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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Advance, 1909-06-10, Page 3; The Girl in the ; 8 Opposite Box $ aossAliellfrilemaiseleeseesesimeeiweitelse (By Vance C. Arch Morgan, -Ova engineer, read, the telegram he held lit bis liend. through the second time, He could not have de- sired a better Offer in some respects, but when he ettlized that it meant an absence of a year he besiteted. That might ruin hie chance of winning Lu- cile Weeton. He was not cedilla that she ere a that much for him, but he felt that in a. short time he would make tile test. Accustomed. to thinking rapidly, he decided to fina Mise Weston, tell her of his love and ask here if sbe would wait year until he could return from a foreign land and. claim her as his ariae. Even now there was less than two hours until the liour a departure, Re caught a car and was soon at the fashioneble Weston home. Ile had uot taken time to notify the young woman of his visit, and he quickly found that she was not at home, From Mrs, Wes- ton he learned Lucile had gone to the theatre with Morton Watford, the one rival be had reason to fear, Determined to seize even the limitea cpportuntty afforaed he started for the Lougman Theatre. When he arrived there he found he had but 20 ndnutes to ses.ser,se---ss a IN A MOMENT SHE TURNED TO- WARD HIM WW1 A, GLANCE OF DISPLEASURE, locate the young woman, make known his love, and begin his voyage. From the entrance he could see her, sitting in one of the lower front boxes, apparently engrossed in the play. To resell her without attracting the attention of 'everyone in the house was out of the lquestionl and he had no desire to make the affair conspicuous. In the midst of his perplexity an idea flashed through his mind like an inspiration. He had taught her the esign language of the deaf-mutes and they had used it more than once for the 'exchanges of little confidences in the presence of others. If he could secure a place where he could attract her atten- tion, he could. at least be sure of mak- ing known his affectiom Noticing that the box just opposite the one she occu- pied was vacant, he obtained a seat hi it, and began to look at her fixedly. In a moment she turned toward him with a glance of displeasure. Then, svith a smile of recognition, she started to turn again toward the stage, when the movements of his right hand caught her eyes. "Listen," the man spelled rap- idly, forgettieg he was using merely a sign language. Shielding his hand as much as possible with a programme so that he might prevent others from see- ing what he was doing, he began to spell out senteneee. "In 15 minutes," he spelled, "I am sailing for South America, to be gone a year. Received telegram to -night, of - :feting me good job." At that moment Miss Weston's escort, se.aid something to her and she glanced away for a. second. Almost immediate- ly, however, she again turned her eyes toward Morgan, surprise showing clear- ly on the face, "X love you," he hand told her, • "If your heart tells you that you love me, I will be the happiest man in the world. When 1 return at the end of the year I Will be ready to provide a eosy home for Once more alorton Walford spoke to :Miss Weston, and seemed surprised (when. she manifested no interest in what the said. With a puzzled expression he turned away and gave his attention wholly to the play. No sooner had he done so than the young woman again faeedsthe man in the opposite box. "Will you give me your promise?" motioned the hand, the look of eager expectancy in Morgan's eyes elearly ap- parent to the womaa who was watching *every movement. For almost a minute she sat absolute- ly motionless, then her right hand began to move nervously as if to speak, she caught berself, and rapidly spelled the voYds: "Yes. Good-bye, 'dear. Write often." 4IP a. IA - TRE LAIMDRVIVIAll SPEAKS, A. woman who is sick and suffering, and won't at least try a medicine which has the record of Lydia E. ?inkhorn's Vegetable Compound, is to blame for her own wretched condition, There are literally hundreds of thousands of women in Canada and the United States who have been benefited by this famous old remedy, which was produced from roots and herbs over thirty years ago by a woman to relieve woman's suffering. Read what these women say Belleriver, Que. —"Without Lydia E, Pinkbam's Vegetable Compound I would, not be alive. For live months I had painful irregular periodir and inflammation of the uterus . I suffered I11 e a martyr and thought often of death 1 consulted two does tors who cottid do nothing for me, I went to a hospital, and the best doctors said I must submit to an operation; because I had a tumor. I went back Immo much discouraR;ed. One of my cousins advised me to take your Compound, as it had. cured her. I didso and soon commenced to feel, better, and my appetite came back with the first bottle. Now I f eel no pain and ant cured. Your remedy is deserving of praise."