ? There isn't anything
so vewy badin that, is there?''
Why, don't yon know, the Ehglish al.
ways say tweaole Z'
'Oh, the . howwid thing 1 Let'a expel
him wtght array,
•
Johnny saw row she was Dressed
' How was Eve dressed when 'she got
married, mother's''
I don't know, Johnny, I wasn't there.'
I know, and I wasn't there, either.'
'No, you don't know• anything about it.'
` I don't know anything about it, eh
Didn't I see her picture in Jimmy Smith's
pap's bailer •
Well, that will do. Go on nut after
that coal.' . •
`Ob,' yes whenever you git beat you
always tell rueto "go after that coal,'"
Why he didn't put his rare in the box
Bobtail Street Car Driver -Did you put
your fare in the box ?
Passenger -No.
Driver -Don't you knot./ don't allow
anyone ito 'ride free?
Pasaeoger-•Yea.
Driyer--Are you going' to put your fare"
in the box ? •
• Passenger No.
Dr)verWhy not 1
Paasenger=Because 'that man ,in the
cornet' put my fare in for me.
Empty.
Tramp=Are.' you the proprietor of this
hotel, sir'i r. , •
P
Proprietor -,Yea air, M '
Trains,-Wilryou please punch me un.•
cher the ribs as Bard as you can ?
Proprietor: -Certainly -there, how -is
Tramp=That'll do. Now, what: I'm
gettin' at is, don't per want ter.hire me
'for a perambulatiin' dinner -gong•? Thit
holler sound would fetch people down from
the tenth story.
•
The Last Story.
A party: of gentlemen at an hotel .were
telling stories one night recently of famous
shotsand.. how many quails, partridges,
ducks and other birds had been' killed at a
single discharge. .After listening to whak
seemed -a toilful exaggeration bydifferent
narrators,, a stranger who wa' present
voluuteered.his experience of his own use'
of -the double barrelled gun as follows.: • '
"I aentinto the field one day to try
gunning. '' The only game discovered was
an immense flockof b]aokbirds. I,should
say there were 10,000 in, the flock.- Slowly.
I crawled up to them, and when'not more
than four rods Away the birds rose in a
solid, mass. • I' fired both barrels, and'how'
many'do•you think Ikrlled ?"
.D'fFerent guesses were 'made by" the
Part)", ranging fromtwentyto"one hun-di .-
"Not one,"• said the 'stranger,`'" but.:I
went out with -my brother to look for re. -
milts, and we picked: up four bushels'of
legs. Thad shot a -little under."
..This was the last story told, •..
.0:•---•-•4---
• Captain Boggle_ Trick,_
Captain Boggs, a- Virginian, who held a
license on the Mississippi river before he
was of age, and who' for, fourteen years.
had •.the.. contract to•supply the military
poets''rn U_tah,,._ Qakrriait;:s%_w,.Mexica-and.
Arizona -with: fuels;: tells the .'tollowing
story: -"I was down in;the Ilia reservation
in Colorado arid had -strolled don to the
shores of a ;small lake:while my mnleii;and
teamsters were eating dinner, when l came
across a party of about a dozen .nutters.
,They were armed with rifles • and were
'shootingat a snag which stuck dut'of, the
we -fen -about -two hitt-died yards distance:
The. atakea`for which they were ahIOoting
were composed of a quarter of a dollar for:
each'` man: • I stood watching' them for
mime time"'iind .then decided to•enter the
.competition. Each roan had three shote
'and the man who :hit the 'snag the moa(
times wen the pot. The"miaaea were told
by 's splash in the water ; the hits by the
absence of the splash, After woe . parley
'With the'redakins I got 'them to.allow me,
to enter the match, though•theycompelled
mato deposit half's dollsr, while they put
in a quarter. .I hada Henry rep.edter: with
me that, fortunately ftil my purpose, was
then unloaded. I,. was accounted one of•.
the best shote is the country, hat knew.
that the Indiana were not an slow, I !lip
ped three cartridges into my rifle; and ae L
did so I broke the ball off, thus leaving "a
blank cartridge. Of course, no splash fol-.
lowed any of • my shote, and the Indiana
thoiight I had hit the snag every time. 'I
won that pot, but the next time I inten
tionally lost bybreaking the- balls offand.
taking iht]ifferent aline. I then broke all
the balls off until I had won 018, Then'
the Indians, who began to look at me with
suspicion and awe, refused to• shoot any
,more. I invited them up to the store and
spent the stoney un ,knick•knacka, which'
I divided among theca. I then took them
lack to the lake and showed them - the
trick. • They were very muchsurprised
but: took it in good part. On •returning
that way a few days after I found the
same Indians on the lake shore shooting'
a big match with a neighboringtribs,whorn
they were rapidly cleaning of _everything.
