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Lucknow Sentinel, 1892-08-19, Page 3LAUGH AND LEAR,N. blush of modesty is teheeniebeeflac- prieter. - - Every man defines cowardice in his own ease as diacretion. That barber is poor indeed who doesn't even hone his rezone Give your dogs and hones plenty of fresh water. Don't forget that. The only way to convince people that you know it all is to agree with them. A man is Lolled a confirmed liar when nothing that he says is confirmed. Fruit may be cheap at this season, but the doctor never lowers his rates. A vast snow field in Iceland spreads over yn a pace of about 3,000 square les. i; Necessity knows no law, but it has too ch sense to practice in the courts. .. lie marrieds. spiritualist." "Does she make him a good wife ?" "Medium." There is no better way to further a cause than to induce some crank to oppose it. " I'm making headway," as the goat re- marked while butting his way through the crowd. The tailor-made girl doesn't wear a watch chain. She carries her watch in her coat packet When a woman "marries for a home " she gets a home, but the man she marries doesn't. • There are four aingexs in every quartette ohoir who think the other three can't !sing a little bit. . k Bob (looking over the fence)—Been fishin'e e ? Joe—yep. Bob—Get anything? Joe —A whippin'. Photographer—Please look a little pleas- ant, miss ; I know it's hard, but it's only for a moment. "'es," said the old lady, " they've had a dry season out there—they have had to irritate the land. A man in love can do more thinking with- out thinking of anything at all than any- one else on earth.. Conductor— Ceme, now, get aboard." Lady (frantically)— How elm I ? The car behind is on my trail, Young man, if, y, want to be up with the lark to -morrow Morning keep shy of the swallows this evening. There are people so close that , you can never tell what is in them until you take a sea voyage with them. He—Will you marry me ? She ---Have you money enough to support a wife? He —Yes, if she's homely. A woman might as well propose; her bus band never admits after marriage that he was the one who did it. - .i Mr. James Highland and Miss Anna Fling were married in Marie County,' Missouri, a few days ago. • " The old maid," says an observant ex- change, " is always ready for the question." And she usually votes aye. A hatter has a bundle of old unpaid bills hung up in his -shop, labelled " The reason -.why I do not give credit." The summer girl has a great advantage over the summer man. There isn't so much depending on her suspenders. The surest way to gain the good opinion of a married woman is to audibly wonder why she didn't marry a prince. ' The tallest man living to -day is said to be Chang-tu-Ling, the Chinese giant His height is seven feet three Inchee. Now that the season of side -gate flir ta- tion hashegun it is well to remember that too many cooks- spoil the policeman. It's a satisfaction to know that a hat -pi is not to become an instrument of assassina- tion. A girl can bo dressed 'to kill without it. Said Jack: "This sea breeze has one fault, It makes my whiskers taste of salt." .. Said pretty 1.11, who near him sat, Yes,—doesn't it ? I noticed that." The boy who is allowed a small percentage of his father's income for spending money will never be at the foot of the arithemetic class. To show that the flannel shirt ie respected it is only necessary to remark that it is handed down from sire to son after it is • washed. . Who is be, Cholly ? Cholly—He is the head of our firm. Abet thenhances,of death in ewe a4are- fully deducted calculation ;at the battle -of Solferino shows that 700 bullets were ex- pended for every man wounded, and 4,200 for eaoh man killed. Bad luck—" I'm the most unfortunate man in the world," said Binks. " Why, I • found five theatre tickets in the street thin morning and every one of 'em was for last night's performance." " And while I at length debate and beat the busk, There shall step in other men and catch the birds." Mrs. Grimley—Our iceman is very strong. He carried 500 pounds of ice from the street to -day clear into our cellar. Isn't that wonderful Mr. Grimley—No, not if he weighed the ice himself. Solemn Party—My young friend, is your conscience ever awakened to the call of duty ? Tom Bigbee—I should say so ! Why, I've been to make a party -call on Miss Norris this very evening! Men are so peculiar that as a rule a man tells his wife the moat when she asks him the least questions. A turtle will keep its head in it it is poked and bothered, and a man is a great deal like a turtle. Young De Binks—" You saw that lady— ust passed us—well, young Smithers has kept up a flirtation with her for a month." The Major—" Do tell me all about it, that's a good fellow ! She's my wife." • The spacious banqueting hall at, Osborne • House has been decorated by Oriental • artists at a coat to her Majesty of V.