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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Advance, 1909-04-15, Page 3Use of Word "The" in Titles of Plays. r NM the earlieet deye. of the stone age down te the present ruement dram- atiets have shmen weaknese for "the" a Itegitlidag ter theatrical signs, but never before has the been emir a reek- lese abandon in the use of the artiele, Nine current plays nee the favorite Word. In their titles. "The Family," "*The Writing on the Wall," "The Great Divide," "The (.teat John Ceauton," *The Mea‘d a the House," "The prime of To -night," "The Boy and the Llirl," "The Cowboy' and the Thief," and The Golden Girl." Nine -in one cite seeure a reasonably large munber, But New York goes Chicago Me. bet- ter. The greet white way and ite en - can make a showing of fifteen 'the" titles, The net includes "The Fair 00E41" "The Third Degree," "The Bat- tle," "The Damn of a To -morrow," "The Pattiote","The Richest Girl," "The Real- est WILY," "The Girl From Reetordx," "The Fighting Hope," "The Man From Home," "Tire Travelling Salesinau," The Merchant of Venice," "The Three Twins," "The County Fair," and "'The queen, a tho. Moulin Rouge." When one begins to associate the" titles with certain authors or managere It is interesting to observe how swiftly the -list develops, Charles Klein, for example, has a striking penehnut for the article. His writings include "The Third Degree," "The Step -Sister," "The Daughters of Men," "The Music Mas- ter," and "The Lion and. the Mouse." Charles Hann Kennedy is likewise un- der the spell of the magic letters, He has written "The Servant in the House," and "The Winterfeast," and is now writing "The Idol Breaker," and. "The Rib of Man." He planned to use "The Great Divide" for a play that has been deyeloping in his mind. for several years, but William. Vaughan Moody anticipat- ed. him. Mr. Moody has written just two plays. The names of both of them follow the fashionable form, "The Great Divide" and "The Faith Healer,' Reference to Kennedy and Moody re- calls the fact that Remy Miller has been associated with a respectable num- ber of "the" title plays. As actor or manager he has at one time or another been responsible for "The Great Divide," "The Servant in the House," "The Tatha- m," "The Winterfeast," "The Light Eternal," "The Master," "The Only Way," "The Master Builder," "The Faith Healer," and now "The Family." If one. Williiun Shakespeare were among our leading playwrights of the present, he would find. himself sadly be- hind. the record. "The Tempest," "The Merry Wives of Windsor," "The Mer- eliant of Venice," and "The Taming a the Shrew" make a poor showing in proportion to the near -Fitch number of plays he turned out in the course of a strenuous career. As for Hoyt---! , That industrious playwright never once used the article, But he offset his shortcomings in that particular by working the rival article Overtime, Ev- ery play he wrote boasted a title that began with "A." The popular ai•ticle has an odd ways of tying together certain classificattons of plays. For example, there has been heated discussion in regard to the dele- terious effect on community uplifts ex- ercised by such dramatic masterpieces as "The Blue Mouse," "The Moulin Rouge," "The Girl From. Rector's," "The Mimic World," "The Follies. of 3907," "The Parisian Model," and "The Devil." The plays that are exactly opposite in character and moral influenee to this dramatic seven-up are "The Servant in the House," "The Pa.sin of the Third Floor Back," and "The Eith Healer" - not to mention "The Passion P y." 11 PlaYwriting were contra d by the busIness departments df theatres the first and moot important consideration In the selection of titles would be a pro- per respect for the soul of wit. One word titles, such as "Hamlet," "Samson," "Israel," "Caste," or even "Ben-Plur" would have the right of way wherever eleetric 81gits are u II for t a. e- !v. • .kt is nut elways easy to wart!' t*I- fective prenweril titl:, am thet j, • the amen> prides ear hl1 fut. Two word titles „untie I begin with "the," ereboth effeetive ane Mexpen- L- ve, al, for instapiFe, •,Tfo ite,' "The Tenet," and -The Family." All four playhave titles that at e epelt ed. With leis than tea eleetlie lettes, Am( the hum names are deeleitelly more etrtioug and interest eenmelling than the tit es eit Mr. Sothern'e plav of Met e seem, "The Vuol Datil Said in flie Heat t, There le No God." Yet the title centaini two more letters than the aggeegate ot let. Leis in the four ehurter The itiosynerastes of authors in the matter of •titles Is well illustrated by Henri Bernstein, anthor of "The Thief." Every title lia lute seleeted, or eat seleet, Recording to hie own confessioneeoutains exaetly six lettere, ag, for example, "Samson," -Israel," and the Erenek ef "The. Thi''--"Voleur," Charles Hann Kennedy admits that the thle of every play lie purposes to write will begin. with "the.' Tioyt was absolutely ouperetitioui ebout "A." After the sueceee of "A Tin Soldier," he refueed, to desert the artiele which he eonsidered his masent. "Tont" Robertson, (lather of the "Tempe> aud. Saucer" comedies, wits almost as super- stitious about one word titles, And be scored a series. of -suceeeees. with "(State," "Sudety," "Play," "Birth," "Progrem," "Sechool,"eend a half dozen others, But he broke his own rale when he wrote -David