Ilearned .that they had `skinned' every
Indian in the country that they could get
to shoot against them. 'I said nothing but
mused t.n the readiness of the •gavages to
adopt the white man's tricks.-13oaton
RAILWAY TIME CARD
Trains leave Clinton as follows;•-
• 'GRAND ralJlr'ft RAILWAY.
Going. East, _ Going West,
I•7.25 a.m. express 10.0 a.m. mixed
1,05 p.m. 2
mixedam. ex teas
2.20pan.
p
`
4.1$ p.m. mixed. 9.15 pan. express !
molar was'ro RN B'.rr wax.
ko assist ih+'rn in r strrinl their release I Going North, Going Snttth.
pardon. by 9.55 a n'a rapines 11,03 a.m. express
0,60 p.m. express 4.13 p,m.exprers
FOR, SALE
A :FIRST-CLASS RICK STORE,.
w
Suitable Pr tiny business, in Scarle'a Block, en
1 Long Tema of Credit. ,Also
One Owenby; House,
Centrally situated. For further partictdaru apply to
WC; SEARLE, CLINTON.
STAPING -
WILLIS TRANSFER PAPER PAT-
TERNS sold in strips for Embroidery,
Braiding; etc., and complete designs for
l r
S lupe e, Brackets, Aprons, Ladies foot
Stools, •Costes Smoking Caps, Pillow
Shams, etc, Hundreds. of Deatgns. The
design is, warranted not to crumble off the
paper pattern or to rub off tbe fabric when
transferred.
W. COOPER, BOOKSELLER'.
The Great English Prescription.
A successful Medicine used over •
30 years in thousands of cases.
Cures, Spermdtorrhea, Nervous
Weakness, Emiasioaa, Impotetttey
and an diseases caused by abuse.
fasrotta] indiscretion. or over-exertion, farms) .
Six packages Guaranteed to Cure when another:
Fail, Ask your Druggist for Tke qre■t+ E■tihk
Pre.aripttee, take no substitute. one package
$1. $S, by magi. Write for Pamphlet, Address
areka Chemical; co., Detroit, nick.
Sold iu (Minton by. J. H. t'OSI.LBE and Druggists
everywhere
ysters
AT aR00ERIGifs.
: •.
Oyatera Served in the. latest Styles, also in
Bulk and Can, direct from'Baltilucrre,.
Guiiranteed alway • Fresh.
BEST 50. CIGAR IN TOWN.
Citoloa LOT or •PIPES,.CIIaAP. •
Head'quprters for CONFEOTIONERY and 1'ItLIT.
B R O It ,C S.
JACKSON BLOCS, HURON BTRt hT. Cf INTOS.'
POW
THE COOK'
Latest Styi
Londoshorough Roller dills
titer hemi thorocgbl overhauled Asa ra•stted with:
SJSW, MaWUNE Sty of the most approved Hada, iheso
mills aro now in splendid naming order, and will not.
be surpassed in thetriqullainlitythe ofcouthentrywork done, by any
.
Spacial Atteption given to GRISTIN-,
• CUQPPING ONE ON SHORT NOTICE, °
Satisfaction guaranteed. Parties wanting' anything,
whatever in bit, line will find it to their interest to
give tit a call, •
E. I1CBE,n, Proprietor.
CODEY'S LADY'S BOOKOLI
f
NEW FALL
And WINTER
BOOTS & S1OES,
At C. Cruiokahaxslsa,
My stock of BOOTS and SHOES is noel/04y
large, and i will sell at the very Lowest Prises
possible, Having made a large addition to ay
previous large store, and tilled the same with
H every kind of the best goods in the market,
Customers can de en
p .'il�n the. very best article
FSR or the ]oast money.
For 118S7. Satmpla Cory, cls Cents"
• LADIES', MIMS' b Omura 1111E. CUSTOM WORK as ostial. unsurpassed and at
TRY =r • short notice. •
American & Canadian OVERSHOES & RUBBERS
in Endless'Variety. '
- ry my DUCHESS and TOPSY DRESSING which can't be beat.
Callon. Cit Cruickshank, the Korot Maker,'
ALBERT STREET BRICK 6LOCK . CLINTONLI�
N
$2 A YEAS ALWAYS IIN' ADVANCE
ni++.Arris I,r Phsstfllta so entre aaa90Rinas.