-5,000. It was used for the first time upon the oc-, rasion of Emperor Willian's visit He—Yon say yourmaid was in rour bou- doir fixing your hair when the tire broke weal She—Yes. He—Where were you at thlaim e ? Father—Do you think that young man of yours means business, Grace ? Grace—I think he does. He said he had heard of you through Bradstreet's. " I got a dreadful shock at that 'phone yesterday." "What was it—lightning ? " No; no --the telephone girl. She thought it was the office boy !" • Her Mother—Genevieve, didn't Mr. • Tompkins kiss you last night le the vesti- bule? Genevieve (sadly)—No, n-amma, but I gave him every opportunity to. Yeast—How is your friend Cravin ? Crimsonbacka-He's not able to get but. "You surprise me. Has he been sick long r " He's not sick. He's in prison." The chief of a tribe of Indians goes by the name of The -man -who -runs -so -fast -as - to -leave -the -wind -behind -him. A name like that would certainly look well on a visiting, card. ,4t Weary Watkins—Still workin' the fits 1 *et? Llama' Daweon—Everywhere but ..) icago. The las' time I tried it there h' crowd set down on me and' pick't my pocket fur 80 cents. . Husband—I wish you would take this coat of mine and split it up the back. Wife—What do you want mo to do that for ? Husband—I want to wear it in the office. Editor•in-Chief—What has happened to make you mop your forehead and perspire so ? Subordinate—I am all worked "P an y w he re. writing a column -article on " How to Keep 1 " .... . IN e,‘e got the biggest mossquit- Cool." - % the country," said the summer "' Mrs, Con Ficlitig—These are my new priotor, confidentially. "1"- - \ diamonds, Bridget. They aro blue and of advantage?" inquired 4-' the first water. Bridget Launderry--- "Not by a good de- - Shure, mum, who ever heard of blue in the you, you hit it first water., , . there is ti• Rescuer—Miss Proeerleigh, give me your hand. Drowning maiden (preparing to sink, for the third titne—Oh, Mr. Manley I ti•' is so sudden ! so unexpected 1 You avi" to ask mamma. Cholly Sniffers (out with T. Pardon inc for bowine cadger, but I feel -' What housekeepers want is a cook book that gives recipes for dishes that do not require six dozen eggs, five barrels of flour, the milk of one cow for a month, and a couple of hundred pounds of sugar. . "Doctor, what is the meaning of the peculiar formation just back of baby's ear ?" "Combativeness, perhaps." " Why, Some one said it was love of domestic life," "Oh, well, it's all one and the same thing." " Miss de Trop had , on the longest gloves last night that I ever saw. She buttoned thein from her wrist to her elbow." "That's nothing. " My girl buttons hers all the way from home to the theatre." ' Husband—I think young Mrs. Prettyface was green with envy when you came in with your new bonnet on. Mrs. Illhumor— Hateful thing. She just did that because she knows that green is becoming to her. A disinfecta.ot which combines cheapness with general worth is found in perman- ganate of potash. One ounce will make a bucketful of disinfectant. It is a crystal, and can be kept in this state until ready for use. A Welsh woman has nearly reformed her husband by peranading him into using bot- tle,s of whiskey as weights for the clock. The oftener he drinks the slower the clock goes and the lenger he has to wait for his meals. " Pe," said Johnny, " what is a pro- moter ? " " My son," said the father, who had recentiy met a gentlemanly promoter of towildcat mine, "a promoter is a man who promotes his own fortune by getting yours." Euiployer—Rastus, . how did you ever happen to marry such a viragoes that cross- eyed wife of youre ? Coachman (sighing heavily)—Couldn't he'p it, Militate Floyd. She jets' keep agonizin' an' agonizin' me, an' I guy in. The steamship Dubbledam, from' Amster- dam, was released from quarantine yester- day. When asked what he thought of the vexatious, delay, the Dubbledam's captain simply pointed to her name.