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The Huron News-Record, 1896-01-15, Page 60 V AYER'S Mair VIGOR 'Loiterer natural oolor to the hair, or* also prevents 4t d unk oat. Mrs. H. W. B'enwlok, of Digby, N. 8., says "A little more than two years ago my hair began to turn gray and fall out. Af- ter the use of one bottle of Ayer's Hair Vigor my hair was restored to its original color and ceased falling out. An occasional application has since kept the hair in good condition."—Mrs. H. F. FENWICK, Digby, N. S. "I have used Ayer's Hair Vigor for three years, and it has restored hair, which was fast becoming gray, back to its natural color."—g. W, IIASELIIOFF, Paterson, N. J. AYER HAIR VIGOR PREPARED BY SIL 1. C. AYER & CO., LOWELL, MASS., U .S. A. Aimee Pals cure sick Headache. liletaininelniketelettallneette • Ore Huron News -Record $1.25 a Year—$1.00in Advance WEDNESDAY. JANUARY 15th, 1890. From Rey. Fr. West. Editor Netvs-Record. DEAR SIR,—In the quotation from Addis and Arnold relating to the Coun- cil of Elvira read misunderstood in- stead of understood. The object that this Council just mentioned had in view in prohibiting for a time pictures in churches was lest what by means of pictures was worshipped and adored, viz : Christ and His spirits "should he painted on the walls." The council defined its object very clearly. In those days of persecution it is easily to understand how it was the delight of the pagans to dfilip'ate churches and ahove all to maRF a mockery of pic- tures representing Christ and His faithful disciples. The Council of Elvira, which was held in Spain, was not a general but a local Council legislating only for a part of the church and for the exigencies of the times in the locality over which it had jurisdiction. No where else in the world did the church consider it neces- sary or expedient to take the precau- tions adopted by the Council of Elvira. Tbe rnan that will look to the Council of Elvira for a prohibition of inragesin churches on the grounds of idol wor- ship will look in gain. Among the many word or pen pictures presented to us in Apocalpse by St. John is one of the Blessed Virgin. The picture is found in the twelfth chapter of the Apocalpse. It may be said that it re- fers to ithe church as well as to Mary. When we see it we see Mary and figuratively we see also the church. The ebuich and Mary the Mother of Jesus, are inseparable. Without Mary we could not have Jesus and without Jesus we could not have the Church. The Church has always borne a strik- ing resemblance to Mary. "A great sign," says St. John, "appeared in heaven : A woman clothed with the sun and the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars." The twelve stars, the twelve apostles are Mary's as well as the Churche's crown. This picture which is deep in meaning and so beautiful St. John saw in heaven. God taught the Apostle heavenly truths' by means of object lessons. To him they appeared as real and material. St. Luke who was both a physician and painter has left paintings of our Lord and the Blessed Virgin. A pic- ture of the Virgin and child 1)y the evangelist ear be seen to -day in the Church of St. Mary, Major, Rome. It has already been shown that God com- manded an image, a brazen serpent, to he made for the benefit of His chosen people, the Israelites. By order of God images were placed in the ark and in Solomon's Temple. 'Image swere in the Temple or the great church of the Jewish people one thousand y'ars be- fore the time of Christ. They have been in the Church already almost two thousand years, i ce the time of Christ, and the prohah t4i is that they will re- main there till the end of tinie. Reli- gious pictures in Churches and in our homes tend to raise our thoughts to heaven and to its saintly inhabitants. The Rev. W. F. Dickerman, pastor of the Universalist Church of the Messiah, New Haven, Connecticut, says 'he would he a Catholic if •he were to give up all reason and research and rely on faith.' He is mistaken on this point as to Catholic belief. The Church exorts Catholics to use reason and research as a great means of arriving at and hold- ing fast the faith. If the Rev. Mr. Dickerrnan prays earnestly and uses reason and research he will become a Catholic, for his heart is that of a Christian. The following as his excellent dis- course on the Catholic Church, which he delivered Sunday, December the 23rd, 1895: "To me," said the rev. gentle- man, "the Catholic religion is ap- pallinj. Its grandeur, its stupendous - nese, its spirit and success fill me with wonder and awe. Our Protestant, con- ceit leads nk to believe that we have the majority in numbers, that we re- present