GERMS TO OLi7Be.
ESTRA PaasiuxS TO CLOR. RAISER,•.
. Gnpive ,z r,•. ,w r. r.•.. emir rvecerrr :-I(RLOO' •
5 .• , •..... a ,. 9.50
For list of rretaiums and terms to larger dabs, semi for
Sample t'opyr which will give you full information:
Godeyi at the present time is admitted by press and
ppeaple to be seperior to any' lathe,' magaaiae m tmerica,
having the greatest variety of departments,' ably edited.
The liteary features are; Serials, Revels, Short Stplies,
-Charades, -Poems, etc. Among the populars authors' who
will contribute to Gorier,•, are: ,1, V. Packard, MIPs Emily
Reed, J.Chnrchill, Wm,M Butler, Emily Lennos,andothers.
Engravings appeal in ever, uumber,ofsublects by well
known artists, and produced by die newest processes, In its
colored fasbiona.Godey's leads inn:dors nodal les. Doth
modisteeand home dress makfrk accord them the forenioit
positron,
1'erna PATTER -VI are one of tie important features of this
inegasino; each 'subscriber being allowed to select their own
pattern every month. an item alone more than' covering the
subscription. price.' '
P,Rac•r,IcaL 1Le•re upon Dressmaking show bow garmeiita
San be renovated and •rind's over by the patterns given.
PitACvi0AL nis•rs for the Ifouselold show young .heuse-
keepers how to manage the enlinary department with econo•
•my ad skill.
F'.Ouros NOTES. pt hems ,add ALroad, delight .every-
ad7'e heart,
'IRR OeoLohsn nod Black Work Designs give all the nen,
eat Ideas for fancy work.
THE Cookir0lecipesareunderthecontrol of au ezperi•
euced heasekeeper.'
careful eatimateti given witDepartment acpDsis of,practic• utility,
• • CLUB 'RAISERS 'PREMIUMS,. •
AADR 'S bas arranged to•give elegant Silver Plated ware of
anperior•makers as premiums, the 'ohm af which lissome in-
stances reaches over •$25.•fnr one premium. Send 15 cents
for ssmplo copy wbtch Will contain, illustrated premiums:with
all pprtiCulars.and•terms. Address, • " - • t: ••
GODEY'S-LADY'S BOOK, PLiIi deffihen,.Pa
•
in Ainerican Jiats.
We have just received sonieof the N o!ihiest:Hats ever seed in Clinton. _ Our sttiek
of HARD and. SOFT .FELT. HATS. is well 'assorted and comprises;itll the new Ian,
silitpes:.
We shots 5 very fii'ae assortment of'1'WE'6,D and SERGE 'POLO CAPS,
ALand GLEN,GARR'k CAPS, atprice.,:to suit the putlie 'Mao at'wery
fineMA linof KNITTED 'AMERICAN .•CAPS 'for'llen and Boys. Our selection
of GEN.T'S FINE FURS•in S. S. SEAL '•PEAVEES and. PERSIAN LAMB
is complete.IN DINTS FURNISHINGS we show splendid valuer in •'Scotch Lamb's' Wool Un-
det:clothin , and the latest styles•lit •COLLtk'P.S,, DUFFS, Lc., with en elegant',
stock of NECKW�'EAR in thenewest designs.: - _
GEO.' GLASGOW
NE W. DRUG STORE
The undersigned' has just opened a New Drug Store in
J'> etrtson'>Ef' NeW Block. Hurt'n Street, ., .
Two•.doors.. rest_of.,the•Cicy-Book••Storer •' where ' swill -be -found -w--cons ere- t.---�-
pl asszrrt-
went of Flue DRUGS and CHEMICALS,. also PATENT MEDICINES soil
DRUGGISTS SUNDRIES. • All that the- public may ask for iri•these lines.
P. S.-OBice'cluinged from residence to DrugOre'. t : '
S
WORTHING -T0
_...�_ .N, �hnton,.
C N'rR.A.L •D RUG at 'OR •
FRESH•.•ARRIVALS THIS • WEEK.
'11 LLEBOk2E CAsITM> RE BoQUET PERFUME "
CARRIAGE SPONGES. Fine lino'of. HAND MEBRORS, cheap
PURE .INSECT'POWDER BERTRAND§ Btrnic PERFUME.
ATLANTA SEA SALT MERE BoQUET SOAP
PEARS. (ENGLISH) SOAP '
FRESH LIME JUICE tPEnxs Viol= POWDERS
a
• PU.RE • 2ARIS :GREEN PEAR5 BLOoat OF Nova.