Garriek." Playgoers -who are not close observers of the tendency of the. times may urge that the overworked article hie always been exceptionally popular. So it, has; but never as popular as this season. It may -surprise the skeptics to learn that over a hundred plays prodaued. this sea- son, or left over from former seesone- but Fall running -have titles that begin with "the," And one may •eount on the fingers of one's two hands the plays that have scored successes thisdrear which do not feature "the" in their titles, "DAD HERE'S TO YOU !" We happened in a home the other night, and over in., the parlor door saw the legend, worked in letters of red, "Whet is Horne Without a Mother!" Across the room WAA another brief, "God Bless Our Home," . Now, what's the matter with "God Bless Our Dad"? He gets up early, lights the fire, boils . an egg, and whips off the dew of the lawn with his boots while malty a mother is sleeping. He makes Ithe weekly hand-out for the butcher, the grocer, the milkmen and. the baker, and his little pile is badly worn before he has been home an hour. If there is a noise in the night dad is kicked in the back and made to go down stairs and find the burglar and. kill him. Mother darns the seeks, but dad bought the socksin the first place, and the needles and the yarn afterwards. Mother does up the fruit; dad bought it all, and jars and. sewer costs like the mischief. Dad buys the chickens for Sunday dinner, serves them himself and draws the neck from the ruins after everyone els-e is served. "What is home without a mothers" Yes, that's all right; but, What is home without a father? Ten chances to one it's a boarding house. Father is under a slab, and the landlady is the widow. Dad, here's to you -you've got your faults -you may have lot of 'em, but you're all right, and we'll miss you when you're gone. One More Chance. One day the office boy went te the editor of "The Soaring Basle" tied "There's a tramp at the -d or, and lee says he has had nothing to ,eat for six days." • "Fetch him in," said the editee, "If we can find how he does it we can run this paper for another week."--Illiteeeetted Bits. MMOMMMAL. We know of no other medicine which has been so suc- cessful M relieving the suffering of wonln, or secured so many genuine testimonials, as has Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. In almost every community you will find women who have been restored to health by Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg- etable Compound. Alrnost ev.ery woman you meet has either been benefited by it, or knows some one who has. In the Pinkharn Laboratory at Lynn, Mass., are files con- taining over one million one hundred thousand letters from women seeking health, in which many openly state over their own signatures that they have regained their health by taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. t Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has saved many women from surgical operations. Lydia E. Pinkheun 5 Vegetable Compound is made elusively from, roots and herbs, and is perfectly harmless i The reason why it is so successful s because it contains ingredients which..act directly upon the femaleorganism, restoring it to healthy and normal. activity.. Thousands of unsolicited and genuine testimonials such as the following prove the efficiency of this simple remedy. 13elleriver, Que.-" Without Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound would not be alive. For live months 1 bad painful and irregular periods and inflammation of the uterus. 1 suf- fered like a martyr and thought often of death. 1 consulted two doctors who could do nothing for me. 1 went to a hospital, and the best doctors said 1 must submit to an operation,beeftuse had a tumor. 1 went back home much discouraged. One of my cousins advised me to take your Compound, as it had elated her. 1 did so and soon commenced to f eel bettor, and. my appe• tite came back with the first bottle. Now 1 feel no pain and am *tired. You remedy is deServing of praise." - Mrs. Brim% Chatel, Valleyfield, Delleriver, Quebee. 'Women who are suffering from those distressing ills 'peculiar to their sex should not lose sight of these facts or doubt the ability of Lydia E. ?inkhorn's Vegetable Coupound to restore their health. 464t4t#1,4,66,61666,44,64 vesesPetseevo•etv TRY TO tSCAPif 1MR. GNAGG NOF BUM'S DSASIfl UNSOCIABLE 1,QCit Wtt t YgtIr Kicineyd iccop Them kkal.lif 4,nit Ihna Avcid Inotirablo arid Discrnsa -1 If yen weeld aveid Drieln's eiediee take Dr. lieneltoed, Pills ot onee delay aboet their aetien, nut thorough. In evervaee venipl.ne mire atit this their t'. ,• Read the follueing eympitime eery tell if .your kidewye are siek ir ell - whether or no you requIrt, a ithelieine etivit nit Dr. Hamilton's Pills: 4e++ eeeteese +4-e+ e-44 ere est 4- 4-04 4-4-te WATCH youR wATErt, Does it smell bad? is it red, bloody? Painful and too frequent? DOC3 it drip? Diecolor the linen? After standing 24 hours, if the 1 urine is cloudy, highly cater- ed, stringy, contains sediment like brickdust, then YOUR KIDNEYS ARE DISEASED, 1 #•+### #04#-+++.