the migghtiness and correctness of thought. Butpanseawhile: Study the impoeitig history of the Roman Catholic Church. Remember that in 1,500ears that CI'luvch was the only institution 'this• side of the Adriatic that withetood the-ejiocks of ages, that kept its; head reared; above the tumult and the strife. , Dveyry nation, society and other organization crumbled and disappeared. Basotho Roman Catho- lic Ohurch chtill stood; *Id -What a grand institution.,i3he is! alt matter what, her teachings, behol$ her. antiquity and we cannot be surprised that many rest their heads u 8 her bosom with a feeling of perfect ease and security. The great Roman ` fhpire went down in utter collapse and her only survivor • was the Roman Catholic Church. Like the empire the Church spread her functions throughout the known world and claimed supreme authority. But of course the Church's functions were of the ecclesiastical kind and her supreme authority was_in spiritual and moral concerns. "'the nawe she claims for herself is the Roman Catholic Church; Roman, because the seat of her chief See, of her Pope, is the city of Rome; Catholic, because she claims to be universal, to spread throughout the world and be for all men. No wonder she has such a following.. In 450,000,000 Christians there are 200,000,000 Catholics. "Tbe missionary agency of the Ro- man Catholic Church is the greatest in this world. The priests went forth into barbarism and taught the savages thrift, civilization and religion—in the South Sea Islands, on the American continent and everywhere else where there was people to be gained to Chris- tianity. Look to Japan. Before Com- modore Perry reached there, the Catho- lic missionaries had been in the dynasty years upon years. In India four-fifths of the converts to the Christian relig- ion are Catholics. This may be sur- prising to us. Still it's a fact. Scarce- ly had the Puritan set foot on the American continent than Father Mar- quette and other Catholic missionaries were exploring and Christianizing the present dominion of Canada, were sail- ing down the Father of Waters, were in what is now California. Wherever there was a new foot of soil the Catho- lic missionary was sure to be there. Nor was he inspired simply by the epirit of propagandism. His was a life of peril, of sacrifice and he was sincere in all his convictions. "I will now relate something that is not generally known. It is this fact, that the Catholic colony of Maryland was the first to grant religious tolera- tion. Some of the Puritans in Vir- ginia seemed to Stink such toleration so commendable that they moved into Maryland and after enjoying the relig- ious toleration for some time they tried to pass legal enactments exclnding the Catholics from the colony. Holy ''generous of those Puritans ! "We are near Christmas and, my friends, do you realize that Christmas is a Catholic institution ? We indeed received it from the Roman Catholic Church. To -day is Sunday and do you know the observance of the day is an- other institution that we have borrow- ed from the Catholics ? There is no Biblical authority for the observance of Sunday. The Bible specifies no observance of Sunday. The Bible specifies the observance of the Sabbath, the seventh day of the week. The Roman Catholics sub- stituted Sunday for the Sabbath and we have done likewise. Rast- er is another Catholic institution we have adopted. "Now about the doctrine of the Ro- man Catholic Church. She proclaims to he divinely established and sustain- ed on earth by Christ, that she is His only Church, and she bases her claim on the text about Peter and the rock. From him down through the ages she puts forth an unbroken succession of Popes. Some persons censure the Cath- olics by declaring that they should obey God rather than man. But this censure is unjust, for the Catholics be- lieve the Pope to be the vicar of God, that the Pope is infallible in spir•itnal and moral matters and in obeying him in such a way they are obeyiug God. Of course there may sometimes ba a danger of putting the power and au- thority into the hands of unreliable hu- man nature. The doctrine of infallibil- ity was promulgated in 1870. It has often been misunderstood and is often misrepresented by Protestants. Some of us believe and assert that according to the doctrine of infallibility the Pope is without error or weakness. But the doctrine restricts the infallibility to his opinions in moral and spiritual affairs. in science like any other man he may he in error. "The Pope is infallible, according to the Catholic doctrine, only when .he legislates for the spiritual and the mor- al. I am giving forth the belief, the doctrine