—Ms.Enuna, °hotel, Valleyfield, Belleriver, Quebec. Erie, Pa, — "I suffered for five years from female troubles, and. at last was almost helpless. I tried three doctors but they did me no good. Illy sister advised me to try Lydia E. Pink - ham's Vegetable Compound, and Ithas made me well and strong. hope all suffering women will ust give Lydia B. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound a trial, for It is worth its weight in gold." —Mrs. J. P. Endlichk.H. F. D. 7, Erie Pa. Since we guarantee that all testimonials which we pub- lish are genuine, is it not fair to suppose that if Lydia E. ?inkhorn's Vegetable _Compound had the virtue to help these women it will help any other woman who is suffer- ing from the same trouble. For 30 years Lydia E. Pinii.ham's Vegetable Compound has been the standard remedy for female ills. No sick woman does Justice to herself who will not try this famous medicine. Made exclusively from roots and herbs, and has thousands of cures to its credit. Mrs. Pinkhastivinvites all sick women to write her for advice. She has guided thousands- to health free of charge. Address Mrs. Pinkham, Lynn, Mass. v.eNKH 'me along with it this time. You're going to try to fan me with the gnome narrative that my stuff's all swabbed - and ironed and ready, but that it isn't sorted out yet—that your reg- ular sorter's hat blew off or some- thing while he was at lunch to -day, and that you had to get a slow man to fill his job, and all like that a- way. "Well, you're not going to bamboo that ono into me this time, Jahnny. I'm doing the spotlight part this sketch myself, and what I want is my lingerie, and I den't care to hang -whether it's dripping with suds right out cf the boiling vat or not. I'm a -going to tote it away with me if I have to lug the works wit, it. "So you want to get active, Percy, and dish it out to me, wo, or dry, or stand by to clear ship for action, get that?" "Sir, Pm trying to tell you that • your stuff was-- ,, "Was delayed in transit—uh-huh— I've had that snapped on me a lot of previous times, too; but there's gang to be n� such a thing as your greas- ing by with that line either this trip. When I handed that outfit of laundry gear over to this dump on 'Wednes- day evening I told youpinheads that I was going away on Friday evening, which is right now; d'ye see—right now I "You farmed me along with a con- signment of forced draught atmos- phere about having it marked special and having it all sealed, signed and delivered by 4 o'clock Friday even- ing—which, I repeat, is now! "Say, d'ye think I'm going to drill' out this man's town in a suit of coal heaver's dungarees? D'ye imag- ine that I'm going to try to make a three sheet comedy bit on the main thoroughfare of the burg I'm going to attired in a Navajo blanket and a cocoanut oiled topkuot? D'ya think I'm going to stand for a pinch by walking around the illuminated eecs lions of that place in baby blue pa- jamas? "Say, you, gimme my laundry! I don't care whether it's doused in bine ing of not! I want it, d'yo git that?" Just at this stage the prem. -inter of the laundry emerged from the back room, walked around the counter to where the eustotner with the Sahara simoon On was standing, grab. bed him by both lab& of his coet. put hien under the pinpoint focus of his bright hazel cyes apd remarked unto 'him in, a tone that wes redolent of meaning and baeielees: Rout of a Customer Who Was Up t� All the Regular Excuses, The man with the flaming eyes, the perspiring forhecol and the all het tup look stormed into the Tenderloin laundry the other afternoon and start. awl right into unlink a few. "Say, look-a.here, you," he bawled, pounding with both fists on the counter and endeavoring to impale the anaemic young man behind the 'ann. dry desk with his eye, "what's the nutter with my laundry junk, bey?" "Oh, you are Mr. Hotcoal, aren't you, and you---" the young man be- )?