-#4-#47+++4#1 4-* To protect, your system agelnet the further Inroads of kidney eomplaint rely on Dr. Hamilton's PUN. They give In- stant relief to the backeeille, those drag. ging sensations, desire to urinate too often ur too seldom, You'll feel invig- oratedand braced, your appetite :will improve, sleep will be restful, No niedi- eine on earth will do you more lasting good. Price 25c per box, or five boxes for $1, at all dealers. Robin's Winter Quarters,. For the past three years a robin hes spent the winter at Fleet (Lincolnshire) rectory. When the cold weather arrives the bird. takes up its abode in the honee, roosting on top of a grandfather's clock and taking its meals from the domestic table. lf a crumb is thrown the robin hope to it and picks it up. It will feed out of the hands of one of the maids, though it will not allow the other people In the rectory to catch it, The bird only spends its time In the house when the weather is cold and di- rectly the weather 'becomes warmer goes outsiee.-London Daily News. • WHY ECZEMA PATIENTS SUFFER No Wonder They Despair -But Cure Htth Now, Been Found. It is a strange thing about eczema. After wasting money on nostrums, dosing the stomach or smearing- on greasy salves for years, many a skin sufferer gives up in deepair, He says: "What is the use, some may be cured, but my case is hopeless." But a trial of the simplest remedy - just a little oil of wintergreen properly compounded. (as in D. D. D. Preseription) will wash away that itch. In fact, it will ta,ke away the itch immediately, the instant D. D. D. is applied. Read this letter front Mrs. G. J. Hut- ton, of Refreev, Ont.: Jam 16, 1909. "Sine° 1 Win a child nine years old (and I am to -day thirty years old) I have suffered with Eczema iit my hands. I have spent money in allkinds of medi- cines and eituienes, but I find nothing equal to D. D. D. I have used five bottles and to -day my hands are perfect- ly healed. I shall never be without it in my house, and will rtlways recommend it to my many friends and neighbors who suffer from this awful torture, Eczema." Now, if there is anyone in your town suffering with eczema., ringworm, tetter, psoriasis, or poison ivy, tell this suf- ferer not to sit back end say, "I have tried everything; there is no cure for me," Tell him to write for free sample bottle of D. D. D. Prescription to The D. D. ID.. Laboratory, Department D, 23 Jordan street, Torento. For sale by all druggists. o A Wealthy Soldier's Idea. A.ustralians still tell stories a the colonial volunteers, altlicingh the war is a far memory. One, a member of the stook exchange, was left one wet and miserable night to guard a wagon load of goods. He shivered in the -unsheltered place for some hours pondering 'many things, says the Melbourne Times, and then a bright thought struck him just as the Colonel came around.on his tour of in- spection. "Colonel," he -disked, "how much is this wagon worth?" "I don't know," was the answer. "Much or little we can't afford to lose but Colonel" persisted the ama- teur soldier "you might give me a rough idea of the value." "About ,9200" said the Colonel testily. "Very well" was the auswers "I will come clown to the camp and give vu a cheque for the amount, Then `'.1.'11- turn in. I wouldn't catch -my death of cold for twice that mueld" What the colonel said is not recorded. e • e MISS CARPI! E SHOWALTER. When Charles Porter 4' to hill himself in St, Louis a letter front this Huntingdon county girl was found on him. In a pathetic inntitter she said she could not marry him beonume he had not kept Itis promise to quit drinking, nfernal Cheek. "Well, did he pay your asked the wife of a dentist who had been to collect a bill. for ft full set of false teeth that he had made for a man almost a year be- fore., "Pey Mel" -growled the dentist. "Not otly did he refuse to pay me, but he actually had the effrontery to gnash at me -with my teeth !"--Everybody's Mag. Wireless I eh -gra ply demonstrates that there are eume good things that ars not run into the pram!. A family Necessity remedy eitpahle ur iiiT,orilinp; immediate eviler to Ilse Ittutdreil Mid m that testantly BUT R.3. CiNAGC.A'S CALLEmr, RS arim., it limy 1K. it (gad. perhaps I lIFiV8 Loothaelie, nenralgia, pain in Ott ba"it rtiqc Nerviline. 10.14'1 Val ing, pit i -stile I 11 it rg all pun -Tattle Their Ttk Not inteliceroul-Mere Noise All Right in Itt Rut t4ot in a PlAt Vtsti- bule Train Running on a NarNve Oauga flailroad. Mr. 1,tstpiL elitupg,ing otea.ion Ultra Mrs. Lititteg Nal:tering front an paraclw, 3001111.11 L, ly epon the all amend inferiority lier Critelli. About as folioed: Expieting any of thee,- gabble gabble female felentle ot yours thie evening? Dope 1110. 'Noise le ail rigid in he place, but It doeen't bolting tO a MU, lotIlt like a vestibule 1 in in riming- on a narrow gauge nanny. I'd kind o' like having title drum to weed( mum in a while. Peet is I wish you eould contrive somehow to have this gang of female thinners on ,yotir staff (mule here when I'm not around at all, Thai, ie if you feel that you've got to have 'on minis :ere at all, Of (=esti I can't see why yuu want to have anything to do with sue)i a intneli of noisy cackle's who sit ermine for four tours at a stretch matelot; erealey, irritating sounds out of their Mere with- out ever seeing anythiog; bot if you feel that you can't live without 'em, that you absolutely retrire, the tonie of their presence, ean't you fix it some- way so's 1 svon't have to meet 'era? Understand, I don't mean to be no - .sociable. I'm naturally sociable, ae yule know; but I like to associate with peo- ple who know something,•who eau stake me to ten or fifteen cents worth of in- telligent eonversation, and 1 ean't stand for the kind of pinheads and. nutttem conks that you've got such a perfect geniusefor gathering around you. 