of the Catholics as expressed by the Catholics themselves. This is the way to get at the truth of what their faith fa. I certainly would not seek it in the books of their enemies. That would he a very poor way of try- ing to reach the truth. All my re- marks are in accordance with what the Catholics say of themselves. "Many Protestants declare that the Catholic Church is the enemy of the Bible. But. the fent is historical that the Catholic Church preserved to ns our Bible. Through the Dark Ages she also preserved the treasures of the classics, the grand literature of the Greeks and the Romans. We would have only a few rel- ics if it were not for that Church. The classic treasures extant were near- ly all found among the monks. "The Roman Catholic Church is not the enemy of the Bible. She believes the Bible to be inspired. But she does not, believe that any hook is infallible. She does believe and promulgates that there must be an infallible interpreter of the Bible• She antagonizes private interpretations and this, l bel ieve. is one of her chief objections againstthe read - Mg of that hook in the public schools. In her course against private interpre- tation I believe she is more than half right. She was quick enough in her own experience to forsee that such in- terpretation was a danger to unity ot belief. If the Bible is used simply for a devotional hook, all right. But when texts are quoted as a basis of doctrine and are made to men almost anything, there is danger. Against this indis- crimination the Church herself inter- prets the Bible in the light of tradition and scholarship. l'rn not certain that the Catholics are not nearer the truth about the Bible than we are. They are united the world over, while we, with our private interpretations, are separated into many denominations. it would have been better if she Protes- tapts, too, had been more cautious about the use of the Bible. Admission to the Roman Catholic Church is by Sacrament of Baptism, as she believes that all are horn tainted with the sin of Adam." "Some persons are surprised, that all the ceremonial sacrifices, adminis- tration of the Sacraments and choir singing in Lattin,•a deacYlanguage, and one that few of the congregation can un- derstand. But the retentiono£the,Latin is another token of the wisdom of that Church's polity. She claims tpbetiniper- sal and she aims to have one universal language in all her ceremonial and sae - Hikes. The bestoue for this purpose is a dead language, one that is safe from the dangers and changes of living tongues. Hence throughout, the world the Church rises the Latin language. "Now, why do Catholics use candles upon theiral`ars? Everything used in thesacratice of the Mass, at Vespers at the Benediction and let every feast -day in the Church calender is full of mean- ing. Few comprehend the meaning, even few of the Catholics themselves. They have the means of' knowing, but they don't seem to care to avail them- selves of the opportunity, as a priest once told Inc. The candles I spoke of are meant as reminders of the lights used by the early Catholic worshippers in the catacombs. The incense used at Church services is emblematic of pray- er ascending to heaven. The veatutents are of such snakes as to be beyond the possibility of changing fashion. They and even the different colors in them have their appropriate meanings which are highly, interesting. "I have spoken of the Sacrament of Penance. This is administered in the confessional. Confession is of consid- erable value. Even as a human insti- tution it finds a need in the world. It really seems to me that the Methodist class meeting is a remnant of the con- fessional. People have a great desire to express their wants and failings. They do so in a general way, shadow them forth in the class meeting. But the Catholic Church administers toiler children personally individually : to everyone of her 200,000,000. A Catho- lic is bound to go to confession at stat- ed tithes. Think of what a power that Church thus has to enforce her author- ity. "Some say that the Roman Catholic Church encourages vice, gives a license to commit sin, by granting indulg- ences. This is not true. An indulg- ence is intended for the remission of a temporal penalty. The teaching of the Catholic Church on indulgences is the opposite of what some Protestants think it to be. "Now, there is another thing in which I ani in sympathy with the Ro- man Catholics. It is the communion of saints. Protestants ask the prayers of those persons still, living. Then why is it not transcendent, a most, affectionate and beautiful custom to ask the prayers of those who haye gone to heaven ? "The Roman