*. hiod the desk started to say, not realizing that he was going to be a mere feeder for the caloril mono- logue. "That's rny monaker;" shouted the man with the perspiring forehead and things, "and I .want to pr'.0 into you hero and now that it isn't going to be worth your while to try to pump any o' that south breeze into me. What 1 demand to know, and to know real otrielc, Dab, is this: Where is my laundry gear?" "It's &la be done, that's all Ti• aro not ifs, ands or buts abottt it. It's gotta be done, cl'ye get that? "Your clanged old onc horse csitfit promised to 'lave it done nd deltc- .ed at 4 o'clock this aftethoon, want it, that's all. No blast far. note Boren conversation is going to take the place of that lingerie with me. I want that linen dunnage, swab- bed or unswabbed. and I want it right now. Got Ora?" "Sir, youe stiff "Oh, I've had that kind 14 a spiel .pulled on me about nine million times 60foaa. but YOU're net going to zepte:r elisle41-11-4-4444-aassiee+4-+++++++4ease J. SCHWARZ, AMERICAN 44-ast-a+4-ot-s-e-s•-•eee-a-es•-+-s-aeeeee+s•-•• (By Stuart 13 Stone.) When 3. amara the grocer, first came to the land of the free and the .hante of the brnve, he was an ardent hater of all ,governments. The time came, however, when blind Mr. Cupid winged a love -tainted arrow through the stacks of Symbolic) and Sagami. Biseuits iuto the heart of the grocer. It was love at first sight, clear And munistak- Wet but when ,Mr. Schwarz went woo- ing Miss Amelia Green gently shook her head. "No," sbe answered, "my father fought at Gettysburg; my grautifather stormed Chapultepee; ids father was at Lundy's Lane, and back of that there were con- tinental gentlemen at Trenton and Yorkton And Saratoga Heights. And you are not even an American, Mr. Satwave • Herr Schwarz protested gatterelly, lia Iowa :Niles Amelia and he believed site returned his affection. What were conn. tries and governments to love? For his part he (lian't believe in governments anyhow— "Don't believe in government?" alise Amelia almoet screamed. "Then we ma not for each other. I ant an Ameriean." "Say, Mister Big Lungs, stop that gnashing of all the --amel off your teeth and sprinkling the floor with pumice stone. It'e too nice weather for that stuff. Cut oat the xylophone work and stake us to a little uf the saxophone W002,0 kind, just for a change. "Nobody's abusing you. Nobody's got you ander any gun. Take a reef or two in. your tops'l halyards and try and tinkle out of this Turkestan typhoon that you're in, or the first thing you know you'll be reduced to about two quarts of lubricating oil, and it'll serve. you right. "We promised to finish and deliver your laundry by 4 o'otock this after- noon, did we? Well, just you make a :rumble like a steam roller now and roll away to your chambers, and you'll probably find your lingerie heaped up en your bunk waiting for you. "The wagons were all out and we rang up a messenger boy and sent your stuff to your address just ewo and one-quarter minutebefore , you cycloned in here wsse. your blaze on. My young man has been trying,to tell ycu this for the past eighteen min- utes, Inet you've .been too busy with your turre.t batteries to hear him. Now will you be docile?" . "Oh, merehinallows—maybe I was a little upstage about it," mildly re- marked the man wl o had been it the dog days fume only two minutes before, and then He mopped his brow in an apologetic sort of a way and vamped out. "Well, you've got t� learn to pass it latck to 'ern just as they hand it out to you, Alawyn, or you'll never be a knockout in the laundry business," observed the proprietor to his young man. Then he added: "Say, 'where the devil is the stuff, anyhOw?"—N. Y Sun. Trouble in the Courtrom. Disturbed by the frenzied oratory of the attorney for the defendant, a sec- tion of the plastering cverheacl fell, narrowly missing the judge. "Fiat justitia, runt ceiling!" thun- dered the lawyer, undi.Surbed by the incident, "Your 110n0V," said the attorney for the plaintiff, "I object. The case calls for a better quality of court splaster than that!" "Gentlemen," roared the judge, "1 you were not brother Masons, I should fine both of you for contempt!" • Tbere isn't anything mueh more mis- leading than the prefix Irma E POW is different from any other the best—the brightest and blackest. Quickest to shine — longest to stay shined. It is real Shoe Insur- ance. Ileeds' and preserves the leather. 1;44 45110E 'POLMit - SUPCCAM Insist on ip I." o other is even half as good., 10c. and ' ' kiWit raa "DON'T YOU SAY DOT TWO TIMES ALREDDY!" CRIED THE GROCER. CORNS . CORED IN 24.1401,itils You can painlessly remove any corn, en..er herd, soft or bleeding, ty applying hutneues Corn Extractor, It never Duras, 108,20119 seer, contains no wade; is twigless heesusecoresoseo only of healing sumo and balm. Vats, yeara tale. Cure guaranteed. gold by All eruggiste WA bottles, Refuse substitutes. PUTNAM'S PAINLESS CORN EXTRACTOR NOISY AFRICAN NATIVES. *.