'Course it's all O. K, for you to have friends, all you want of lent; but why" don't you alike borne friends who can teach you something !tweed of this lot of skirted mollusks who wouldn't re- coguize an idea if it rim over them in the middle of a simile road? Why, say, look vehere d'ye know I've sat here for hours and ;lours, when you have been surrounded by two or three of these termite claimers on your list of friends; trying torfisli with live bait for even a symptom of intelligent idea ex- uded by ituy or all of 'em, and l've had to give it up in despair and misery every time, Never even got a nibble when, switching to fancy Bios, I'd seek to lure them to uncoil something that sounded. human, Where d'ye pick up these mental zeros anyhow? How d'i'e get acquainted with 'on? Sometimes I think that you tnust advertise for 'end You must stick ad- vertisements in the paners, stating that you want to become dequainted with a bunch of women ••who wouldn't know beans if they saw 'ern in a bag labelled "Beans" ia letters. a foot long. How's that? Most of your women friends are the wives of business associ- ates of mine, and you got acquainted with 'ern through me? Oh, sure! Cer- tainly! I might have known that you'd switch it around to me that way. But it doesn't happen to be true:May- be one or two of 'em -the one or two retitle intelligent women you know - are the wives oteriends of mine, but the rest of 'ens hail smack dab from No Woman's Land of Boneheadville. If any business friend of Mine was the husband of any of these chippery ehappery wo- men that sit around here talking through their peach. baskets Pd. tip him off that he was in bad and if he didn't take the tip I'd etop walking on his side of the street. How's that? They're all perfectly re- spectable women? Who the dickens stild they weren't? There you go with that distorting stuff! Have you heard me emit one crack about their respectabil- ity? They're too blamed respectable! That's what ails 'erre if you're askiir me. The chief characteristic of respect- ability is dulness, and that's the — What's that? Would I have you friends? Now, but elever women- for Now, see here, that isn't any fit question for a respectable married wo- man to put to her husband, and you know it. Just you let xne catch a wo- man of that- kind around here, that'e all! I wouldn't care how infernally clever she might be she'd be bumping down in the elevator so fast that it would 'mike her head swim, and there'd be some comparing of notes up here af- ter her departure that would make your head swim: Sure, would there, A woman doesn't have to be doubt- ful or things like that, you know, to be able to let an. idea escape from her mental midriff every other Thursday week or so, The town is stuffed and jammed with the nicest kind of self- respecting women who wouldn't walk in the middle of the car track during a blinding rainstorm for anything you could. offer 'em. Why doe't you get acquainted with a few of that kind hi - stead of these „kilted starfish who mooch around here getting off eudless° gusts of that old No, 9 south breeze, but who haven't enough gray matter beneath their puffs to spread on ene side of an oyster craeker? Oh, I've listened to your talk with 'eml All that you fen aboot is togs and hate and the putkiness of the flat maid, and your ailments, and all that. Huh? What do 1 expect a group of women to talk about? Well, that's drawing it pretty fine. Perhaps you'd like ine to tekea few weeks off for the purpose of fixing up a set of subject* for you to talk about? . Huh? How do 1 expect you to get elever women for friends. Well, that's a sensible question, too, isn't it? How the deuce do 1 know? Is it up to met Wye expeet me to go out into the streets and lay a -hold of women who look half intelligent and drag 'CM in/ TVA it woman's busineas to make the right kind of friends for helself, not her husband's. don't you try to other me by forcing me to suggest some way -whereby you tould become aequainted with the kind of intelligent women I have reference to, 1 reftoe to be. trapped itt any such tt manner. If yint don't: know how to do if, then I'm not going to tell you, that's all. I've got lily plied without heiug asked to hike Around this man's town ploking out WOMen Mende for you who ean do something else but alt with their tonal in their lens mid laugh like elves- ey vets all the time. What? Clever women of lite kied 11 am speakieg of generally ate treaty tend horrid and catty and overbearing and treacheroue, end all like that? Ha, bat Greet How you women da worship melt other, don't yout Of cameo, though, 1 might lose known that yott'd speek in that way abont 'bright women. VOter6 PretiOrtS of 'cm, that's alt. that's lust one of the eighty eotilflon imtnenee diff-retwee between men and women. A mat poisoning just NERVILINE is at least five times stronger iiuw 4>rdinary remedies anti its Nvorth in any household van '1 he over- estimated'0I man or heasi, tue 1,1 a plituit.ott 1"01. up "Not If It Coht IdO 1)0)1(044 A bottle. \Yeah!: I be without Poison's NNAlline," writes .1. A. Built, 1 armer thins near Trenton, (Int. "NervilIne is the best household liniment 1 hnow. We nem it fee atoinaelt 414lUbleC, Indlgesikm, bet:de:he, and, 4t01i1fler complaint. 