Catholic Church gives in the doctrine of purgatory a hope for eternal salvation, a hope even beyond the grave. Protestants can boast ot no such place. They probably wouldn't care to take the boast. The doctrines of the Catholic and Pr otestant Churches are identical to a large number—the inspiration of the Bible, the Trinity, the deity of Gocl, the fall of all in Adan), the redemption, the resurrec- tion, eternal happiness. If I were ready to give up all reason and re- search anti rely on faith, I would join the Roman Catholic Church. New- man became. a Romain Catholic for repose. He was tired of the wrangles and divisions and he sought authority and rest. "An attractive feature of that Church is the domoc•racy of its worship. In that communion all the false lines of the world are obliterated, all men are reduced to the one level. The humblest woman in the world can enter the finest Catholic Cathedral and feel at home and at peace. The steeple with its crosc is a token of shelter to her. Further, the lowliest infant boy may become a Pope, "I respect the Catholics fnr their reverence of their places of worship. In their Cathedrals, churches and chapels, there is an absence of the whisper and the jostle that are heard and felt in our Protestant churches. I don't believe in holy water, holy bells and so forth, but 1 do believe that we should respect the Church as the house of God, the gate of heaven. "Further, I like the Catholic Church because virtue is current there. They make no distinction in morality as some,of our evangelists do who speak of 'mere morality' and other kinds. The Catholic Church never speaks con- temptuously of morality, but some Protestants assign it to a very inferior place. The Roman Catholic Church deserves great credit for the spirit and and the polity by which she holds her members. No other power on earth could do it. "The world owes a great debt to that Church for being the patron of art and music, sculpture and architecture. The grandest Cathedrals are Catholic. So are some of the sublimest sculpture and painting, and much of the best music has been composed by Catholics. With such architecture, art, music, and her liturgy, no wonder that the Roman Catholic Church is so impress- ive. The Protectants now recognize the fact and are slowly introducing some of therm into their own churches The Catholic Church appeals to the eye and the other senses with her grand houses of worship, her sublime music, the paintings, the statues, the incense, her pageantry of ceremonial. and her ;authority speaking with no uncertain voice. "I have been among the Catholics and I find two classes—the progressive and the conservative. Some of the most tender-hearted, sweetest souls I ever met are in that communion. Their piety so profound, their spirit so self-sacrificing, their unflinching loy- alty to God and huinanity to man were the noblest of traits. Remember Father Damien among the Hawaiian lepers. See the Sisters of Charity and of Mercy administering to the yellow fever victims et Memphis, Tenn„ risk- ing their lives to save those of others and without making any distinction of creed You find these noble wonien in the midst of every pestilence, silently struggling to save the life spark of others and often losing their own. They are a credit to their Church and the world. "I would look upon it as a calamity if the Catholic Church weredisorganiz- ed. It would he i)erilous if she lost her hold on her masses, her 200,000,000. DRESS DOCTORS, That's what we are. We cure that old, tired look; that faded spiritless appearance. Sometimes cleaning will do it, and sometimes it takes dye- ing. Either one we do in first-class style and up to date. Parker's Dye Works; Toronto, do fine work no mat- ter hit,* badly faded, we can give you a fresh color. Leave. gods at --Fair's Book Store. A PROMINENT LONDONER. LONDON, ONT. Chase's Ointment• is an invaluable remeciv for Itching Piles and in . my can case I wouli spay 0450 per boxft* it if it could not be otherwise had. JOHN PUDDICoMB, 100 Sydenham 8t.. 1 Fl THE JIUJUTSU. Gentlemanly Scienco of Con- quering by Seeming to Yield. MORE THAN WRESTLINU. 11 Includes Grips, Feints, Throws and Broken Bones Not Recognized in the Wert—Their Muscles Made of Steel—The Japanese Art of Resuscitation. Tokyo, Japan.