•-••••••••••• Laughter Seldom Hearil In the Up. road—Sounds of Tomtems. Among the African natives there can be nothing done without noise, accords sing to William B. Clarke, of Pittsburg, Pa.,who has travelled extensively in Africa, "It is simply appalling, the rush, the roar, the chatter and the bustle, like Bedlam let 'loose," Mr. Clar said. "The principal object a conversation is seta ta be money, and the hubbub, bawling Ana uproar In all sorts of tons front shrill and screaming to gruff and grew - Bag. neennipnaletl by all sorts of gess ticulations with tongue, head awl feet, are beyond description. "It is rather odd, but laughter is al. most never heard in this uproar; and, tic for whistliug, it is a lost art, If there are any quarrels they are not to be heard in pubate, although when a cceipAny oftnatives gets to carry on en animated conversation it appears to the observer as if the next act would be a melee. "In addition to these natural sounds there are others of an artificial eharaes tor that are equally familiar to the tra- veller. Such is the noise of the drums called tonvtoms, which are beaten on ev- ery occasion, and a kind of ptpe about eighteenaiuches long, with holes like those of a flute, and breathed through. in a way that produces a variety of notes of a wild, discordant character. A. frightful noise is inside by the kaffa men blowing on a big ehell."—From the Washington* P,ost. A stitch in time saves nine, and every house fly killed early saves a thousand at least later on.. Wal- sou's Fly Pads will kill many times more flies than any other article. "But love undt affection—" began Herr Schwarz. "Love nothing!" snapped Miss Amelia. "I love my country!" After that, the little lady cooled a bit and proceeded to instruct Herr Schwarz in the beauties of free govern- ment. Soon he regarded things in a dif- ferent light, and the emblems he had reviled took on a gleaming glory, Bunker HRI—Lincoln— the bateleship Maine— eozgress and the constitution—he came to worship with absolute idolatry. He boycotted, all but American goods, and made a patriotic speech at the anti - everything club, until the "reds" chased binfrom the hall with scraps of furni- ture. Then,, burning with love of coun- try, he proposed to Miss Amelia. even. "Himmel! Am I not one goat Anima - can?" he urged. • • But still Miss Amelia shook her head, "No," she answered. "You are a beau- etiful ,patriot, Herr Schwarz. but- you are not an American." And Herr Schwarz returned in sadness to the grocery. It was the fellowieg week that the male residents of the block gathered around the stove to discuss the doings of the new congress. They were tense, full -blood Americans all. "No use talking," observed johnJones, the carpenter. "The country is going to the bow -wows!" "..ich, Jones! You are of a craziness!" demurred Herr Schwarz. "You're dead right, Jones," assented Bill Smith, the dry goods clerk. "Trace patriotism down and it ends in selfish - nese every time." "Dunder undt blitzen!" cried the gro- cer. "Don't you say clot two times alretty I" "Oh, rats, Schwarz!" drawled Perkins, the wit of the circle. "The government is rotten As one a your Vienna sau- sages!" And all the circle laughed boisterously. s Herr Schwarz said no mare, Ile only picked up the funny Pqrkins and threw him into the otter. Then he tossed Smith, the salesman, into the street; threw Jones, the carpenter, into a neigh- bor's yard, and returned to find the other tense. Americans • had vanished. But to his surprise Miss Amelia was standing by his big scales, regarding him with a strange, tender light in her eyes. "I saw and heard all," she sad. "You are an American, Mr. Schwarz—an. Am- erican. Do you understand?" "Oh, yell!" cried Herr Schwarz. "Now we get married, aint it? Hurrah, der Stars mutt Stripes! Hurrah—liberty— der bald eagle undt lofe1" Then he kissed her to celebrate his naturalization. " • o• Banks„ Guarded by Soldiers. Like the Bank of England, the Bank of' France is now guarded every night by soldiers, who do sentry duty outside the building, a watch being likewise kept inside its precincts. Ha within quite recent times the officials at the Frenclt bank resorted to a very novel method of protecting their s bullion. This consisted in engaging masons to svall up the doors of the vaults in the cellar with hydraulic 'mortar as soon as the money was deposited eaelt day in these receptaeles. The water was then turned en and kept running un- til the whole cellar was flooded. A burglar would be obliged to work in a diving suit and break dove a rented wall before he could eveo begin to plutulee the vaults, When the batik offieials arrived next morning the water was drawn off, the masonry torn clown, and the vaults 'opened. Curiously 'enough, within a kw menthe after this obsolete manner of protecting the banks' cash was done away with, burg- lars did actually get into the vaults and decamp wit