1 I..cow of noti:Ing better to take in but wetee to meal( up 11 old, or to rue 00 for theansattsm or netiritiola." Every farmer shoal lonn 4 few 1.0.tles of Nerrillne hautlr and liftVe smaller fleeter bilis. Nerriline le a prote.-tion and eateguarti agniust the pains and Relies of the entire fandlY, and mires rile onatisni, tOothurlic, etc. 2.1 sears tor a large bat- tle the average amount of intelligence him- self luts an inteuee admiration for it fellow who is brahly 01111 brilliant- -wlio knows a whole heap more than himself. .edmires hint, Woke up to him, plugs for him, is glea to be en his vompenY, old all that sort of thing, But a woman who's just average, very average, in the matter of intern- gence has ail inetilietive dislike for any member of her own sex who is unusual- ly clever. Instinctive loathing for her, Hates and despise,* her. Knoelte her weeeever she gete a ehanee. That want her around. Just pure jealousy, that's ail. I s'pose with you the situation is that you'(t be afraid to liaVe a few women dropping in here who knew something fur fear thet might admire them, eh? Is that it? Well, you're blamed right. I would edmire 'elo! I'd admire 'em whole Mt if ever I happened to cateh a woman here who seemed to know the differenee between the dog star and a ton d' coal, why, I'd drop dead, that's just about what 'd happen to me, and SO you wouldn't have any oceasion to feel nervous, if that's what would be both- ering you. There's no use in talking, of eourse, Like seeks like. You plek out Old' kind of buez-buzzers that yoo have a naturai fondness for, and they 'wit yen right down to the grOlind, and that's all. Queer part. of the gag is that when these fluff lids go a -visiting, when they you wouldn't have any occasion to feel as if they're not giving money's worth unless they keep their tongues wagging from the -minute they breeze through the hall door unlit you're bidding 'em gocd- by thirty or forty times as the elevator is carrying 'em down. Just gab, gab, gab, with nary a let up front flagfall 10 HMO, until even the fox terrier pup, after standing it as long as he cam, gives it sort of a weary, hopeless yawn and then beats it out to the kitoliett and hides behind- the gas range or somewhere. Why couldn't yon get some checkers or dominoes or tiddledywinks or etuff like that and have dem play games and keep still for a minute or so when they come here? ' But nix; nix. They net only want to talk all the thne, butgthey ell want to talk at once. What's the mune of that red-headed woman who comes here and who never by the remotest chance stops gassing from the time she ' presses the elevator baton downstairs until about six hours later, she's two blocks down street on her way to the subway? The woman, 1 mean, who never listens to a word that anybody else says, but who just yaps- and yaps along like a leaky cylinder head until a man who has to stick around and listen to her feels like kicking holes in the pianola or jumping out of the window? Haws that? She's naturally nervous, ell Oh, that's it -she's got St. Yam( dance of the larynx. Well, is that any goo& reason why she should fall in here four or five timea week and try to give everybody else the lapsylels and the lid - buzz? What's this Tem eunning here, a sanitarium for females who cen ehop the English language. into a hash for 385 calendar days without rewindtug? Why, say, if a bunch of inen engaged in conversing together were to unreel— How's that? You've often heard me talking With my men Mende, and all we talk about is basemall and the fights and all like that? Nov see here, that's be about all of that. Don't try that switch around game any more with me. I'm not under diseussicnt here, and neither are my friends. It happens that you and your freaky lot of running mates are under the gun :lust at present. wonder just how many million years you'd have to live, anyhowdbefore you gained even a dim, vague sort of com- ptehension as to the fundamental differ- ences.between men and women. Men have to g6 out and make the living, don't they? Well, then! I sup- pose you'll grant, therefore, that they ought to be privileged to converse purely for eelaxetion, after long days of toil, and to do so withont criticism? Now, that's about as mean and un - CHASE AWAY THE TIRtD ftELING Dodd's Kidney Pills will do it Quickly and Naturally. It is Caused by Sluggish Cireulation Brought on by Deranged Kid- neys Failing to Strain Impurities Out ef the Blood. Stayner, Out., April 12. -(Special) - In the spring the Kidneys always need attention, 'They have additional work itt straining the winter's accumulation of impurities out of the bleod and if they are at all out of order, it is sure to tell on them, 14. is only it question Of the best method of treating them and Ernest Cottrell, of .tbis place, adds his testimony to the great mass of proOf that the one sure cure for sick Kidneys is Hodd's Kidney Pills. "Some time ego," says Mr. Colwell, "i bad severe pains mut soreness in the small of my back, and sometimes notieed a briek deist sediment in my urine, so of course I knew my Kidneys were affected, 1 procured some of Dodcrs 'Kidney Pills, which readily cured the piing end soreness and re- stored the urine to its natural total'. I Always recommend retdd's Kidney Everybody needs mod:eine in the spring, end the )n6110116 they need is Dotitl's Kidney Mlle. They elven the blood of impuritiee and by giving the blond free eireulatton, epeetbly and mt. wally cease away Vint tired fooling. It Is rinsed by aluovIat elrenhttion, and Dodit's Nidiy 1,ills always cure It, Wigi,Ity 44 (Tail; tie lie heart le a long time, that of yvtire alJont my talking beeeteall tied sf) on With 111:k friends, 1 l4 'p''' eenel have it 1114 85.1 tttiglt t t s yit 1.1 slate pZisoil tor lifts for leiII it; leVt1. 