—New York Recorder. A teacher- of natural philOsophyonce asked fire bright boy of the class how many kinds of force there were, and was astonished to receive the following reply : " Three, ma'am. Mental force, physical force and police force." • Do yon pretend to have as good a judgment as I have ?" exclaimed an en- raged wife to her husband. " Well, no," he replied slowly, "our choice of partners • for life shows that my judgment is not to be compared with yours." Chromatopseudopsis is the medical term for color blindness, and statistics show that mon are much more chromatopseudoptieally inclined than women. A man invariably • succumbs to hopeless chromitopsendopti- • tilde when he tries to match a ribbon. Summer resort girls are as much given to a multiplicity of skirts as a dancer. Their • latent ball-rooixi fad is to wear three plain tulle skirts, each of a different color, over one another. The aim is to produce the changeable effect seen in the latest silks. AGAINST THE T1D1. The t.dc was with him,as he rowed, Tho4e VC11 plump young girls, • All talk awl giggle, laugh and song, god pouting lips and curls; Oh, how they did admire hie stroke, lie pulled with such a vim ; Not e en the Yale or Harvard crows Would dare compete with him! ilutcoming back against the tido He hadn't such a " cinch." He pulled and pnlled and pulled and pulled, And couldn't gain an inch, Ills face grew red, his muscles cracked He in a faint fell down, And then those seven girls took hold And rowed him back to town 1 An Atchison man bad been writing ills wife for weeks that he was' lonesome and sick, but she would not come home, so last week he tried the plan of giving a. party and writing her the next day 'of what a good time he had. She took the next train home. Somebodyseys :You may make homes enchantingly beautiful ; hang them with pictures, have them clean, airy and con- venient, but if the stomach is fed with sour bread and burned meats, it will raise suoh rebellion that the eyes will see no beauty Samuel is a post -graduate in the art of poli- LOVE ON THE ItEDOEND. tical blaekguardism. .elneea ertzin -cemetery, which shall be 'nameless', there- beniagravestoue- Withe-this inscription "Mr. Charles Fieat will re- pose here ; at present he is alive and carry- ing on the shoemaking business at his well- known store, northwest corner of Breezy and Puff streets." A little boy in Lewiston, Maine, recently went to church with his mamma, one Sun- day morning. The little man was all atten- tion while the collection plate was being passed, and once he cried out in a loud Voice: "Oh, mamma, Mr. Jones didn't patanything in !" Parisian women have a dainty fashion of catching up the centre seam of their long akirta half a yard from the hem and secur- ing it a few inches below the waist with a fancy pin, thus reducing if -to a very sensi- ble walking skirt and showing a bit of lace - frilled petticoat besides. The death of a, New York electriCian from nervous apoplexy Is reported. He brought on the disease by testing the strength of weak currents by -placing his tongue to the wire, a practice said to be common. New inventions are constantly producing new ailments. The "electricel tongue" follows close upon the disooveryote the telephone ear." A glass of lemonade may be made the moat attractive warm weather beverage conceivable, if it is properly served. When shaved ice cannot be obtained, a bowl of crushed ice may take its place, and this, aside from the ice which cools the drink, its placed in the glasses as they are filled.' A Little Story ef Woe, Obis, and mud • Savenge. One of the recently -annoirateetteee-g-age meats is said to be the direct outcome of " love on the rebound." The story goes that, three months ago, the fiance in ques- tion proposed to, and was accepted by, one of Boston's fairest daughters, of whom he had long been enamored, and who had openly encouraged him. Disheartened by the failure of his hopes, he immediately set sail for Europe—that Mecca of unfortunate suitors. Four days out, however, he began " to take notice," and was duly attracted by the bright eyes and golden hair of his vis-a-vis at table, Her friendly overtures fell like balm on • his wounded spirit. Moonlight walks on deck brought about confidence on his part, and indignation, coupled with pity—which is akin to love—on hers. On the arrival of the steamer in port; the party with whom Miss Brighteyea was travelling was in- creased by the addition of our friend—die- conaolate no longer—and cablegrams from the other side have recently announced the only possible result of the affair. • It is furthermore rumored that the young lady who had been the cause of his audden departure for foreign shores repented her decision soon after he had Sailed, and dispatched a little perfumed note to the care of his bankers in London, giving him to understand that such was the case. It was needless to state, since we are all human, that one of the cablegrams was sent to her address.—Boeton Saturday G.azette. Principal of Grammar School—William Flint, stand up ! , What are you bughing at ? Williarn—I—I don't like to tell, Mr. Luskinson. Principal—I insist ba knowing. William—I was laughing at Ben Parrott. He whispered to Inc that he saw you kiss- ing Miss Boomseven on the stairway 'fore school took up. Harry wanted to give Lncy a birthday present, but couldn't make up his mind what it should be ; so the next time he called he frankly told her thedifficulty under which he was Labeling. "Want to make mo a present, Harry ?" exclaimed Lucy in well counterfeited astonishment. " Why, Harry, you forgot yourself r' Harrytook the hint and offered himself on, the spot The insignificance of man in his own home is illustrated by a remark recently made to Mr. Beerbohm Tree by his little daughter. She was teasing him to buy her a pony. He declared that he could not afford sub eluxuries. But the child was a match for him. " Then, papa, why don't, you play a little better and make more money ?" asked the dear little innocent. And Mn Beerbohm Tree says he is going to get her that pony if he has to work eight hours a. day for it. The " Golden Rose," the rarest of Euro- pean " decoratioes," is the Pope's prize for the best, the moat religious and the most virtuous Queen. It was recently beatowed upon Rueen Ainelia, of Portugal. In a Paris paper it is thus described : Upon a tall triangular socle there stands a sort of chalice with the Pontifical arms engraved upon it; and from this there emerges -a cluster of golden roam one of which, larger and in fuller bloom than the others, spark- les with dewdrops, all of diamonds. In the heart of this rose there is a little cachette, a valve into which the halm and perfumes are introduced at the moment of the bene- diction." . A " heckler " a political meeting in Scotland once asked Sir Lyon Playfair a • questiou in political economy which could not be readily answered so as to be under- stood by the audience. The candidate avoided the difficulty by telling the follow- ing story : "A negro preacher was hold- ing forth to his congregation, and during his recital he said that the first man was made of red clay and was stuck on a stake to dry. Up tamped one of the listeners, and said : 'I say, brother, who drove in that ere stake?' The preacher replied : ' Now brudder, if you ax them kind of ques- tions you'll bust this ere meeting.'" SONG OF TUE MERRT-GO•ROUND. Did you ever ride on the merry-go-round I • My oyes! how it flies: Elephants, tigers, giraffes, kangaroos, creatures • to frighten the bluest of blues, Round and round To the sound Of the latest in music, or oldest, one goes. With heart in month, but in moat fetching pose. We catch the breeze As the organs wheeze And so our joy of the merry-go-round, The incrr5-,go, merrysgo, merry-go-round. There's life and sport on the merry-go-round, Great Scott ! like a shot We spin about and it's oh, what a lark Riding on animals unknown to Noah's ark -While still there floats From the brazen throats "Maggio" and " Annie " and " Mary " and "John," Whose musical woes help the merriment on. And, dear girls, How it swirls! And so we sail on the merry-go-round, The merry -go, merry -go', merry-go-round. It is said by scientists to be a fact that all our senses do not slumberaimultaheously. but that they fall into a happy state' of in- eensibility one after another. The eyelids take the lead and obscure sight ; the sense of taste is the next to lose its susceptibility, then follow smelling, hearing and touch ; the last named being the lightest sleeper and most easily aroused: It incurious that, although the sense of smell is one of the first to slumber, it is the last to wake, Hearing, after touch, soonest regains con- sciousness. Certain muscles and parts of the bodybegin to sleep before others. Com- mencing with the feet, the alumbse- influence works its way gradue" to the centre of nervous - - • explain the zieee--* comfortable possible I r4 1 ,o‘ .