—Some drys ago 1t was my good fortune to 010.1 a foie gn gen- tleman In Tokyo v`ho after lona, years of praltlee has grown to be an adept in tha dlflmcult and 0108( valuably: art. 1 am indebted to him for an ,mares:- atg explanat.on of Jiujutsu. The c rdin- ary course Is one of three years, but lie who wishes to learn the, art thor- oughly must give seven or even more years to its constant praaUce. For Jtujutsu is not one of th,ate thinge that, once learned, is not readily for- gotten; a mere acqualntante with its Intricate rules, its throws and count- ers, its attacks and flits, is by no means sufficient, although such know- ledge is not without value. What Is required is constant practice, whereby the muscles are hardened, the eye grows quick and keen and each nerve, every fibre makes instant response to the will. A certain degree of fati111ty and skill acquired, and the possessor Is better armed than If he carried weapons, for in the ease of a trained Jiujutsu-ka the hands are ever ready to be used with instantly fatal skill. A lithe body, a quick eye and a keen percep- tion of what an oppexnent is thinking of or intends to do—like slime masters of fencing, who seem to divine by In- tuition what will be the mat thrust, whether in tierce, quart or what not-- theee are indispeneable adjuncts In the acquisition of this art, which, perhaps more than any other athletic exercise, brings every muscle Tato pla.y and strengthens the entire fraane. To the onlooker a group ca youths engaged in Jijutsu contest 1s surpris- ing in many ways, Each combatant is dressed In a thick wadded catton coat, with short, broad sleeves. The coat reaches half way down to the kness, and Is firmly held In place by a stout girdle of cotton cloth, both this and the coat being of exceptional- ly strong make. Before beginning a bout the contestants prostrate them- selves and touch the mats—for mats of special thickness and make are used in Jiujutsu—with their foreheads. Tak- ing firm hold of each other's girdle with the right hand and upper part of the coat with the left, the struggle begins. Practically speaking, Jiujutsu 111eSUSCITATING AN UNCONSCIOU•? MAN. seems to foreign eyes to be a combi- nation of Graeco-Roman and catch -as - catch -can. but with scores of other grips, feints and throws which would be considered foul in foreign lands. The contestants try, in a hundred ways to gain the mastery, which consists not merely In throwing one's opponents, but, once thrown, to pin- ning him tae the ground and keeping him hors de combat until he sues for mercy. WHAT TIMF. ART INCLUDES. In the regular.sehools of Jiujutsu the vanquished me.n keeps up struggling to the limit of endurance, for 1f his powers of resistance are greater than those of his more skillful adversary he may yet stagger to his feet and begin the bout anew. Should he acknowledge h•tmself completely worsted he has only to gently pat the back or shoulder of his victor whereupon the vise -like grip is at ante relaxed and the radlen fight- er assisted to his feet. Jiujutsu thus alms at rendering an adversary com- pletely harmless, and this is done by scores of strange trkks and slights which demand years of study in order to be thoroughly comprehended. The art includes strangling, hitting at the m• at vulnerable places of the boly, kicking—indeed,everything that human Ingenuity can invent. Yet to each at- tack, to every sleight there Lc a per - feet counter, and what ls still met • remarkable and of high practical Im- portance is that those who have 1 sst consequ+ nce of a blow, kick, strang- ling, etc., may, so long as no vital injury has been lnfikted, he promptly retresttwe 1 to their senses be .methods known only to Intimates of the highest rank. And just here Mr. Itearn-s sum- mary of the art Is really very goon. "Jiujutsu," he writes, "is not an art of display at all, it b, not a training al that sort of skill exhibited to puhll,• audient ea, It Is an art of s4-11-dcf •08e In the most exact sense of the term. !t is an art of war. The mister of that art la able, In one moment, to put an untrained antagonist completely hors do eambat. By some terrible 1:g. r- demaln he suddenly .dtslocm.te3 a shoulder, uniting -s a Joint, bursts a tendon or snaps a bone—without any apparent effort. He Is much more than an athlete; he le an anatomist. And he knows also tbuches that kill—as by lightning. But this fatal knowl- edge he 1s under oath never to com- municate except under suoh conditions as would render Its abuse almost Im- possible. Tradition exacts that It be kiven only to sten of perfect self -com- mand and of unimpeachable moral character." Mr. Hearn Is mistaken, however, In this last paragraph. The fatal blows and twists are now not only taught to every graduate of Jiujutsu school's, but a knowledge of them, in part, at a;l events, may be obtained by the ex- penditure of a comparatively small sum, as there are impecunious tfecond rate Instructors in the art, and the morale of Jiujutsu ik not what ft once was. In December of last year a Mr. Morlpaga