104 111 ei1! 11.4)1 biloll 1 t Men tall, ahem smelt things solely ti lest their minis after ;Inhume fedi. Now- t> omen }leveret got a, dung on earth to do, not a thing, exck•pt. to look as decent as they tali and impruve their Minis; l'uL do 1,11eY do 11.7 Well, you've eel:- ninviedged the hin1 of fluff you and eour n omen friends telk about around here. They never by oily elianee piek up a book, union; it's some hunk of erotic. or maudlin eluell iu the fietion and Hell! Yoe haveuet eeeti Inc read any oilivr book eXemit • • Olt, tin dolt bluff, if you pletiee, tin it! Whit t 4114144 do 114450 to. read books? Oye expeet Inc to, evawl home here, after fighting all day like a timber wolf to keep this rout ever our heads and *client. ing to pivk ep ita extra dollar or two to went off your habitual extravagance - (rye expect me, I ask, to slink hack here of evenings, as tired 41 a, dog. and then, after eating whatever kind of a burn (limier is spread before me, take down Iliwkle's "Ilistory of Civilization" or Levity's helietory of European Morals" or something like that and try to wade through it1 lint what's the use? Here you've got it swileted entirely orouud to la. and Vat engaged in defending myself, like e jay, I never nill earn anything, dtay, are all my pajarnae in the wash again, blame it tilt -New York Sun. ZAM-BUK CURED HER BABY CORNS CURED „ 24 HOV/IS. von catt ip!oniessly remove antiy zone74'11llArAgiegltar'Nellt40P.%eiye;Oi ygiuip,101014$; Isbaintese becuse ceAniltt4 iift *:1(:44 ."Iniirs..141M1143.ii41 bstatter;! 411 4i;11"154 PUTNAM'S PAINLESS • CORN EXTRACTOR Electricity Cleans Vessel. • An electrical method of (demising the : hull ot a mewl without; the neceesity of duetting the craft, is in lute in Eng- land to a eertain extent. Tim scrobber . works by being dragged up and (limn limier the hull of the ship by ropes. By Ute use of electrieity 11 18 made to cling to the steel shies of the ship like a mageet. The mat of the scrubber is 8 series, of bettens carrying the Inesbes and mag- nets. Position eltains are passed around the ship at tire bow and stern, and be- tween these hauling, hawsers, earrYing the man are )floved' fore and aft by a steetu winele it hits been demonstrated that an 18,o00 -ton battleship can be serubbed in twelve hours. The cost of ('leaning a veesel by this method Is email, 11 is said tbat a 4,000-4.011 ship een be eleaned in about eight hours, at a. oat or $100. brothers will find titt following statement of more than noosing interovf, showing, QS it does, hoW Zam-Bult end8. the skin-dIseases 01 ohileirem even when ordinary remedies have Pompletely tailed. Niro. W. Bowerbauk, of Ws Denison myelin°, Toronto, saps: - "Not long ago my baby's face brake out In an eruption. The spots Wettl'd tweak anti be very irritating aud sore. At othr times they itched fearfully, and caused the child to scratch and rub, thus making tbe sores very -inflamed and painfuL 1 tried all aorta of ointments and salVee, but they semeboW did not eeem a.ble to remove the trouble. Sam-Buk proved very different, .4.n4 a few ameleattene gave the child relief. The sores are now healed completely. "suttee that time my, little daughter has M4 -occasion to use Zuni -link for skin trouble, She broke out in blotches on her hands and arm, and in her mum ease Zara - BO effected a cure. "We now keep Zant-Buk had as a house- hold balm, and do not intend to be without 11, "Not only for skin diseasees, but for auto; burns and bruises, it 14 a fine remedy. The other day I burned my hand badly. An ap- Olieation of Zain-Buk seemed to take the fire gut.tat. once, and 0 soon. heeled. In the Course of my expellent* I brave tried pretty nearly all the salves and ointments obtain- able. but there Is nothing to come near 'dem- Auk." Zum-Buk Is natare's own healing balm, being composed of pure herbal essences. It la a sure cure for pimples and eruptions, eczema, ring -worm, like es, cuts, burns, bruises, poisoned sores, tdironio wounds, bad leg. piles, festering soros, and all skill In- juries and diseases. Druggists and stores everywhere sell at. 800 a box, or poet free tor Price from Zatn-Buk Co., Toronto; 3 boxes $1.25. You, are warned • against cheap and harmful ImitatIons sometitues represented to be "just as good," va • • SCOTT OF. SCOTLAND YARD. Retirement of a-1e7—ell Known English ' Detective. After thirty ,years of etrenuous service at Scotland Yard; Chief Detective-Inspee- tor Scott has just retired. Chief Detective -Inspector Scott may be classed among -the greatest crimlnal detectives who have served in the Crim- inal Investigation Department, and his name was long a terror to every class of. lawbreaker. He is an example of the num who starts at the bottom rung of the ladder and works his way right up to the top, for a elder detective is among the first six at Scothind Yard, Ife joined the' B division in 1878, and the first important ease he Was engaged in -then as quite a junior-- was the dynamite outrages in