- e“. 411ticUalow • ELLIOla INDOOR IIF We Would be healthier if We Raked in the Sun. "Basking in the san " is in itself of real and considerable benefit, and it is no com- pliment to our human intelligence to find that cats and dogs understand that fact much better than we. do. Even the "blue - glass " craze had a truth underlying it, and owed such success as it achieved. to the pro- portion of sunlight which penetrated ins colored medium. The love of sunshine is naturally one of our strongest instincts, and we should he far healthier and happier. if N4 e followed and developed it instead of practically ignoring and repreasing it. How a sparkling, sunny morning exhilarate° us and makes us feel that " it's too fine a day to spend indoors," and yet how few holidays are taken for that reason. The wealth of the sunbeams is poured out laviahly all around us, and we turn from it to struggle for a few pitiful handfuls of something else that is yellow and shining, but not half so likely to bring us happinees, and. often has strange, red spots upon it. Give nature a chance, and we shall find that there is more than , a mere fanciful connection between' natural sunlight and that " sunny " disposi- tion, which, after all. is the true " philoso- pher's stone."—North American Review. • Cletus and Lulle. Clem and Lulie were brother and sister, and loved each other very dearly. Clem was six, and Lulie 5 years of age. I am afraid that Clem 'although he was older than Lulie, and aboy, too, was not as brave as she was. One day a large dog pushed open the gate and walked into the yard. Clem and Lulie were Standing on the porch, and Clem was so frightened that he could not move ; but Lulie said, " Don't be afraid, Clem ; take care of you," and marched up boldly, though with her little heart beating very hard, to the dog, who looked at her in a very friendly way. Just then their mamma came out and chased the dog away. When they started to school the next year Lulie Would always defend Clem from harm, and help him in every way. If Clem got into trouble Lulie would take his part, and if Lulie had anything given to her she would always divide with Clem and very often give him the larger part: He would generally share with her, too, but I thinlk he was very careful to, divide his apple or orange or piece of cake very evenly. One cold morning they stopped to play in the snow with some other children, and Clem lost his mittens. Lulie took hers' off right away, and made Clem wear them, though I must say he did not want to. ' Once when Clem was pukished in school, I know it hurt Lulie much more than it.did him. When Clem grows to be a man, I think he will look back upon his childhood days and see that next to hie father's and mother's love there was 'no love stronger and more faithful than his sister Lulie's, and no music sweeter than the sound of her voice when she said, "Clem, I love you." Little brothers, who read this, remember to bekind to your sisters ; and little sisters, if you want to keep the love of your brothers, remember that kind words and deeds call forth love, and that, For the sake of those who love 11B, For the sake of God above us, Each and all should do their best To make music for the rest.. —Harper's Young People. Tomatoes With Rice. Scald and peel three large, amooth, toma- toee. Cut them in halves, scoop out the seeds and juice without breaking the pulp. Scald the juice enough to strain out the seeds. To the juice add sugar to taste and mix with it as much warm boiled rice as it will absorb ; add salt and a butter, Fill the tomatoes with +` Place each half tomato buttered. Put t' bake ten - be - GOT DRUNK ON A MOT DAY. 