h about forty-five thousand dollars in gold coite—Proin "The Ito - mance of Strong -Rooms," in the June trend Magazine. Tragedy of Dicky. Old reeky was a singing bird, A tuttsical canary, • And all dav long his voice was heard In song extemporera. A household pet was Milky, teo, A truete bird, withal ; When liberated, .off be flew, But tame back at your eral. Alpe! Ales! Onto fate] flay (Now hence emuself, 1betel 61 g one inul, triu•riph 'at lay -se And then he laid an ecg! • • • Pleasures of Trout Fishing. Catching trout is not the only thing that makes fisaing a mountain stream worth while. The early morning ride to the place where you are to commence your day's sport is in itself pleasant to a degree wholly missed by those who take their rides later in the day. During the early hours of the day the air is fresh Dela invigorating; every leaf and spear of grass by the roadside sparkles with dew, and the forest is pungent with pleasant and health -giving odors that are dispelled as the sun rises above the tree tops and dries the moisture on leaf and twig. .As yon drive quietly along you may have the good fortune to see a deer browsing in a roadside &axing. He stands watching you for a moment or two; then turns quickly and, with graceful leaps, disappears among the trees. An old fox steps out into the road and trots boldly along ahead of you for some distance; but, when he discovers that you are gaining on him, he thane for an instant, shows his teeth with a snarl, and then slinks away into the bushes. Further along a partridge with her brood of chicks has also yen- tured out iuto the road and, when she, too, discovers that you are drawing un- comfortably near, there is a great to-do. With outspread. wino°s, and uttering the plaintive cry made by a mother part- ridge when she believed her young to be in danger, she hastily collects' the mem- bers of her family and leads and drives them hack into the security of the woods. ---From "Brook Trout and Their Surroundings," in the Outing Magazine for June. . 4s Never Rocked a Bo.:.t. AIVIII.A140,1010 1 THE ONLY GIRL (Stuart .1e, Same.) Gordon lined their photographs up on the mantel and thought and fought out the whole delicious, painful probtem. There was ,fietty on. the extreme 413 right by the gas jet—piquant, saucy, brown -eyed Betty. Need ultnaeriticel man go farther? No, he would ask Bet- ty the stiletto that afteruoine and Gor- don raised the eicture to Ms lips. In the act his eyes encountered the ocean -blue ones of Nan, sweet, pensive Nan Bancroft, Ah, Nan ---gentle, loving Nan! A. lifetime with, her—he had been all wrong about Betty. Gordon prepar- ed to press a kids upon the lips of Nuney Bancroft—and boaeld Atka AlIxe Maw/. Ho wavered, then Dresden Chloe, Alixe lied her ewe seclusive three min- utes. After that it Was Albertina, and to Albertina, the erudite, the scholarly, Gordon proved true. .A.lbertina occupied the extreme left of the mantel. An hour late; Adorned as becomes the hour of the pleading of love, Gordon sauntered iuto the street, hie mind fully and finally made up. A chic, trim vis- ion -in blue flipped across the avenue a block in front of him. Alixel Winsome, fragile, rose -petal Alixel Gordon bounded after the rapidly - walking girl. His blood surged at every bobbing of the red cherries upon her "WHAT EXQUISITELY BEAUTIFUL CREATURE iS THAT?" ASKED GOR - DON, BREA.THLESSLY. fleffy hat. And Albertina—well, Alber- tinn had had her inning. "Oh, stelae!" he called, wildly. "Wait —I've something vital to say"— But she did not hear, and, Gordon brought up sharply at the eall of a sbft, sweet voice from behind. "Oh, Bobby!" said pensive Nan, com- ing in across the .park. "I have finished you'll ituhatdhreopboboyk." you let me have—if Drop by! Of course he would drop by. There was a magnetic catch in her tone; her blue eyes were grave ana sol- emn; an air ot,pensive loneliness sat up- on her and satisfied his soul, Drop byl He would never leave her side, if she would have it so, And far up the avenue Alixe Macey vanished in the crowd. "Nan," said Gordon, "I've something to say to you—something vital." Miss Bencroft blushed.. "Sometliieg nice, Bobby?" she asked. "You bet," assented Gordon, inele- gantly. "I know now you're the only "Wait until we get home,.Bobby," in- terrupted Nan, Bancroft; and Gordon formulated an eternal -stars phrase while they made the next Mock. At the Bancroft home a pretty brown' eyed girl tripped up to them, "Oh, Nan Bancroft,"•she bubbled, "I've waited for you for an .eternity!' Miss Baucroft frowned almost imper- ceptibly and went in to secure the books. Gordon and Betty Isangham set- iled down upon a rustic bench beneath the dangling