Landon. Victoria Station and Scotland Yard had both been damaged by dynamite, and London was stricken with terror. The detective, tells an amusing story about his eonneetion with that outrage. He was instruetod to match the house of Mr. Foster, the then Secretary for Ireland. One everting, just as he had come on duty, he heard a terrifie ex- plosion. The thought that Mr. Forster's house had been blown up at once flashed across his mind, but upon investigation he discovered that it was merely a gas explosion in an adjoining house. In 1884 Mr. Scott was selected by Mr. froward Vincent, the founder of tlie Criminal Investigation Deperement, to be one of those who should be stationed at headcpuettere, nrel then Mr. Secitt's real work began. He was instruniental in briaging to book a notorious gang of housebreakers who were victimizing the residents of Brixton, and immediately following this he succeeded in tracking a. celebrated gang of forgers known as "Phil Last's Gang." Each of the men was senteneed to a long term of penal -"1VileittUd: ..T.f.ter this the detective narrowly Waned being Murdered by a Croydon burglar, named German. He caught the Man in the stet of stealing some articles from tt railway station, and German, realizing that the game was nearly up, attempted to strike ,Mr. Scott on the head with it teem> jemmy. The deteetive was ready, however, and warded off the blow with hie stick, which was cut olefin in two. Then followed a desperate struggle, which eventually ended in German being handetif fed end taken to the Station. Mr, Scott was among the detectives who inquired into the Taber. Balfour frauds, Following elosely on these there' Were the Celebrated. lcortir London Build- ing Society swindlea. Aft Seott arrested Fitt, the thief offender, who reteived five years. In 1800 Mr. Seott was ap- pointed local inspector at Wandsworth, and hete he succeeded in bringing the fathoue Mrs. Mewetsori-the baby mur- aerer-to justice. In 1004 he Wad made Chief detective -inspector at Scotland Yard, and the public will remember him as the chief officer engaged in the North London ehild murder, and the mysterious tragedy at Sevenoa.k4 when Mrs. Load, wife of General Luard, was founl mur- 10 tli_d4e lonel ed.....mwoods at Iglitilem. Pleasant foe Both. Near Sighted Guest (at batiquet)-X presunie the text thing Will 'be a loitg und tiresome speech front seine talkatiVe gtlY. Mali Sitting Next -4), t sttppose so. Pm the talkative guy that litts to make the speech.. 444-- 01040. "What a funny looking camel," Said Bessie et the Y.00, "lit hasn't any hair on him.' "No," laughed Tirother Robby, "loess lie lost that goirig through the eye a the needle."--Chlottgo Nees. Repeat - it: -"Shiloh's Cure will always cure my coughs and colds," • 6 41 Little Church Back Home. when um big pipe mews's invent& an' the elty (Moir eines, Are eue alums' he the swishia' of tha angels' Cogs, AJO the eallereeationei must& on 04 prone. nos for to sin, lion listenin! Hatless, waiting for the preaches' to begin; In that hely bush it happens that I eleau forget She An' again I'm meek an' lowly 'fore it theme 04 faLVIII' itrace- A, tbrone that wasn't nestlin"lleath a +Mfrs or a dome, But tbe glitters sought their 180.vtOr tu the little clutrelt back home. Wben we had protracted meetin's, why 'Mould done you good to bear Taa congregation singlet' with a blend 01 Y01008 elear How the "Itoek of Agee" towered like a shelt'ring sort. o' wall, Au' our souls soared up to glory since the Reck was cleft for all. TOv'r' face was wreathed with sweetness. WV we always had a smile For the stranger, saint or planer, la the pew across the aisle; For a diamond's often gathered from the commonest of loam An' we ilidn't mind. the setein' in the little church back home. There were weddin'm where the neighbors gathered in from far an An' tho boys looked on ta envy while their Waters kissed the bride, There were fun'raki,. too, where neighbors didn't feel ashamed to cry when they laid to rest the Bleeper in the little yard close by; Bach neat iseeate kind o' sacred, an' the lowly Pulpit there 'Pears like a holy gateway to a firmament that's fair: Where the aweet, supernal trunehine softly scatters aerrOyes gloara, An' let us enter heaven from the little chtirch back horno. -,11ciy Verret' Greene. • *. The Crater's Mouth. "Now, Pearl Beem," said the Wyom- ing schoolmarm during the geography lesson, "whet is it that volcanoes throw up?'' "Welt a minute! I know -don't tell me!" cried Miss Beam excitedly. "It's saliva! Red-hot saliva!"-Lippincott's Magazine. d SPRING BLOOD IS BAD BLOOD Haw Rests to Get New Health and Strength in Spring. The winter months are trying to the health of even the most robust, Con- finement in -doors in over -heated and nearly always badly ventilated rooms - in the home, the office, the shop and the school, -taxes the vitality of even the strongeet. The blood becomes thin and watery or elegged with impurities. Some- tinies you get up in the morning just as tired as when you went to bed. Some people have headaches; others are low spirited; some have pimples and skin eruptions. These are all spring symp- toms that the blood is out of order. You can't cure these troubles with pur- gative medicines, which merely gallop through the syriteni, leaving you still weaker. What you need to give you health and strength in the spring is a tonic medicine, and the one always