menkyo, which is the name 61 the highest obtainable Jlujutsu de- gree, published In the oorumns of tha Japan Weekly Mall a remarkable es- say on the subject, wilder thy style of "Esoteric Jiujutsu." In haA opening reenarka Mr. Murtnuga says: "This treatise has been compiled with the Idea of arousing the Interest of for- eigners in a branch of knrrwle•tge which Is quite beyond the limits of ordin- ary European scf"rue, comprising, as It dors, discoveries (and their apellca- tltin) of the highest piaatical Jaipur- Iaasce in the medh•al art "1t is a subject unknown even to the Japanese, with the excel Io l of Jiu- lutsu Inittates of the highest rank; the secrets herein fur the first time made public being most carefully kept by the masters of the art. JlutuIsI is, properly speaking, a highly devetopel valence in itself." Esutet t • Jiujutsu, of course, is thus never displayed to the LAST MOVEMENT IN R: SUt$urrA•1'ION. public. In contests 1n which the pu- pils say, of a member or government saho. is, take part, as recently occur- red In Tokyo. the contestants have ony to throw each other—a clean throw both shoulders touching the giocrnd at. the same time. And I may here 1aren- thetically remark that the art is much patronized in Government schools and other institutions, as, In the opinion of medical experts, all that appertains to the less dangerous feats is calcu- lated to do the body benefit rather than Injury. And, indeed, without ap- pearing to 'put on" muscle, assidou$ students el the art certainly develop a remarkable degree of physical endur- ance, while the sinews of the arms. breast and legs grow as tough as steel. Experts develop this great mus- cular resistance to such a degree that they may be struck even in very vul- nerable parts—such, for instance, as the pit of the stomach -without ap- pearing at all discommoded. nut. Jrwao'S FEAT. I. Mr. Karo Jigoro, referred to In Mr. Hearn's book, is the principal of the Higher Normal School in Tokyo, and the greatest living expounder of the art. He is a little man, net much, 11 at all, taller than five reef, yet a compact mass of stecllikc :mews and thews, capable of u.ortr.ous endurance, while his movements are as quick and lithe as those of the leopard. I have seen this athlete place a heavy pine wood pole across his throat, while ly- ing on his back, and than have two men of above fourteen stone in weight sit on eitherend of the pole, It would seem that his throat would be crush- ed, or at least that breath ought to be impassible under such circum- stances; but this is not the case. He voluntarily contracts the muscles or th't neck, ec-d then with a quick, won- derful jerk, without using his hands, suddenly withdraws his head and neck from under the pole, In a manner lit- tle short of miraculous. Mr. Kano is the author of a ap;lfal Jiujutsu style called jud.v and the alumni of his fine establishment In the capital are always In demand as instructors In the art and command goo,) salaries. Outside of the countless throws and (alis, even a brief enumeration of which would far exceed the limits of this article, there are three departures of Jiujutsu which are of great actual value, These are sappn, or atemi, the art of causing apparent death or of making an adversary unconscious; kappa, the art of restoring such a one to his senses, and finally a very pecu- liar and effective method of b set- ting. Of coarse there are saecial modes of attacking each portion of the body, as there arc prompt and effective counters to each attack. Fig- ures 1 and 2 show the esnta•rt.' method of resuscitating a man who has fall ,n unconscious by r,•arcon of a thrust, kkk, blow or having been strangler]. Although trchnieal end somewhat' stilted, I cannot do better than quarte Mr. Morinaga's words in expla,n:tlon of these figura: "One who sets out to resuswItate an- other should stand at the hack of the unconscious man. He sh^`,ruld bring him to an ordinary sitting posture by raising him beneath the should, r and keeping him In that position by ap- plying the right knee to his backbone between the fifth and sixth vertebrae (figure 1); while his two hands should be placed on the right and left breasts respectively. The index and middle fingers should be so placed as to en- close the end of the breastbone. Rig- idly keeping this po it1 ars, the would- be restorer should draw the uncon- scious man toward him, se that his own hands will rise a little above their former position and the body of the unconscious man be pushed forward a little (figure 2). At this (natant the senseless man will recover complete consciousness." Enough has already been maid to show the importance of the art. It