honeysuckles. Mise Lang - barn signed—so did Bob Gordon. "Betty," began Gordon, his voice trembling, "I have been on the verge of making a fatal mistake—one that would have affected my whole life, and yours." Miss Langliam sighed again, very ea fectiyuct,ly. ,,Bthank goodness, there is yet time," resumed Gordon. "I want to say, Betty, that you hre the only—" Gordon broke suddenly off. "Go on, Bobby," pleaded Alias Lang - ham, all lovely, cuddling eagerness. "What exquisitely beautiful creature bitter taste. but it will not be noticed don, berathlessly, staring into the next yod. Miss Lange= frowned. "Oh, that'q her cousin, Miss Harper, from Vincen- nes," she explained. "But go on, Bobby —you were saying--" "Excuse me for one moment, please," asked Gordo% Later in the evening the lovely Miss Harper from Vincennes listened to "the declaration of an acquaintance- of an hour, who compared his affectipn to the eternal stars and spoke of undying feal- ty and the, mating of souls. She's Sure to be an Actress. It was the opening day of the kinder- garten. The teacher began by asking each child what it had learned to do. "James, what can you do?" "Please, maam, I can sharpen pencils." "That's very nice. William, what ean you do?"' -- "I can throw, e ball." `T<Iitaot?s,) splendid, Mary, What can yon ci "I can anawes myself," ,vas the proud response. "I'm sure that must be a great help to your mother, Mary. Rachel, what can you—?" "I ran mulwess myself," interrupted Aram. "Yes, 'Mary, that's vety nice, but yon weietn't interrupt Rachel---" "r eau undevess myself," piped Mary. yott have said twice: before, Mary. If you interrupt again, you will bave to be punisltea. Now, Rachel, what enu you do?" "I take rare of my baby brother, sometimes, nna—" "That's lovelyaRachel, Charles, what ecu you do?" "I tan timlwese myself," persisted Mary, eoyly, before Chutes had time to answer. So the teacher gently led Mary to the canals 200111 to meditate on her disobedience. Shortly after - waist the dolor palled to see if all the eltildren Were well. "Vas." the teacher assured him. "We 1 are all well and happy Ma morning. Ob, all but one little girl. I think there must be something the matter with her tongue. Will yon look at it please? NhlrY. come here n moment." Tarr fluttreed into the room, mintit Iicr elothee. Waving Inc arms she said With childish glee: eflee. 1 No :eel -ease tnydeill".- 1,vtrlit.dy's "Before I consent to let you have my daughter," said the grim old gentleman, "there are some questions I would. like to ask yqu. Are you quiek-tempered?" Well, yes; to tell the truth, Pm afraid. I am." "Han 1 Ever swear ?" "Sometimes, when I become -nay angry I do." "Smoke?" "Yes, but I have never notieed that it injured me." "Ever drink intoxicating; liquors?" "I occasionally take a drink, but I'm not a slave to the habit, I assure you." "Have you ever been in jail?" • "Once. I took some funds to which I had no right, but I did not do it de- liberately, I assure you.- It was the re- sult of a misunderstanding." "Yes. It generally is. How about your family? What kind of ancestors did you have?" 'Do you think it is fair to hold a mari responsible for what his ancestors did?" Answer my question." . Welk I can't say that my ancestors amounted to a great deal. 'My grand- father was—was— in short, he waa hanged." You've never held a job anyathere very long, have you?" can't say that I have." "What was the biggest salary you ever earned?" "Nineteen dollars a week." - "Ever jump a board bill?" "I wouldn't exactly eall it that. I owe a lady for several months' board that I had three or four years ago, but I fully intend to pay her some Jay." "Have you ever rocked a boat?" "No, sir, never," "All tight, you can have Inc."—. Chi- cago Record -Herald. • • • e BIRDS' NESTS. (London Free Pres.) Let it be known far and wide that the boy who robs a bird's nest is a foe to Ms kind. About this time of year the instinct, grows itettte with opportun- ity... The birds are nesting, busy Were - omit the species. They are doing a good work for Itumanity. Why interfere with it? The sinall boy's predaceous habit in steathee the eggs shonla be made it eriminal offence, as it is the ut- most folly of 'wantonness. OVERTAXED NERVES A DISTRESS SIGNAL The Trouble Cen Only be Cured by Enriching the Bleed Supply, When your nervous system is eV, handed the trouble niakes itself yi- dent in many ways. ):ott feel starer, fatigued and unfit for work. Sievere headaches distract you; your back is weak; You sleep badly; your Appetite is uncertain; you Are nervous and. irri- table, and after any exercise you tremble anti perspire excessively. 