We pay special'attention to TRUSSES, and have the largest stock in the county.
•
Best5 cent CIGAR in town. .
JAMF H.: ccom at ,
CHEMIST AND .DRUGGIST, • • CLINTON, ONT. '
•
FURNITURESTOOK
°Opened . out in ELtIOTTh . ELOCE:, .
NEXT DOOR . TO 'THE CITY. BOOK STORE,. 'CLINTON.'.
BEDROOM 'SETS, PARLOR SETS, TS, :LOUNGES.,
SIDEBOARDS CSAI
ANTI) A., GENERAL ASSO1TMENT OF THE VERY BEST •MADE FURNITURE AT
• , . REASONABLE PRICES. :
CLINTO •.Tt--1:
CHI TILL L.t'' .
IJ 011"3DM, T3OR 0
The• sales in our IR.eiTy i J nide. Clothing department are showing a marked increase,
and we are now positive' that we Slave' the` rightgoods-at-Tight prices. •, Every.
garment is cut by a first•cluss cutter, and the sewing will bear the closest inspec-
tion. We carry a large stock• and show many patterns, .
We sell, a good every day SUIT for- $5:50.
We sell a fine all Wool Black Worsted SITIT
with a 1 ":Trimming finished as well.. as
`any suit made to order, for $13.
If yost want a Suit of Clothes, we.aro confident ,you •will •savb 'a few dollars by.
making a selection from our stook. We carry al fallrange` of .:
We are opening the . season: with an . immense
range of OVERCOATS, frlom the heavy s ryiee-
able Etaffe goods to the finest Black. and Colored
Worsteds.
We se;l a Boys' Heavy Cloth Oyer. Coat for $2.50
We sell a Strong Durable Tweed 0. coat' for . 85 00
We sell a Fine Black Worsted 0. Coat for $8.50
Our stock or TWEEDS and: WORSTEDS for the ordered clothing trade was
never better assorted than it in pat the present tithe. We are showing some
Very attractive patterns in • •
ILA.D2:E r;TJ1_4S C]Ott
4.11 our departments nye now replete
with the newest goods that are in the mar:
.et, and we will bepleased to have you call and see what, we ere offering,
it �i
LLTIMETT,
LON'D .SBOR a
W:E. ARE: NO SULLTVAN,.
Bn° the rule has very few exceptions, that every one who burrs
a Suit a Pair of Pants a Vest or Overcoat or any coveringfir
the • body at the .
OAK-:-- HALL
�LATI"iING �m HOUSE:
Are so wellsatisfied with - the Fit, Make -and the Tr rnmingli,.
.that when they waist another suit .theyalwvays com& back to us,
and send or bring their ..friends oith them.. This is why elm.-
business has inc;,reased so rapidly
TEIeIIS CASHi:��
PRI b $ICIiT TOR TFIE . TIMES.
,
Mrs. Aa Fischer *pro
t..._ rt , p., IL _�scher: Manager.
01Y-1111.011
ran;
O�per & Swaffie
SUCCESSORS
IMS & SON., CLINTON
Manufacturers ' of Sista, DOORS, ELINDS, FLOORING, SIDING,
CEILING,, MOULDINcis, FRAMES, PICKETS, &C., and all kinds of
Interior and .Exterior Finishings. LATH and SHINGLES .kept
on hand. Mill on Wellington' St., opposite Woollen Mill.
PLANS Atvn SPECIFICATIONS PREPA RED.
S. 5, Cooper;
W. 14. 0.41'V afield.
Change of Business
ttrtrtftttrtllt Itttttrttttitlitrt
1. i
The lndersigned begs to notify the people of Clinton and vicinity that he has bought the
H r
�RNESS .
r "
USINESS ..:fort lerly carried.. ou by W. L Neta,
" And that he is prepared to furbish
Harness, Collars, hips, Trunks, Valises, Buffalo Robes, Blankets.
And everything usually kept n a Arst•clase Harctees ShoP, at the lowed prides. Specie
attention is directed to my : . k of Lisar HA u isss,. whleh I will make a speoialty.
REPAIRING P - . MPI'Lir ATTEli3OED 143.
By .striotat' attention to si +
bu n s
to es ,and caro ly studying the tvnn4l of i.
merit a fair share of'patronalte, Givme a (ail before parchming elsewhere
• REMEMBER THE SPP CD OPPOSITE' THE SIAatc•l:T.
".fir CDY' t. ... , A'. I M.. •"..it+ �:
•
•
a
• wa'