woukl be a good thing to import it, divested of its ceremonial and "rigid" rules, and it 1s rather singular that In this (athletic age no profeaor of Jlu- jutsu has hung out his sign In New York city. JotmN A. Cocrtirrcr,. At the Butchers. "Would you please chop these ribs across for me?" "John, just break this lady's bones for her." --Judy. HER TURN. She Believed In the Theory of Dividing the Spoils. Mrs. Hllber-I was downtown shop- ping with Mrs. Dwlndler to -day. Hllber--Get anything? Mrs. Hllber-Oh, I had to get a few little things for the kitchen. Really, dear, sure of the old utensils were nut tit to use. Hllber--How much was the bill? Mrs. Hllber-Eight dollars. Then I saw the loveliest set of china, Punt for ei eryday use, and I simply couldn't resist it. Only $18 for the lot. Hilber—Umph! Anything else? Mrs. Hllber—Some of the loveliest btoks! I had a dozen of the latent navels sent. Just think, they were so cheap! Only $14 for all of them, Hllber—Ah, indeed! I suppose you bought yourself some clothes? Mrs. Hllber—Only a few little things I had to have, dear. A hat—think, for only $18. I know you will like it. Some shoes for $7, and eight yards of the loveliest dress goods you ever saw,. Only 82 a yard. Hllber—ls that all? Mrs. Hilber—Oh, there were a few more little things of no particular con- sequence. Necessities, of course, but of trifling c0at, Hilber—Madam, do you know what you have been doing? ' Mrs. Hflber—Why, wh-wbat do you rrean? Hilber—you have been ruining me. Do you realize how I have to toil and slave to make the money necessary Prat to keep the roof Ayer our heads? And now you inform rri$tij1}r' the cooleata/ possible manner that u have been bt.ying, without my °onsei hat you are pleased to term as a ew little tongs." Bah. Mrs. Hilber-But, my dear— Hilber-Don't "my dear" me. Did Mrs. Dwlndler, who you say was with you, spend anything? Mrs. Hilber-No. She said she cculdn't afford It. Hllber-Precisely. What man in mod- erate circumstances can afford it? Have you any idea, madam, of how. much the "few things" amounted to? Mrs. Hilber-I have. Here is the memorandum. Just $120. Hilber—And do you know, madam, what that sum represents? Mrs. Hllber—I do, my clear. It repre- ss nts the sum Mrs. Dwindler says you won from her husband at poker taint night.-Harper's Bazar. It Takes Nine of Thein Featherstone—I should think you would make some effort to pay your tailor's bills, old man. Travers (.indignantly)—I never owed a man for clothes In my life. Featherstone—What da you mean by that? Travers—I mean that I have ac- counts with only eight tailors.—Detroit Free Press. Her Error. "I see that you have been buying a bicycle," he casually remarked, as they eat side by side on the sofa. „Yes." "Cash or instalment?" "Two dollars a week," she tdmitred And thus it was she' unknowingly caused him to postpone his p oral for nearly a year.—Indtanapo our - nal. Correctly Added. Judge—How old are you? Witness—Twenty-one years— Judge—How old? Witness—Twenty-one. Judge—Ah, forty-two. 11'"1 RI '1 11'n A Chin In the Afterworld. "If it hadn't been for you," observed the shade of Napoleon, acocring the shade of the Duke of Wellington, "the world might have been mine." "That is true," the shade of thee T 81 Duke complacently replied. "I t confess that I was too many for ybu." "And yet," the Emperor continued, "look here." Together they leaned over the cloudy, battlements. "Observe," Napoleon katd, with a broad, downward sweep of i:�s arm; "thousands of books, millions of mag- azines, portraits my own mother wouldn't recognize—the whole world talking Napoleon." "And what of me?" the Duke said. "Well," Napoleon patronizingly re-. turned, "now and then you are men- tioned. In a footnote, maybe." Reflectively stroking his high -shoul- dered proboscis, the ' Duke of Welling- ton turned sadly away. "And to think," he mutetred, bitter- ly, "that I should be responsible for this man's greatness. Waterlooloo I was."—Rockland Tribune. He Wanted to Know. A henpecked husband called the ser- vant aside and said: "Look here, Robustina, I am told that my wife and daughter are planning a trip to the Continent; do you know whether I am going with them or not?'" -Tacoma News. Chemistry in the Kitchen. Young Husband (severely) -My love„ these biscuits are soul', horribly sour! Young Wife (who took the chemistry, prize at boarding school) -I forgot to add the soda, my dear; but, never mind. After tea we can walk out and get some soda water. --New 'fork Week- ly. The Very First. Briggs -The first fight on tact rd team between Cain and Abel, wasn't it? Riggs-Nah! Tho first eccui red when the serpent took a tall out o' Adam, - Pt cit. ;n.