1 the trouble is not clocked. your C4$0 goes from bad to worse until you feel that. your con- altion is hopeless and, that insanity is threatened. Your nerves are calliug for help. They are starved because they demand from the blood more uourislurient than It eau osiCippnlet'nerve NsTivanIgitellit abilt°d°4 Disr. tialVeilisisateab' Pink Pills for Pale People cure nervous disorders because they feed. the weak, exhausted nerves, with rich, red blood. „ The ease of Mrs, Ennua Hall, of Hamil- ton Oita, furnishes proof that Dr, Williams' Pink' .Pills- will cure even the most stubborn cases of nerve exhaus- tion. Mrs. Hall was left e widow and was forced to work in a Mill to main- tain herself and her twntlittle children. She bravely faced the battle of life, though she had never had to conform to such conditions before. Notwith. standing the splendid spirit site die. played the work played havoc with a delicate constitution, and some years ago Mrs, Hall noticed signs in herself of a nervous collapse. She consulted a doctor, who gave her medicine and told her she "would be all right in a few days." But relief did not come, awl it was finally a daily occurrence for her to faint at her work. These fainting spells quickly developed into pronounced hysteria and chronic irritability, and Mrs. Hall says that death would have beett a relief. She consulted several doc- tors, but got no help, and she felt that she was almost, bordering on insanity. In this condition she was advised to try Dr. Williams' Pink Pills. Grasping at even the possibility of help she decided to do so. After taking three boxes site actually found some improvement, and from that time on this improvement was steady and increasing daily until after a few months she felt the cure was complete. She says: "Dr. Williams' Pink Pills have done What doctors failed to do and what I myself thought was inn possible. They have freed me from the terrible trouble I suffered, and may old joy in life has been renewed," When Mrs. Hall began taking Dr. Williams' Pink Pills she weighed only one hundred pounds, while under her renewed health her weight has increased to one hundred and thirty pounds. Dr. Williams' Pink Pills can be had from any. dealer in medicine or will be sent by mail at 50 cents a box or six boxes for $2.50 by The Dr. Williams' Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont. • • • THE WASTE OP MILITARISM. (Canadien Trade Review.) The end wils come when the property - holding &lessee and the working classes see that it Is to their interest to unite and oppose further financial burdens in this direction. Close the purse, and war preparations will cease. No longer will defiant banners, buttresed by "patriot- ism," be seen on the outward walls, challenging to battle, but the arts of pettee will replace the arts of war. Sol- diers and sailors will stop -being mere wealth consumers, and will become wealth producers, and therboth Tabor and capital will be benefited by what is now being wasted. Then "the brother- hood of man" will not be the idle dream it is to -day. "And. they shall build houses and inbabit them; they. shall plant vineyards and eat the fruit there= of; they shall not build and another in-. habit; they shall not plant and 'mother eat." 4 • I ROOF PLAYGROUND. (Brantford Expositor.) A playground has been established on the roof of the Waldorf Hotel, New York city, the object being to give pleas- ure, healthful exercise and vent for ant. ntal spirits to the pampered darlings of tbat famous hostelry, • The only way some young men could cut a figure in the world would be by wearing corsets. Food Products Never Vary in Quality or Taste because the utmost care is taken by Lib. by's Chefs to select only the choicest mater7 ials, and put these up in the same careful manner every time. You are thus assured of uniform goodness, and this is the reason that the use of Libby's gives such general satisfaction to every housewife. Try these Libby Foods: Dried Beef Mexican ramale Ram Loaf Chili Oon Came Vienna Sausage tvaporaied Milk For luncheon, spreads or every day meals, they are just the thing. iteep a sup. y thehouse. You never tab tell *hen they will tome When. dy, Ask for Lthbywai and be sure you get Libitykse WAY" 11403Neifil & Libby Who said the postage stamp craze was over? In Paris the other day a b wakus stamp- field for $4,800. The increase in wheat prices hits thn hakerii hard. Vxdess they Are faring poorly with 10(.0 at $1.3:1 to $1.40, they must have had a bonanza when it was. below $1. Cuba k looking forward to of se,000,000, and is going int0 the lot- tery bueineset to make it np and to got a little mare of the .money nf the gam- bling •fniternity.. But it i apoor kind of Imeiness for a people to enter into: . sa • - • rile great Woman's Rights Convention vatted to meet in Allegheny county,. Ve.