reli- able tonic and blood builder is Dr. Wil- liams' Pink Pills, These Pills not only banish spring ills, but guard against the more serious ailments that follow, such as anaemia, nervous debility, rheuma- tism, indigestion and kidney trouble. Dr. Williams' Pink Pills make new, rich blood which strengthens every nerve, every organ and every part of the body. Try this medicine this spring and you will have strength and energy to resist the torrid heat of the coming summer. Mr. J. R. Johnson, Loch Broom N. B., says: "Some two years ago I began to feel that my constitution was weaken- ing. I could not stand any exposure or knockiug about. I finally sought; the aid of a doctor, who said my system Was very much run down, and that the trouble might end he nervous prostra- tion. As his medicine did not help me, I deckled, on the advice of a friend, to give Dr. 'Williams' Pink Pills a trial. I had used less than half a dozen boxes when my health was fully restored. and I think no other medicine can equal these Pills when one is run down and out of health." Sold by ell medicine dealers or by mail at 50 cents a box or six boxes for $2,50 from the Dr. Williams' :Medicine Cto„ Brockville, Ont. ft • Kind of Her. The called in answer to yer ad, fer a first-class cook, mum. The Lady (eagerly) -7 -And you want the position? The Caller -Not at prisint, lnljnL There's three other parties ahead of yet, but aecept a three months' option oft the job without Any consideration, - Puck. , Repeat it:-"Shilah's Cure will always cute my coughs and colds." Over Alps in Balloon. Osear Erbsloeh, the German aeronaut, Who won the internetimial balloon race at St. Louie In 1907, has completed a, remarkable balloon trip across the Alpe aboard the Berth>, The eonditions under which the voyage was made were of un- 'MIMI severity, the thermometer averag- ing Id below sere, Fahrenheit. Erbsloeh was in the tar for thirty home, and teethed ft maximum altitude of about 18,000 feet. Itapeitt Shiloh,a flUte *in a- way cure My coughs and colds." "Whites freel?fnbr6* it:psinghats?" "Well, the millimers have invented to or three new vegetables, 1 belleve.s-.6 Waehiuktott Roma (1 irD -‘441. Suggeating a Possible Reason, "%i'etui," impatiently asked the nds- tress, "what brings that policeman to the house so milder "Take a good look at me face, um% am," answered, the molt with it simper. "De ye think it scare anybody away?" In Its Element, The hat lookei like an -aeroplane On Julia's head so fair; Site maned tiw Afasouin temple and It eitili np in the air. Get the As!: "Ye -0 said the retired anetioneer, "Gull boy of mine is a (dap off tin' (>1(1 bloelc, with all Jim original bark, -on him; he'e a spieler for a ,C)-eent theatre," Looked Suspicious. Captain (of baseball nineld-You think Stumpy is getting, sort O' weak in hie mind': Welly? Manager-Ife renewed hie .contraet for Dile season withinit makirig 41 kiels for a higher •sala i'y. So Different, When Ifitsic, heavenly maid, W(14 young, \Viten simple songs wre simply sung, There were 'no thrifty artisans put the melodies in cans. Everybody Willing. Georgie.-Holy smoke! just look At that young lady kissing the poodle! Harold -Yes, I see. Who wouldn't lead n dog's life No Difficulty About That. Teacher (at night school) -Give me some illustration of the "survival of the .iittest." Shaggy-Itaired Any handsome widow. Not Mrs. Taft, (('leveland Loader.) )Jrs. Jimpson-Well, Mrs. Taft 18 nou^ the filet lney in the land. Mr, 3.- --Hush! The cook might hear you, • • • Result of Rashness. "Ont of It job, are you?" asked the filet girl. "Boss cateh you flirting?" "No; I caught the .boss. Say, what sort of it wedding dregs do you think is real swell "-Philedelphia Ledger, , The Evening Episode. "Is you: ebila in bed by 8 every even• ing?" yeg. We begin arguing abont that hour." --Louisville Conrier- Journal.' •••,, How Could She? The Elderly Lady -Yee, l'>e magis- trate asked me, "Can't you live with your huchand without fighting?" And I sez, "Not Wilily, yer honor," 1 see., Ch- rful. "What happened to me?" asked the Chronic Optimist, when be woke up in the- hoepital. "A shark bit your leg off," said the nurse: "Oh, wells" he weed, "I had rheuma- tism in that leg, anyhow."-Clevelaad Leader. Why There is So Much Crime. "Hello!" 'Say, central, you.gave me the wrong number. I didn't want Lawnwood 1 double fi double 7. I wanted Weaken 1 dmible 7 double -e--' „ "All right, 1'1 ring 'cm again." He Came Prepared. Walter (to departing customer th• faehioenble restaurant) -How did you find the steak lootight, Mr. jenks. Fareastie Customer -Oh, easy enough. I brought a spyglass with me. ---New York To End the Graft. Man with the Phnom Nose -What do they went to elmuge 'nogg:ration day for? Malt with the 'lifting Prow- Ileeause having 14. 10 winter is too soft snap for the -hotel and reetaurnet mem Time^ get the people there, turn a blieemed loose on 'ern, end then they caul, get away." -- • C(osNi)POLITAN. Cott ftv,sil Ytoing 'Maw -Why. Miss Pella, 1- I ststrocly evpiyted to meet ;roll at a is 11, s' skatiug 111114. Self- vosst -1,41 1 )ung Wornatt• net at ell a..te111sl4.1 at no cling pm. 111'. c-erts elf psople vow here. Premature. Tile eta of i11ive1.411 peace Intil down- ed. "How INiglit ful!'' tee elainied tno f- Irdget tee. -There will lie to eptuslition tow to our demende for the banal 1" Instantly iinivereal war broke hums nue in,