'Vita Is Wby He Wanted the Conductor to - - Ditch, Iiint luta the . reeineenieeTeneettyethiek„ street car one very hot day recently. fle entered the car with his hat in his hand, and as he sat down with rivulets of water pouring down his face, he looked across at a man with a gripsack and asked : " Did you ever make a fool of yourself by getting tight on a hot day 1" " No sir !". was the decisive reply. "Good man Look at my condition. Got tight and lost my handkerchief. While the thermometer, stands at ninety-two de - es in the shade I stand at two hundred. uldn't lend me your handkerchief, eh NG, " sir." "Just so. If you was me and I was you I'd see you wilt first. Nobody any business to get drunk on a bot day. Don't look much like a howling 'Swell, do I?" " Not a bit" "Thanks. You are an honest, sober man, you are, and you are no liar. I am not a howlin' swell ; Pm just a common swell, and no howl. Here, conductor, come in here." " What do you want air ?" demanded that official as he entered. " Is this a refrigerator car ?" " No, eir." " Good boy. I knew it wasn't, but wanted to see if you would lie about it: Got any ice water for benefit passengers?" " No, sir." " Carry any handkerchiefs and sufferin'"-• passengers ? " No, sir.', " Any fans forsale?" " No, sir." " Don't seem to have the convenience of the public at heart. Public be blowed. Can't I stop and get a fan ?" " Yon must keep quiet, air!" " If I don't you'll throw me off, eh ? " " Yes, Fir " " Do you run to the river ?" "1 dpe, "Will you ,have the kindness to throw me off when we get there—throw me into the river in some shady spot? Please pick - out a cool spot—cool, breezy spot, and if %wouldn't 'be askin' too much, I'd like to have yon hold me under water about gfteele minutes 'till I get thoroughlyndamp. That's all, conductor. Like to meet a man like you. Like to be thrown oft Like to See a man have my best interest at heart on hob day. Ta-ta 1 River—threw—cool spot—e0 you later !"—Neue York Herald. benefit poor The Hypothetic Moonlighter. They 'were crooning under the great oak tree, with the moonlight shimmering through the leaves. " If I should tell you I loved you, Ethel, what would you say ?" he whispered ten- derly., " I don't know, Harry," she murmured: " If I should say yon were more to me than all the world—what ?" " I don't know, Harry," and she came no closer to him, notwithstanding there was unoccupied apace between them. "If should ask you to be my wife, Ethel—what ?" • He 'attempted to take her hand in his, but she thwarted him. " I don't know, Harry," she answered as before. Her condUct vexed him: Was the girl deeeivinghim .? Or was he deceiving him- self? " What doyen know, Ethel ?" he asked in a tone of sarcastic doubt. The girl rose from the rustic bench on which she had been sitting. " I know this much, Mr. Montmorenci," she said forcibly, " that no young man on a moonlight night is going to fool me with tentative statements preceded by palpable ifs, and implying hypotheses capable of back -slams and crawfishing. I'm in it to stay, if you are, but we go in together. See ?" At that moment the moon shone out with a more radiant effulgence and Mr. Mont- morenci saw he had the wrong pig by the, ear, or words to that effect. —Detroit Free Press. A Boy King's Ambition. Many anecdotes have been related of the baby King of Spain and his funny little ways, but here is another which shows that Alfonso X1ll. has his boyish thoughts even though he is a king. At Madrid recently the famous sculptor, Senor Querol, was engaged to make 'a. statue of the young King, but the artist had great difficulty in hitting upon a suitable pose for his royal subject which ehould be natural and spirited. He was sitting one day thinking and regarding the boy as he eat looking ,out 'of the open window. Suddenly the sound of a military band Was heard in the street; and immediately the little king sprang up and brought his tiny hand to his forehead in the military salute: " The flag,' sir ! the flag !" he exclaimed. " Salute the flag !" In an instant the sculptor, had found the pose he had been seeking, and made the statue represent the king just in the act of saluting the Spanish flag. te Lar on, when the sculptor wee irk on the statue, the king make' "Are you going The artist - reprx--- ock cses. , x13:6 SI` • a 1S0 1 0 • 143 -. s IA eeaNeatV". ta 'at• ek(1•63 z NV. • O.( so<S3- AI4‘.' .40 • Aft-. 21 0N) ,s N ri)- .t A.t.% cage .pst? &te°3 eA\ e 3.o Le teeel.t\ eeeA.V AseV. te'A'' 04 6. A•A‘ A.Vki‘k .A GA'CA f, t•C°‘ A A'3 431 1, S3 61.0‘.(k. 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