„ was attended by 10 representatives, Were the rest of the female population having too much fun with the babies, or their new bonnets, to permit them to give the time to attend? Chancellor Von Buelow does not find it easy to get the InilliOnS necessary to the Gentian, Kaiser's naval expansion programme. The Reichstag is increas- ingly hostile and the Chancellor may have the struggle of hislife to maintain his power. Professor.,..Metelinilsolf, Wil0 has at- tained teinsiderable notoriety frOni his crusade in favor of the use of thetie acid in the treatment of various affections, - new declarea that eaneer is a disease whitlt comea from. without. He says Dr. floret, of the Pasteur Instithes bee dkeiweeeil a minute spider which had its nest in a sufferer's first welling, and to which nitwit impel tame is attached. The Professor thinks that the natural lifetime of man will eie long be placed at 120 yea re. The two projeeted vessels Titanie am! Olympie of the White Star Line are to be 800 feet long, 92 feet beam, and. will have a displacement 01 (10,000 tons, Their registered tonnage will be 45,000. They are being built at Belfast, Ireland. It . is understooj that no special effort will be made to turn them out speed record - breakers. Sharp, the _frui4atait who posed as "Adam God" and caused the authorities a good deal of trouble last- season, has been convicted of murder in the trial growing out of the religious riots at Kansas City, and has been sentenced to 23 years' imprisonment. Religious cranks are a nuisance always; the armed reli- gious crank is ,dangerous. Abdul Hamid seems Lo have had a frugal streak in him. He laid by a few ruilliohs for the rainy day. Perhaps he feared that some day he might have to buy spring bets and dresses for a harem, V0 no fax -collector to take care of the bills. And now his enemies having downed him enjoy his savings. %Viso says virtue is sure of its reward? Professor Pearsolre14:arges the decrease in the British birth rate to the recent factory legislation,.which decreases the economic value of the children by pre- venting Ulm from beginning work so early. He looks for Britain being in France's position in 15 years hence. Whether Professor Pearson be right or wrong in his surmise, it is hardly prob- able that the ferward.step in British Inc. tory legislation will be repented of. • - • • 6 In a New York court the other day a, waiter testified that his employer paid him only $3 a week wages. He was ex- pected to work the guests for tips for the rest of his remuneration, He aver- aged in tips $20 to $25 a week. The tip imposition is just another way of mak- ing the public pay the wages of the help seeond time, after they are charvd once for it in hotel rates. Admiral Sigsbee, who was in command of the United. States battleship Maine When she was mink, strongly opposes el - lowing Spain to raise her Under United Steles supervision, which she is anxioni to do to demonstrate that the veseel was destroyed by explosion front within. Sigsbee weakly bases his opposition on the plea that the work "would stir up niheL mud Havana"!udofth harbor nd cause sick - The Virginia Dale, Col., school board found that a pretty teacher was being socially lionized and was turning the heads of the young men of the place, so proceeded to take her down by in- serting this ad, in a local paper, prola ably as a hint to her not to become too gay: WANTED—For school district No, 12, teaeher with a glass eye, gray -head.' ea, a 'wooden or cork leg, so she can't dance,eud is sure to telte- to the woods If she sees a man coming. ee. • A corespondent of the Canadian Courier deals with Toronto Pheriseeisin without gloves. Speaking of the !meat made by that goody-goody city about the persistenee of „gambling, he says: But .the trouble with Toronto is that she is not sincere. She satisfied Ito eonscience by shouting "suppress the • haudbook; they are a .euree to the work- ingman!" and then contentealy goes to the 'Woodbine and bets Inc money, set- t:lied that what is legal .eannot possibly be wrong. With hyperrisy in higher eittieS it only natural that there should be in. silleerW• lower downs that the police- tunn w110 cannot, when mi duty, find evidence to convict a handbookMan, ean. ss hen he lays aside hie uniform, easily find a place to, lay his llttic bet. It is ItnOWn for a 'fact that when it notor- ious pool room ran for years in the »Oohs of the eity and the authorities repeatedly emoted that they Mild tint get evidetee against it that—when no real wee on—at:mug its daily throng were nuteliere nt aolieetuen AIR tido, tives in their civilian •dothes.